Long distance relationship

[lovedbyJesus]

Ok, we didn't plan on this, but God had different, well, plans! My boyf and I entered this relationship with the intention of finding God's purpose for our lives. We're both very serious with our Christian walk and as much as we want to be together, we want what God wants - above how much we like each other, above our own dreams and desires. We had the church's, our friends' and parents' support on this, so we both knew that God was giving us green lights. But, due to circumstances, two months into the courtship, we had to be apart. Now we are half a world away, and we have no clue when we will see each other again (read: visa problems). Now I'm confused. I feel like the Shunammite woman in 2 Kings 4. She did not ask for a son but was given one; I did not ask for a boyfriend (well, I wasn't asking YET when he came) but God gave me one. Her son died; my boyfriend and I are oceans apart. But I do know that like her son, we would be brought back to life too. It's just so tough and frankly, I don't know if long distance relationship works. Someone once asked if there was such a thing in the Bible and I really didn't know what to say. A lot of poeple don't approve of long distance relationship, because you're supposed to grow together and learn more about each other in a relationship, but how can you do that if you're half a world away? Should we call a "cool off" or put a pause on the relationship or something and then get back together when we're finally on the same continent? I'm so confused...

 

[KristianJ]

Welcome to CF, lovedbyJesus!

A few of the people who post regularly in this area are in LDR's (I am in one - I'm in Sydney, Australia and my girlfriend's in San Diego). They will readily testify that being in a long distance relationship can be hard at times, but also be very rewarding if both people are committed to making the relationship survive. You should really look at an LDR as a normal relationship without physical intimacy, and you can still grow together and learn more about each other despite the distance. The best thing to do is pray about it. God's will for both of your lives should dictate whether you continue or press the pause button. Good luck with everything and as I said, you will get a lot of encouragement and advice from a lot of people here.

By the way, where are you and your boyfriend in terms of location?

 

[lovedbyJesus]

Thanks KristianJ!

I've no problem with the physical intimacy part. Even before my boyf and I got together, I made a vow with God not to kiss anybody until my wedding day. My boyfriend of course knows this, so that's not really a problem. My concern was that distance and not knowing when we'll see each other again will put a lot of strain on the relationship. I mean, he'll be busy, I'll be busy, international calls are expensive...I'm sure you know what I mean.

You're farther from each other than we are! I am in Hong Kong and he's in Texas.

To say that it's not easy is an understatement. But we're just hanging on unless God tells us otherwise.

 

[Daniel_Standish]

I am exactly in your situation right now. God gave me a girlfriend when I didn't even want one...and now that I know I can't live without her...I am moving a country away from her. I know the agony that comes with LDR. I think the only thing you can really do is continually show your love and support in any and every way you possibly can. Other than that...just have true, deep faith in Jesus Christ that He will take care of both of you. And if you two are meant to be...it will happen. I know it's hard. It is probably the most difficult thing I will ever go through...and definately the most stressful thing I have ever been through so far. So I know what it is like. And I will be praying for you.

 

[lovedbyJesus]

I am exactly in your situation right now. God gave me a girlfriend when I didn't even want one...and now that I know I can't live without her...I am moving a country away from her. I know the agony that comes with LDR. I think the only thing you can really do is continually show your love and support in any and every way you possibly can. Other than that...just have true, deep faith in Jesus Christ that He will take care of both of you. And if you two are meant to be...it will happen. I know it's hard. It is probably the most difficult thing I will ever go through...and definately the most stressful thing I have ever been through so far. So I know what it is like. And I will be praying for you.

Thanks! I guess we are in the exact same boat. I know how you must feel. On the plane from San Antonio to Hong Kong, if I wasn't sleeping, I was crying. I've never cried so much! When he came to visit me and it was time to drop him off at the airport, after he left, I went straight to the bathroom and cried my eyes out again! I could not take 5 steps without tears blinding my sight. It sure is tough, but I know God has a purpose for all these. Let's keep seeking God's will. I'll remember you in my prayers too.
PS: Where is your girlfriend and where are you moving to? Just curious!

 

[Daniel_Standish]

Me and my girlfriend Marissa both live in Pleasanton California right now...but after this year (our senior year of high school) I will be forced to move with my family to Florida to live with my mom's side of the family. I hate everything about Florida. I hate my family over there. I hate the weather. I hate the state itself. I hate everything about it. I love California...it is where I have been born and raised. The most stressful thing of it all...is that I feel as if I have betrayed Marissa. When she is going through rough times and she is crying...I can't whisper in her ear "I'll never leave your side" because I am leaving her. And I feel terrible. I would rather live 4 years of my life without ever seeing my parents...then live 4 years without ever seeing Marissa. I cannot do this. I cannot live like this. There is no way I am going to be able to concentrate on school or anything...every single day I will be thinking about Marissa. I will be missing her. So I know all of this pain you feel. I want to just cry forever. I want to kill her parents, and kill her brother...and then just run away with her. But unfortunately, her parents are making our relationship as hell-ish as they possibly can. They will not even allow Marissa to have a relationship. As of right now...we are doing everything in secret. If and when her parents ever find out...we are both thoroughly done for. I have wanted to tell her parents the truth from day one. But I know that will mean the end of us ever being with each other at all...at least now we at least get to see each other at school.
So yea...I know how you feel. If anyone and everyone who reads this could please do me and Marissa the deepest favor...and please pray for us...that will make our lives so much better...and our relationship so much stronger. I will be praying for you and your situation too...becuase I know exactly of this pain. I know how it feels. You want to die. You dont ever want to leave your sweetheart...but you must. And it is so incredibly difficult. Anyway, I will be keeping you in my heart and prayers. Thank you so much for your prayers. God bless you!

