mature single + ? = ( )

[hope_is_last_to_die]

What is the solution to this equation, ok just mucking around, well thats what little piggies like doing But seriously are mature singles who have never been married freaks of nature?? I was listen to a message by Doc Dobson about adult singles, you can check it out via oneplace.com. Anyhow the guys on the show were talking about people like me not being able to bond, Im like so yeah I gotta new "not able to bond" disorder! Hey I need dnp counselling urgently (teasing) Actually I thought the message was helpful in some ways. So now Im gonna get me a mail order bride

Ok less of this nonsense hope, just stop it right now

Im wondering is it easier for a divorced person to get remarried than it is for someone like me to get their first(and hopefully one and only) marriage. Are divorced people more likely to connect to other divorced people than to single never married people?

Well if you have read through this give yourself a pat on the back, well done!

 

[mjmcmillan]

I wouldn't be the one to ask whether divorced Christians have it easier getting married again. My experience in times past was negative, so I'm out of the dating scene. As a never-married, you don't face the charge of "Adultery" just for thinking about having a spouse again, it's something those of us who are divorced--- regardless of the reason for the divorce--- have to deal with.

As for those folk on that program--- ignore them. For all their education, they have no idea what they're talking about. They never walked in your shoes and have no idea what it's like to be you, so they're just guessing--- and getting it wrong, as like as not.

Is our God only the God of the young, and not also of the older folk too?

 

[power2theweak]

Mr. Hope, unfortunately, I don't have any answers to your questions. But, I am praying for you!

 

[dayhiker]

I don't have a clue it its easier to get married if one is divorced or a life long single. I'm not interested in getting married right now, so I'm not looking for that. I have heard people say that if a person isn't married by the time they are mid 40s there must be a reason. I think that is a common way of of evaluating a person in that situation. I'd say anyone in that situation should have a well developed explanation that will ring true about they have been single for so many years.

 

[Kristen.NewCreation]

I don't know about the divorced side of things, but I do know what I enjoy being single. Of course, sometimes it's lonely, but in general, I really love my life alone. Do I want to be married? Sometimes I think about it, but I don't feel my life is any less than it would have been if I had gotten married. In fact, I probably have less headaches than I would if I had gotten married.

Personally, I don't think single people our age are freaks of nature. The Bible calls us to use this time for Christ's work. While I'm not at all like Paul, I like to think that my life is fulfilled by the activities that I'm called to do. I get a lot of fulfillment out of them. Plus, I like the benefits of being able to do what I'd like to do without needing to coordinate schedules. I love being able to just doing anything when I feel like it without having to worry about getting everyone to agree.

I look forward to reading the other responses in this thread.

 

[Mr. Runningfish]

Is it easier for a divorced person? I don't know. I'm not there yet. I am absolutely terrified to go through any type of relationship pain and so for now, I'm not anywhere near interested in forming a relationship (other than just friends). Which is saddens me, because I miss being married deeply. I miss my kids having a mother.

You know that saying, "It's better to have loved, than to never have loved at all?" Not sure I quite agree with it. >.<

 

[miss-a]

I think that only thing that would make it easier (not speaking from experience, just observation) for divorced folks is that if they have kids in youth group and other church actiivites, they would have an automatic "in" that those of us without kids don't have. They would meet other single parents, group leaders, etc.

As for the program, is there any way to post the link? I'd be interested to hear it. And as for the new disorder you joke about, well, I think it's more about the individual than whether they've been married before. Depending on the marriage, a divorced person can completely shut down. So I'm not sure we are at any more of a disadvantage than anyone else, in terms of intimacy, but we may have a disadvantage in getting into circulation. The culture is not what it once was. Meeting and connecting with people is not what it once was. The good news: All things are possible with God.

 

[GodsHandiwork]

What is the solution to this equation, ok just mucking around, well thats what little piggies like doing But seriously are mature singles who have never been married freaks of nature?? I was listen to a message by Doc Dobson about adult singles, you can check it out via oneplace.com. Anyhow the guys on the show were talking about people like me not being able to bond, Im like so yeah I gotta new "not able to bond" disorder! Hey I need dnp counselling urgently (teasing) Actually I thought the message was helpful in some ways. So now Im gonna get me a mail order bride

Ok less of this nonsense hope, just stop it right now

Im wondering is it easier for a divorced person to get remarried than it is for someone like me to get their first(and hopefully one and only) marriage. Are divorced people more likely to connect to other divorced people than to single never married people?

Well if you have read through this give yourself a pat on the back, well done!

