Losing respect in a relationship

[sampa]

I'm curious of your thoughts, this applies to Christians and non-christians, but why or what causes someone to lose respect for the person that their in a relationship with?

For example talking down on their boyfriend or girlfriend after they have been a couple for a while? I'm curious because I've seen one person where two of his relationships seemed to end not long after comments through social media by the past girlfriend that seemed disrespectful... Even though it was meant in humor.

 

[bèlla]

Dishonesty, secrets, and an unwillingness to admit mistakes are problematic. I prefer the truth. Even when it hurts.

Disrespect is counterproductive. If it can’t be remedied parting is best. Trading barbs is unloving.

Yours in His Service,

~bella

 

[SigurdReginson]

Hmmm... I guess what causes me to lose respect in a relationship is when my significant other doesn't try to meet me half way. If they aren't invested in the relationship, why should I be?

For relationships to succeed, they require effort from both parties. I'm only interested in long term relationships with the goal of something perminant, so if someone is showing me that they aren't, then neither am I. I'm gone!

As for your friend, it seems like they have a hard time being the subject of laughter. I suppose everyone has their breaking points when it comes to certain things.

 

[SigurdReginson]

Dishonesty, secrets, and an unwillingness to admit mistakes are problematic. I prefer the truth. Even when it hurts.

Disrespect is counterproductive. If it can’t be remedied parting is best. Trading barbs is unloving.

Yours in His Service,

~bella

I think lying is inherently rooted in disrespect. If I respect someone enough to share my life with them, I'm goingto share with them even the most cringiest emberassing things I've done. If I can't even do that, what am I going to do when life undoubtedly throws a curve ball that shakes the foundations of our relationship?

Like you say, if it can't be remedied, parting is best.

 

[Rene Loup]

For me, lying especially. Luke 16:1-15 is a good read on why honesty is the best policy. Even criminal organizations need to know who to trust when managing their resources. Trust is KEY in any relationship. Faith in God is trusting in Him, through thick and thin.

1 Corinthians 13 is what true love looks like. It is not a Hollywood movie filled with raunchy scenes.[6][7][8] It is putting the other person before oneself. Two people who truly love each other will do their best to adapt to each other throughout life. Love through lip service doesn't do it for me.

The Fruit of the Spirit described in Galatians 5:7-26 is basically the Biblical version of emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence greatly contributes to successful relationships of any kind.[1][2][3] In contrast, the Acts of the Flesh described in the same passage are surefire ways of damaging relationships. For example, I used to be full of jealously, envy, hatred, and often had fits of rage. Those all really hurt my relationships like you wouldn't believe. In fact, the fits of rage alone was enough to give me a pretty hard time.[9]

Matthew 25:31-46 and 2 Corinthians 9:6-15 are more favourite passages of mine. These promote generosity and how much it pleases God. Exercising generosity is also good for us too.[4][5] No one (except pathological enablers) likes a relationship will it is all take, take, take from the other side. It must be mutual. It is more blessed to give than to receive (Acts 20:32-35). I have been in relationships where it was simply pure exploitation and bullying, thinking it was friendship. Never again.[9]

I would also avoid social media and enjoy real life more (after COVID-19 is solved, of course!) For me personally, I could swear that at least half of the people on the internet have personality disorders, especially the Cluster B ones. Some Bible passages I believe are more relevant today than ever before are 1 Thessalonians 4:9-12, Proverbs 13:20, and Proverbs 18:21. In the age of smart phones and the internet, one bad day can now be immortalized for the world's entertainment.[10][11][12][13]

Studies have shown that the best indicators of a long and happy marriage are kindness, agreeableness, and generosity![4][5]

1. Improving Emotional Intelligence (EQ) - HelpGuide.org
2. How Emotionally Intelligent Are You?
   
3. Emotional Intelligence | SkillsYouNeed
4. The Secret to Love Is Just Kindness
5. https://ggsc.berkeley.edu/images/up...270.38977004.1608835647-1616817560.1608835647
6. How to Stop Romantic Comedies from Ruining Your Love Life
7. https://sites.psu.edu/siowfa15/2015...comedies-make-women-expectations-unrealistic/
8. 5 relationship myths romantic movies taught us, according to a relationship expert
9. Anecdotal
10. 'Can't hide it forever': The model who became a meme
    
11. The Internet Ruined My Life (TV Series 2016– ) - IMDb
    
12. The price of public shaming in the Internet age
13. Cancel Culture Is Only Getting Worse

 

[bèlla]

I think lying is inherently rooted in disrespect. If I respect someone enough to share my life with them, I'm goingto share with them even the most cringiest emberassing things I've done.

I consider lying and withholding the truth to be equally grievous. I understand the desire for companionship and fear of rejection. But misrepresentation and hiding are unethical. If you have a problem or made a mistake you should come clean. Some believe religion excuses admissions. Dishonest beginnings rarely end well.

I value a relationship where transparency is the norm. We share our ups and downs and relish the gains and lessons. I want to see who we’ve become in light of it.

Yours in His Service,

~bella

 

[com7fy8]

I've seen one person where two of his relationships seemed to end not long after comments through social media by the past girlfriend that seemed disrespectful... Even though it was meant in humor.

It may be that he took her the wrong way. That would not be an issue of if she respects him, I would say.

I think real respect can grow as you discover each other; it's not just a gesture to tickle someone's ego. I suspect men can have an ego problem, where they demand what they consider to be respect, but it isn't real respect.

