Man - pursuer

[SelfProtect]

Does this man want you? Is he pursuing you? The man who is right for you will pursue you, and God's hand in the relationship will be clear. No guessing, no fleeces, no dead ends. Scripture says: "He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord" (Prov 18:22). Note - who finds whom? THE MAN FINDS THE WIFE. From the beginning of time, God has transported men & women across the world in order to put them together. At the RIGHT TIME, He will bring that man on the scene and he will find you. In God's perfect design, the man is the one who recognizes his mate. Adam has no problem recognizing that Eve was his missing rib. You do not need to strategically place yourself anywhere. You don't have to help a guy out because he's shy! Men will do whatever they have to do to get what they truly want. The man in your life should recognize you as the pearl of great price in his life and be willing to do whatever he must in order to gain your hand. If he is passive about gaining your affections, take it as a sign that he is not interested. Many a woman's mother has suggested that it is a good idea to marry a man who loves you more than you love him. As cold as that sounds, it actually might be scriptural if you stop to think about it:

"We love him because he first loved us" (1 John 4:19). Until then, take the ultimate chill pill. You don't need a bunch of men in your life to make you feel all right about yourself. You need only one mans your man; the one God has selected to select you. And trust me, the right man at the wrong time can be just as awful as the wrong man at any time. So trust God's timing in this. He is the ultimate matchmaker. Relax, sit pretty and allow you to be found. Again - WAIT until the man voices his intentions. He should take the lead in establishing the relationship. You may have an inkling that he is the one, but God will use the man to set the tone of the relationship. Allow him the opportunity to woo you - this is your first act of submission. Jesus set the standard for all men to follow. They should love us first. And they should lead the relationship.

 

[Tuffguy]

Does that mean women shouldn't show interest untill the men do? I'm not saying you should have women ask you out, but i am saying that a little flirting goes a long way. I'd never really approach a girl who i didn't feel wanted to be approached.

What we, men and women do plays a huge part in who or if we marry. What kind of mate would you have if you never left your house? None. You do need to place yourself and make yourself available. Sure its in Gods hands, but he leaves all the dog work up to us.

 

[TriptychR]

I have to agree mostly with Tuffguy. I would never try to ask out a girl if she didn't at least show some hints that she was interested in me, and I don't want to try to make a girl have any affection for me if I don't think she does.

 

[Peter_in_Christ]

To go the Guys,

I use to be very shy and just only recently I discovered that waiting for a girl to give you some hints can be very misleading, the process took me 6 months or more to realise that. As a man we need to take the lead by introducing outselves, getting to know the lady, and making out your intentions known, clarify matters and etc... We then allow the lady to respond. If after much prayer and the lady does not respond to your initiative than maybe it's time to move on and continue focusing on doing Gods will.

Take care and God bless,
Love in Christ

Peter

 

[hischildsindik]

I agree it's the men who should be the pursuers in a relationship. I just recently have a friend who is a guy and he's a great guy, so many qualities would make for a great mate. So I do some hinting around. And either A) he's not interested B) he's too shy or C) he's totally clueless. Any way, I don't want to pursue, I've been fairly plain in my hints. The funny thing is, Sunday morning I had decided to just throw it up... to God and let Him really handle things. That's when God has perhaps thrown in a man to pursue me, someone else. It's been awesome fun. And we've not even had our first date. I so look forward to seeing what can develope, especially with God in the drivers seat. :o)

It just feels right to be pursued, instead of hinting around or pursuing. I think this is the way God wanted it. He created them to be head of the house, so why would they not start that lead in starting the pursuit.

 

[Paul 888]

Men should pursue more than women, but there is no way i would chase after a chick that showed no interest at all in me, i mean i would look like a stalker if i kept on pursuing someone that was not reciprocating in the slightest. I mean if girls never reciprocated at all how would you know when to pursue and when to stop and who to pursue

What a cold boring world it would be without flirting... sure i like the chase and i would prefer to take the lead but i'd like the girl to flirt a bit too, makes life a bit more interesting wouldn't it... i mean if a girl can not flirt at all and shows no affection or interest, then she is hardly going to turn it on like a switch when you do hook up is she, it'd be a pretty passionless marriage?


Plus you DO have to put yourself out there, sitting on the couch all day, you're not going to meet anyone, i mean you don't have to go to every single bar in town, but not being visible is hardly going to help you is it..... God helps you but you have to help yourself too

 

[Ginsu]

Nah I think the woman should ask to. Cause I bet there are alot of guys out there like myself that think that some women are just being friendly when infact they are probably flirting. A while back I was going to ask this one girl out whom i thought was flirting that seem to show a intrest, but instead she turned out to be married and was just a very friendly person....

