Marrying a non Christian girl / Corinthians discussion (help!!!)

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Also just a thought. What about the Christians that are married and are unequally yolked/not working together?
They are not unequally yoked.
They are both saved, both children of God, both filled with the Spirit (hopefully) both rejoicing in eternal life. They have the same Saviour and both believe in prayer, reading the Bible and God's guidance. God is the most important person in BOTH their lives.

That doesn't mean they can't have separate careers and/or interests.
 
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Strong in Him

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Nowhere in the entire bible have I read anything about marriage that states directly and clearly one must not be with an unbeliver. Only that you must not be unequally yolked, not ' you must not be yolked with an unbeliever '
Read the next few verses; "what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?"
In the NT people are for Jesus, or against him; in the light (life with God) or in the darkness; belonging to God or belonging to the world.

That's what I said earlier; how can you share Christian fellowship, prayer/Bible reading with someone who doesn't believe?
 
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seeking.IAM

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Ask God, is a red flag for a christian to marry an unbeliever, they could make your life impossible,

It is intolerance that could make your life impossible...or hers. Good relationships tolerate differences. If you or she can't respect and allow the differences you have it will be tough. If you can respect and allow differences it can work. But it must be mutual.
 
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Simon_Templar

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I am going to try and be blunt and quick. I met my girlfriend over a year ago online; we are in a long-distance relationship. She knew I was Christian from the beginning because I told her even before we got together. Throughout the relationship, we were sexual. In the past, I have mentioned not wanting to do anything sexual because I did not want to live in this sin, and she got upset, feeling unwanted, but we went back to normal. Recently, I had visited her for the first time, and we had premarital sex. When I got back just a couple of days ago, I mentioned the fact I can't live in this sin anymore. Justifiably, she got upset because the love of her life nearly suddenly said we may not be able to stay together. We have talked about it a lot, and at the moment, she is not interested in religion at all but sees no problem with me being Christian. Obviously, it would break her if we split up. We both realize this cannot go on anymore as it is and decided to break up or I become engaged with her, as that is the only way she is willing to wait until marriage; she needs to know I'm serious. This raises the question. Can I eventually marry a non-Christian? Or is it a sin to do so? There are a couple of verses I would like to talk about.

1 Corinthians 7:12-14


Paul here states that if someone has an unbelieving spouse they are not to leave them unless they cannot work/live together and that a the other spouse is made holy by the other. And possibly that the unbeliving spouse and children are saved trough your household, until/unless they leave I dont 100% understand that.

2 Corinthians 6:14


I would like to qoute somone on this one.

"To be yoked is to be tied together, like oxen pulling a cart. What this verse is warning against is being tied together with someone that isnt going to work with you. If an unbeliever isnt willing to work with you and your not willing to work with the non believer then the cart doesnt move. But if you work together there isnt a reason you cant be yoked together." and also " its also worth noting that both of these verses were said by paul to specific groups of people so its not a lesson we need to follow precisely but a metaphorical understanding can still be useful. It wouldnt make much sense for paul to teach not to marry non believers then turn around and say its perfectly fine to marry non believers "

If we are to take pauls words to the Corinthians literally and as commands then anyone who came to faith before marriage should not be married as far as I understand.

1 Corinthians 7 17:24

21 Were you a slave when you were called? Don’t let it trouble you—although if you can gain your freedom, do so. 22 For the one who was a slave when called to faith in the Lord is the Lord’s freed person; similarly, the one who was free when called is Christ’s slave. 23 You were bought at a price; do not become slaves of human beings. 24 Brothers and sisters, each person, as responsible to God, should remain in the situation they were in when God called them.

I love this woman so much, she does not interfere with my Christian life (praying and going to church and stuff) and is willing to compromise. I do not think she is evil or darkess or a devil. I am not going to fool myself, its possible she comes to the faith but its possible she does not. I do not expect her to or plan on marrying her thinking she will. But if I must leave, as in it being a sin to stay I will, she knows God is my #1. Me and her promised to be together forever and had premartial sex, its just hard to give up something you are so attached to.

