lost and hurting

[mao]

i feel like im bothering people just writing this ...

i graduated highschool and i thought after that i wouldnt be as depressed but that was wrong. i find myself being more and more depressed everyday. i dont see any future for me. i think im absolutley worthless and unimportant, when i think about past events in my life i get super sad. im honestly a failure.

i should be out looking for a job but i have no motivation. im sick of getting hurt by people! ive had horrible experiences from my coop in highschool and i realized how difficult life is after high school. i got kicked out of my first placement because my boss hated me and told me countless things i was doing wrong. i would go to the washroom and cry in the stalls because i felt like i was a failure. and whenever i was given some type of "constructive critism" i got all depressed and took it personally. its like i cant handle anything in life. so after i got kicked out of that placement, i was at another place. the boss hated me eventhough i was trying my best. i blame my messed up emotional brain for the reason no one liked me at any of my placements. i would come home and be depressed and self harm because of the things they have said to me. i dont want to go find a summer job because i cant manage to get hurt again. everywhere i go, there is sadness and dissapointment.

ive been through soo many things. from councelling to being hospitalized twice, pills, excersicing. everything! im tired of ppl saying im not trying because i am. i am in alot of emotional pain. everyday i wake up i just think about all the fails that has hapened in my life. i want to cry. i feel like my soul has left my body. my passion is makeup but im doubting myself that its going to be a living hell going to college for that. makeup was the only thing that made me happy. until someone decided to make a rude comment about my skills which has made me doubt the way i do it. now i have absolultey nothing to live for. everything i do, people always find the need to say something rude.

ive been paranoid to go out. i always feel like someone is looking at me and is going to say something to tear me down. its happened many times before and i cant handle becoming hurt again

i have no friends. i make an effort to talk to people but they all dissapear, everyone around me has friends but me. im literally like a ghost. the people who want to be my friends, i dont want to be theirs because i dont feel a conncetion with them. but the ppl i do feel a conncetion with, just leave me. This girl i was soo close to at the hospital betrayed me. we were soo close then she left. she had depression too and she said how she would always be there for me. well where is she now?

i can never be in a relationship because of the low confidence i have in myself. i read bible verses but even that doesnt do much. im at a lost. i guess i just wanted to see if anyone feels just as bad as i do so i know im not alone. i know theres nothing anyone can do to help. theres soo much more to add but its just way too much. i feel alot of burden that i guess only God can feel. its been dreadful for me. life is probably going to get harder. im only 17 and i barley beem through anything yet i feel this bad?! how am i going to survive the real world

 

[knw1991]

I'm so sorry you are hurting. I can identify with some of your feelings and I know people can be cruel. Don't let them keep you trapped inside. Do you go to church? You could probably find some trustworthy friends there. I think that if makeup is your passion you should pursue it and maybe find something else to do on the side to have more stability until you become more known as a makeup artist. Don't let that person who criticized your skills take away your dream. My mom wanted to be a fashion designer but she let criticism stop her and now she says she wishes she would have pursued it. Do your parents know how you feel? Maybe some Christian music will help. I listen to the Christian contemporary channel on pandora. Maybe reciting one verse throughout the day or longer can help you meditate on it. I will be praying for you God loves you and he is with you

 

[Tigger45]

Hi Mao! I've experienced many of the same things you've mentioned. and what I've learned is this is a tough world and we have to be our best friends. First you have to fill your mind with positive thought. Go someplace quite and try to calm your thoughts. Then meditate on positive things. Make sure you picture them in your mind and feel the positive emotions. Then through out the day every time negative thoughts come to mind stop them right in their tracks and think about positive things. If we fill our selves with negative emotions we will view the world through negative lens. and the better we feel about ourselves the more attractive we are to other.

 

[Krissy Cakes]

I'm praying for you.

God Bless you

 

[mao]

I'm so sorry you are hurting. I can identify with some of your feelings and I know people can be cruel. Don't let them keep you trapped inside. Do you go to church? You could probably find some trustworthy friends there. I think that if makeup is your passion you should pursue it and maybe find something else to do on the side to have more stability until you become more known as a makeup artist. Don't let that person who criticized your skills take away your dream. My mom wanted to be a fashion designer but she let criticism stop her and now she says she wishes she would have pursued it. Do your parents know how you feel? Maybe some Christian music will help. I listen to the Christian contemporary channel on pandora. Maybe reciting one verse throughout the day or longer can help you meditate on it. I will be praying for you God loves you and he is with you

thank you for responding i agree with finding another job to do. but i don tknow what! either way i have to work with people and i hate getting hurt all the time. but i really want to become a makeup artist but ill do that when im i guess less depressed and less sensitive to critism. as for church i do go. but even there i feel like i dont fit in. everyone has their own group of friends and i feel depression makes me have anger towards the ppl who care for me.. idk its confusing. my mom knows she doesnt understand 100% but shes been great encouraging me. i listen to christian music all the time and i read verses all the time. i just wish it stuck in my head. thank you God loves you too. i needed to hear that

 

[mao]

thank yoou!!

 

[mao]

Hi Mao! I've experienced many of the same things you've mentioned. and what I've learned is this is a tough world and we have to be our best friends. First you have to fill your mind with positive thought. Go someplace quite and try to calm your thoughts. Then meditate on positive things. Make sure you picture them in your mind and feel the positive emotions. Then through out the day every time negative thoughts come to mind stop them right in their tracks and think about positive things. If we fill our selves with negative emotions we will view the world through negative lens. and the better we feel about ourselves the more attractive we are to other.

thank youu. its just super hard. my mind seems to only think of negative which is making me sick.

