Mail order brides..

[stan1980]

What do you think?

Any men considered buying one? Sounds a bit like slave trade, but I must confess I don't know much about it!

 

[savvy]

People get married for all kinds of reasons. Why not for citizenship, right? One could treat it as a business arrangement. Guy wants someone to come home to, bride want a home in the new country. As long as the relationship is not abusive or controlling, why not

 

[stan1980]

People get married for all kinds of reasons. Why not for citizenship, right? One could treat it as a business arrangement. Guy wants someone to come home to, bride want a home in the new country. As long as the relationship is not abusive or controlling, why not

I'd imagine the relationship would be controlling by the fact the bride would be expected to keep the husband happy. If that is a price the bride is willing to pay, then sure why not. All seems a bit empty and seedy to me though. But yeah, if both parties get something out of it then who am I to say it's wrong.

 

[Eudaimonist]

Any men considered buying one? Sounds a bit like slave trade

If you phrase it as "buying one", then I suppose it will sound like a slave trade. But you don't actually own the bride (at least not if you live in a free country), and presumably the potential bride has a choice in the matter of whether or not to be a mail order bride. (If for some reason she doesn't, then some aspect of slavery may be involved.)

Anyone who thinks they are getting some kind of slave, whether a sex slave or a housework slave, is likely to be disappointed. Seriously, don't be an idiot and think that you'll get a subservient woman who will give you an easy and trouble-free relationship.

No, I've never considered having a mail order bride, for a number of reasons:

1) The only reason I would want a bride is to have a good marriage. It is foolish to think that a healthy relationship will form through a mail order arrangement. Jumping into marriage so quickly is bound to be a source of many problems.

2) Let's face it, women only choose to become mail order brides because they hate it where they live. Do you think they will care about you more than their financial circumstances? It is unlikely to expect any loyalty on her part.

3) The possibility that something shifty is going on is likely to be high. I don't believe that I am immune to con-jobs.

4) Even if the mail order bride would be merely a "financial arrangement" to me, it may ruin opportunities for a real marriage.


I'm sure there are other reasons that don't come to mind for me at the moment.


eudaimonia,

Mark

 

[flicka]

Depends. Sometimes its just another type of matchmaking or online dating prior to marriage. The husband doesn't actually "buy" the wife, he just agrees to offer her certain things in exchange for certain things. Kind of like every marriage.

 

[Futuwwa]

Why are they called "mail order" brides? Do you actually have to pay a sum to get her?

 

[Caitlin.ann]

Hmm never thought about it before..I'm sure I'll come back with an opinion later though. Interesting question.

 

[Abednigo]

Since God condones sex slaves Exodus 21:7-11 NLT, I wouldn't see that mail order brides would be out of alignment with his divine word.

 

[Merlin]

just an international dating service.

 

[Autumnleaf]

I know several guys in the military who married foreign women. Often as not she divorced the guy, got the kid, half his pay, and citizenship of course .

 

[PassionFruit]

There are reasons why I don't like mail order bride industry. It's mainly the reasons why men choose mail order brides. From what I've seen, a significant number of these brides come from Asian cultures. The men who want these brides is for the reason that Asian women are stereotyped as being "submissive." It is also assumed that these women want Western men. If you look at these sites there are anti-American women sentiments.

 

[Verv]

Oh yeah dude, I am only 23 but some nights I am so utterly lonely and dejected I just want to fix all of my problems with a mail order bride and I hope deep inside there is some girl out there looking for some guy like me.

A lot of these women come from cultures where unfortunatley women are subservient. But I am different.

I thought abotu how great it would be to meet one of these lasses and have a quiet relationship of hand holding and drinking smoothies and eating Mexican food or my favorit eKorean soups, talking about the world and God and music and artwork and taking her to see some great films and some great art museums, some great punk rock and hardcore concerts; cultivate a relationship with God...

I want to teach womenw ho want to sell themselves just to anyone and be a subservient wife how to be "STRONG, INDEPENDENT, FEMINIST." They commit a cardinal sin against themselves.

And then I'd fall in love, marry this gal and bring her to a first world country that later she will realize she never needed because happiness is not found in material but in fulfilling relationships.

