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Messed it up - again

Discussion in 'Autism & Aspergers' started by Aleph.beth, Sep 8, 2019.

  1. Aleph.beth

    Aleph.beth New Member

    United Kingdom
    I have messed it up again with my wife.

    Just before she was going on a retreat I messed up my last phone call with her. I have messed up recently in other aspects of my relationship with her, by doing the Aspie thing and needing things to be totally clear and explicit.

    She is patient and kind and I am making a hash of relating to her, and I am tired of hurting her.

    I am not looking for any specific kind of feedback - I just want to put it out there that I am hacked off with myself, and the affects of ASD on this important relationship.
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  2. Justified Sinner

    Justified Sinner New Member

    United States
    I don't want to minimize your frustration with yourself, but we all hurt our spouses in one way or another. I believe being married teaches me about God's love. Not in that I feel his hug, but I recognize His patience with me, when I'm not patient with my wife. When I get mad at my wife because I perceive she has "offended" me. I realize my offense to God is far greater than hers is to me. This helps me control my unfounded anger and frustration.
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  3. Aussie Pete

    Aussie Pete Well-Known Member Supporter

    Did your wife know about the Asperger's before you married? If so, she knows what she was getting into. That's grace. She obviously loves you. God knows your problems and loves you anyway. That's grace. May I suggest that you cut yourself some slack? Cast the care of your situation on God, because He cares for you. We all do things that we wish we did not. We need to forgive ourselves. God forgives when we confess. We do not help ourselves if we cannot forgive ourselves. It is needless suffering.
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  4. BryanJohnMaloney

    BryanJohnMaloney Active Member

    United States
    "Let your 'yes' be 'yes' and your 'no', 'no'." Looks to me that "clear and explicit" is mandated by Scripture, and "vague and evasive" is not. Who is dysfunctional? If a sin is common, does that make it less of a sin?