Marriage ADVICE PLEASE!!

[JingshenBianxi]

So I married my wife when she told me that she was a Christian. All things about her were lovely but when it was revealed that she was a Christian I was sold. Only to find out a month in the marriage that she might be the very people I despise...

The Counterfeit Christian.

How do you love a woman who doesn't even LOVE GOD the way you do. Who is not on your level yet bites your hand off when you try to highlight the errors that are keeping her from GOD. Wants to pounce on me with the don't forsake the assembly scripture but every time we go to a congregation I see the spirit of man and Satan in there and little of the Spirit of GOD. While I'm addressing leadership and standing firm on the TRUTH, she's quiet and not even being vocal with anyone during " Sunday Worship "..to then try and throw in my face that she won't be with a man who decides not to " GO TO CHURCH "?

I tell her how can I go to church when I'm already added INTO IT?! More and more it may be the sign of what happens when you rush things. I would've caught this if I would've waited but alas, I didn't and she is my documented WIFE in regards to the STATE of TEXAS. Informal Marriage though. I'm always studying...always in His Word. I'm on this forum to stay focused in GOD. I can always count on seeing her watching a secular movie and doing everything else but SEEKING GOD. I feel like I been lied to, bamboozled, hood winked!!

Anyway, we are to LOVE our WIVES like JESUS LOVES THE CHURCH but how do I love a wife who doesn't even LOVE JESUS like the Church loves Him? And in turn..stresses me out in the process as I continue to see the Spirit of Man and Satan arise in her.

 

[A_Thinker]

So I married my wife when she told me that she was a Christian. All things about her were lovely but when it was revealed that she was a Christian I was sold. Only to find out a month in the marriage that she might be the very people I despise...

The Counterfeit Christian.

How do you love a woman who doesn't even LOVE GOD the way you do. Who is not on your level yet bites your hand off when you try to highlight the errors that are keeping her from GOD. Wants to pounce on me with the don't forsake the assembly scripture but every time we go to a congregation I see the spirit of man and Satan in there and little of the Spirit of GOD. While I'm addressing leadership and standing firm on the TRUTH, she's quiet and not even being vocal with anyone during " Sunday Worship "..to then try and throw in my face that she won't be with a man who decides not to " GO TO CHURCH "?

I tell her how can I go to church when I'm already added INTO IT?! More and more it may be the sign of what happens when you rush things. I would've caught this if I would've waited but alas, I didn't and she is my documented WIFE in regards to the STATE of TEXAS. Informal Marriage though. I'm always studying...always in His Word. I'm on this forum to stay focused in GOD. I can always count on seeing her watching a secular movie and doing everything else but SEEKING GOD. I feel like I been lied to, bamboozled, hood winked!!

Anyway, we are to LOVE our WIVES like JESUS LOVES THE CHURCH but how do I love a wife who doesn't even LOVE JESUS like the Church loves Him? And in turn..stresses me out in the process as I continue to see the Spirit of Man and Satan arise in her.

Wow ... you two have very differing ideas about what it means to be a christian.

Each of you seem to be striving to love the Lord in your own way.

Would you be open to seeking Christian counseling together ... ???

 

[Monna]

how do I love a wife who doesn't even LOVE JESUS like the Church loves Him?

You think this is hard? Jesus told us to love our enemies.
I empathise with you strongly, but when you're studying the scriptures go to 1 Corinthian 7. In verse 14 we read "the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband." And in verse 16 "how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?" Don't give up. Win your wife with practical, authentic love.

John's letters are also pretty tough to live out. You, in yourself, cannot love a wife like Jesus loves the church (that's how you're supposed to love her). God doesn't expect you to do it on your own. But he does expect you to receive his love and pass it on to her. He is the supreme giver, and he loves to empower us to love. So talk to him about it. Find all the wonderful things about her - God made her, and he gave her gifts and talents, and he has a good plan for her. Thank God for her and who she can be. Tell her all about the things you appreciate about her. Become God's partner in demonstrating how he loved, and expect God (not you) to make an impression on her.

All the very best!!

 

[Poppyseed78]

I'm not sure I understand the problem. Is your wife wanting to go to church, but you don't want to? So she criticizes you for not going to church? But on the other hand, you criticize her for watching secular movies and not expressing her faith in the same way you do? What do you mean that she stays quiet when you go to church? What exactly are you expecting her to say? I'm pretty quiet when I go to church...does this mean something I am unaware of???

I think you could benefit from marital counseling with a Christian counselor. People express their faith in different ways.

 

[AvgJoe]

To add to Monna's post, I'd recommend meditating on 1 Corinthians 13:1-7.

 

[Monna]

To add to Monna's post, I'd recommend meditating on 1 Corinthians 13:1-7.

Amen!

