Man In Coma For Past Month Arrives At Church, Assumes He's Been Left Behind

[redleghunter]

When Paul talks about 'a twinkling of an eye', that is just the notion of being 'born again'. I don't think people get raptured when they are 'born again'. lol

Born again of the Spirit or Resurrected. That passage is about the Resurrection.

 

[redleghunter]

Serpent seed is a heresy.

'Reptilians' are what the antichrist will fight against.

The antichrist fights reptilians? Thought since the antichrist is from Satan he will be fighting the just and since Satan was also the Serpent the alien reptilian race would be on his side.

 

[iamlamad]

This article is merely reinforcing the idea of a 'whisked away' rapture, which is easily disproven by Jesus' prayer in John 17:15

I do not ask that you take them out of the world, but that you keep them from the evil one.​

Here is the scene being played out at the 6th Seal, the start of the sealing of the servants, when Satan has faked the 'whisked away' rapture:

Ezekiel 9

1Then he cried in my ears with a loud voice, saying, “Bring near the executioners of the city, each with his destroying weapon in his hand.” 2And behold, six men came from the direction of the upper gate, which faces north, each with his weapon for slaughter in his hand, and with them was a man clothed in linen, with a writing case at his waist. And they went in and stood beside the bronze altar.

3Now the glory of the God of Israel had gone up from the cherub on which it rested to the threshold of the house. And he called to the man clothed in linen, who had the writing case at his waist. 4And the Lord said to him, “Pass through the city, through Jerusalem, and put a mark on the foreheads of the men who sigh and groan over all the abominations that are committed in it.” 5And to the others he said in my hearing, “Pass through the city after him, and strike. Your eye shall not spare, and you shall show no pity. 6Kill old men outright, young men and maidens, little children and women, but touch no one on whom is the mark. And begin at my sanctuary.” So they began with the elders who were before the house. 7Then he said to them, “Defile the house, and fill the courts with the slain. Go out.” So they went out and struck in the city. 8And while they were striking, and I was left alone, I fell upon my face, and cried, “Ah, Lord God! Will you destroy all the remnant of Israel in the outpouring of your wrath on Jerusalem?”

9Then he said to me, “The guilt of the house of Israel and Judah is exceedingly great. The land is full of blood, and the city full of injustice.

For they say, ‘The Lord has abandoned the land, and the Lord does not see.’ 10As for me, my eye will not spare, nor will I have pity; I will bring their deeds upon their heads.”

11And behold, the man clothed in linen, with the writing case at his waist, brought back word, saying, “I have done as you commanded me.”​

While God is busy marking those that sigh over the abominations in the city (which doesn't just mean literal 'Jerusalem', it means spiritual 'Jerusalem', Christianity), God is preparing to kill the people who are saying, "Left Behind!, God has left us behind! God has abandoned the land!"

'Sighing' over the abominations is the way that people are protected (God is marking those who sigh over the abominations, while slaughtering the rest), not through a fake 'whisked away' rapture that Satan will exploit to evil purposes. The people who were protected are then gathered. This is Matthew 24:29-31

God is preparing to kill the people who are saying, "Left Behind! Readers beware, this is myth. Nothing more than human reasoning.
The truth is, there WILL BE people left behind when Jesus comes for His Bride, pretrib. Untold millions of sinners will be left behind. And many many more who CALL themselves Christian but are not born again.

not through a fake 'whisked away' rapture that Satan will exploit to evil purposes This is more myth from someone who apparently does not believe the scriptures as written: 1 thes. 5 shows the rapture to be just before wrath, and just before the Day of the Lord. In Revelation that is at the 6th seal where wrath and the Day of His wrath begins. And the 6th seal is before ANY of the 70th week.

 

[iamlamad]

When Paul talks about 'a twinkling of an eye', that is just the notion of being 'born again'. I don't think people get raptured when they are 'born again'. lol

About the Pope & aliens: Ezekiel 44

4Then he brought me by way of the north gate to the front of the temple, and I looked, and behold, the glory of the Lord filled the temple of the Lord. And I fell on my face. 5And the Lord said to me, “Son of man, mark well, see with your eyes, and hear with your ears all that I shall tell you concerning all the statutes of the temple of the Lord and all its laws. And mark well the entrance to the temple and all the exits from the sanctuary.

6And say to the rebellious house,a to the house of Israel, Thus says the Lord God: O house of Israel, enough of all your abominations,

7 in admitting foreigners, uncircumcised in heart and flesh, to be in my sanctuary, profaning my temple, when you offer to me my food, the fat and the blood. You have broken my covenant, in addition to all your abominations.