 

[Criada]

I'm so sorry things feel so bad sweetie
It's a very difficult time of life - so much change going on.
God is with you, and he does have a plan - one day you will see what it is, and be amazed by what he was doing even in the darkest times.

It can help to make a list of the persistent negative thoughts and find a scripture or just a positive thing to counteract each one. Having it prepared helps when the thoughts are overpowering - you don't have to try to come up with a positive thought when you're feeling awful!

Praying for you, sweetie - and if you need someone to talk to, my PM box is open

 

[mao]

I'm so sorry things feel so bad sweetie
It's a very difficult time of life - so much change going on.
God is with you, and he does have a plan - one day you will see what it is, and be amazed by what he was doing even in the darkest times.

It can help to make a list of the persistent negative thoughts and find a scripture or just a positive thing to counteract each one. Having it prepared helps when the thoughts are overpowering - you don't have to try to come up with a positive thought when you're feeling awful!

Praying for you, sweetie - and if you need someone to talk to, my PM box is open

thnak you for writing. i wrote down the thoughts but im not sure what vereses to read. can you help me please? the main thing tht bothers me was the rude comment said about my makeup. i feel paranoid that someone is going to say i look bad. what do i do? i know i look good but the doubt makes me think "what if what their saying is true?" smh im lost

 

[samanthau]

Hi Mao,

You are not alone and people can sometimes be cruel out here not taking into consideration what the next person may be going through. But I'm praying for you and remember God loves you and he cares.

Be blessed

 

[mao]

thank you soo much. ppl think they are funny but they end up hurting me. this has made me not trust anyone

 

[orangeness365]

Matthew 5:4
Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.

John 12:25
25 Anyone who loves their life will lose it, while anyone who hates their life in this world will keep it for eternal life.

Unfortunately many kids are rejected by their peers. The bible calls it being an outcast. Life is rough. I hope yours gets better. It sounds like you've gone through a lot of bad experiences for such a young age of 17.

 

[mao]

thanks for the verses. and yeah i guess.. i dont understand why bad things always seem to happen to me. im definetly the outcast. ive never fit in at school, been made fun of, etc. like why am i soo cursed like this? i have scars all over my arms. ppl have to stop and ask me what happened. thats how depressed i am. im soo sensitive. i cant handle it when someone says any comment thats inconsiderate. it makes me feel more broken

 

[knw1991]

You are beautiful and valuable to God. No matter what people have done or said it doesn't change that you are the apple of God's eye. Jesus hung out and cared for those who felt like outcasts when he walked the earth. He is with you now, just tell him about the pain you feel. He will lift you up and make you strong. Those people who hurt you will want to know what it is that makes you triumph through all the hardship they put you through, in a couple of years they will be the ones miserable. Usually people who bully others are miserable with themselves and they want attention or have some other issues. God loves you

 

[mao]

thank you. very nice of you to say

 

[SMacGregor]

Do meditation and change your thoughts to acceptance, co-operation, unconditional love and ultimately forgiveness, this will develop the sense of inner peace.

 

[SplendidTree]

Praying sis!

 

[mao]

thank you

 

[intojoy]

i feel like im bothering people just writing this ...

i graduated highschool and i thought after that i wouldnt be as depressed but that was wrong. i find myself being more and more depressed everyday. i dont see any future for me. i think im absolutley worthless and unimportant, when i think about past events in my life i get super sad. im honestly a failure.

i should be out looking for a job but i have no motivation. im sick of getting hurt by people! ive had horrible experiences from my coop in highschool and i realized how difficult life is after high school. i got kicked out of my first placement because my boss hated me and told me countless things i was doing wrong. i would go to the washroom and cry in the stalls because i felt like i was a failure. and whenever i was given some type of "constructive critism" i got all depressed and took it personally. its like i cant handle anything in life. so after i got kicked out of that placement, i was at another place. the boss hated me eventhough i was trying my best. i blame my messed up emotional brain for the reason no one liked me at any of my placements. i would come home and be depressed and self harm because of the things they have said to me. i dont want to go find a summer job because i cant manage to get hurt again. everywhere i go, there is sadness and dissapointment.

ive been through soo many things. from councelling to being hospitalized twice, pills, excersicing. everything! im tired of ppl saying im not trying because i am. i am in alot of emotional pain. everyday i wake up i just think about all the fails that has hapened in my life. i want to cry. i feel like my soul has left my body. my passion is makeup but im doubting myself that its going to be a living hell going to college for that. makeup was the only thing that made me happy. until someone decided to make a rude comment about my skills which has made me doubt the way i do it. now i have absolultey nothing to live for. everything i do, people always find the need to say something rude.

ive been paranoid to go out. i always feel like someone is looking at me and is going to say something to tear me down. its happened many times before and i cant handle becoming hurt again

i have no friends. i make an effort to talk to people but they all dissapear, everyone around me has friends but me. im literally like a ghost. the people who want to be my friends, i dont want to be theirs because i dont feel a conncetion with them. but the ppl i do feel a conncetion with, just leave me. This girl i was soo close to at the hospital betrayed me. we were soo close then she left. she had depression too and she said how she would always be there for me. well where is she now?

i can never be in a relationship because of the low confidence i have in myself. i read bible verses but even that doesnt do much. im at a lost. i guess i just wanted to see if anyone feels just as bad as i do so i know im not alone. i know theres nothing anyone can do to help. theres soo much more to add but its just way too much. i feel alot of burden that i guess only God can feel. its been dreadful for me. life is probably going to get harder. im only 17 and i barley beem through anything yet i feel this bad?! how am i going to survive the real world

Do you think you've had it as bad as those three children who were kidnapped and abused for ten years?