Mature chat thread..... (2)

[dayhiker]

That will do it .... I first thought it was because of eating lunch, that was two hours earlier and after a long walk after lunch! SO I don't think it was lunch.

 

[dayhiker]

last day of work before my cruise ..... yaaaaaaz .. Vacation is almost here whippeeeee

OK enough emotion for today.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

last day of work before my cruise ..... yaaaaaaz .. Vacation is almost here whippeeeee

OK enough emotion for today.

Yay! So exciting for you! Of course I know you will have a good time so, that's a given. We will miss you around here though. Bon Voyage!

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

it's going to be sooooo quiet around here without dayhiker. I SO wish I could be laying on a beach somewhere. Maybe then my sinus's would dry up, cuz all day today my eyes and nose have been running like a faucet! NOT fun! We miss you dayhiker but I know you are having some serious fun

 

[dayhiker]

Hi Michelle,
I just got home. Had a great cruise, was so nice to get away from it all. People were great, had a great room mate even tho he drank more than I can imagine! Got a lot of sun, danced almost every night, food was good and too much of it, loved the Islands I visited .. etc.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Wow! Sounds like SO much fun, and it doesn't seem like it's been 8 days already, but glad you're back, it's like pulling teeth getting people to "talk" on this forum lately

 

[power2theweak]

Welcome back, Dayhiker! Glad you had a good time!

 

[dayhiker]

Thanks power2theweak

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

I have to tell you something that happened to me that I found funny and puzzling.

I was standing in line at Circle K getting a soda and there was a long line for whatever reason. So the guy behind me makes a comment about that to me and we chuckle.....the very next thing out of his mouth was "Do you have a boyfriend?" I was shocked but said yes even though I don't and then he says "Do you have a husband?" to which I said yes, and then he says "That's good".

What was puzzling was why would he ask me that? I mean I get it if he was trying to pick me up (which I doubt) but I just wonder what he would have said if I had said "no".
I guess you would have had to be there to understand the randomness of this. It's like when you are talking about the weather and someone else says something TOTALLY different and random. It was weird IMO. But of course I AM weird so....

 

[dayhiker]

Missed that opportunity for a date!

 

[blackribbon]

Why did you say what you did? Random or not, why not be honest? You may have missed an opportunity. Maybe he was hitting on you...or maybe he had a friend that was available...and maybe he just needed to know that he wasn't the only single person on the face of this earth.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Why did you say what you did? Random or not, why not be honest? You may have missed an opportunity. Maybe he was hitting on you...or maybe he had a friend that was available...and maybe he just needed to know that he wasn't the only single person on the face of this earth.

OK well first off, words came out of my mouth before I knew it seriously, so I don't really know why I said what I did, and besides that, if you would have seen this guy. I don't want to be mean but he looked like a homeless guy and not anything like my type. And the way he said it was not like "hey baby, you got a boyfriend?" It was like as if you were asking directions, if that makes sense. It was just so random.

 

[blackribbon]

To be honest, as a widow, I know I don't always remember that I'm "single" so I guess I do understand your gut answer....especially if you didn't want to encourage the man.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

To be honest, as a widow, I know I don't always remember that I'm "single" so I guess I do understand your gut answer....especially if you didn't want to encourage the man.

I know right? I still feel married even after 8 years. It's sad but true.

 

[blackribbon]

I know right? I still feel married even after 8 years. It's sad but true.

What really is weird is going on a date (or dating long term) when you feel married. Luckily it was a widower I dated and I'm not so sure he didn't feel the same way. It was almost like going on a double date...cause it felt like there were 4 people there. However, it was easier than when I dated someone who didn't "get it" even though it kind of felt like his ex-wife was there too.

 

[dayhiker]

I've not had that experience!

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

I've not had that experience!

well you won't either, unless you ever marry again. There's just so much weirdness IMO. Like for instance, when my husband passed and I did the funeral arrangements, I also bought my plot next to his (ugh hate thinking about that!). So what if I end up marrying someone else? I know it doesn't matter either way, but it's just a weirdness.
IMO, divorce is different because you know the other person is still on the planet and you can "see" that your ties are broken and you can get thru that over time. With death, it's so permanent and nothing we do can change anybody"s outcome, as we all are going to die, so it's harder to get thru, because you KNOW you will never see that person this side of heaven again, at least IMO.

 

[dayhiker]

I see what your saying, Michelle.

 

[blackribbon]

And when I dated a man who was divorced, because he had a son, his ex-wife is still part of his life...and would be part of my life if I ever married him. And when I date a man who has been divorced, understanding WHY he is divorced is an important part of the "getting to know you" because it effects how he sees marriage both then and now.

When I date, I haven't quite figured how to refer to my husband. He isn't my "ex-husband" and saying "my dead husband" is just wrong and creepy. He is "my husband". He is a part of who I am...for the good. And honestly, every day I make decisions concern our life based on what I assume his goal for our lives would have been as well as the goals I have had to establish on my own.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

And when I dated a man who was divorced, because he had a son, his ex-wife is still part of his life...and would be part of my life if I ever married him. And when I date a man who has been divorced, understanding WHY he is divorced is an important part of the "getting to know you" because it effects how he sees marriage both then and now.

When I date, I haven't quite figured how to refer to my husband. He isn't my "ex-husband" and saying "my dead husband" is just wrong and creepy. He is "my husband". He is a part of who I am...for the good. And honestly, every day I make decisions concern our life based on what I assume his goal for our lives would have been as well as the goals I have had to establish on my own.

I hear ya! I haven't dated yet, but I can already imagine. What I hate the most, but I also know there is nothing I can do about it, is whenever I mention my husband and the fact that he passed away, the immediate response I get is "Oh I'm so sorry!" And I KNOW that no one knows what to say, even me and I have walked in those shoes. And yes I too, try to think about what my husband would want for our kids.
Any man that would be with me would have to understand that I still love my husband. They should not be jealous of a dead man. I don't idolize him. He was human and he definitely had faults but since there was no divorce and I didn't kill him, I did not want him to die and I cannot just shut off my love for him and I don't think I should have to either. And it's not like he (my husband) would be a daily topic or that I would compare my current partner (if I had one) to him because I wouldn't do that (at least not out loud, yeah I'm human too lol).I think when I go on my first date, if that ever happens, I will probably feel like I am cheating on my husband.