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Starting today August 7th, 2024, in order to post in the Married Couples, Courting Couples, or Singles forums, you will not be allowed to post if you have your Marital status designated as private. Announcements will be made in the respective forums as well but please note that if yours is currently listed as Private, you will need to submit a ticket in the Support Area to have yours changed.
Looking for the "Domestic Violence. Having issues, looking for solutions" thread?
- Thread starter helenofbritain
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I wish you and your family the best.
I can understand why your hubby wants the thread to be removed, and why you want to honor his request.
What's important is that he understands why you needed to reach out for support and why you needed to leave, and why it is important for him to examine his life and your lives together in counseling.
If that is happening, the thread served a holy purpose.
Easter is the season of resurrection and new life--may you be blessed abundantly in the new beginning you have chosen, and as you go through the process which will help you understand exactly what shape that new beginning will take.
I can understand why your hubby wants the thread to be removed, and why you want to honor his request.
What's important is that he understands why you needed to reach out for support and why you needed to leave, and why it is important for him to examine his life and your lives together in counseling.
If that is happening, the thread served a holy purpose.
Easter is the season of resurrection and new life--may you be blessed abundantly in the new beginning you have chosen, and as you go through the process which will help you understand exactly what shape that new beginning will take.
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No apology necessary, EG. Really.Caitlin
I understand what you're going through sweetie, I was your age and going through the same thing....please forgive me for not coming forward sooner, it just brought up some very hard times for me. Just know that you are not alone, things can get better, continue to trust God to see you through this.
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Hello everyone!
Well. We had a momentus breakthrough yesterday. It started badly, with a fight in the afternoon, and me taking the kids and getting to my parents' house ASAP because I was scared... BUT something changed. Even before I was out the door (and that didn't take long) he had calmed down, was recognising what he'd done and was trying to apologise.
I wasn't in the space to hear it, so I left anyway.
Ben really needed to sort out his feelings though, so immediately after I left he called my Dad, explained what happened (honestly, not trying to make himself look better) and worked through everything. He said later it was an interesting way to start a conversation: "Hi. Yeah, um, I've just scared your daughter and..." For the first time, he admitted what was going on - to himself, and to someone else.
So when I got to mum and dad's, Dad took me aside and gave me some TLC and had a bit of a chat, and encouraged me to call Ben to let him sort things out. I wasn't ready. I'd been driving for half an hour and I was still flooded with adrenaline. I had a cup of tea and I was still pumping adrenaline.
Eventually though (like, 3 hours later) I was in a space to talk with him. I didn't really know what to think. But he was calm. He was apologetic. He took responsibility for his behaviour. He explained to me how he thought I was feeling - the impact his actions had had on me. He apologised.
Then, after a bit more ananlysis, I asked him directly whether his bad behaviour in the past was my fault? "Absolutely not," he said. Well at that point I just sobbed. cried and cried and cried and cired and cried. He owned his behaviour. Admitted his actions were from him, and not something I'd "made" him do. That I wasn't a terrible person. That I wasn't out to get him.... the works. All the things I've been waiting for and needing to hear were finally said. And he MEANT them. He's not a lip-service kinda guy. He was genuine. 100% there.
I am so happy! Now that this hurdle is out of the way, we can really start to move forward. We can each take responsibility for our actual actions, not the ones he thought we had taken inside his head. I can speak my mind a little easier.
I thank each and everyone one of you for your prayers. They have worked so much progress in our lives, I cannot begin to tell you. Please, continue to pray for us. In some ways, the hard stuff is over and the hard stuff is just beginning. Now we are on the same page, there's a whole lot of reading to do.
Thankyou, thankyou, thankyou. From the bottom of my heart.
Caitlin
Well. We had a momentus breakthrough yesterday. It started badly, with a fight in the afternoon, and me taking the kids and getting to my parents' house ASAP because I was scared... BUT something changed. Even before I was out the door (and that didn't take long) he had calmed down, was recognising what he'd done and was trying to apologise.
I wasn't in the space to hear it, so I left anyway.
Ben really needed to sort out his feelings though, so immediately after I left he called my Dad, explained what happened (honestly, not trying to make himself look better) and worked through everything. He said later it was an interesting way to start a conversation: "Hi. Yeah, um, I've just scared your daughter and..." For the first time, he admitted what was going on - to himself, and to someone else.
So when I got to mum and dad's, Dad took me aside and gave me some TLC and had a bit of a chat, and encouraged me to call Ben to let him sort things out. I wasn't ready. I'd been driving for half an hour and I was still flooded with adrenaline. I had a cup of tea and I was still pumping adrenaline.
Eventually though (like, 3 hours later) I was in a space to talk with him. I didn't really know what to think. But he was calm. He was apologetic. He took responsibility for his behaviour. He explained to me how he thought I was feeling - the impact his actions had had on me. He apologised.
Then, after a bit more ananlysis, I asked him directly whether his bad behaviour in the past was my fault? "Absolutely not," he said. Well at that point I just sobbed. cried and cried and cried and cired and cried. He owned his behaviour. Admitted his actions were from him, and not something I'd "made" him do. That I wasn't a terrible person. That I wasn't out to get him.... the works. All the things I've been waiting for and needing to hear were finally said. And he MEANT them. He's not a lip-service kinda guy. He was genuine. 100% there.
I am so happy! Now that this hurdle is out of the way, we can really start to move forward. We can each take responsibility for our actual actions, not the ones he thought we had taken inside his head. I can speak my mind a little easier.
I thank each and everyone one of you for your prayers. They have worked so much progress in our lives, I cannot begin to tell you. Please, continue to pray for us. In some ways, the hard stuff is over and the hard stuff is just beginning. Now we are on the same page, there's a whole lot of reading to do.
Thankyou, thankyou, thankyou. From the bottom of my heart.
Caitlin
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- Mar 3, 2006
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YourBrotherInChrist
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That's excellent news! I'm so very happy for you. You are correct that there is still a lot of hard work ahead of you, but it sounds like Ben is finally ready to start working on it. I'm going to redouble my prayers for continued progress and breakthroughs.
YBIC
YBIC
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Globalnomad
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Great news, Caitlin! Please keep us posted. It's so rare to hear a story like this that develops positively.... Everyone needs to know that it can be done.
In the meantime, praying for you. Hope that any reversals will be just temporary and that it all goes well.
In the meantime, praying for you. Hope that any reversals will be just temporary and that it all goes well.
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Thankyou Global.
May I take this opportunity to say that your advice has been pretty spot on throughout this whole thing, and I thank you for for it
May I take this opportunity to say that your advice has been pretty spot on throughout this whole thing, and I thank you for for it
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Also, did I mention we spent yesterday afternoon getting quotes from manufacturing jewelers for options on getting his wedding ring fixed? Well we did. Seems a repair job is out 
but it can be melted down and remade, which is heartening. Up until now he hasn't wanted to get it fixed. And since it was a sign of MY love and fidelity (not his) this was extra hard.
So things are cheerful atm. Let's hope they stay that way
but it can be melted down and remade, which is heartening. Up until now he hasn't wanted to get it fixed. And since it was a sign of MY love and fidelity (not his) this was extra hard. So things are cheerful atm. Let's hope they stay that way
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That is awesome news Caitlin!!!
What a hugh step for Ben...You've been a brave trooper girl.
Still praying for both of ya!
What a hugh step for Ben...You've been a brave trooper girl.
Still praying for both of ya!
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