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Man - pursuer
- Thread starter SelfProtect
- Start date
But I'm interested in knowing how the two of you met? Was one of you more in control then or was it more a mutual effort?
OhhJim 
C
CRitabe
Guest
PHP:
My current: my boyfriend was given to me by God. He is pursuing me in love and respect and honor. This is because first and foremost he pursues ChristI'm not so sure how you know that someone is "given" to you by "God" or what being pursued in love, respect and honor really means and what that has to do with his pursuit of Christ?
I worked for many years as a battered women's counselor and you know, most of the women I worked with there believed that their mate had been given to them by "God". They were convinced that God wanted them to save their marriages, become submissive, etc... and were willing to go to any lengths (including at times putting their own lives in danger) to do so.
I believe in God and I believe in divine intervention in our lives - synchronicity - however, I do not believe that God is always responsible for people coming together - sometimes I think "sex" is - or "wanting a mate" is. Most all relationships start off with being treated well. Even abusive men and women are the most charming men and women in the world - however, there isn't anything pretty about a relationship gone awry.
Somehow "pursuit" and relationship just don't seem to be synonymous to me. I pursue a goal, a career, a weight loss, a criminal - I don't pursue a person and don't expect to be pursued. I expect to smile, say hello, and initiate conversation or respond when I'm spoken to. It's light and free - not desperate.
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I
InTheFlame
Guest
I always get a little confused by these topics. I have tried to understand where other women are coming from with this sort of 'be passive, be feminine, let him be the hunter' type arguments. I really have. But it just doesn't make sense to me. I'm a caring, motherly person. I mother everyone around me when given the chance. So I'm thinking I'm probably not completely lacking in 'feminine' traits. But when I found myself attracted to a male friend and thinking of him in 'life-mate' terms... I sat down with a good relationships book, went through all the pros and cons, worked out where we'd be compatible and where we'd have problems, prayed about it... then approached him and asked what he thought. We're married now, and he's not weak and he doesn't defer to my every whim. We have respect for each other and talk about what we each want and why, when we disagree on priorities in the marriage. I didn't 'pursue' him and he didn't 'pursue' me... we talked about it like rational adults, tested the waters, prayed together, and eventually married.
Where does all this 'pursuing' stuff come from? Is it from Songs of Solomon?
Where does all this 'pursuing' stuff come from? Is it from Songs of Solomon?
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eutychus
the phlegmatic one
It goes along with subjection, and allowing the men to practice leadership that they will need as future husbands.
Ephesians 5:22-30
Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church. He himself beind the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the chruch, because we are members of His body.
1 Corinthians 11:7-9
For a man ought not to have his head covered, since he is the image and glory of God; but the woman is the glory of man. For man does not originate from woman, but woman from man; for indeed man was not created for the woman's sake, but woman for the man's sake.
Ephesians 5:22-30
Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church. He himself beind the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the chruch, because we are members of His body.
1 Corinthians 11:7-9
For a man ought not to have his head covered, since he is the image and glory of God; but the woman is the glory of man. For man does not originate from woman, but woman from man; for indeed man was not created for the woman's sake, but woman for the man's sake.
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Sascha Fitzpatrick
Well-Known Member
This is a topic I've always got a bit 'uhh, I dunno' about.
In a perfect world, this wouldn't be so much of an issue. But roles are mixed up now, whether we like to admit it or not. Men don't want to come across as 'neanderthalic' and 'I want you, you come' etc, yet at the same time, with all the flirting us girls do, they never seem to be able to work out how serious we are about them.
Same with women. They are just as bad at reading men sometimes (or maybe it's just we don't trust our intuition as well as we should, and think 'oh he's just being friendly), and don't want to come across as 'persuant' cos that seems to strip away 'femininity' in some peoples minds.
I think there are different times where it IS appropriate for a woman to make a move. Sometimes it's as simple as a small conversation about being open on your feelings for one another, sometimes it's a little more 'overt', such as asking the guy to a dinner, a group event, etc. I think Ruth gave a great example of woman taking the initiative, and still did not give off an 'unfeminine' air. Remember - guys aren't good at starting conversations about deep issues (generally), so sometimes, it's good for a girl to get the ball rolling with these kinda issues, and then leave it in the guys hands.
I think the best time this whole pursuing thing worked for me, was this relationship I've got now (that's serious, and will almost definitely end in marriage). It took me standing up and saying, listen there seems to be a miscommunication here about what our relationship is, let's take this time apart to work out what we want, and what is Godly, and on (insert date here) let's go out and resolve this once and for all. It was me who put the words 'out there', but it was him who eventually had to pursue me, and kinda 'prove' that he was the right guy for me, and that the changes that would have needed to be made for a successful relationship to happen, had happened. These changes happened slowly, and not completely 'overtly', but I could see them, and in that way with address behavioural and communication issues, he pursued me, and ultimately began a loving committed relationship with me. So, in regards to this topic, I guess we both pursued each other - I got the ball rolling from my end, and he continued it, to such a point where a Godly, loving relationship was seen as beneficial for us, and began.
