Looking for a Proverbs 31!

[bèlla]

Small beginnings needn’t be a source of shame. If we’re unwilling to acknowledge our start we diminish the glory He receives and our testimony is compromised.

There is nothing wrong with desiring the resources to provide for a wife and family. The difference between dreams and goals are plans.

Financially speaking, you must discern the costs for the things you seek. What income will you need to support 4 people comfortably? You need a number.

Financial goals are never abstract. They’re tied to tangible figures that can be adjusted if needed. While God does provide, His provision may not equal the number you have in mind.

I’ve done a similar exercise with my daughter. I told her to draft the lifestyle she desired. We determined the resources she’d require for its attainment and planned accordingly.

 

[Coleton Bryce Ritmanich]

Small beginnings needn’t be a source of shame. If we’re unwilling to acknowledge our start we diminish the glory He receives and our testimony is compromised.

There is nothing wrong with desiring the resources to provide for a wife and family. The difference between dreams and goals are plans.

Financially speaking, you must discern the costs for the things you seek. What income will you need to support 4 people comfortably? You need a number.

Financial goals are never abstract. They’re tied to tangible figures that can be adjusted if needed. While God does provide, His provision may not equal the number you have in mind.

I’ve done a similar exercise with my daughter. I told her to draft the lifestyle she desired. We determined the resources she’d require for its attainment and planned accordingly.

I've always been Good at Talking, and only recently, as a Christian, been good at keeping my word.

Truth is, i'm not ready for marriage. But when I am, I would love to already know who God sent for me to Love.

The only problem there is, other than the bible, and since I don't have any experience with romance, I have no clue where to begin. Other than to find a girl around my age, that I can truly be myself around.

 

[bèlla]

Truth is, i'm not ready for marriage. But when I am, I would love to already know who God sent for me to Love.

Readiness is subjective and hinges on your perceptions and goals. Some are willing to enter unions less prepared than others. No one can say if you’ll be told who that person is. You may need to get acquainted and discern compatibility like most do.

The only problem there is, other than the bible, and since I don't have any experience with romance, I have no clue where to begin. Other than to find a girl around my age, that I can truly be myself around.

You don’t need romantic experience. All that’s required is a heart yielded to the Lord, common sense, and reasonable communication skills.

Live. Serve and volunteer. Enjoy your hobbies. Go on outings. Don’t burrow yourself at home and expect a miracle. And if you’re nervous talking to others look for a local Toastmasters group. You’ll improve your communication in a warm setting.

Don’t obsess over this or women either. Remain balanced and sober-minded. Its more attractive. Continue to deepen your relationship with the Lord and nurture connections with godly men.

 

[Coleton Bryce Ritmanich]

Readiness is subjective and hinges on your perceptions and goals. Some are willing to enter unions less prepared than others. No one can say if you’ll be told who that person is. You may need to get acquainted and discern compatibility like most do.



You don’t need romantic experience. All that’s required is a heart yielded to the Lord, common sense, and reasonable communication skills.

Live. Serve and volunteer. Enjoy your hobbies. Go on outings. Don’t burrow yourself at home and expect a miracle. And if you’re nervous talking to others look for a local Toastmasters group. You’ll improve your communication in a warm setting.

Don’t obsess over this or women either. Remain balanced and sober-minded. Its more attractive. Continue to deepen your relationship with the Lord and nurture connections with godly men.

In the words of a wise person, "I will do my best."

 

[OldWiseGuy]

Children are an Awesome bonus, and also people I'd love to love, and teach the way of the word of God to. To leave a legacy is important, and personally if I have my way, I'd want at least two, Maxon Pheonix Ritmanich a boy, and a girl Elise Cyrene Ritmanich. But if my wife wants one child, i'll have to talk her into making it a total of three, and she gets to name that one, or if she wants five children, we'll name them together and have a total of seven, and so on.

I will not budge on Maxon and Elise. We can have more children if she wants, as long as we both dedicate our lives to raising them all to Love God.

As for the verses, I agree totally. I will not marry someone who God did not give me to be my wife. And once I do find her, and marry her, there are two more things I will NEVER budge on.

We are never going to get a divorce.

We are always going to communicate to each other our true feelings, and work everything out together.

You should allow your wife to name the girls, including middle names.

 

[OldWiseGuy]

To answer your question more specifically, neither of us should require each other's financial assistance, by that time.

Being able to support a family is an important biblical teaching.

Proverbs 24:27
Prepare thy work without, and make it fit for thyself in the field; and afterwards build thine house.

 

[OldWiseGuy]

The only problem there is, other than the bible, and since I don't have any experience with romance, I have no clue where to begin. Other than to find a girl around my age, that I can truly be myself around.

Good luck with that. Girls can make you nervous, especially good looking ones. Confidence can overcome that however. Success builds confidence. So make sure you are successful in the things you do. She'll like that.

