Me not having been married, is a concern to a divorced Christian

[JustSomeBloke]

True. Do you find the numbers are relatively even in Christian circles? Or is singleness more plentiful in one group more than another?

I've no idea. And I don't even know how it could be accurately measured, apart from trying to get people to respond to a survey. But creating a statistically valid survey, with a sample set that is truly representative of single Christians, would probably be a challenge in itself.

All jokes aside, I recall men usually send a lot of messages.

And many of those are probably copy-paste messages or no-effort messages. For various reasons, online dating is a numbers game for men. Why bother writing sincere, personalised messages, when those messages may not even be read, because they're lost in a swirling sea of copy-paste messages? And unfortunately, the more men use copy-paste, the less sense it makes for other men to spend time writing sincere, personalised messages. It's one of many reasons why I don't bother with online dating. And on Apps such as Tinder, many men admit to swiping right to every single potential match, because it makes no sense to invest time in filtering potential matches, when you can let the women do all of that first, and then choose whether to contact any of the tiny number who matched with you. I think this is one reason why women complain about men who match, but never follow up with a message. The men spent just one second on each potential match, so they were never invested from the start! The vast pool of potential matches can also be problematic, because it reduces the incentive for dialogue and compromise, and creates the illusion that if you just wait a bit longer, the next match might be 'the one'. But anyone with half a brain knows that dialogue and compromise are essential to establishing and maintaining successful relationships.

 

[bèlla]

And many of those are probably copy-paste messages or no-effort messages.

They are. You can tell.

For various reasons, online dating is a numbers game for men. Why bother writing sincere, personalised messages, when those messages may not even be read, because they're lost in a swirling sea of copy-paste messages?

It takes time to build a bond with someone. Convenience doesn't equal invested. It's easy to talk to people online. But that doesn't mean you're building a viable connection that will last.

Out of all of the people I've spoken to only three remain that I can say I'll grow old with. They've stood the test of time. I'm not willing to do that anymore. I know its temporary. I'm looking for longevity and that requires meaningful experiences that go beyond this realm.

But anyone with half a brain knows that dialogue and compromise are essential to establishing and maintaining successful relationships.

There's a point when you have to ask yourself if your approach is serving you well. The hourglass never stops. If you're 0 for 20 that probably means this isn't the best medium for you. You need to do something else.

This works for certain types. Not everybody. The sooner people understand that they can get on with finding someone they can connect with.

You have to consider your success rate. What percentage of the people you message are willing to respond? What percentage of responses are interested? What percentage of interested prospects go beyond pleasantries? And so on. If my numbers weren't 50% or better I wouldn't do it. You can get that outside.

 

[JustSomeBloke]

They are. You can tell.

Did you ever reply to a copy-paste or no-effort message? Did you ever look at the profile it came from?

It takes time to build a bond with someone. Convenience doesn't equal invested. It's easy to talk to people online. But that doesn't mean you're building a viable connection that will last.

Out of all of the people I've spoken to only three remain that I can say I'll grow old with. They've stood the test of time. I'm not willing to do that anymore. I know its temporary. I'm looking for longevity and that requires meaningful experiences that go beyond this realm.

Yebbut most men sending copy-paste and no-effort messages are probably looking for a hookup, or at most FWB.

There's a point when you have to ask yourself if your approach is serving you well. The hourglass never stops. If you're 0 for 20 that probably means this isn't the best medium for you. You need to do something else.

This works for certain types. Not everybody. The sooner people understand that they can get on with finding someone they can connect with.

You have to consider your success rate. What percentage of the people you message are willing to respond? What percentage of responses are interested? What percentage of interested prospects go beyond pleasantries? And so on. If my numbers weren't 50% or better I wouldn't do it. You can get that outside.

I'm just guessing, but I think the copy-paste and no-effort guys would maybe consider a 1/20 or 1/50 response rate as good. Remember, they're only spending seconds on each message, and some of the coders might even have a script that sends copy-paste messages automatically. Same for the swiping apps, it takes one second to swipe, and they do that until they exhaust their free swipes for the day, which probably doesn't take very long.

 

[bèlla]

Did you ever reply to a copy-paste or no-effort message? Did you ever look at the profile it came from?

I replied to all my messages. I had a conviction about recognizing the effort and not ignoring them. I thanked them for writing and wished them well. It took longer to go through. But it kept me grounded. That's a real person on the other side of the screen. Online interactions can go to a lot of people's heads. They get noticed more often than they would otherwise.

Yebbut most men sending copy-paste and no-effort messages are probably looking for a hookup, or at most FWB.

The majority of the messages I received weren't like that. I wrote my profile in a manner to discourage them from writing. It was very exacting. I painted a picture and addressed it to the one I had in mind. You know if that's you.

A lot of the things you see on profiles I didn't add. No travel, long walks, etc. I dealt with mindset and character. It attracted better suitors.

I'm just guessing, but I think the copy-paste and no-effort guys would maybe consider a 1/20 or 1/50 response rate as good. Remember, they're only spending seconds on each message, and some of the coders might even have a script that sends copy-paste messages automatically. Same for the swiping apps, it takes one second to swipe, and they do that until they exhaust their free swipes for the day, which probably doesn't take very long.

I couldn't do it. I don't mind conversing. But having an inbox full of messages every day gets tiring. Not to mention I was posting on the boards and talking with friends. I don't miss that. I don't enjoy email either. I have two people I write and that's it. I don't want to be tied to technology. That's the issue. I'm barely on social media.

I met someone online I built a connection with. We spoke for a week and left. I created a website and we talked there until we moved to text, phone, and Skype. When I find what I want I leave. I don't hang around those places when I'm with someone. It becomes a third wheel and I don't want that.

 

[Joined2krist]

According to her, she didn't want the divorce...so..*shrug* I dunno. It's just kind of weird.

Isn't it an issue with you, that's she's a divorcee? she might feel that it is unless you let her know it isn't