8And you have not kept charge of my holy things, but you have set others to keep my charge for you in my sanctuary.
​

At verse 7, 'foreigners' can be translated as 'aliens'. So, yes, the Pope will be for 'aliens' in the sanctuary/ holy place. But this is probably the 1st abomination at the 6th Seal, with the 2nd abomination happening later, at the 7th Trumpet.

When Paul talks about 'a twinkling of an eye', that is just the notion of being 'born again'. WRONG!
In a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trump: for the trumpet shall sound, and the dead shall be raised incorruptible, and we shall be changed.

It is speaking of the resurrection, when the dead shall be raised. Sorry, but this is NOT being born again.

 

[nonaeroterraqueous]

That's what you get for putting a satire thread in an eschatology forum.

 

[charsan]

Are the alien rapture people the Kenites?

 

[redleghunter]

That's what you get for putting a satire thread in an eschatology forum.

 

[Toro]

 

[DamianWarS]

BACKWATERTON, AR—Local man Rayford Williams has been in a coma for the past month, so he was excited to get back to his church family. Unfortunately, he was totally unaware of the COVID-19 outbreak, which has caused most churches to move their services online.

"Oh man," he said as he walked into the empty church building on Sunday, assuming he had missed the Rapture. "I knew I should have paid more attention to that Kirk Cameron movie."

Luckily, the church had prepared for such an occasion with a pamphlet titled "So You've Been Left Behind" available in the lobby. Williams read through the material and searched his heart, wondering when he had fallen away from his faith. "It was probably that time I played Dungeons & Dragons with my kids. I ran the race for years only to disqualify myself at the end."

"There's no time to change my mind - the Son has come and I've been left behind."

Man In Coma For Past Month Arrives At Church, Assumes He's Been Left Behind

There's no way this article is true. No one wakes from a comma and ignorantly walks in a church having no idea what's going on.

 

[mmksparbud]

Trump: 'I Have Done More For Christianity Than Jesus'

This one is even funnier---I check in on the "Babylon Bee" from time to time if I can't find anything funny going on with animals. But I must say, some of the answers to this thread have been funnier than the OP!

 

[Jonathan Walkerin]

It is like when parents tease their children about Santa not coming this Christmas, knowing full well that they intend to give their children presents.

Except that parents know Santa is fiction and the one giving gifts are actually parents.

 

[Jonathan Walkerin]

There's no way this article is true. No one wakes from a comma and ignorantly walks in a church having no idea what's going on.

It is a satire site of course it isn’t true.

 

[timewerx]

You'd be lucky to be left Behind. Christ's version of the "Rapture" in Matthew 24 is likened to the Flood - is the bad people who taken / swept away.

It is the righteous who will be left behind. The meek will inherit the Earth.

 

[tranquil]

The antichrist fights reptilians? Thought since the antichrist is from Satan he will be fighting the just and since Satan was also the Serpent the alien reptilian race would be on his side.

Matt 7

15“Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing but inwardly are ravenous wolves. 16You will recognize them by their fruits. Are grapes gathered from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? 17So, every healthy tree bears good fruit, but the diseased tree bears bad fruit. 18A healthy tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a diseased tree bear good fruit. 19Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. 20Thus you will recognize them by their fruits.

21“Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. 22 On that day many will say to me, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?’ 23 And then will I declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness.’
​

the Serpent Seed heresy is the justification for slaughtering people/ sending people to concentration camps. Just like people now are being trained to hate those that are 'spreading COVID', those who are 'endangering others'. Wait til it is an 'alien virus' that is 'attacking' people. Then the concentration camps get rolled out. The mandatory vaccination gives you a digital certification mark that allows you to buy or sell. The infected will be said to have to be exterminated. Because the 'alien virus' turns people into 'alien Reptilians'. (to be clear, there is no such thing as alien demon/ Nephilim).

 

[tranquil]

God is preparing to kill the people who are saying, "Left Behind! Readers beware, this is myth. Nothing more than human reasoning.
The truth is, there WILL BE people left behind when Jesus comes for His Bride, pretrib. Untold millions of sinners will be left behind. And many many more who CALL themselves Christian but are not born again.

not through a fake 'whisked away' rapture that Satan will exploit to evil purposes This is more myth from someone who apparently does not believe the scriptures as written: 1 thes. 5 shows the rapture to be just before wrath, and just before the Day of the Lord. In Revelation that is at the 6th seal where wrath and the Day of His wrath begins. And the 6th seal is before ANY of the 70th week.

How is this 'human reasoning'? I have posted nothing but scriptures.