 

[Citanul]

Children are an Awesome bonus, and also people I'd love to love, and teach the way of the word of God to. To leave a legacy is important, and personally if I have my way, I'd want at least two, Maxon Pheonix Ritmanich a boy, and a girl Elise Cyrene Ritmanich. But if my wife wants one child, i'll have to talk her into making it a total of three, and she gets to name that one, or if she wants five children, we'll name them together and have a total of seven, and so on.

I will not budge on Maxon and Elise.

You might need to be a bit more flexible on this. I don't know how many women would be happy with the scenario that they have to have two more children than they may actually want and they won't have any say in what are some unusual names, which they might not be too keen on. Some thing you can be adamant about, but it might not be too realistic to be adamant about this.

And what if initially it's only boys or only girls? Are you going to keep trying until you've got at least one of each? That's not a good motivation for having more children.

 

[Sketcher]

I'm looking for a woman who fits the description of Proverbs Chapter 31.

I know this isn't a dating site, but God has made me realize something, "You aren't looking." When I asked God, why I haven't got a girlfriend in 22 years, he gave me a definitive answer.

The truth is because I'm not willing to date someone in my heart, God hasn't given me the woman of my dreams.

My name is Coleton, i'm 22, and the only thing special about me is that I love God. Unfortunately, I will love God with all my heart, mind, and soul and with all that I have and will put God before anyone.

If that's okay with you and you can direct me towards a righteous and healthy relationship. We can go on a single date, and if it works out, another one after that.

If this post is against the rules, please offer advice of where I can find the woman I'm looking for, before deleting it, please.

I sincerely believe that when I become the perfect person for her, God will lead her to me. Until then I'll be taking all of the good godly counsel you all have to offer. I need it.

An observation I've made is that the Proverbs 31 woman is already married with children. Marriage is a changing agent - you either have to change, or the whole thing falls apart. Especially after you have your first child, you have to change in order to care for him/her properly. When I was 22, I was not meeting women who were as forward-thinking and prudent and industrious as the Proverbs 31 woman was. They didn't "have" to be. They were in the phase in life where they were just going to get another loan to pay for college without having a plan for paying it back.

Similarly, you will not be close to perfect when you marry, if you marry. If you wait for perfection, you will be single for life. What you need to gauge is potential for your own change and the woman's change.

One of the things to pursue in your own life and to look for in hers is flexibility. When I was 22, neither I nor my peers valued that. But it is absolutely necessary to making a marraige work. Pursue flexibility per Philippians 2:1-8, and find a woman who does the same. Then you two might have a chance. This is what has worked for an elder at my church and his wife who have been married longer than I have been alive. Contrariwise, a friend of mine and his wife of less than two years recently divorced over disrespect issues that we're rooted in "my way or the highway" thinking.

 

[OldWiseGuy]

Take a good look at the woman's mother and father. Does she respect her father? Is she close to her mother? Is her mother a P31 mom and wife?

 

[Coleton Bryce Ritmanich]

You might need to be a bit more flexible on this. I don't know how many women would be happy with the scenario that they have to have two more children than they may actually want and they won't have any say in what are some unusual names, which they might not be too keen on. Some thing you can be adamant about, but it might not be too realistic to be adamant about this.

And what if initially it's only boys or only girls? Are you going to keep trying until you've got at least one of each? That's not a good motivation for having more children.

That was only if I had it my way. I personally would go with God's way instead if God were to say no.

 

[Coleton Bryce Ritmanich]

An observation I've made is that the Proverbs 31 woman is already married with children. Marriage is a changing agent - you either have to change, or the whole thing falls apart. Especially after you have your first child, you have to change in order to care for him/her properly. When I was 22, I was not meeting women who were as forward-thinking and prudent and industrious as the Proverbs 31 woman was. They didn't "have" to be. They were in the phase in life where they were just going to get another loan to pay for college without having a plan for paying it back.

Similarly, you will not be close to perfect when you marry, if you marry. If you wait for perfection, you will be single for life. What you need to gauge is potential for your own change and the woman's change.

One of the things to pursue in your own life and to look for in hers is flexibility. When I was 22, neither I nor my peers valued that. But it is absolutely necessary to making a marraige work. Pursue flexibility per Philippians 2:1-8, and find a woman who does the same. Then you two might have a chance. This is what has worked for an elder at my church and his wife who have been married longer than I have been alive. Contrariwise, a friend of mine and his wife of less than two years recently divorced over disrespect issues that we're rooted in "my way or the highway" thinking.

I agree totally as long as we are not flexible on the Word of God. And were to raise the children to Love God.

 

[RayofSun]

Similarly, you will not be close to perfect when you marry, if you marry. If you wait for perfection, you will be single for life. What you need to gauge is potential for your own change and the woman's change.

