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Featured Marriage for a companionship and no kids??

Discussion in 'Christian Advice' started by gospels, Jun 22, 2019.

  1. HisGraceAbounds

    HisGraceAbounds Member Supporter

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    I am in my 40s, and while I was once married, I was fortunate in that there were no kids. I never wanted kids ( long story but I have my reasons).

    For me, in my life now, since I don't want kids there is no reason to pursue a relationship of any kind. Companionship is fine, but crossing the line to fornicating with no goal other than gratification is just not compatible with my morals. No kids, no marriage, no sex. Seems a simple formula, but I am prone to oversimplify things to justify being a stubborn jerk from time to time to make myself feel better about a life of poor choices that led me to where I am.
     
  2. Follower3

    Follower3 Newbie

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    It does not say married couples are to only 'fornicate' to make babies. It says quite the contrary. But many many many married couples, especially the ones that have kids have very hard lives. If you are single enjoy your freedom. If you want to get married for companionship only, I am sure you can find someone who wants the same :)
     
  3. HisGraceAbounds

    HisGraceAbounds Member Supporter

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    I'd rather have 32 root canals, one right after the other, without anesthetic, than to get married again. Some of us have no business being anything but alone.
     
  4. Follower3

    Follower3 Newbie

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    wow buddy XD I'm sorry it was so bad for you. Please find peace, and I hope you are happy being solo :)
     
  5. HisGraceAbounds

    HisGraceAbounds Member Supporter

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    It was so bad because I was living a lie. I hadn't accepted that I like being alone, cant form emotional bonds with people, and lack the ability to feel or show affection. Now that I've accepted it, my life is much more peaceful and I'm content.
     
  6. RDKirk

    RDKirk Alien, Pilgrim, and Sojourner Supporter

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    We have to remember that with all scripture has to say about the permanence of marriage...that they were talking about arranged marriages. Almost all were arranged marriages. When scripture says, "Therefore a man leaves his parents and cleaves to his wife and the two become one flesh," and when it says, "Husband, love your wife" and when it says, "Wife, respect your husband," it's talking about an arranged marriage.

    May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.-- Proverbs 5

    You ask, "Why?" It is because the LORD is the witness between you and the wife of your youth.... So be on your guard, and do not be unfaithful to the wife of your youth. --Malachi 2

    "The wife of your youth" is the man's first marriage--the one arranged by his parents. Later, as he gained the means, he might contract his own additional marriages with younger women of his own choice and decision.

    But "the wife of his youth" was the wife that his parents arranged for him, and God demands he remain with her--and more, that she be the wife who pleases him.

    What this means is that God expects any spirit-filled Christian man to be a pleasing husband to any spirit-filled Christian woman, and vice versa.

    We in the modern Western world have for maybe the last 70-100 years been using the worst matchmaking system there could possibly by: Sheer dumb luck that one day we will just stumble into "The One" on the street or in a bar or in a classroom, and his "The One" will coincide with her "The One." Absolute chance: That's basically as stupid as stupid can be. Hiring a matchmaker like they did hundreds of years ago is more logical than that.

    But it doesn't matter. Even if we use a computer to select for us the perfectly compatible mate, the fact is that humans change. We always change. So in three years, or five, or certainly ten years, a woman will look at her husband and realize, "That's not the man I married." And he won't be. Nor will she still be the woman he married.

    And in that moment, they will be in exactly the same situation as a marriage that had been arranged from the beginning. They will have to make a deliberate decision to stay together and grow together--instead of continuing to grow apart.

    Unless they have been smart all along and obedient to the instruction of scripture. In that case, they will have been deliberate from the beginning in making conscious decisions to grow together. They will have deliberately made themselves partners in the Project of Life from the start.
     
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  7. Lady Bug

    Lady Bug Let's get real Supporter

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    When I'm lonely I will read this again and maybe that will calm me down at least temporarily lol.
     
  8. Lady Bug

    Lady Bug Let's get real Supporter

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    I'm getting to the point (39, almost 40) where I'm no longer sure if I want kids, and that is a disincentive to marriage, but my sex drive is so high that while I do abstain, my mind is still obsessed with sex, but with marriage comes the "danger" of getting pregnant, so I really feel in a bind...
     
  9. LaBèlla

    LaBèlla ❤️ Supporter

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    I can still have children. But a first time trip to Ikea made it clear those days are behind me. The noise and screams were too much. I don’t have the patience or stamina.

    I realized later I rarely encounter children. I shop during the day in stores where they’re never present. I’d forgotten what its like.