 

[Peter_in_Christ]

Ah... Ginsu didn't you look out for the ring on her finger before you tried to persue? Well thank God that you asked her and not dwell many weeks on the matter looking out for signs and signal for when and when to act

One thing that came to mind, I suppose men should more likely to be the risk takers with regards to relationships, evangelism and etc in a Godly sense and we are to set examples to the world and eventually to the one lady we marry.

Having a relationship is a two way thing but someone has to begin/initiate it. If we as men cannot handle the pressure of initiating things then whose strength are we looking towards? Believe me guys when God is at the centre of our lives there is seriously nothing to fear. In less than three years I couldn't imagine the huge change in me, I took risks after much prayer, I have tried to initiate a relationship about 8/9 times now over the last 3-4 years, but failed and stumbled, and learnt many things in the process. But in the name of Jesus I know I can rise up again and continue living in Him and not worry because all things happen for a Good reason, whether things turn out bad for us or not.

Sure God brings fun with regards to starting relationships and keeping them, and we also learn a lot from our actions, even when we embarrass ourselves around other people... arn't we embarrass sometimes when we share the Gospel?

It's good to take the pressure of the ladies as most of them can easily be burdened by matters that we encounter in this world today, we also allow them to stay focus on the Lord, growing towards being faithful to Him and maybe one day be a mans wife. Most men can easily be tempted by sexual disires thus we need to put in more effort with the Lords strength with regards to controlling our desires, that way we are more likely to be committed to only one person in a relationship.


What I said so far is from my own experience, but it's good to hear from others, contemplate and grow from our actions...

Love in Christ

Peter

 

[Ginsu]

...yeha about the ring... I get confused because alot of single women wear rings on their wedding finger, their middle finger their index finger, rings on their thumbs, rings on their toes, rings on their ears... everywhere! Rings! .

 

[Peter_in_Christ]

Ginsu,

When I'm interested in a particular lady, I check out their ring finger on the left hand, it's the second finger from the bottom small finger before the middle.

If there's a ring it may mean the following:
1. I'm married
2. I don't want to be pursued.
3. whatever is on the lady's mind and reasoning for having it there (you have to ask to find this one out).
4. I'm confused...

But if they're a musician (strings section: Violin, Cello, Base, Violas, etc) this may be a bit difficult to tell because their left hand are used for fingering and the ring could get in their way, so they may have it on the right hand instead.

It does get confusing at times, but I also guess there's no harm in asking to clear the air . You can always apologise afterward if you make a mistake i.e. I didn't notice your wedding ring in their ring finger, and more likely they'll be flattered and tell their husband what happened for fun, isn't that a bit scarry too

Peter

 

[Ginsu]

OH MAN! The actually have RING CODES too?!

It does get confusing at times, but I also guess there's no harm in asking to clear the air

Peter

Very true, that makes the most sense. But sometimes you can't seem to fit it in anywhere in the conversation you know?

girl: "you should buy this because this..."
ginsu: "are you married?"
girl: " ...."
ginsu: *runs off like a sprint runner amidst the awkwardness*

 

[harmmony]

Does this man want you? Is he pursuing you? The man who is right for you will pursue you, and God's hand in the relationship will be clear. No guessing, no fleeces, no dead ends. Scripture says: "He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord" (Prov 18:22). Note - who finds whom? THE MAN FINDS THE WIFE. From the beginning of time, God has transported men & women across the world in order to put them together. At the RIGHT TIME, He will bring that man on the scene and he will find you. In God's perfect design, the man is the one who recognizes his mate. Adam has no problem recognizing that Eve was his missing rib. You do not need to strategically place yourself anywhere. You don't have to help a guy out because he's shy! Men will do whatever they have to do to get what they truly want. The man in your life should recognize you as the pearl of great price in his life and be willing to do whatever he must in order to gain your hand. If he is passive about gaining your affections, take it as a sign that he is not interested. Many a woman's mother has suggested that it is a good idea to marry a man who loves you more than you love him. As cold as that sounds, it actually might be scriptural if you stop to think about it:

"We love him because he first loved us" (1 John 4:19). Until then, take the ultimate chill pill. You don't need a bunch of men in your life to make you feel all right about yourself. You need only one mans your man; the one God has selected to select you. And trust me, the right man at the wrong time can be just as awful as the wrong man at any time. So trust God's timing in this. He is the ultimate matchmaker. Relax, sit pretty and allow you to be found. Again - WAIT until the man voices his intentions. He should take the lead in establishing the relationship. You may have an inkling that he is the one, but God will use the man to set the tone of the relationship. Allow him the opportunity to woo you - this is your first act of submission. Jesus set the standard for all men to follow. They should love us first. And they should lead the relationship.