Well, some little piggies spend all their time in the market.
And some little piggies like faffing around at home.
Some little piggies only like roasted beasts.
And some little piggies like absolutely none.
And then there's this little pig named Hope who realizes that he is not a label, a disorder, or a freak of nature. Who doesn't listen anymore to the talking heads who try to lump everyone into some silly categories but starts listening to his Father Who tells him that He made him unique, likably different with his own unique, different path to travel.

Hope, it doesn't matter what statistics say or what the 'majority' do (statistical 'facts' are not Truth)...it only matters what God says and does, and what you and future Mrs. Hope do.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Why do people always try to explain the unexplainable? Some people are single some are married and divorced and some people (like me) are widowed. Some things are just not explainable especially in general terms lumping everyone together in a certain catagory.
Some divorced people might want to get remarried because they don't want to be alone. Some things get easier with age and some things get harder. The chances of you meeting someone that is like yourself is slimmer, but not impossible...especially for God. I am a widow and in my 50's and I don't "try" to meet guys, but it is limited how and where I would meet them because of my age etc.
There is a reason why you haven't married yet, although I have no way of knowing what the reason is. You might not either, but there is someone that DOES know and it's not the guys on the program, it's God. Do I think you are a freak of nature because you haven't been married? Absolutely not! Different than alot of others but not a freak (of course I really don't know you ). The only thing you need to consider or be concerned about is WHAT is God's plan for YOUR life? What does HE want you to do? You might be single the rest of your life and never figure out why until you get to heaven or you might look back years from now and know why I really can't say.

 

[exitstageright]

What is the solution to this equation, ok just mucking around, well thats what little piggies like doing But seriously are mature singles who have never been married freaks of nature?? I was listen to a message by Doc Dobson about adult singles, you can check it out via oneplace.com. Anyhow the guys on the show were talking about people like me not being able to bond, Im like so yeah I gotta new "not able to bond" disorder! Hey I need dnp counselling urgently (teasing) Actually I thought the message was helpful in some ways. So now Im gonna get me a mail order bride

Ok less of this nonsense hope, just stop it right now

Im wondering is it easier for a divorced person to get remarried than it is for someone like me to get their first(and hopefully one and only) marriage. Are divorced people more likely to connect to other divorced people than to single never married people?

Well if you have read through this give yourself a pat on the back, well done!

When my church had a singles' group, it seemed as if there was an unwrittened policy forbidding divorced men from talking to never married women. Every time I would talk to a lady who was never married,my Singles Pastor would join in the conversation. When I talked to a lady who was divorced,my Pastor did not come over. At the singles group I now belong to,our Pastor does not care who the men talk to. Most of us are in the late thirties,to forties,to fifthies.

 

[dayhiker]

exit, your post reminds me of Bible College. There was a very strict policy that divorced people couldn't date single woman. That no doubt is because of the view that quite a few Christians have that its adultery to marry a divorced person. Didn't make much sense to me then and now that I've studied the Bible more, it makes even less sense to me now. But its one of these very strong beliefs some have.

 

[hope_is_last_to_die]

yes there's a simple reason why Im not married yet, no girl wants me! But hey I got a bonding disorder so please dont blame me the other thing is someone who has already been married doesnt have the why have you been single for so long prob and the difficulty is that the longer one is single the more difficult it becomes to get bonding. We have more ways to try and find a mate these days but more single people still cant find their mate. Yes all things are possible with God but He doesnt do all possible things. As Ive said girls dont want me, now someone will say why dont they want me, well we would need them to answer that question and no God wont force someone to like us or want to marry us.

miss a, you can listen to it via oneplace.com in "Family Talk" ministry messages.

 

[exitstageright]

yes there's a simple reason why Im not married yet, no girl wants me! But hey I got a bonding disorder so please dont blame me the other thing is someone who has already been married doesnt have the why have you been single for so long prob and the difficulty is that the longer one is single the more difficult it becomes to get bonding. We have more ways to try and find a mate these days but more single people still cant find their mate. Yes all things are possible with God but He doesnt do all possible things. As Ive said girls dont want me, now someone will say why dont they want me, well we would need them to answer that question and no God wont force someone to like us or want to marry us.

miss a, you can listen to it via oneplace.com in "Family Talk" ministry messages.