 

[Goatee]

Look at your marriage as also a 'task' given to you by Jesus to convert your wife! It may be a long journey but work in Jesus name. Take on this battle and fight in Jesus name. Make it your cross to bear so that fruit may blossom from it. You are being asked to help your wife turn to Jesus in the rightful way. Take each day as it comes. Little by little chiseling away all the false beliefs held by your wife.

God bless you

 

[vinsight4u]

/nvm

 

[vinsight4u]

/nvm

 

[Root of Jesse]

I think the best thing you can do is be patient (it's only been how long???), and persevere. Understand that love = sacrifice, as Jesus loved us from the cross. As another commenter said, maybe she is your cross to bear. Bear it willingly. Pray for her.

In my own case, I was basically a pagan, though I thought Christ was a good teacher and all. My wife prayed for me for 17 years, and finally God whooped me upside the head and showed me the way. I would find a poster of the Beatitudes, and put it somewhere prominent. That's what converted me to solidly, unapologetically Catholic. Keep praying for a miracle, and don't let her pull you into her own way.

 

[Courage Ampadu]

So I married my wife when she told me that she was a Christian. All things about her were lovely but when it was revealed that she was a Christian I was sold. Only to find out a month in the marriage that she might be the very people I despise...

The Counterfeit Christian.

How do you love a woman who doesn't even LOVE GOD the way you do. Who is not on your level yet bites your hand off when you try to highlight the errors that are keeping her from GOD. Wants to pounce on me with the don't forsake the assembly scripture but every time we go to a congregation I see the spirit of man and Satan in there and little of the Spirit of GOD. While I'm addressing leadership and standing firm on the TRUTH, she's quiet and not even being vocal with anyone during " Sunday Worship "..to then try and throw in my face that she won't be with a man who decides not to " GO TO CHURCH "?

I tell her how can I go to church when I'm already added INTO IT?! More and more it may be the sign of what happens when you rush things. I would've caught this if I would've waited but alas, I didn't and she is my documented WIFE in regards to the STATE of TEXAS. Informal Marriage though. I'm always studying...always in His Word. I'm on this forum to stay focused in GOD. I can always count on seeing her watching a secular movie and doing everything else but SEEKING GOD. I feel like I been lied to, bamboozled, hood winked!!

Anyway, we are to LOVE our WIVES like JESUS LOVES THE CHURCH but how do I love a wife who doesn't even LOVE JESUS like the Church loves Him? And in turn..stresses me out in the process as I continue to see the Spirit of Man and Satan arise in her.

You've got your work cut out bro but it's good you spotted this problem early, it means you do not have to go through a lot of pain to get where you need to be. For starters I am assuming that you actually prayed and sought the will of God before you married her and did not go with your own eyes only seeking reassurance in her being a Christian. Because if this is what you did then you need to begin by asking God for forgiveness. We are not to be led by our own wisdom but are to be led by the spirit of God in all things, not least in a matter as important as marriage.

Next you need to submit to the Lord. Many people experiencing marital problems are on a crusade to change the other person, this is usually the wrong place to start. Remember what Jesus said about a prophet not being acceptable in his own country? Well this applies here. Your wife will not see you as the spiritual person you believe yourself to be but if you are loving and kind to her she will see that. I did not know this at first and used to be frustrated that my wife would not acknowledge my spirituality and treat me accordingly. She too was very spiritual before we married and then it all seemed to fizzle out. Later I understood that she was supposed to complete me so if I was trying to be too spiritual then she would take on a more practical view of things to balance things out. By the way she was not doing this on purpose it was just the grace of God working in her even though I did not realise it at the time.

This "my wife is not spiritual enough" vibe has been around for many years. I once heard of a story of a preacher who was getting ready to divorce his wife because he thought she was a fraud; she had been spiritual before marriage only to change after the wedding. He decided he would divorce her but before he did he prayed about it and the Lord told him to spend some time taking note of every good thing she does; one good thing a day. After a while this preacher noticed so many things he went to repenting before God for his attitude. The wife he considered unspiritual was actually very spiritual in a lot of ways, she just was not bible bashing or doing the church lingo thing.

God created marriage and he created it to work, but it will not work unless we follow his recipe. Marriage is like a school, we enter it to learn. My advice to you is that you throw away everything you thought you knew about marriage and come humbly before the throne of the Lord that he may teach you his approach. It will be a humbling exercise where you will find yourself apologising for things you always thought you were right about. God bless you as you take baby steps.

 

[GeorgeJ]

Don't expect your wife to try and fit the mold of what you think a Christian should be.

In order for your marriage to work, you're both going to have to compromise....you both are going to have to be willing to make changes in how you feel about each other as Christians. Both of you together. If you're not willing to do this, your marriage will be utterly miserable and will fall apart rapidly.

