Love Advice

[CoolShadow]

So I need some advice. There's a girl I know from college that is really great. We had been friends for a few years until we both hit it off last semester and have since lovingly grown together emotionally, intellectually, physically, and spiritually. However, this relationship has been more of a fling in definition. I'm ready to take the relationship to the level of courtship to see how compatible we might be in the long run and to see if this is where God wants us to be. But, she doesn't want to commit to anything exclusive because of another guy...
Now they're not together and they hadn't been together for some time when her and I started getting close. It's a situation where he went off to the navy and they didn't live in vicinity of each other in the first place. So it wasn't a breakup because of differences as much as it was a breakup of convenience and I'm sure both of them had expectations that they'd eventually be back together. None of us knew that she and I would begin having feelings for each other and if I had really known that strong feelings still existed between the two of them I'd have kept myself at bay. But I've come into the picture and the girl and I really feel close to each other, but she doesn't feel like she could completely give into a devoted relationship because she is not over the navy guy. She had been in relationships before but the relationship with this guy was the first one that made her think "this could be the one."
How do I deal with this situation? What should I tell her when she wants advice? We've been praying to God, how do you know when you hear him?

 

[PegasusOnFire]

I am very sorry for your situtation. I am also sorry that I cannot give you anyadvise, because at one time I was that girl. And I choose the NAVY guy. I am not saying that this will happen to you, but it can.

 

[CoolShadow]

I am very sorry for your situtation. I am also sorry that I cannot give you anyadvise, because at one time I was that girl. And I choose the NAVY guy. I am not saying that this will happen to you, but it can.

You know, honestly, if that happens I will be completely happy for her and him, and myself as well... as long as it's God's will that is carried out and not our own. It's just so hard to know what God's will is...

 

[PegasusOnFire]

That is why we need to have quiet times with God, so that we can hear what his will is. Just keep praying, it will work out. Maybe she isn't the one for you, and then maybe she is, only time will tell. I am praying for you.

 

[CoolShadow]

I am very sorry for your situtation. I am also sorry that I cannot give you anyadvise, because at one time I was that girl. And I choose the NAVY guy. I am not saying that this will happen to you, but it can.

You know, you might be the perfect person to give advice... I'm not really looking for a way to "win her"; I'm looking more toward reaching a verdict whether that be for him or me. Either way is fine; I'll be happy as long as much thought and prayer has been invested into this. How did you come to your decision in the situation that you were in?

Thanks for the good advice on quiet time and prayer btw...

And thanks for your prayers.

 

[PegasusOnFire]

Well, I spent alot of time in prayer, I talked to my pastor about it and I also talked to both of the guys. It took me a long while before I came to my decision, but both of the guys were great. They where there to listen to me, in the end, I really felt that it was Jay that God was leading me to.

 

[DaveKerwin]

CoolShadow, go for her.

 

[Dream Weaver]

CoolShadow, go for her.

Love is never an easy decision but let me give you this piece of advice.
First, if you are investing all of this time in her, then make sure that this is a person that you can see yourself with for the rest of your life. We only have one life to live and so many times we waste alot of time on "the one" that was never really more than puppy love.
Second, now that I have been married for 3 years I can say this. As much as I love my wife and wouldn't change for anybody else, things changed when we got married. All the giggles and goosebumps that you may feel now, it takes alot of work to keep later after marriage. I am not giving you advice one way or another but I had three different relationships that I thought were the one and I wasted alot of time just to have my heart broken. Good luck.

 

[psycmajor]

DreamWeaver has some interesting insights.

Keep your eyes open.

 

[stargazer]

Just keep praying and be there for her. I know there is nothing like pushing someone away if you start getting impatient or jealous. It's good that you are giving it all to God but remember to just be patient or you will make her mind up for her.

 

[psycmajor]

Any updates? Just being nosy again...

 

[Fritzpw]

I'll echo stargazer's advice...

Keep praying and just be her friend. God will work out the rest.

 

[CoolShadow]

Any updates? Just being nosy again...

(Sorry I haven't responded in a while. Been out of the office where I do most of my postings...) Well, we're going to try to keep a platonic relationship when we see each other again this coming semester. We're finding it hard to keep our emotions at bay though (stating that fact to each other is still an expression of emotion :-/ ) I do plan to "pray and be there for her." I think that's a terrific plan. Realizing that emotions are going to be strong next semester, we decided to take a communication break for a few weeks. I'll keep out of contact with her, and she'll do the same with me and with the guy in the navy. We're hoping that through this we may each be able to clear our mind and heart and be able to focus on God's voice and our relationship with him without the distraction.

 

[PegasusOnFire]

That is a great plan CoolShadow. I am praying for you.

 

[DaveKerwin]

sounds like a well thought out plan. God Bless.