Thank you for your time any any possible responce or prayers. I am also requesting that you pray for her to come to Christ.

It is not inherently forbidden or sinful to marry a non-Christian.

However, it is likely to be more difficult and as such may not be wise. That is up to your judgement.

Regarding being unequally yoked. God gives everyone a vocation, which means a "calling" that is their specific path to becoming Christlike.
If God calls someone to be celibate, then celibacy is their path to sanctification. The point of their celibacy is to help them become more like Christ.
If God calls someone to marriage, then their marriage is their path to sanctification. Spouses are supposed to help each other become more like Christ. That is much easier if they are "equally yoked" and pulling together towards sanctity.
 
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com7fy8

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To me from what I understand unequally yolked basically is not working together, in a biblical case being unequally yolked would be me being held down in my faith because of her.
I offer this is not about if you can work things with each other. It is about if you are both children of God, therefore who have trusted in Jesus and you are together learning how to share with God and submit to how He is personally guiding you in His own peace.

You need to share with people who are into this. She is not such a person.

Spend time with mature Christian people so you can find out how love is. Then discover who you connect with in God's love and His way of relating.

How many scriptures can you give me, about how God's word says to relate in love?

My opinion is that at this time you seem able to rig what God's word means so you can get God to agree with what you wish. And therefore, at this point, there is no right thing you can do with her, but please pray and share with ones who help you to grow in Jesus and become creative for handling relationships.

And become able to submit to how God guides you, and then you can discover what is right; by then, she could already be gone . . . or saved. And even if she does get saved, she should be free then to see if God wants her with you or not . . . after she makes sure with God and does not only negotiate with you.
 
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Sabertooth

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Can I eventually marry a non-Christian?
Yes, but the Bible tells us not to.
Daily, you would have to choose between pleasing God or pleasing your wife (who is at odds with God).
With a Godly wife, you would not have that dilemma, at least, not on a large scale.

"Can two walk together, unless they are agreed?" Amos 3:3 NKJV
Or is it a sin to do so?
1 Cor. 7:12-14 is aimed couples who were both unsaved when they got married and one became Saved since.
(But that advice would still apply if you went ahead and married an unbeliever anyway.)
 
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HarleyER

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I am going to try and be blunt and quick. I met my girlfriend over a year ago online; we are in a long-distance relationship. She knew I was Christian from the beginning because I told her even before we got together. Throughout the relationship, we were sexual. In the past, I have mentioned not wanting to do anything sexual because I did not want to live in this sin, and she got upset, feeling unwanted, but we went back to normal. Recently, I had visited her for the first time, and we had premarital sex. When I got back just a couple of days ago, I mentioned the fact I can't live in this sin anymore. Justifiably, she got upset because the love of her life nearly suddenly said we may not be able to stay together. We have talked about it a lot, and at the moment, she is not interested in religion at all but sees no problem with me being Christian. Obviously, it would break her if we split up. We both realize this cannot go on anymore as it is and decided to break up or I become engaged with her, as that is the only way she is willing to wait until marriage; she needs to know I'm serious. This raises the question. Can I eventually marry a non-Christian? Or is it a sin to do so? There are a couple of verses I would like to talk about.

1 Corinthians 7:12-14


Paul here states that if someone has an unbelieving spouse they are not to leave them unless they cannot work/live together and that a the other spouse is made holy by the other. And possibly that the unbeliving spouse and children are saved trough your household, until/unless they leave I dont 100% understand that.

2 Corinthians 6:14


I would like to qoute somone on this one.

