I am interested in getting what I want, a good spouse in a good marriage with someone I am attracted to. Since the latter part is unattainable, then I will continue to be upset and downtrodden. I am hurting and unhappy. Can anyone blame me for that?
You may be misunderstanding your fellow posters' position.
Why can't you find a woman you are attracted to? I don't know what you look like, but there are about 3.5 billion women in the world. If you consider yourself unattractive, you might find a woman who does find you attractive, or a woman for whom looks don't matter much who is more concerned with personality and character. And maybe you are selling yourself short.
Every once in a while you see some unattractive man with a younger, prettier wife. Sometimes the man is successful and accomplished. Maybe the pretty young wife is a gold-digger. Or else we could say maybe she has a normal interest in stability. Really bad gold-diggers marry for money but aren't committed to the marriage. Women who marry men of means for security, but love and commit to the man... if they are gold diggers, they may be of a less dangerous variety.
Some women like men who are successful and accomplished, not just because of the money, but because they like men who have done great things. I remember meeting a retired language scholar. I met his wife. She either just looked really young, or she was at least 20 years younger than he was. I didn't ask. She commented that her husband 'was an amazing man' with a hint of admiration. There are women who are attracted to poets and musicians who are talented but not rich.
If you want to be attractive to women, and you don't have any confidence in your looks, you can try to improve other areas of your life that some women might be attracted to-- diligence, character, skills. (Not sure about bow hunting skills, but you could try that.
) You might also be selling yourself short when it comes to your looks. Maybe you have a lower opinion of yourself that others.
A friend of mine was telling me about a kind of stocky female coworker of his. One of the people they did business with seemed to be attractive to her. But she didn't like a model at all. He was telling me that men who had heftier mothers tended to marry heftier women. It was their idea of femininity. He'd read that in a psychology magazine. Men usually marry women who are like their mothers. If you are fat and stocky, maybe some woman out there you would find attractive had a fat stocky daddy. If you have a big nose, maybe you'll find someone whose daddy had a big nose who likes big noses.
Something else to consider is different characteristics are considered to be attractive in different parts of the world. I spent about 9 years in Indonesia. I noticed the movie and TV stars there are usually good-looking, but it seemed like a lot of guys went for a 'rounder' type of girl than a lot of people in the US do. Usually those weren't the TV stars, but the dangdut music scene seemed to have a lot more girls that were like that. They also like 'protruding noses'. I've got a big nose, but it was considered an attractive trait there. In that country, being a westerner gets you a point or two on attractiveness on a scale of 1 out of 10 with a woman who is attracted to western men. Lots of western men in movies are portrayed as alpha males and heroes in the movies. That an colonization are probably some of the reasons for it. Westerners and many other foreigners are perceived as being rich and successful, from more developed countries. My wife was reasonably particular when it came to choosing a husband. She wanted someone who loved the Lord, and she didn't insist on marrying a western man, but I think that was a plus for her as far as attractiveness goes.
I've got a friend whose short, thin, and pale. When he was young and single, he said he went to Greece, and the Greek girls wouldn't give him the time of day when comparing him to olive-skinned good-looking Greek men. He figured he wasn't considered attractive there. But when he went to Poland, for some reason, he could tell that a lot of the young women there seemed to be attracted to him.
So my point is if you aren't attractive where you live, you might be a little more attractive somewhere else in the world. It's something to think about if you want to travel a bit in your search for a wife or do some online dating.
And in some cultures, being attracted to the person is not a criteria society emphasizes for marriage. In some cultures, if the man is a decent, honorable man and is able and willing to take care of the wife, he's considered a valuable candidate for marriage. Being healthy is a big deal in some countries, too. We live in a culture that tells us being attracted to someone physically is extremely important when it comes to marrying that person or physical intimacy. Not all cultures throughout time have emphasized this to the same degree. Also, we live in a society where we see a lot of photography, and photoshopped pictures that the bulges off of even thin young models, and portray this really extreme standard of beauty that most women cannot live up to.
If you married a woman for whom looks was not a major criteria in marrying you, you'd also have to ask yourself how important it is that your wife be attracted to you.
I'm not interested in finding a godly (but ugly) woman who can be my video game partner and chum. I have friends for that. y.
I don't see anyone promoting that idea, but just hypothetically, doesn't testosterone and turned-off lights compensate a little for attractiveness? Unless a man finds his wife absolutely physically repulsive, isn't there still an opportunity there? I've never done that. I find my wife attractive.