I for one can certainly vouch for this type of pursuing!
Sasch
In a perfect world, this wouldn't be so much of an issue. But roles are mixed up now, whether we like to admit it or not. Men don't want to come across as 'neanderthalic' and 'I want you, you come' etc, yet at the same time, with all the flirting us girls do, they never seem to be able to work out how serious we are about them.
Same with women. They are just as bad at reading men sometimes (or maybe it's just we don't trust our intuition as well as we should, and think 'oh he's just being friendly), and don't want to come across as 'persuant' cos that seems to strip away 'femininity' in some peoples minds.
I think there are different times where it IS appropriate for a woman to make a move. Sometimes it's as simple as a small conversation about being open on your feelings for one another, sometimes it's a little more 'overt', such as asking the guy to a dinner, a group event, etc. I think Ruth gave a great example of woman taking the initiative, and still did not give off an 'unfeminine' air. Remember - guys aren't good at starting conversations about deep issues (generally), so sometimes, it's good for a girl to get the ball rolling with these kinda issues, and then leave it in the guys hands.
I think the best time this whole pursuing thing worked for me, was this relationship I've got now (that's serious, and will almost definitely end in marriage). It took me standing up and saying, listen there seems to be a miscommunication here about what our relationship is, let's take this time apart to work out what we want, and what is Godly, and on (insert date here) let's go out and resolve this once and for all. It was me who put the words 'out there', but it was him who eventually had to pursue me, and kinda 'prove' that he was the right guy for me, and that the changes that would have needed to be made for a successful relationship to happen, had happened. These changes happened slowly, and not completely 'overtly', but I could see them, and in that way with address behavioural and communication issues, he pursued me, and ultimately began a loving committed relationship with me. So, in regards to this topic, I guess we both pursued each other - I got the ball rolling from my end, and he continued it, to such a point where a Godly, loving relationship was seen as beneficial for us, and began.
I for one can certainly vouch for this type of pursuing!
Sasch
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Tuffguy
Speed Racer
- Jun 2, 2004
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I think alot of this all boils down to leadership. Think about it,,,,as a male, i never had to do anything leadership related untill i was about 24 and in my first real job where people where eyeing me to make sure i was doing the right thing. If i had taken a different job (like a design engineering job) it would be very likely that i would not have had anything to do with leadership in my job until i decided to pursue higher management.
Leadership is something that is not required in highschool, college and often times in our jobs. I believe confidence and leadership go hand in hand.
I think what the women have to realize is that the way the education process and life in general is setup right now, men don't have to become leaders. And all are not cut out to be leaders.
I think the more and more you see jobs where people can hide in a cubicle and not lead, the more you will see males never developing leadership qualities. If they do develop them, you will see them later in life.
Leadership is something that is not required in highschool, college and often times in our jobs. I believe confidence and leadership go hand in hand.
I think what the women have to realize is that the way the education process and life in general is setup right now, men don't have to become leaders. And all are not cut out to be leaders.
I think the more and more you see jobs where people can hide in a cubicle and not lead, the more you will see males never developing leadership qualities. If they do develop them, you will see them later in life.
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This topic reminds me of a dream that I had in which I saw my future husband.
In the dream I was walking down a hall way at the church. I walked past a guy and I thought to myself that he was very attractive. We both seemed nervous...we passed each other w/o saying a word.
But then then dream repeated itself and went in slow motion. This time when he saw me his eyes lit up and he reached out for me. We stared each other and I knew that he was my soul mate. In another dream he gave me an engagement ring.
- I received a word of knowledge that he and I would be together by the end of this year.
- I woman walked up to me and simply said that you are everything that he has ever wanted. She also described him. She turned out to be a relative of his. That really confirmed to me that he really is a real person. LOL
From other dreams I've had I've figured out what his job is. We haven't met yet, but because of his career (lots of traveling) that isn't very likely right now. But I know that God will bring us together when the time is right.
In the dream I was walking down a hall way at the church. I walked past a guy and I thought to myself that he was very attractive. We both seemed nervous...we passed each other w/o saying a word.
But then then dream repeated itself and went in slow motion. This time when he saw me his eyes lit up and he reached out for me. We stared each other and I knew that he was my soul mate. In another dream he gave me an engagement ring.
- I received a word of knowledge that he and I would be together by the end of this year.
- I woman walked up to me and simply said that you are everything that he has ever wanted. She also described him. She turned out to be a relative of his. That really confirmed to me that he really is a real person. LOL
From other dreams I've had I've figured out what his job is. We haven't met yet, but because of his career (lots of traveling) that isn't very likely right now. But I know that God will bring us together when the time is right.
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