"To be yoked is to be tied together, like oxen pulling a cart. What this verse is warning against is being tied together with someone that isnt going to work with you. If an unbeliever isnt willing to work with you and your not willing to work with the non believer then the cart doesnt move. But if you work together there isnt a reason you cant be yoked together." and also " its also worth noting that both of these verses were said by paul to specific groups of people so its not a lesson we need to follow precisely but a metaphorical understanding can still be useful. It wouldnt make much sense for paul to teach not to marry non believers then turn around and say its perfectly fine to marry non believers "

If we are to take pauls words to the Corinthians literally and as commands then anyone who came to faith before marriage should not be married as far as I understand.

1 Corinthians 7 17:24

21 Were you a slave when you were called? Don’t let it trouble you—although if you can gain your freedom, do so. 22 For the one who was a slave when called to faith in the Lord is the Lord’s freed person; similarly, the one who was free when called is Christ’s slave. 23 You were bought at a price; do not become slaves of human beings. 24 Brothers and sisters, each person, as responsible to God, should remain in the situation they were in when God called them.

I love this woman so much, she does not interfere with my Christian life (praying and going to church and stuff) and is willing to compromise. I do not think she is evil or darkess or a devil. I am not going to fool myself, its possible she comes to the faith but its possible she does not. I do not expect her to or plan on marrying her thinking she will. But if I must leave, as in it being a sin to stay I will, she knows God is my #1. Me and her promised to be together forever and had premartial sex, its just hard to give up something you are so attached to.

Thank you for your time any any possible responce or prayers. I am also requesting that you pray for her to come to Christ.
Take if from an "old guy". It is very difficult even for committed a Christian couple these days. But throughout my life, every time I've seen a marriage between a Christian and a non-Christian, it has always caused the Christian to fall away. There might be testimonies out there of one spouse leading an unbelieving spouse to Christ, but I've never seen it happen. I would heed what the scriptures are telling you and not what your heart says. All our hearts are deceitful.
 
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bèlla

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Take if from an "old guy". It is very difficult even for committed a Christian couple these days. But throughout my life, every time I've seen a marriage between a Christian and a non-Christian, it has always caused the Christian to fall away. There might be testimonies out there of one spouse leading an unbelieving spouse to Christ, but I've never seen it happen. I would heed what the scriptures are telling you and not what your heart says. All our hearts are deceitful.

Lee Strobel documented the same in Surviving a Spiritual Mismatch and warned against missionary dating for this reason. In most instances the believer falls away. You're not going to convince someone about the merits of following the God you're trespassing for the union. They're oblivious to their blindness and hypocrisy.

If you [really] love Me, you will keep and obey My commandments.

~bella
 
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Simon_Templar

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I tend to think, based on my own experience, that a lot of Christians have absorbed the cultural notion that you get married for your own pleasure. You get married to satiate your own desire and so on.

This is fundamentally not the Christian view of marriage.

The Christian view of marriage is that God has called you to self-sacrificially give yourself to another person, for their good, for their sanctification, and for your own sanctification.

By no means am I saying that Eros (Romantic Love / Desire) is wrong. It is good. But it is not enough and it is not the highest good. It is not why you get married.
 
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The Christian view of marriage is that God has called you to self-sacrificially give yourself to another person, for their good, for their sanctification, and for your own sanctification.

By no means am I saying that Eros (Romantic Love / Desire) is wrong. It is good. But it is not enough and it is not the highest good. It is not why you get married.

I would go further and remind folks that Eros in the Greek has no mention in the NT.

Should our aim not be to be motivated by Agape in every area of life ?

What does God despise ?? - the lusts of the flesh, the lusts of the eyes, and the pride of life.
 