SelfProtect

I, personally, seriously disagree with your train of thougth here. Firstly, I don't necessarily think the the fact that the bible says he who "finds a wife", means that he hass the sole responsibility in scouring the place for his future wife, I thinks it's a turn of phrase and I don't see how you can extend that phrase to mean that the man is the one responsible for finding the mate. That puts an awful lot of pressure , unfair pressure, on the poor blokes. And, of course Adam had no trouble recognising Eve has his mate - she was the only one there, it's not so simple these days.

Frankly, I see absolutely nothing wrong with a girl showing interest, or even asking a guy out, if she feels lead to do so. I'm not come meek little mouse, whose going to "sit pretty" waiting for my knight in shining armour to come and find me. I think the whole idea makes women sound vacuous. And I personally believe that the concept of submission has been so twisted that it hardly resembles what I believe the Word really says, that is that we should submit to ONE ANOTHER in marriage, not the woman doing all the submitting. And I certainly don't believe that the Word suggests in any way that we must wait until the guy loves us first or that the man should always take the lead in setting the tone of the relationship.

The fact is, to me, God made us all individuals, and each of our relationships individualised and I don't think that you can make such sweeping generalisations about the roles of men and women in potential relationships. I'm afraid for the all the couples that won't get together because the girl is sitting on her backside waiting for the guy to do all the work (not even showing any signs of her interest - is the guy supposed to read her mind?) or the guy doesn't have the self-confidence to do all this persuing - especially if he's doing it blind with no idea if the girl is actually interested.

I'm still waiting for that guy God has set aside for me, but when he turns up I wouldn't expect him to bust his back doing all the work, and I guess I wouldn't really be that interested in a guy who expected me to be as passive as you suggest a woman should be. It takes both to make a relationship, I believe it takes both to start one as well.

Just a personal note about the rings - I don't see a problem in asking a person if they're married. People, men and women, don't wear wedding rings for all sorts of reasons (danger in job, discomfort of wearing a ring, the musical instrament thing etc.). I, personally, wouldn't see a need to necessaily wear a wedding ring as I don't really see why I have to prove to the world that I have made the commitment I have to my husband and marriage and I wear rings on that finger all the time, at least until I get married, it's just another finger to me - but that's a personal opinion, and I'm not looking for a debate on the topic.

 

[Astronaut]

I think the man should pursue.

 

[fieldmouse3]

It's old-fashioned and silly to expect the men to do all the work. If a girl wants to get to know a guy, she should go for it. I'm not saying she should pursue a friendship or something more if he's clearly not interested, no should a guy pursue something with a girl who isn't interested. I'm just saying that there are lots of reasons other than disinterest that a guy might not make an effort.
I, personally, would never make the first move, but that's not because I think it would be wrong for me to do so. I won't do it because I'm bad at it.

 

[OhhJim]

Do you believe in being friends first, before lovers? And if so, what's wrong with a woman taking the initiative to make a new friend?

After all, Proverbs says, "He who would have friends must be friendly".

Of course, if you'd rather that I offer your father a dozen cows for you, like they did in Bible times....

 

[fishstix]

There are exceptions to the whole "men must make the first move" and "men are always the pursuers" argument, even in the Bible. For example, take Ruth and Boaz. Ruth went to Boaz's field and asked to glean there, he didn't invite her. On finding out that she was a relative, he gave her special treatment. Of course none of that would yet be a move towards a romantic relationship. The first documented move towards a romantic relationship was again, by Ruth. She got dressed up nicely and laid down at Boaz's feet after he had supper and went to sleep. When Boaz woke up and discovered her there, she told him what she wanted and he clearly understood that she was asking him to be her husband. Clearly even in Biblical times it was sometimes the woman who made the first move and did the pursuing. There was and is nothing wrong with that.

Do you believe in being friends first, before lovers? And if so, what's wrong with a woman taking the initiative to make a new friend?

After all, Proverbs says, "He who would have friends must be friendly".

I completely agree.

