He also doesn't appear to believe that divorce is ever acceptable. It would be one thing if I saw him making posts where he admonished men that they were well within their rights and ought to divorce in the case of infidelity - but then told women that they needed to stay with abusers...but from what I can gather - he never advises for divorce...ever...no matter what.
I think generally it's a bad idea and potentially dangerous to suggest people divorce on the forum. I've even seen it here on the forum where one person posts their version and everyone jumps on the spouse's case. Then the spouse shows up and the story is different. And the story of 'my spouse did X horrible thing' could just be a snapshot of the one worst thing that person did in their marriage when their spouse was really doing some bad things, too.
Marriage is a serious thing, and it bothers me in forums like this that a strange can post, "My spouse is verbally abusive," and, if forum rules allow, some posters have a hair trigger response recommending separation or divorce. A good marriage counselor would probably want to hear both sides of the story. Even well-intentioned people give a skewed picture of marital problems.
One of my wife's friend called once talking about her marital problems. They had lots of kids and were facing eviction. She said when she'd talk about their problems, he'd say why don't I just die, or why don't I just go live on the beach. She said he didn't care about the family. It was all about him on the beach.
Then I saw the couple interact. The woman was a vicious harpy toward her husband. I'd never seen anything like it. He'd say stuff about just dying or sleeping on the beach because he was point out that she was talking to him like dirt in a non-direct way, as if he weren't fit to live. But she wasn't picking up on what he was saying. He had this sort of 'agree and amplify' method of dealing with her outrageous statements.
And times my wife would disagree and to hear how she interpreted how I was, my intentions, what happened, I realized it is a lot different from her perceptions.
I've also read a few posts put on blogs about man whose wife went on a religious forum, told an incomplete version of their marriage problems, and was advised to separate and took the advice. Then to read his side of the story, the advice sure seemed totally unjustified.
Encouraging someone to move out or end a marriage is a really big deal. It's one thing to show empathy to someone going to a rough time. It's another to tell that person to leave their spouse when the Bible says, 'let not the wife depart from her husband' and 'let not the husband put away his wife.' Also, telling a wife not to respect her husband is also a dangerous and damaging thing.
I believe in the power of the gospel to transform people, even bad people like people who have abused others, lied, cheated, stole. Things like that.
If a woman is married to a man who chases her around the house with a chainsaw, intent to kill her, I don't expect her to stay there. But I don't believe a woman should remarry if she leaves her husband because he is violent or if he went insane. I still wouldn't tell a woman like this not to respect her husband. She should still have a measure of respect that governs the things she says about her husband, who she talks to her problems about, not calling him names or insulting him. I don't think separated or divorce men should bad-mouth their wives or ex's. I do believe men should respect their wives, and that Ephesians 5:33's talk of 'fear' is a bit different from the way we usually use respect.
Even after affairs, I generally think it may be best to reconcile the marriage if the offending spouse repents, especially if there are children involved.
Btw, I read your story of your ex-, and I haven't pronounced you a sinner for your decision either.