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Stephen3141

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I am going to try and be blunt and quick. I met my girlfriend over a year ago online; we are in a long-distance relationship. She knew I was Christian from the beginning because I told her even before we got together. Throughout the relationship, we were sexual. In the past, I have mentioned not wanting to do anything sexual because I did not want to live in this sin, and she got upset, feeling unwanted, but we went back to normal. Recently, I had visited her for the first time, and we had premarital sex. When I got back just a couple of days ago, I mentioned the fact I can't live in this sin anymore. Justifiably, she got upset because the love of her life nearly suddenly said we may not be able to stay together. We have talked about it a lot, and at the moment, she is not interested in religion at all but sees no problem with me being Christian. Obviously, it would break her if we split up. We both realize this cannot go on anymore as it is and decided to break up or I become engaged with her, as that is the only way she is willing to wait until marriage; she needs to know I'm serious. This raises the question. Can I eventually marry a non-Christian? Or is it a sin to do so? There are a couple of verses I would like to talk about.

1 Corinthians 7:12-14


Paul here states that if someone has an unbelieving spouse they are not to leave them unless they cannot work/live together and that a the other spouse is made holy by the other. And possibly that the unbeliving spouse and children are saved trough your household, until/unless they leave I dont 100% understand that.

2 Corinthians 6:14


I would like to qoute somone on this one.

"To be yoked is to be tied together, like oxen pulling a cart. What this verse is warning against is being tied together with someone that isnt going to work with you. If an unbeliever isnt willing to work with you and your not willing to work with the non believer then the cart doesnt move. But if you work together there isnt a reason you cant be yoked together." and also " its also worth noting that both of these verses were said by paul to specific groups of people so its not a lesson we need to follow precisely but a metaphorical understanding can still be useful. It wouldnt make much sense for paul to teach not to marry non believers then turn around and say its perfectly fine to marry non believers "

If we are to take pauls words to the Corinthians literally and as commands then anyone who came to faith before marriage should not be married as far as I understand.

1 Corinthians 7 17:24

21 Were you a slave when you were called? Don’t let it trouble you—although if you can gain your freedom, do so. 22 For the one who was a slave when called to faith in the Lord is the Lord’s freed person; similarly, the one who was free when called is Christ’s slave. 23 You were bought at a price; do not become slaves of human beings. 24 Brothers and sisters, each person, as responsible to God, should remain in the situation they were in when God called them.

I love this woman so much, she does not interfere with my Christian life (praying and going to church and stuff) and is willing to compromise. I do not think she is evil or darkess or a devil. I am not going to fool myself, its possible she comes to the faith but its possible she does not. I do not expect her to or plan on marrying her thinking she will. But if I must leave, as in it being a sin to stay I will, she knows God is my #1. Me and her promised to be together forever and had premartial sex, its just hard to give up something you are so attached to.

Thank you for your time any any possible responce or prayers. I am also requesting that you pray for her to come to Christ.

Most of the verses that you mention, are addressed to those who are
already married (not to single people). They do not apply to your situation.

When Paul says that a Christian should not be married to a non-Christian,
this applies to those who are not yet married. A C-----hristian should not marry
a non-Christian.

There is no future, for a Christian, who decides to marry a non-Christian,
thinking, I will get them to become a Christian.
---------- ----------

This discussion, does not address the nature of heterosexual sex. Paul, I
think, would say that this creates a lifelong bond (whether or not the 2
people think that they are now "married").

It is better to avoid ALL non-Christian relationships.
 
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Jipsah

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Also just a thought. What about the Christians that are married and are unequally yolked/not working together?
Seriously. You don't have to be married to an unbeliever to be unequally yoked
 
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Josheb

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I am going to try and be blunt and quick. I met my girlfriend over a year ago online; we are in a long-distance relationship. She knew I was Christian from the beginning because I told her even before we got together. Throughout the relationship, we were sexual. In the past, I have mentioned not wanting to do anything sexual because I did not want to live in this sin, and she got upset, feeling unwanted, but we went back to normal. Recently, I had visited her for the first time, and we had premarital sex. When I got back just a couple of days ago, I mentioned the fact I can't live in this sin anymore. Justifiably, she got upset because the love of her life nearly suddenly said we may not be able to stay together. We have talked about it a lot, and at the moment, she is not interested in religion at all but sees no problem with me being Christian. Obviously, it would break her if we split up. We both realize this cannot go on anymore as it is and decided to break up or I become engaged with her, as that is the only way she is willing to wait until marriage; she needs to know I'm serious. This raises the question. Can I eventually marry a non-Christian? Or is it a sin to do so? There are a couple of verses I would like to talk about.
Can you see the relationship pattern described in this paragraph?