This is so wise!
I can't believe in all my years I never really considered this. I, of course, am considering this from a woman's perspective and appreciate the idea that I don't have to be the perfect Proverbs 31 woman before I marry. I think in my heart I often beat myself up about these faults and don't feel I'll ever be ready. I often feel that way no matter how hard I am trying to change and improve. But being flexible and willing to change is a good step, and a good trait for men to look for in someone.

 

[bèlla]

This is so wise!
I can't believe in all my years I never really considered this. I, of course, am considering this from a woman's perspective and appreciate the idea that I don't have to be the perfect Proverbs 31 woman before I marry. I think in my heart I often beat myself up about these faults and don't feel I'll ever be ready. I often feel that way no matter how hard I am trying to change and improve. But being flexible and willing to change is a good step, and a good trait for men to look for in someone.

The Eshet Chayil is not a benchmark for women. It extols the virtuous deeds and character she displayed over time. You can see the movement in the piece as one attribute builds upon the other. It is traditionally recited on the Sabbath by the husband. He blesses her with these words and the children receive their blessing too.

It’s important to remember the context of what’s expressed. The principle was given from mother to son. Israel’s future king. The precepts for wives are stated in several places. None reference Proverbs 31, but you can see she possesses them all.

The emphasis on productivity must be viewed in light of her capacity and standing. She would have many resources and willing hands at her command. To expect the same in different conditions is unrealistic.

Submission and respect are the avenues for its accomplishment.

 

[Citanul]

The Eshet Chayil is not a benchmark for women. It extols the virtuous deeds and character she displayed over time. You can see the movement in the piece as one attribute builds upon the other. It is traditionally recited on the Sabbath by the husband. He blesses her with these words and the children receive their blessing too.

It’s important to remember the context of what’s expressed. The principle was given from mother to son. Israel’s future king. The precepts for wives are stated in several places. None reference Proverbs 31, but you can see she possesses them all.

The emphasis on productivity must be viewed in light of her capacity and standing. She would have many resources and willing hands at her command. To expect the same in different conditions is unrealistic.

Submission and respect are the avenues for its accomplishment.

I do wonder whether "Proverbs 31 woman" is that useful a concept. It does seem that there can be different takes on just what a Proverbs 31 woman is, so I think people are better off articulating in their own words what they're looking for. That way both parties can have a more accurate idea of what is being sought, and it is better to have someone actually think about what they want in a partner rather than just toss out what is essentially a buzzword.

The same would apply to a woman who is "looking for her Boaz", which is another thing I've seen a bit lately.

 

[bèlla]

I do wonder whether "Proverbs 31 woman" is that useful a concept. It does seem that there can be different takes on just what a Proverbs 31 woman is, so I think people are better off articulating in their own words what they're looking for.

I think both concepts became popular in certain Christian circles. I didn’t hear either growing up. They’ve morphed into idealized versions of a spouse but the bible doesn’t support that theory. When wives are mentioned we’re reminded of Sarah, not a superwoman.

The same is true for Boaz. In both scenarios you’re looking at wealthy people whose godly character is demonstrated through their behavior towards family, employees and the needy. Money didn’t change them. Both are overseers not laborers.

That way both parties can have a more accurate idea of what is being sought, and it is better to have someone actually think about what they want in a partner rather than just toss out what is essentially a buzzword.

The closest thing you have to the Proverbs 31 woman in function is Martha Stewart. Women drove themselves mad trying to emulate her lifestyle which leads me to believe the problem resides in us. Secular women had the same anxiety and disappointment. It was uncanny to watch.

I’m in several Facebook groups and the same holds true. There are numerous discussions on Instagram causing depression and insecurity. Countless women feel anxiety because their lives don’t mimic the images on their feed. This is true in Christian and secular settings.

We are fearfully and wonderfully made. We can’t grasp the depth of this truth until we’re able to appreciate God’s workmanship. We must desist in looking elsewhere for our identity. If he wanted an army of P31 and Boaz He would have made them.

 

[S.O.J.I.A.]

who wouldn't want to have a proverbs 31 woman or aspire to be her as a woman?

diligent, faithful, industrious, hard-working. who wouldn't want these qualities? one can manifest these things without have a quilting business. such character traits can manifest themselves in an infinite number of ways.

people are looking at the things the p31 woman is doing and not at the character that made her successful in doing these things.

 

[bèlla]

Why would a woman in today’s culture choose the most accomplished woman in the bible as her role model? She appeals because of her accomplishments in light of her marriage and children. They want the same.

I mentioned Martha for a reason. She’s an atypical housewife. ;-)

 

[S.O.J.I.A.]

Why would a woman in today’s culture choose the most accomplished woman in the bible as her role model?

......why not?

 

[bèlla]

......why not?

I think you missed my point. ;-)

P31 appeals to many who desire a role outside of the traditional ones put forth in the church. That’s okay.

But the desire is a source of stress. They’re striving for its attainment. But it isn’t a solo operation. This goes back to our previous discussions on manhood. You need the right environment to make it work if you want the whole kahuna. Not solely the traits.