Married a little over a year - constantly arguing - divorce?

[Mudinyeri]

Arguments are a difference of opinion.. Learning how to argue intelligently can be a big help and make things much easier.

Fights however are a different story.. Fights happen when one person does something inconsiderate or downright mean to the other person.. Its not about opinion, its about a lack of consideration, resentment, control, and various other things that waste lots of time.

We have a difference of opinion.

Having grown up in competitive debate, my opinion is that an argument is a form of (unregulated) fighting. Conversely, a debate is a difference of opinion discussed within the confines of a set of rules.

Before we were married, my wife and I established a set of ground rules to be followed when discussing differences of opinion.
1. Never say "never" or "always"
2. Leave the past in the past - do not bring it up during discussions of differences of opinions
3. Saying, "I feel," is fair game. Saying, "You make me feel," is not. No one can make you feel a certain way. You, alone, choose how you feel.
4. Never attack the individual. Only discuss the actions or behaviors of the individual. (This ties in closely with #3)

To the OP, I would suggest sitting down with your spouse and calmly laying out a set of rules similar to those above.

Furthermore, have you been clinically diagnosed as schizophrenic? Are you now taking, or have you taken medications for a diagnosed condition?

From a practical perspective, in addition to a set of rules, try focusing on the positives of your spouse. Force yourself to find and talk about five positive things about him every single day. Ask him to do the same.

In closing, most things worth doing are not easy. Your statements about marriage being hard are absolutely true ... which is why it can be such a wonderful thing (from a guy who's been married for 24 years).

 

[mkgal1]

@sophian I don't know if you're still here reading, but I'm still wondering about the nature of your arguments/fights. Are they typically one-directional (to where the "blame" ends up on you...and the original grievance gets sort of lost by the wayside)? IOW....do you think your husband diverts the conversations towards your mental illness (causing you to feel responsible and not really having a 'right' to be upset)?

If that's the case---something that may help is focusing on re-framing the real issue (and dismiss the comments about your illness---that's not the issue).

 

[football5680]

Divorce can be forgiven but there is no point in having one unless you want to go to hell. The only thing that a divorce will do is free you up to marry somebody else. If you are constantly arguing then separating for a period of time might be fine and you can try to work things out in the future. Any subsequent marriage would be adultery and this wouldn't be forgiven because you cannot ask God to forgive a sin that you yourself refuse to recognize and turn away from.

 

[mkgal1]

Just wanted to let you know Football5680---one needs to be married to post in this section (and another thing: one should probably only advise people with compassion, not seething condemnation---especially if one hasn't walked in their shoes). Many beliefs are shed once reality is experienced.