If so, then what makes you think marriage will change ANY of it?


Yes, of course you can marry a non-Christian. God will let you do whatever you like BUT there is no way to escape the consequences of our choices and actions. Is it a sin to have sex outside of marriage? Yes, BUT if we go by whole scripture, we must give consideration to the fact the Old Testament considers any two people having sex prior to marriage already married :openmouth:. Statistically speaking, the social sciences have about 80 years' worth of research data repeatedly and consistently demonstrating a high correlation between pre-marital sex and future divorce. The same holds true for cohabitation. Premarital sex and cohabitation are two of the highest correlates to future divorce. That's not an opinion. That research has been done and re-done, examined, critiqued, and tested many, many times. However, correlation is not causation.

You might ask yourself why it is you are settling for not God's best. Do you believe God when He says it is in your best interest to live a life that's not polluted by the world (Jms. 1:27). Or why it is the difficulty exists letting go of this woman who clearly has no interest in what is very important to you. If sex hadn't happened, would it be easier to walk away? If the answer is "Yes," or "Probably," then you already know walking away is the correct thing to do.

I am a retired counselor. My chief areas of practice were couples/marriage counseling and trauma counseling. I have counseled nearly 1000 couples. In half of those marriages one or both of the spouses had been adulterous. About 97% of my clients were Christians (as they define the term), although I have counseled Jews, Muslims, Buddhists, Hindis, agnostics, and atheists. every year I had six or eight couples meeting with me for the purpose of pre-marriage counseling. They did so with a willingness to pay me when they could have gotten pre-marriage counseling for free from their pastor or elder (assuming they went to church). I'm expensive. I cannot at this moment specifically recall a couple where both partners were not Christian, but I am sure there were some. About 40% of the Christian couples with whom I met for pre-marital counseling were sexually active with each other. About 65% had been sexually active prior their current relationship, most of them before coming to Christ. I asked every couple with whom I met for pre-marital counseling to abstain from the day we met until the night of their wedding. Most agreed. I made the exact same recommendation to my best friend (a devout Catholic) and, after discussing it with his fiancé, did it. I have never once had anyone complain they did so, and many wrote me later to thank me specifically for that recommendation. You should understand clients do not normally write their therapists long after counseling has concluded. I will also tell you one of the most frequently occurring explanations I have heard from the wives of premaritally sexually active wives is this: "I do not know that I am truly loved for who I am, or whether I am loved solely because I have a vagina." These women were not prompted by me to assert such an appraisal and, as far as I know they were not finding each other and creating a uniform explanation for the problem. I, personally, was sexually active prior to coming to Christ but, having come to Christ lived a life of sexual abstinence until I wed my wife, and I am happy and content to have done so.

That last paragraph is, of course, only anecdotal report and not scientific research so you do with it what you like.

Here's a standard to which you might aspire: excellence. Perfection is unattainable and unnecessary, but a life lived in pursuit of excellence can be extraordinary.


Pick up a copy of Boundaries, then Boundaries in Dating, and Disciplines of a Godly Young Man (or its predecessor for older married men). Everyman's Battle's is good, but I did not find it was as helpful in the lives of others as the other three.

I'll take up the verses you mention in a separate post.
 
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Josheb

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.......................There are a couple of verses I would like to talk about.