    Marriage needn’t necessitate children. There are many child-free couples.
     
  10. HisGraceAbounds

    HisGraceAbounds Member Supporter

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    You know, I've never encountered a child-free couple who were so willingly. I've met two who had been trying for kids for years with no success and got railroaded by the adoption process. Not trying to be argumentative but just saying I have not seen any of these child-free couples your post eludes to.
     
  11. LaBèlla

    LaBèlla ❤️ Supporter

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    A lot of people don’t want kids. It isn’t always due to medical issues. Some don’t want the responsibility, or had bad experiences during childhood, abhor the expense or have a lifestyle that isn’t conducive to children.

    As for encounters, that depends on your social circle. Most of my connections are entrepreneurs and location independent. We employ lifestyle design to create the life we want. I value my freedom and everything that comes with it.
     
  12. Dave-W

    Dave-W Welcoming grandchild #7, Arturus Waggoner! Supporter

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    Indeed it is; and it is taught AGAINST in some churches.

    the pastor of the church I attended in college said to never NEVER NEVER even consider marrying a person you were sexually attracted to.
     
  13. Dave-W

    Dave-W Welcoming grandchild #7, Arturus Waggoner! Supporter

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    Married couples cannot "fornicate."
     
  14. Dave-W

    Dave-W Welcoming grandchild #7, Arturus Waggoner! Supporter

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    There are ways of avoiding pregnancy. Like a vasectomy or tubal ligation.
     
  15. Dave-W

    Dave-W Welcoming grandchild #7, Arturus Waggoner! Supporter

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    There is an entire book of the bible (Song of Solomon) which, at its most basic literal level, is a series of erotic poems about a married couple with all kinds of sexual and relational expressions, but without any mention of children or procreation.

    I would take that as it is absolutely ok with God to have a spouse (with all of that emotional and sexual fulfillment) but not have children.
     
  16. Aabbie James

    Aabbie James A Slave of Christ Jesus

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    Marriage is the capstone of the family and the building block of human civilization. God said, "Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth..." A society that fails to honor and protect marriage undermines its very existence.

    One of God's designs for marriage is to show the next generation how a husband and wife demonstrates reciprocal, sacrificial love toward each other. When husbands and wives forsake that love, their marriage fails to be what God intended. When marriage fails, the whole family falls apart; when the family fails, whole societies suffer. And stories of societal suffering fill the news headlines every day.

    Now, more than ever before, is the time for Christians to declare and put on display what the Bible declares: God's standard for marriage and the family is the only standard that can produce meaning, happiness, and fulfillment.
     
  17. Willing-heart

    Willing-heart In Christ Alone. Supporter

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    To all who are saying they want to be married but do not want to bear children. I have a question for you all. Let's say you get married eventually, and agreeing beforehand with your partner that you both don't want children. Then years later, one of you decide they want a child. How would you resolve this issue? What would you do? Perhaps, the question to ask is, "What would love do?" The best way I find to always resolve any issue is to ask yourself this question, "What does God want?" You may never know what God plans are, it might be that God wants to bear a child through you who is going to turn this world upside down for the sake of the kingdom of God. Would the clay say to the potter, "what are you moulding?" It's good that we have our plans and desire, but above all else, we should conclude and surrender all our plans to the Lord and say, "Father, thy will be done, not mine."
     
  18. HisGraceAbounds

    HisGraceAbounds Member Supporter

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    That exact scenario happened to me. The reason I agreed to marry the woman I was married to was that we agreed to not have children. She changed her mind a few years later. I did not. She thought she could get me to change my mind. She could not. She started cheating on me, so I divorced her.

    If my decision to not have children offends the Lord, then I'll deal with those consequences when the time comes. I'll never change my mind though, nor will I ever again put myself into a position where the possibility ever exists.
     
  19. Willing-heart

    Willing-heart In Christ Alone. Supporter

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    I'm sorry to hear that. Don't be too hard on yourself either way. Ask for the Lord's forgiveness and ask HIM to give you a willing heart, a heart of wisdom, so that you can see things as HE does, and do what HE wants you to do.

    “Things are never perfect in a marriage, there will always be snow storm or missed plane flight or something else to change your plan or dreams. But that’s when you have a choice. To turn on each other or turn to each other and together ask God for his guidance.” – Roma Downey, in Touched by an Angel.

    Unity.
     
  20. Follower3

    Follower3 Newbie

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    Thats because you are hard wired to want children, it does not make it a sin for the married couple if they decide they don't want children.

    How often do you deny your husband sex?
     
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