Even though I have been married and divorced twice,I sometimes think that no one wants me. Both of my breakups have been over money. It seems that women want my money,but they do not want me. I just HAD to get divorced for the second time. In my second marriage,I had to sleep in another bedroom with the door locked after my wife threatened to kill me. She told me,"I could hurt you!" One time she told me that she once bit her first husband and that she wanted to stab him in the forehead with a carving fork. Now,does ANYONE call this a marriage? I HAD to get out!!

 

[exitstageright]

exit, your post reminds me of Bible College. There was a very strict policy that divorced people couldn't date single woman. That no doubt is because of the view that quite a few Christians have that its adultery to marry a divorced person. Didn't make much sense to me then and now that I've studied the Bible more, it makes even less sense to me now. But its one of these very strong beliefs some have.

When I was on the singles group leadrship,our pastor told us that he wanted all women,who came there for the first time,to feel safe. He did not want 5 men coming up to her to ask her for her phone number. The ironic thing was. Later on that week,I heard one woman complain.She said,"These guys here are too shy! Not once have anybody ask me for my phone number! They could at least ask me out for a cup of coffee!"
Well,go figure,you just cannot please everybody.

 

[dayhiker]

That's true. I know a Christian woman who didn't get asked out by a Christian man in over 10 years. It was really bothering her. It communicated to her that men felt that being too close to a woman would defile them. Or that women were so holy that they didn't want their sin to show. But of course we all are sinners and by not loving each other we disobey the 2nd commandment.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Here's a thought. If you always do what you've always done, you will always get what you've always gotten.

Also I believe that words are containers. By that I mean we get what we say as in if we walk around all the time saying "I'm always broke! I never have any money" that is what we draw into our life by our words. Or we say "I have this cold", or "My cold is SO bad!" In other words, claiming their circumstance to be their own. So maybe try changing your speech a little bit and quit being a negative Norman at least in outward speech. I understand (trust me I really do) that we cannot change our feelings instantly but sometimes we CAN change our circumstances just by NOT saying negative things (even IF they are true).
Or at least assess what you have or have not been doing in the past and do something different and see what happens.

 

[dayhiker]

Ya, negative talk was never very attractive to me.

 

[GodsHandiwork]

Here's a thought. If you always do what you've always done, you will always get what you've always gotten.

Also I believe that words are containers. By that I mean we get what we say as in if we walk around all the time saying "I'm always broke! I never have any money" that is what we draw into our life by our words. Or we say "I have this cold", or "My cold is SO bad!" In other words, claiming their circumstance to be their own. So maybe try changing your speech a little bit and quit being a negative Norman at least in outward speech. I understand (trust me I really do) that we cannot change our feelings instantly but sometimes we CAN change our circumstances just by NOT saying negative things (even IF they are true).
Or at least assess what you have or have not been doing in the past and do something different and see what happens.

I agree, Michelle. I have struggled with this myself in the last several years. We can take into our spirits lies that undermine our faith and our identity in Christ. It can be difficult to let them go, because the more we tell ourselves these things, the more our spirit comes to accept them as what is real and true. But, they aren't real. These words and ideas are not Truth...and they need to be countered with Truth...the promises of our Father and the love He has for us.

 

[exitstageright]

Here's a thought. If you always do what you've always done, you will always get what you've always gotten.

Also I believe that words are containers. By that I mean we get what we say as in if we walk around all the time saying "I'm always broke! I never have any money" that is what we draw into our life by our words. Or we say "I have this cold", or "My cold is SO bad!" In other words, claiming their circumstance to be their own. So maybe try changing your speech a little bit and quit being a negative Norman at least in outward speech. I understand (trust me I really do) that we cannot change our feelings instantly but sometimes we CAN change our circumstances just by NOT saying negative things (even IF they are true).
Or at least assess what you have or have not been doing in the past and do something different and see what happens.

You are right. There are days when I tell myself positive things. There are days when I tell myself neagtive things. I guess that it is just my artistic,melancholy temperment that I have. One great example: I read that the late,great,Sammy Davis,Jr,before a show,would look into a mirror. He would tell himself,"You ARE a STAR! You are loved.You will do great!"
My point is that most of us,at one time or another,have our self doubts no matter how good or talented we are. So,the next time that I go to a christian Singles' Dance,and a women does not want to slow dance with me,I will go into the rest room,and look into the mirror. I will tell myself,
"You ARE a STAR! You are wanted by women! You are attractive! You WILL get 3 phone numbers tonight! " I'll let you know how the night turned out.

 

[dayhiker]

3 phone numbers wow, I'd be lucky if I got one. But then getting phone numbers at a dance hasn't been a goal of mine at a dance. Its just been to dance.