Where does 1 Thess 5 show that there is a 'whisked away rapture'?

1Now, brothers and sisters, about times and dates we do not need to write to you, 2for you know very well that the day of the Lord will come like a thief in the night. 3While people are saying, “Peace and safety,” destruction will come on them suddenly, as labor pains on a pregnant woman, and they will not escape.

4But you, brothers and sisters, are not in darkness so that this day should surprise you like a thief. 5You are all children of the light and children of the day. We do not belong to the night or to the darkness. 6So then, let us not be like others, who are asleep, but let us be awake and sober. 7For those who sleep, sleep at night, and those who get drunk, get drunk at night. 8But since we belong to the day, let us be sober, putting on faith and love as a breastplate, and the hope of salvation as a helmet. 9For God did not appoint us to suffer wrath but to receive salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ. 10He died for us so that, whether we are awake or asleep, we may live together with him. 11Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.​

Christians do not receive wrath. The wrath starts at the 6th Seal. That has been my position.

Do you know what verses Paul is referencing here with the 'peace & safety'? It is Deuteronomy 29

16 “You know how we lived in the land of Egypt, and how we came through the midst of the nations through which you passed. 17 And you have seen their detestable things, their idols of wood and stone, of silver and gold, which were among them. 18 Beware lest there be among you a man or woman or clan or tribe whose heart is turning away today from the Lord our God to go and serve the gods of those nations. Beware lest there be among you a root bearing poisonous and bitter fruit,

19 one who, when he hears the words of this sworn covenant, blesses himself in his heart, saying, ‘I shall be safe, though I walk in the stubbornness of my heart.’ This will lead to the sweeping away of moist and dry alike.

20 The Lord will not be willing to forgive him, but rather the anger of the Lord and his jealousy will smoke against that man, and the curses written in this book will settle upon him, and the Lord will blot out his name from under heaven. 21 And the Lord will single him out from all the tribes of Israel for calamity, in accordance with all the curses of the covenant written in this Book of the Law.​

People who are worshiping idols are saying that they are safe, though they walk in the stubbornness of their hearts. This leads to the curses & punishments coming upon those people. People who don't worship the idols do not receive punishments.

 

[tranquil]

When Paul talks about 'a twinkling of an eye', that is just the notion of being 'born again'. WRONG!
In a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trump: for the trumpet shall sound, and the dead shall be raised incorruptible, and we shall be changed.

It is speaking of the resurrection, when the dead shall be raised. Sorry, but this is NOT being born again.

Oh.

Are these zombies? Ezek 37

4 Then he said to me, “Prophesy to these bones and say to them, ‘Dry bones, hear the word of the Lord! 5 This is what the Sovereign Lord says to these bones: I will make breath enter you, and you will come to life. 6 I will attach tendons to you and make flesh come upon you and cover you with skin; I will put breath in you, and you will come to life. Then you will know that I am the Lord.’”

7 So I prophesied as I was commanded. And as I was prophesying, there was a noise, a rattling sound, and the bones came together, bone to bone. 8 I looked, and tendons and flesh appeared on them and skin covered them, but there was no breath in them.

9 Then he said to me, “Prophesy to the breath; prophesy, son of man, and say to it, ‘This is what the Sovereign Lord says: Come, breath, from the four winds and breathe into these slain, that they may live.’” 10 So I prophesied as he commanded me, and breath entered them; they came to life and stood up on their feet—a vast army.

11 Then he said to me: “Son of man, these bones are the people of Israel. They say, ‘Our bones are dried up and our hope is gone; we are cut off.’ 12 Therefore prophesy and say to them: ‘This is what the Sovereign Lord says: My people, I am going to open your graves and bring you up from them; I will bring you back to the land of Israel. 13 Then you, my people, will know that I am the Lord, when I open your graves and bring you up from them. 14 I will put my Spirit in you and you will live, and I will settle you in your own land. Then you will know that I the Lord have spoken, and I have done it, declares the Lord.’”​

Of course, these are not zombies. It is symbolic.

 

[charsan]

There's no way this article is true. No one wakes from a comma and ignorantly walks in a church having no idea what's going on.

It's a joke site, satire

 

[redleghunter]

It's a joke site, satire

I think “Backwaterton” AR is a dead five away.

 

[Gottservant]

This smacks of fake news.

I could be wrong.

Certainly the Holy Spirit does not tell anyone they've been left behind.

 

[charsan]

This smacks of fake news.

I could be wrong.

Certainly the Holy Spirit does not tell anyone they've been left behind.

The site is satire, a joke site