In Jesus, we have "longsuffering" > Ephesians 4:2 > in how we relate. So, we are not hair-trigger ready to just dump someone because of some thing.

 

[SigurdReginson]

It may be that he took her the wrong way. That would not be an issue of if she respects him, I would say.

I think real respect can grow as you discover each other; it's not just a gesture to tickle someone's ego. I suspect men can have an ego problem, where they demand what they consider to be respect, but it isn't real respect.

In Jesus, we have "longsuffering" > Ephesians 4:2 > in how we relate. So, we are not hair-trigger ready to just dump someone because of some thing.

Eh... Just, be careful with that. I thought that I understood the concept of longsuffering in the past when I was a Christian, and it had led to an unhealthy relationship where I shouldered the burdens of the relationship all by myself for years. Jesus made the ultimate sacrifice, so why shouldn't I want to be more like him? I fooled myself into thinking I was doing the right thing, when in reality I was just being used. I devalued myself, and so in turn she devalued me too.

Thankfully the experience didn't jade me, but it has made me very aware of what my value is, and why it is important that people should value themselves. Had I thought about it in more healthy terms then, I would have realized that though Jesus made the ultimate sacrifice, the sacrifice only meant something because of his value. And even then, he's done his bit, and it's up to the person to seek him; they have to meet him half way.

I feel Paul had a lot to say on the subject in James 2:14 and on. Revelation 3:16 also shows how Jesus feels about people who don't put in the effort where he is concerned.

At least, that's what I would have told myself if I could talk to myself then. Hindsight is always 20/20.

 

[bèlla]

No one exhibits longsuffering upon meeting. Patience and endurance are an outgrowth of relating and the quality and tenure of togetherness.

Since the topic is a loss of respect, I’d posit most are willing to tolerate lapses when the frequency is less plentiful than the positive demonstrations of respect and honor they’ve experienced.

Some term this deposits and withdrawals in our love bank and that’s apropos. Time is frequently overlooked in questions on relating but it offers an important element all couples reference when determining whether the behavior is excusable or not.

Time enables you to see their character in numerous guises. To apply longsuffering genuinely requires a commitment. Where both are invested in a desired outcome. A short tenure won’t warrant the same, especially if the infractions lead either to question their value or the other’s worthiness.

Few couples will remain intact when those questions come to mind without reliable history which justifies a momentary loss of calm, misunderstanding, or bad day. The hearer must believe the act wasn’t intentional and have positive experiences which echo that.

No one will remain in a relationship with someone who treats them poorly for the sake of longsuffering. The continual withdrawals to their love bank will take a toll. After awhile they’ll concede the person is incapable of loving them in a healthy fashion. Understandably so.

It takes time to reach longsuffering in a relationship. It isn’t automatic. You must be all-in and determined to remain.

Yours in His Service,

~bella

 

[SigurdReginson]

No one exhibits longsuffering upon meeting. Patience and endurance are an outgrowth of relating and the quality and tenure of togetherness.

Since the topic is a loss of respect, I’d posit most are willing to tolerate lapses when the frequency is less plentiful than the positive demonstrations of respect and honor they’ve experienced.

Some term this deposits and withdrawals in our love bank and that’s apropos. Time is frequently overlooked in questions on relating but it offers an important element all couples reference when determining whether the behavior is excusable or not.

Time enables you to see their character in numerous guises. To apply longsuffering genuinely requires a commitment. Where both are invested in a desired outcome. A short tenure won’t warrant the same, especially if the infractions lead either to question their value or the other’s worthiness.

Few couples will remain intact when those questions come to mind without reliable history which justifies a momentary loss of calm, misunderstanding, or bad day. The hearer must believe the act wasn’t intentional and have positive experiences which echo that.

No one will remain in a relationship with someone who treats them poorly for the sake of longsuffering. The continual withdrawals to their love bank will take a toll. After awhile they’ll concede the person is incapable of loving them in a healthy fashion. Understandably so.

It takes time to reach longsuffering in a relationship. It isn’t automatic. You must be all-in and determined to remain.

Yours in His Service,

~bella

Very thoughtfully put.

 

[DragonFox91]

Not sure, never been in a relationship . But when I lose friendships (which is rare b/c I fight hard to keep them) it's due to different political or religious beliefs the other person has.

 

[Niels]

Holding out for a basic level of mutual respect is sensible as far as I'm concerned. Below that level, which can vary considerably from one person to the next, self respect should compel you to leave with your dignity intact. Where that threshold is, and what it looks like, plays a role in interpersonal chemistry.

Some are cool with being doormats, don't care whether their significant other acts in ways that they consider unkind, or even crave dishing it out themselves. Others are turned off by those dynamics. Personally, I'd end the relationship if my girlfriend habitually made jokes at my expense. If her attitude is "Can't you take a joke?", I'm out. It's over between us. I likewise expect her to have the self respect to not tolerate that kind of treatment from me. It's a two-way street. Yeah, I get that some just grew up that way, it's what they're used to, and maybe they don't mean any harm... but there are others who are a better fit.

(Trying to relate to what was said in the original post, and see where it might indicate a problem.)



I also agree with what folks have said about lying. That's pretty basic stuff. Try to be open and clear with communication. However, you should try to be considerate of your significant others' feelings. Being a jerk to someone, and then hiding behind the idea that "I'm brutally honest and never sugar coat what I say" can be pretty bad at times, too. Especially when people are "honest" about things that are really just opinions masquerading as fact, and end up hurting the people they love in the process.