Hello, I Have Been Married 14 Years And It Has Always Been Very Rocky However, Being A Christian I Have Always Found Hope And Christian Counsel. My Husband Is Currently Unsaved. We Are Both In Our 40"s And He Has Lost All Interest In Sex But, He States Not With Me. We Have Had No Intimacy For 20 Months And I Am So Sad To Say The Least. We Have Been To Two Conselors With No Progress. I Have Asked Him If He Is Seeing Someone And He States He Is Not. I Have Asked Him If He Is Gay? And He States He Is Not. Recently I Saw Some Prono On His Laptop And He Said He Needed A Little Help To Get In The Mood Which Obvisously Has Not Worked. He Is Trying Vitimans, Working Out, Protein Shakes, I Have No Clue What Is Going On. I Have Prayed Without Ceasing And Have Cried For My Husband Love And Wrote Letters But, He Always Answer That He Doesn't Have An Answer. I Simply Don't Know What To Do Anymore. He Is A Very Detatched Man And Very Black And White. I Feel Like Giving Up And Don't Know If Thats Right In Gods Eyes. The Spiritual Tension Is Unreal Sometimes That I Can't Sleep. I Also Don't Want To Be A Doormat Which Tends To Happen As He Is Very Dominant And Controlling Personality. Please Give Experience Or Guide Me. Thanks.
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- Thread starter angel2
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Angel, I'm sorry, but I'm too young to give you any sort of helpful answer 
I do want to tell you that I'm praying for you and your husband though 
I hope things get better for you.
If it helps at all, you are more than welcome to post your question in the Women's Discussion or in Fabulous Forties forums. The people in both are more than willing to help and they are very kind. They may also be able to offer you better advice
Welcome to CF too!
Shalom,
Steffi
I do want to tell you that I'm praying for you and your husband though I hope things get better for you.If it helps at all, you are more than welcome to post your question in the Women's Discussion or in Fabulous Forties forums. The people in both are more than willing to help and they are very kind. They may also be able to offer you better advice
Welcome to CF too!
Shalom,
Steffi
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- May 12, 2004
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If he is trying vitamins and protein shakes he is obviously making some sort of effort, but has he consulted a doctor, I know as men we are poor patients but that maybe that is what he needs to do.angel2 said:
Also You mention finding porn is this providing him any success on his own? Could this be why he is not feeling like sex with you? It may be worth asking him to give it up.
Finally are other aspects of your relationship/life causing stress or anxiety? If so that is likely to hamper his performance.
I feel for your situation and hope that it does quickly resolve for you.
Final point have you tried just being close without the pressure of him feeling he has to perform. I m sorry if some of these ideas are totally way off the mark I shall pray for you in this difficult situation.
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R
rainygirl
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Is there any history of depression??? It may be worth looking into with your family doctor...
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angel2 said:
What kind of help did he think he need? Find out what type of porn he is into and see if its something you can be agreeable to trying out. If you have narrow standards of what is okay and he's looking to try new things you might be shutting him down.
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Porn is a problem unto itself...and has very little to do with what the wife is willing/unwilling to do. He is probably using porn bc he does not have to be intimate, it is totally on his terms without having to put his dw's needs first (or at least equal to his own) It can easily turn into an addiction for which he probably would feel shame. That can also lead to little marital sex. I agree that you should take this to another forum perhaps the married only forum.Autumnleaf said:
Finally, I am truly sorry for your pain. Continue crying out to God but instead of asking him to fix your dh pray that he would reveal the true state of your marriage and ask for strength to confront the needs.
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We have a thread on the married only site that is for those reading Every Heart Restored. It is a book that leads women to understand the different wiring in a man, what are legitimate needs and how to heal from broken promises. Try to check it out...it has been a blessing to me.
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HisWillTew
Active Member
Speaking from, ahem, experience, have him go to his doctor and have a simple blood test to check for low testosterone level. My doctor said this is not uncommon for men in their 40s, and there is know way to know without a blood test. There are several treatment options, and there is absolutely no down side to getting this checked out. And for him, there is no shame in a low hormone level. There is nothing you can do to prevent it anymore than a woman can do to prevent menopause.
Good luck to both of you.
Good luck to both of you.
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