Pray that God will soften the hearts of you and your wife so that you two can come together in this.

 

[RaymondG]

Pay no mind to all the supporting comments you see here. Had it been your wife who posted instead of you....saying the same things.....I see the spirit of man in Him, He never wants to go to church.....he always finding fault in the assembling together of the saints and making excuses not to go, should i leave him?..... Even MORE people would be supporting her than you have supporting you now.

I walked into a room one time and saw darkness in everyone sitting there. Everyone seemed to be evil and doing evil things. It was all darkness and i tried looking for light and could find none! Then Jesus tapped me on the shoulder and told me I forgot to take off my shades before i came in the room.... took them off and the light and the love was almost blinding.

The problem is in US. If we spend more time judging and examining ourselves, all the outward problems would disappear. Leave if you want.....but you wont see light until you look in a mirror and examine yourself. "The light of the body is the eye" But if thine eye be evil, thy whole body shall be full of darkness. If therefore the light that is in thee be darkness, how great is that darkness!" ........Take off the shades.

 

[Kit Sigmon]

So I married my wife when she told me that she was a Christian.
All things about her were lovely but when it was revealed that she was a Christian I was sold. Only to find out a month in the marriage that she might be the very people I despise...

The Counterfeit Christian.
You see counterfeit in her?...check yourself here...that is your wife and you choose her for yourself.
You are now one flesh.
Also, you aren't to despise/hate anyone...you are to show them agape and also to pray for them...
Matthew 5:44-48.

How do you love a woman who doesn't even LOVE GOD the way you do. Who is not on your level yet bites your hand off when you try to highlight the errors that are keeping her from GOD.
Try to be Christ-like in your interactions with her.
She is on your level too cause you are one flesh.
It sounds like there's some micro managing going on perhaps? if it is, roll back on that.
You be praying the Lord works on her heart...and on yours.
It could be she was mislead...not all counterfeits are wolves in sheep's clothing...there are some who
have been mislead in the faith...bad teaching?

Wants to pounce on me with the don't forsake the assembly scripture but every time we go to a congregation I see the spirit of man and Satan in there and little of the Spirit of GOD. While I'm addressing leadership and standing firm on the TRUTH, she's quiet and not even being vocal with anyone during " Sunday Worship "..to then try and throw in my face that she won't be with a man who decides not to " GO TO CHURCH "?
It seems you have met your match...you both pretty much doing similar things to one another...just read over
all that you've written in your posts.
If she's willing to go to church-- go with her to church, don't close that door...you be praying for your wife
faithfully and the Lord will do His part. As her husband you do need to be respectful towards her, it's what
you're to do since she is your wife. You be a godly husband, that is your duty...if you fail ask her forgiveness
and be sincere.
If you are to win your spouse to the Lord, then your walk, talk and actions have to line up with God's Word.
You don't get a pass just because she's not a real christian...your wife is to be shown agape and honor.
If you speaking/addressing leadership and standing firm on the TRUTH, she's quiet...nothing wrong with that
since you're letting your thoughts be known, it be enough said when you had your say.

There ain't no perfect churches on this earth...all of them got wheat and tares in them, just like there be wheat and tares in the world...fret not, the Lord said he would separate them...the Lord going to judge the church first...
1 Peter 4:17.

I tell her how can I go to church when I'm already added INTO IT?! More and more it may be the sign of what happens when you rush things. *I would've caught this if I would've waited but alas, I didn't and she is my documented WIFE in regards to the STATE of TEXAS. Informal Marriage though.*
She is your wife in the eyes of the Lord too...He "recognizes" her just like he "recognized" all the husbands of the Samaritan woman in John 4:18.

I'm always studying...always in His Word. *I'm on this forum to stay focused in GOD.*
It's not adequately done online, you are to be in fellowship with other believers that you can get to know in person. And to focus on God, that is you walking humbling with Him and being submitted to Him and His Word.
Online is good but it's not to take the place of assembling with believers in your own area...being connected
with a minister/elders/mentors/prayer partners etc.

I can always count on seeing her watching a secular movie and doing everything else but SEEKING GOD.
You need to forgive your wife and learn to honor her not only in your actions and words but also in your
thoughts.
Remember you aren't perfect yet.

I feel like I been lied to, bamboozled, hood winked!!
Honestly, you have been lied to, bamboozled, hood winked...but you did that to yourself first, way before your wife ever had to tell you that she's a christian.... errors speaks loud so don't place all the blame on your wife...you have an equal share in the matter.
It's important that you don't allow a root of bitterness to grow up in you...do apply forgiveness...cause it's
so needed in marriage...probably 7x70 times each day. Spouses are quick to learn how to push each other's buttons...when they need to be hitting a knee and praying for their spouse. Building one another up instead of
tearing each other down.