1 Corinthians 7:12-14


Paul here states that if someone has an unbelieving spouse they are not to leave them unless they cannot work/live together and that a the other spouse is made holy by the other. And possibly that the unbeliving spouse and children are saved trough your household, until/unless they leave I dont 100% understand that.
You do not have an unbelieving spouse. You are not married. The specific context of this verse (and the larger passage) pertains to how a person converted to Christ AFTER they were married when BOTH of them were not Christian. None of that applies to you. So don't try to force yourself into that passage or attempt to force application of the passage onto your circumstances.

The problem is dating was not a condition the Biblical writers had to address. Since there is no exact, specific example or precedent for the modern practice of dating what we should be doing is correctly discerning any applicable principles AND avoiding any potential legalism. Legalism often begins when people start adding to scripture things it nowhere states. The letter of scripture does not speak to your condition but the principles contained within the letter speak to all humanity's experience.

I will also not something the opening post neglects: Paul said it was perfectly acceptable for a Christian to accept divorce if the non-Christian spouse wanted it. We conservative, evangelical fundamentalists ;), often have difficulty with that fact because God hates divorce and divorce is associated with adultery. The problem here is you're struggling with what to do, not your girlfriend. It's your conscience that's bugging you, not hers. She's upset you have sex with her and then tell her you don't want to do so. Can you hear how that sounds to her?

Therefore, given the fact you're not married and Paul has permitted the separation and divorce of a married couple, how do you think the principles he's used apply to your circumstances?
 
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Josheb

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Recently, I had visited her for the first time, and we had premarital sex. When I got back just a couple of days ago, I mentioned the fact I can't live in this sin anymore. Justifiably, she got upset because the love of her life nearly suddenly said we may not be able to stay together................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

I love this woman so much................... I do not think she is evil or darkness or a devil. I am not going to fool myself, its possible she comes to the faith but its possible she does not. I do not expect her to or plan on marrying her thinking she will. But if I must leave.........................
Can you see the vacillation and double mindedness in the above? Is that the guy you want to be? Is that the guy you want to be for her?

I forgot to mention this in my op-reply but there is some human brain chemistry and sex/gender differences that might be relevant. When a woman has sex for the first time her brain produces piles of what are called "attachment hormones" (like oxytocin - look it up). These same chemicals are produced when a woman delivers a baby, causing her attachment to the newborn infant. A similar response happens in men but not nearly as intense and not nearly with the same effect. Simply put, women bond through first sexual experience. This wasn't discovered until about three decades ago but this is now well established in the scientific research. When a woman's first sexual experience does not lead to a long-term relationship and marriage her brain has to start over but neither the mechanism or the effect is identical..... unless there is a long hiatus between sexual partners. People (women and men) who are promiscuous desensitize this otherwise very important biological/social mechanism.

Men, however, do not bond through first sexual experience. Men's brains work differently (duh). Men bond through paying for the relationship with hard work. Men do not value what they have not earned. This is true of male friendships, too. Men do not value men who do not and will not keep their word. However, two men who get into an argument and knock each other on their rears may well get up, shake hands, and be best friends for the rest of their lives. The same holds even more true for those who have risked their lives together in common cause (like soldiers). In Biblical times a man paid a "bride price" but that was never about the monetary worth of chattel. It was about a man's ability to be productive and then surrender the fruits of his labor for the privilege of a women for whom he'd devoted much of his life, labor, wealth, and being.

So what have you done to earn this woman's hand? Her vagina has been taken and then her hand denied.

And I will bet that was never your intent.
I do not think she is evil or darkess or a devil.
My next words might seem unnecessarily harsh, but you might want to look in the mirror given what I have just told you.


If you want to marry this woman then stop having sex, give your brains a chance to re-orient, and do the work necessary to show her she is valued for something other than her vagina. Otherwise, the current dance wil repeat itself until the problems just described are addressed and resolved (much harder to do after marriage than before hand).




And if there are any females in this thread, and you know of what I speak, please tell @Wheatly what I've posted is true.
 
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Josheb

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There are a couple of verses I would like to talk about.

2 Corinthians 6:14


I would like to qoute somone on this one.

