Male Accountability Thread

I need to keep educating myself about the truthful dangers and mortality of sex. People don't seem to reveal that because I think they want some men to remain dumb, ignorant, and wanting sex. But I'm a Christian. Knowledge is one of my greatest strengths and protections. I need to keep educating myself and stay away from misguiding heathens who want me to indulge in sexual perversion.

Willie T said:

"Accountability." You guys who are finding out that this just doesn't work, take hope.... There IS something that does.

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interested to learn more about your thoughts. I have always felt the same way about accountability.

Hi my brothers in the Lord... I need to have accountability partners... recently recommitted my life to the Lord Yahushua HaMashiach (Jesus Christ)... and I have turned away from lust, porn, and masturbation 3 weeks ago. I relapsed 2 weeks ago. So my "streak" is 1 week, relapse and now 2 weeks.


I praise Yahweh our God because I am now at the flatline. And for us Christians, the flatline is wonderful! Because it is the time when your sexual desires are so low. So the temptation to lust is at its weakest at this point.

Kristen.NewCreation said:

If you are a gentleman who is dealing with sexual addiction, masturbation, pornography, gay lifestyle changes, etc., and re needing accountability in getting through this, please make a post to share how you would like accountability, and then post here daily or as often as needed. This is where gentlemen can provide encouragement and accountability to each other. Ladies, you may want to help, but we'd ask that you spend your time in prayer for those in this thread.

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Kristen.NewCreation said:

If you are a gentleman who is dealing with sexual addiction, masturbation, pornography, gay lifestyle changes, etc., and re needing accountability in getting through this, please make a post to share how you would like accountability, and then post here daily or as often as needed. This is where gentlemen can provide encouragement and accountability to each other. Ladies, you may want to help, but we'd ask that you spend your time in prayer for those in this thread.

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So I have struggled off and on with porn since I have become an adult. I have had times where I was rid of it or at least thought I was. This year since everything got shutdown from covid. I rekindled my relationship with God. Which was lacking before all of this. At least for a while. I was doing pretty good not looking at porn for a good month or more at first. Then this past month it has hit me hard and pretty much become like a normal daily habit. Sadly I don't know if I even really feel bad about it. Other than just ashamed I do it though. It makes me question if I am a saved christian sometimes. I live alone and work third shift. So as far as accountability goes. I really don't have much in that. After doing it. I later question what kind of person I really am. I usually try to repent afterwords. But then question if I really mean it. I tend to feel like maybe I am just insulting God by doing so. Like do I really even mean it. Or am I just repenting, because that is what I should do. Also then makes me feel bad for doing it. Because then it puts support in an industry that is horrible. I know in my heart I would never force someone to have sex with me or any of that. That is a horrible thing. I wonder if I just do it because I feel lonely deep down maybe. I try to pray to God every day and do some reading. I just don't know at this point. Other than I just need to tell myself no when I come to choosing to do it. I feel like honestly my relationship with God is just going through the motions. Then really having a relationship.

You can have me as your accountability partner, my brother. We can fight this off in Christ.

My brother talks about rape randomly whenever we meet and such. I think he has rape fantasies. Regardless of whether he has such fantasies or not though, his talk about rape is very unwelcoming and disturbing. I wish I didn't have to interact with him honestly.

I will continue educating myself about the dangers of sexuality like diseases and social dangers. I will try to educate and rebuke my brother about his rape talk or rape fantasies. But I honestly have to save myself and focus less on saving him. If he wants to go into a dark and sad path of rape and sexuality, then that's his fate. If my brother contracts a terminal disease from sex or finds himself in prison, then that's his fate. But my fate is to be a healthy man who doesn't have rape fantasies and unreal thoughts about sexuality.

Kristen.NewCreation said:

If you are a gentleman who is dealing with sexual addiction, masturbation, pornography, gay lifestyle changes, etc., and re needing accountability in getting through this, please make a post to share how you would like accountability, and then post here daily or as often as needed. This is where gentlemen can provide encouragement and accountability to each other. Ladies, you may want to help, but we'd ask that you spend your time in prayer for those in this thread.

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I am a 25 year old male who has been struggling with porn since I was 11 or 12 years old. I didn't know when I was young that it was a sin. No one talked about it, even though I went to a Christian school and had parents who were a part of our church. I allowed porn to ruin some great relationships that I had. I got it under control and was not having any pre marital sex with any females I went on dates with. Then I moved away from home. I allowed the loneliness to lead me to using dating apps. From there I found someone I began to date which led to a relationship where we had sex, and I began watching porn regularly. Here I am now, out of the relationship, seeking a release from my sexual desires that I have given into so easil.

Hi. I just had a general question for this thread. How does communicating with an accountability partner on this forum work? Does the communication have to be by email/IM or can it be done just on this site/thread?

Searching2020 said:

Hi. I just had a general question for this thread. How does communicating with an accountability partner on this forum work? Does the communication have to be by email/IM or can it be done just on this site/thread?

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As far as I understand, the moderators here prefer IM private chat.

PeterJames0510 said:

As far as I understand, the moderators here prefer IM private chat.

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Okay. Thanks.

Take heart brothers; accountability can and does work. I have a band of 3 brothers who are my accountability partners. I know if I mess up on my internet viewing, they will call me out.

There are two important keys to this: #1) Your computer needs to be accountable to your band of brothers (along with any offending devices). There are accountability apps out there, I use TRUPLE. This is *not* an advertisement for them, you have to use what you believe is the right thing to use to stay accountable. I just know, emailing accountability partners and talking about your successes or failures ---> I ran away from that. I couldn't be honest (sorry, Lord) because I didn't want to just talk.