 

[TriptychR]

There are exceptions to the whole "men must make the first move" and "men are always the pursuers" argument, even in the Bible. For example, take Ruth and Boaz. Ruth went to Boaz's field and asked to glean there, he didn't invite her. On finding out that she was a relative, he gave her special treatment. Of course none of that would yet be a move towards a romantic relationship. The first documented move towards a romantic relationship was again, by Ruth. She got dressed up nicely and laid down at Boaz's feet after he had supper and went to sleep. When Boaz woke up and discovered her there, she told him what she wanted and he clearly understood that she was asking him to be her husband. Clearly even in Biblical times it was sometimes the woman who made the first move and did the pursuing. There was and is nothing wrong with that.

That's it! I need a wheat field! Why didn't I ever see that before?!

 

[JessB]

"Man - pursuer", you say... Oh, don't I just wish.

I've lived for four years as a woman (i.e. I am a transsexual) because I simply could not cope with being a man. I never learned how to court as a man-- I don't relate well to other men, and I don't know the first thing about meeting girls.

Oh, it would be great if I could pursue women. You speak of men as if men are all alike. Well, I am here to tell you that we are not. I myself can barely qualify as a man. I don't like any 'normal guy things' like sports, or cars, or war, or bimbos with large busts. By the standards of most men, I am less than a man-- I am a subhuman, in fact, and worthy only of the label "f-gg-t". I don't understand when guys say "I don't understand women." I don't understand men!

Yet God made me one. And I am trying my best now to honor that again. But oh, it is so easy for you to say the man should be a pursuer. You have never had to pursue a man! Maybe for most men, it is "second nature" to pursue a woman. But I don't know how to. I'm too shy. I don't know how to open a conversation. Day after day, I see pretty, nice-looking young women who I'd dearly love to open a conversation with... AND I STAY SILENT. Because I have no clue how to open a conversation. Oh, once a conversation is open, I'm fine. But how to start one? That's the rub, as they say.

"The man who is right for you will pursue you", you write. How does a man pursue a woman? How would you like to be pursued? How could I pursue a woman without being seeng as a potential rapist (I hate rapists and think the penalty for rape should be castration, by the victim's choice of method), a stalker, a mugger, or otherwise a danger. I love, respect, cherish and honor women in ways no man could know-- I lived in the role of a woman for four years, after all-- and yet I haven't the foggiest clue how to "pursue" a woman. I put women up on a pedestal, but there they remain for me-- like a work of art, to admire from afar, smile wistfully a moment, shed a tear at their beauty, and then walk on-- for to me, women are just as unattainable as flowers painted onto a canvas, locked to me in another world-- the world of courtship, the world where men are not afraid to talk to women. The world, in short, of 99% of men.

I'm not ugly. I'm not stupid. I'm not talentless. The Powers That Be tell me I have a genius-level IQ. I can hold my own in a conversation, I'm young, smart, blah blah blahddidy blah. Yet I don't have any clue how to "pursue" a woman. For all my God-given gifts I have no gift of courtship.

What can I do? I so wish I could just "go out and find a wife" like every "normal" guy does. But I fear I am not normal, never will be, and in all probability will die old, cold and alone-- because of the societal expectation that I "pursue" a woman. I wouldn't know how to "pursue" if my life depends upon it. As it is, my happiness does, as I know that I will die of a broken heart if I have to spend the rest of my life alone.

"THE MAN FINDS THE WIFE", you write. To that, I respond:

HOW?

 

[gsmithcat]

Rock on! Thanks for the scripture references, SelfProtect! Proverbs 18:22 and John 4:19 are awesome verses!

Just to mix things up a bit, what do you think of the example of Ruth? It seems to me that she pursues Boaz at the advice of her mother-in-law. She does wait for Boaz to initiate the relationship, but she definately makes it clear that she is interested. For context, check out Ruth 3.

 

[plum]

first words: God knows what we need individually and he will give us what we need.
My need in this context: For a man to pursue me and treat me like the lady and daughter of God I am.
My past: Every relationship has failed in this area. I have dated spineless, albeit sweet and loving, men who don't make calls, don't make the time, don't act like a gentleman, and don't respect me as a woman.
My change: I decided to not pursue a man again. after having years of doing all the work and not finding peace in this area, it was about time I changed my tactics of always calling, always initiating the work, etc.
My current: my boyfriend was given to me by God. He is pursuing me in love and respect and honor. This is because first and foremost he pursues Christ. He calls, he expresses himself to me, he is eager to try and make an effort, and he shows me Godly love. I try to show him the respect and love and effort that he also deserves. NO, the man should NOT do all the work. But neither should the woman. A successful relationship is not 50/50, it's 100/100.

God will give each of us what we need. I happen to need a man to not take advantage of me. So God, in his time, gave me that man.

Don't fret over the details of it, just go to God with what you know are your personal needs. He will always meet them.