Anyway, we are to LOVE our WIVES like JESUS LOVES THE CHURCH but how do I love a wife who doesn't even LOVE JESUS like the Church loves Him? And in turn..stresses me out in the process as I continue to see the Spirit of Man and Satan arise in her.

You see, this be where forgiveness comes into play...you seek the Lord and ask Him
to help you to agape your wife like you should... the type of love a husband is to have for his wife is the
agape type of love...not that butterflies in the stomach...mooning over her, passion a stirring etc. Emotions/feelings ebb an flow-- they even go cold...to show agape to your wife takes a committed act of your will, you purpose to love(agape) her whether she is a christian or not, after all she is your wife and you pledged yourself to her...and since you a believer, the Holy Spirit of the Lord dwells within you, so He be a witness to your
vows.
Jesus loved us while we were unlovely, unloving, dishonoring towards Him...He will help you to show your
wife agape and honor because He knows how to do it right.

Reflect often on...1 Peter 3:7 (Put it into practice every day so your prayers won't be hindered.)
In the same way, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way.
Though they are weaker partners, honor them as equal heirs of the grace of life.
In this way, your prayers will not be hindered.

 

[JingshenBianxi]

I'm not sure I understand the problem. Is your wife wanting to go to church, but you don't want to? So she criticizes you for not going to church? But on the other hand, you criticize her for watching secular movies and not expressing her faith in the same way you do? What do you mean that she stays quiet when you go to church? What exactly are you expecting her to say? I'm pretty quiet when I go to church...does this mean something I am unaware of???

Quiet as in she has no word or will to even converse with other women in the church. It's the hypocrisy that I point out to her where she expects ME...to be so much into NOT forsaken the Assembly..but it is I who is actually having pertinent conversations with the LEADERSHIP in the churches we go to. She on the other hand acts as if she has a muzzle on her mouth. Why wouldn't a Christian greet another Christian just on being filled with the HOLY SPIRIT that has loads of LOVE with it. She does none of that, but is in my grill like Adolf Hitler's reincarnate twin sister...telling me I need to go to church?..she doesn't even LOVE GOD for the other 6 days of the week. So I call her a counterfeit Christian that simply goes to " Church " on Sundays but the rest of the week she's loving the World...via...secular movie watching and other things that are not aiding in her relationship with GOD..but hindering it.

 

[JingshenBianxi]

Why not find some Christian movies to watch together? Make some popcorn and sit back
and relax together.

I've made that offer before...she's like ehh...OH but she was so moved to have me watch a movie about " Cleopatra "...Imagine that. I've tried to be understanding of where she is..I've been there before..but there's so much to this story that only a Christian counselor would hear. But this is seriously a build up of constant revelations of her deceived state. I get angry but at the same time frustrated because when I do try to help her...she turns demon on me.

 

[Poppyseed78]

Quiet as in she has no word or will to even converse with other women in the church. It's the hypocrisy that I point out to her where she expects ME...to be so much into NOT forsaken the Assembly..but it is I who is actually having pertinent conversations with the LEADERSHIP in the churches we go to. She on the other hand acts as if she has a muzzle on her mouth. Why wouldn't a Christian greet another Christian just on being filled with the HOLY SPIRIT that has loads of LOVE with it. She does none of that, but is in my grill like Adolf Hitler's reincarnate twin sister...telling me I need to go to church?..she doesn't even LOVE GOD for the other 6 days of the week. So I call her a counterfeit Christian that simply goes to " Church " on Sundays but the rest of the week she's loving the World...via...secular movie watching and other things that are not aiding in her relationship with GOD..but hindering it.

I'm really shy, so I don't tend to start conversations with people. But once a conversation is started, I enjoy talking and hearing what others have to say. Unless your wife is blatantly rude to people, I don't really see the problem. Maybe she prefers to listen. I find calling her a counterfeit Christian and describing her as "Adolf Hitler's reincarnate twin sister" excessive, honestly. Maybe she needs some help and guidance in her faith. We all do. But this sounds like something else. And you aren't going to soften her heart toward you if you actually call her a counterfeit Christian to her face.

In any case, I recommend counseling.

 

[vinsight4u]

/nvm

 

[JingshenBianxi]

In any case, I recommend counseling.

I recommend an exorcist. Any so called Christian who chooses to yell out words like " Feces, Stinky Feet, Herpes, STD's " in an attempt to shut up her HUSBAND who is simply rebuking?....yea...I really wish I was making this up.

 

[Poppyseed78]

I recommend an exorcist. Any so called Christian who chooses to yell out words like " Feces, Stinky Feet, Herpes, STD's " in an attempt to shut up her HUSBAND who is simply rebuking?....yea...I really wish I was making this up.

That's strange...I don't understand what that's about. I'm praying the situation improves.