"To be yoked is to be tied together, like oxen pulling a cart. What this verse is warning against is being tied together with someone that isnt going to work with you. If an unbeliever isnt willing to work with you and your not willing to work with the non believer then the cart doesnt move. But if you work together there isnt a reason you cant be yoked together." and also " its also worth noting that both of these verses were said by paul to specific groups of people so its not a lesson we need to follow precisely but a metaphorical understanding can still be useful. It wouldnt make much sense for paul to teach not to marry non believers then turn around and say its perfectly fine to marry non believers "

If we are to take pauls words to the Corinthians literally and as commands then anyone who came to faith before marriage should not be married as far as I understand.
This is another often misused and a bused text.


Yes, the principle inherent in Paul's words can be applied to "unequal" relationships but Paul was not specifically addressing a dating relationship. However, I will try to address the use of this verse with your circumstances as you've described them because one of the things you must avoid is the notion you're the stronger of the two oxen in the shared yoke. The double mindedness makes you the weaker ox! :openmouth: Consider your girlfriend's attributes, strengths, skills, etc. For example, my wife and I are both intelligent and educated. According to the tests ;), my wife has a higher IQ than me. IQ-wise, she's the "stronger ox" in the "yoke" and there is absolutely nothing I could ever do about that. Similarly, while my education, experience, and profession have empowered me in the fields of construction and business (I was once a carpenter who owned a home improvement company), and the social sciences (I have advance degrees in psychology, sociology and anthropology) my wife's education, experience, and profession have empowered her in the areas of grade school education, family and fitness. I was raised in a two-parent family early one that became a single-parent family as a teen and I did not become a Christian until I was 25. My wife, on the other hand was raised in a two-parent family that remained intact and became a Christian as a teenager. She's never used drugs and I lost ten years of my life to addiction.

These things make us strong and week in different areas.

The questions become how do we identify our respective strengths and weaknesses and how do we work together in the same yoke..... adjusting for ever-changing circumstances in life? If you are only dating then you probably do not have enough knowledge of each other to be able to answer that question, but you can start any time. In one sense no two people are ever truly equally yoked (and Paul, never having been married may have known that intellectually and spiritually, but he never knew it experientially in the context of marriage. As far as the differing faiths go, it should also be recognized there are very few atheists in the Bible. Corinth was a pagan city, one in which the temples of Apollo and Aphrodite existed. These were very hedonistic religions and in the cult of Aphrodite the priest were females, not men. This was likely part of the problem Paul faced in Corinth having to corral converts to Christ in a congregation where women priests and male and female prostitutes were used to having power over others, especially the women over the men. The church in Corinth was troubled. One man was having sex with his father's wife and no one in the congregation did anything about it! It was in Corinth where we first read of sectarian division (some following Jesus, while others followed Cephas or Apollos).

That is what Paul was alluding to when he wrote about not being unequally yoked.

So, if your girlfriend is a priestess in some pagan cult and not interested in converting to Christ (even though that may one day happen) then you might not want to walk away. You should probably run :p.

Otherwise, back up and apply that "unequally yoked" principle objectively. Inter-faith couples have unique problems not shared by same-faith couples, but many make it work. Many do not (I don't know the stats on that particular metric). More importantly, there are areas in which you are the weaker ox, and one of them is the difficulty you have managing your own integrity, and another is the difficulty valuing your girlfriend consistently and then communicating that value.


"Love" is just a word we use to communicate value. To love someone is to value them uniquely and supremely. It takes a lifetime to love someone and the two of you are not yet married.

See if you can track down a copy of Timothy Keller's book "The Meaning of Marriage," and read chapter titled, "The Essence of Marriage." This is one of the best books on marriage I have ever read (and I have read hundreds). That particular chapter will speak to some of the concerns expressed in this op.