I then realized "dude, you just want a friend and a shoulder to cry on or something like that, and really, this is all unnecessary."

But sometimes I still get that urge to look at those girls photographs and send them emails congratulating them.

And I thought it was condescending to think I could teach someone. Like I am somehow better and mor eknowledgable which I am not. I am just stooped in love and feminism and Christ and independence and strength of will and art.

Some people might need those things but whatever, I donot have to marry someone to give them that.

 

[Futuwwa]

A lot of these women come from cultures where unfortunatley women are subservient. But I am different.

I thought abotu how great it would be to meet one of these lasses and have a quiet relationship of hand holding and drinking smoothies and eating Mexican food or my favorit eKorean soups, talking about the world and God and music and artwork and taking her to see some great films and some great art museums, some great punk rock and hardcore concerts; cultivate a relationship with God...

I want to teach womenw ho want to sell themselves just to anyone and be a subservient wife how to be "STRONG, INDEPENDENT, FEMINIST." They commit a cardinal sin against themselves.

And then I'd fall in love, marry this gal and bring her to a first world country that later she will realize she never needed because happiness is not found in material but in fulfilling relationships.

You seem to have no idea of how romance, courting, marriage and gender roles work in other cultures. The above is a recipe for disaster, a hazard of misunderstanding, a guarantee of cultural incompatibility, and generally a bad idea. She would probably feel about as liberated as the Iraqi people felt when the Abrams tanks rolled into Bagdad in 2003.

 

[Autumnleaf]

Many women want to be with American men. They are willing to be demure and take care of the man and family as they have been trained to do since they were children. In some cultures a man need only be a good provider for him to be respected by his wife and children.

 

[Eudaimonist]

Many women want to be with American men. They are willing to be demure and take care of the man and family as they have been trained to do since they were children. In some cultures a man need only be a good provider for him to be respected by his wife and children.

What are you basing this on?


eudaimonia,

Mark

 

[Autumnleaf]

What are you basing this on?


eudaimonia,

Mark

I worked with a Vietnamese woman who came to America with her family when she was young and she taught me about her culture. She has a single cousin in Vietnam looking to marry an American... any American.

 

[Verv]

You seem to have no idea of how romance, courting, marriage and gender roles work in other cultures. The above is a recipe for disaster, a hazard of misunderstanding, a guarantee of cultural incompatibility, and generally a bad idea. She would probably feel about as liberated as the Iraqi people felt when the Abrams tanks rolled into Bagdad in 2003.

So being independent is not liberation?

I think liberation is discovering yourself and going down your own path in life.

In a marriage, both womena nd men are property of one another, the husband and wife have ownership of each other. That is really interesting thing that Paul said about it all.

 

[parsa]

I guess in principle it can be like any other internet based dating service.

What they make of the relationship depends on them.

 

[SallyNow]

People get married for all kinds of reasons. Why not for citizenship, right? One could treat it as a business arrangement. Guy wants someone to come home to, bride want a home in the new country. As long as the relationship is not abusive or controlling, why not

What about the women who have been kidnapped and put up for sale? Or put up for sale by their families? That's slavery, not marriage for mutual benefit.

Many mail-order brides are never allowed to use the rights of thier new citizenship because their husbands keep them like capitive slaves, not wives.

There are, of course, some mail-order brides who choose it as a sort of internet-dating scheme, and who have full choice over who they marry, who know the language of their new country, and who know their rights and freedoms. But I doubt that is the majority.

 

[Verv]

What about the women who have been kidnapped and put up for sale? Or put up for sale by their families? That's slavery, not marriage for mutual benefit.

Many mail-order brides are never allowed to use the rights of thier new citizenship because their husbands keep them like capitive slaves, not wives.

There are, of course, some mail-order brides who choose it as a sort of internet-dating scheme, and who have full choice over who they marry, who know the language of their new country, and who know their rights and freedoms. But I doubt that is the majority.

More often than not the husband is also used just to get a citizenship; then a divorce is reached and she takes a bunch of his private property and her visa. Perhaps she has a kid with him to insure she will never, ever have to worry about leaving her new, first world country again.