But when I made myself accountable where people literally can ask and know what I've been doing on my computer (and they don't need me to answer it because they have the resources and tools to get the answer on their own or automatically) - that diminishes the desire BIG TIME. Maybe just PM/EMAIL accountability works for some on here, but the ability to run away (which I've done) is 100%; there's no way around that mechanism.

KEY #2 though: your band of brothers MUST BE PEOPLE YOU ALREADY KNOW either in REAL LIFE or TRUSTED FRIENDS you've met on the Internet who's respect you've earned. I've realized, it can't be *random* people on the Internet because again - because you don't know them, their names might as well be "Anonymous". There is nothing binding you to them, and we can all say nicely "oh we really love our brothers and sisters in Christ". But the truth is, if you don't know them - you don't really care as much as if you knew them and had a previous real-life relationship with them.

So I simply pass on that I understand when some people say 'accountability' doesn't work - it's not that accountability doesn't work. It's that accountability with total strangers (on this particular issue) doesn't work. What works is bringing ourselves into the light with people that understand our struggles and are willing to work with us.

I hope this day finds you tremendously blessed. Again, no advertisement intended. There is a free conference called Identity in Jesus Christ Online Summit with many speakers and Rob Lohman as the host. Look this up on google [ you have to use all those key words I just mentioned] if this interests you at all. Blessings - Peter James

I need help and guidance.

I've engaged in sinful behavior I'm almost afraid to talk about it openly. During this pandemic I've been kept away from my beautiful wife the future mother to my child. I need prayer and someone to help me be accountable. I've debased myself and mistreated the body the Lord gave me.

I can't seem to stop searching for soft core porn or erotic content and I need help. I'm tired of being stuck in a continuous cycle of sin.

Hi! I've been dealing with sexual temptation, which often leads me to touch. I'm doing better, but I would like to get an accountability partner. If anyone is interested, please respond here or send me a private message.

looking for other married guys to talk to and encourage each other.

I keep masturbating with homosexual fantasies. I've looked at the worst shameful kind of porn daily but now I just looking at porn thinking, "maybe if I look at straight or lesbian porn while masturbating, I'll be straight." But it never works. I don't really need porn to touch, so i usually don't look at it. I never think of women anymore and I feel like I'm doomed to die as a homosexual. I also smoke and smoke marijuana and don't have a job. I have no interest in life and stay at home all day. I wish I had no attraction to men and could live righteously because I know the punishment for homosexuality is very severe.

RegUnleaded said:

I keep masturbating with homosexual fantasies. I've looked at the worst shameful kind of porn daily but now I just looking at porn thinking, "maybe if I look at straight or lesbian porn while masturbating, I'll be straight." But it never works. I don't really need porn to touch, so i usually don't look at it. I never think of women anymore and I feel like I'm doomed to die as a homosexual. I also smoke and smoke marijuana and don't have a job. I have no interest in life and stay at home all day. I wish I had no attraction to men and could live righteously because I know the punishment for homosexuality is very severe.

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Your homosexual fantasies are rooted in child wounds most likely. Instead of beating yourself up over it, maybe pray and ask the LORD to show you where you were most hurt in your life? He can come in and meet whatever need your heart desires. Usually, it's not about the sex. It's about a deep emotional wound.

I keep masturbating to feeder-ism porn since I was exposed at eight years old. Now I have to live with the burden of having desires and fantasies I can control occupied every thought and most of my actions. That does even cover the severe bodily dysphoria I have because I'm not fat enough to satisfy my desires and even if I was. One it would severely impact my health which isn't good for me because I would die. Not only that but the gluttonous lifestyle is an abomination to God and I want to serve God but my relationship with him can never truly take off until I deal with this burden but I can't and I can't tell anyone in irl because this is a fetish that is consider completely repulsive and then my mental health is called into question so I'm a tough spot.
I can't control my eating anymore and I can get help and I have constant uncontrollable fantasies that will only get worse as I get older but this is nothing I can do and I'm stuck fighting an endless war inside me I can't win and in the end it wouldn't matter because I'm too insecure to ever be truly happy with myself much less my body.

In my long years of being a true Believer, fairly open minded man and honest with myself...I have learned a few things: 1. sexuality and porn preference are two different things. 2. Issues with porn and sex are symptoms not the disease. 3. Jesus died to take away our sin and shame and satan's goal is to shame us for what Jesus has covered. 4. God restores.

Honestly, I have struggled with gay porn most of my life. Through a lot of prayer and introspection, I learned that it came from not having a dad that would explain sex to me. Or male friends that I could talk about it with. Therefore my curiosity about male sexuality during my formative years...led me to explore that end of the spectrum. And, honestly, it came from my wanting to keep my eyes off of naked women to be a more Godly boy. Gay porn seemed to feed my curiosity, while helping me avoid lusting over women. The truth is, I am not attracted to men in real life. But, the more I stayed in that porn bubble the more I question that--the more I forgot natural affection. Even from a young age, girls made my heart beat faster...but you forget that when you have trained your brain to look at certain porn.

Your porn is not your sexuality, and it is not your identity. It comes from curiosity, trauma, or cultural things that were going on around you during puberty. My advice is to remember about who God says you are...not the culture...not your inner lust. Live and make life decisions based on God's design.

AND, as much as I preach that masturbation can be a blessing and a good thing, if you are too caught up into your porn and masturbation, you may need to take a step back and do a reset. You can fast masturbation for a season and pray that God restores your natural affection.

RESOURCE: "Heart of Man" movie. You can find it for free along with Bible study lessons from the author and contributors. The Heart of Man (2017)