My regrets but I have to go. I hope, despite my direct and forthcoming style, no offense was taken and something useful can be garnered from what I have posted. Keep in mind you should be following God, not Josh, John, or Carl. If God wants you to marry Gomer then you had better marry Gomer. If He wants you to marry Martha, then it would be wise to marry Martha - and I say that believing God is not a matchmaker who has made only one woman alone you could marry. You be the man God made you to be and find the woman being the woman God made her to be and become the husband-and-wife God would have you be for each other.

I'll take up some of the other content as time, inclination, and response warrant but I believe what I have already posted can serve to help you re-think the matter and find contentment in God's will.
 
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discombobulated1

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I've read several responses here, & more/less agree with the person who said the following, even though it may sound "harsh"?


Paul's comments are in response to couples already married who came to faith afterward. He advises the Christian to maintain the bond if their spouse will remain with them. Your circumstances are markedly different. You knowingly got involved with someone who didn't share your faith and had relations. You chose her over your beliefs.

You said that God's number one but your behavior says otherwise. You may believe in God and agree with Christian teachings. But in respect to your flesh and this connection she's first. If that wasn't the case you wouldn't have gotten involved, been sexual the entire time and cemented the act when you met.

You've known it was wrong all along and this is where your sin has carried you. From attraction to fornication and contemplating marriage. Now you're hoping she gets saved to ease your conscience.


OK ,it was poster named Bella

I committed fornication in my younger years and I have regretted it to this day and will regret it for the rest of my life.

I basically didn't know any better. It seems I should have known better... because the Catholic faith i was raised in forbids it. But stupid me, I thought I knew better than the Church... [bang head]--- the arrogance of youth!

I paid for not listening to the Church. God made rules for a reason. He knows who we are, how weak the flesh is and also how weak the psyche is and everything else. I ruined others' lives also, without meaning to. I
deeply, deeply regret this foolishness. I would do anything to talk you and all young people out of marrying in a situation like this, without SERIOUS counseling from a good Christian who has practiced the faith for years (preferably Catholic).

I like the advice someone gave about getting out of the relationship and being alone with God for a time, even though that last part is not exactly what that poster said (it is from yours truly).

If she is the right one, she will stick by you even if it hurts her feelings that you don't choose to be with her for a time, which I think should be at least a few months.
 
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I would go further and remind folks that Eros in the Greek has no mention in the NT.

Should our aim not be to be motivated by Agape in every area of life ?

What does God despise ?? - the lusts of the flesh, the lusts of the eyes, and the pride of life.
I don't understand, so because Eros isn't mentioned, it's invalid? How absurd. The NT doesn't go into explicit detail in every aspect of life. Why arbitrarily try to add to the list of offences and sins when it's not necessary?

Eros is mentioned in the OT though, the Song of Solomon comes to mind. Is it your intention to demonize or scorn romantic affection, something God has gifted our species with, something that comforts many people on this planet? Romantic love and desire absolutely do not automatically equate to sinful lust. What exactly are you advocating for?
 
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Carl Emerson

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I don't understand, so because Eros isn't mentioned, it's invalid? How absurd. The NT doesn't go into explicit detail in every aspect of life. Why arbitrarily try to add to the list of offences and sins when it's not necessary?

Eros is mentioned in the OT though, the Song of Solomon comes to mind. Is it your intention to demonize or scorn romantic affection, something God has gifted our species with, something that comforts many people on this planet? Romantic love and desire absolutely do not automatically equate to sinful lust. What exactly are you advocating for?

What do you mean by 'valid' is murder 'valid' ???

You admit you don't understand, then judge my offering as absurd !

Check the Greek - no mention of the Greek word 'Eros' in the Song of Solomon in the Septuagint.

The issue is that any serious believer will want God's love to control all aspects of life not lust which He despises. Lust is self centred, Agape (God's Love) is God centred.

Romantic attraction in God's order is not selfish and lustful.

Bringing lust into marriage is contributing to our high incidence of marriage breakdown.
 
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