 

[Daniel_Standish]

Btw...my girlfriend is a member on here. Her sn is iceangel101010 so if you ever see her...feel free to say hi and welcome her...she is knew to this whole website so please make her feel welcome if you can! Thank you so much!

 

[Colossians3]

I would like to formally announce that Jamie (or Marie) and I are now in a long distance relationship. I'm happier than ever before.

Thank you, Lord!

 

[KristianJ]

I would like to formally announce that Jamie (or Marie) and I are now in a long distance relationship. I'm happier than ever before.

Thank you, Lord!

Great stuff, Scotty! You two will definitely be in my prayers! Being in a very positive one with Danie, I'm happy to lend you both advice if you need it.

 

[Colossians3]

Great stuff, Scotty! You two will definitely be in my prayers! Being in a very positive one with Danie, I'm happy to lend you both advice if you need it.

Thank you very much, Kris! I couldn't be any happier. I, or, we (ahh ) appreciate the prayers, too.

 

[lovedbyJesus]

Me and my girlfriend Marissa both live in Pleasanton California right now...but after this year (our senior year of high school) I will be forced to move with my family to Florida to live with my mom's side of the family. I hate everything about Florida. I hate my family over there. I hate the weather. I hate the state itself. I hate everything about it. I love California...it is where I have been born and raised. The most stressful thing of it all...is that I feel as if I have betrayed Marissa. When she is going through rough times and she is crying...I can't whisper in her ear "I'll never leave your side" because I am leaving her. And I feel terrible. I would rather live 4 years of my life without ever seeing my parents...then live 4 years without ever seeing Marissa. I cannot do this. I cannot live like this. There is no way I am going to be able to concentrate on school or anything...every single day I will be thinking about Marissa. I will be missing her. So I know all of this pain you feel. I want to just cry forever. I want to kill her parents, and kill her brother...and then just run away with her. But unfortunately, her parents are making our relationship as hell-ish as they possibly can. They will not even allow Marissa to have a relationship. As of right now...we are doing everything in secret. If and when her parents ever find out...we are both thoroughly done for. I have wanted to tell her parents the truth from day one. But I know that will mean the end of us ever being with each other at all...at least now we at least get to see each other at school.
So yea...I know how you feel. If anyone and everyone who reads this could please do me and Marissa the deepest favor...and please pray for us...that will make our lives so much better...and our relationship so much stronger. I will be praying for you and your situation too...becuase I know exactly of this pain. I know how it feels. You want to die. You dont ever want to leave your sweetheart...but you must. And it is so incredibly difficult. Anyway, I will be keeping you in my heart and prayers. Thank you so much for your prayers. God bless you!

Uh-oh, this doesn't sound good bro! Sorry if what I'm about to say is not something that you want to hear, but if her parents are against your relationship, you should respect that. I see you're only 15 years old? You're a little too young to be in a relationship this serious. I don't mean to make you feel like I'm on their parents side, but when I become a parent too, I wouldn't want my young daughter/son to be in a romantic relationship when they should be focusing on their relationship with Christ. Listen to yourself - you want to kill her parents and brothers and then run away with her, you would rather live 4 years of your life without seeing your parents, there is no way you can concentrate on school... now do you see why parents do not want their kids to prematurely enggage in a relationship?

You and Melissa could truly be the one for each other. But right love at the wrong time is still a wrong thing. As of now, you both are still very young, not to mention the fact that you are still under your parents' authority. Remember, God's top ten rules include honoring our parents. We might not always understand what they are asking us to do, but they only think of what's best for us. Obey and respect her and your parents. I don't believe you have God's blessings if you do not have her parents'.

 

[Daniel_Standish]

Why the **** does everyone judge me by my age? Leave me alone. I am entitled to feel love whenever I do. I guarantee I will get married to Marissa...no matter what you say. I came on this website for help...all you do is judge me. Are you a Christian or not? Where's the love? Worry about your own life...and leave me alone. I came here to sympathize and help out...and I get criticism in return. I am censoring everything I have to say right now...because I am extrememly angry with what you said. You don't give me a chance to prove myself. You are just like everyone else. I thought Christians were supposed to be different...loving, kind, understanding...no...you're not any different then the rest of this world. I am 16 September 25 and I am a senior in high school. Do not tell me that I am immature. Do not tell me that I cannot have a girlfriend at 16. Do not even begin to tell me. I show a girl love...and I am criticised. I don't care what you think. I don't care how you feel. I really don't. Stay out of my life. All I do is show true, compassionate love for her...and I am denied by my "fellow Christians". My "brothers and sisters" are hostile to me. Thanks so much for your biased opinion...but I think I can handle my life on my own.

 

[EmSchmem]

Why the **** does everyone judge me by my age? Leave me alone. I am entitled to feel love whenever I do. I guarantee I will get married to Marissa...no matter what you say. I came on this website for help...all you do is judge me. Are you a Christian or not? Where's the love? Worry about your own life...and leave me alone. I came here to sympathize and help out...and I get criticism in return. I am censoring everything I have to say right now...because I am extrememly angry with what you said. You don't give me a chance to prove myself. You are just like everyone else. I thought Christians were supposed to be different...loving, kind, understanding...no...you're not any different then the rest of this world. I am 16 September 25 and I am a senior in high school. Do not tell me that I am immature. Do not tell me that I cannot have a girlfriend at 16. Do not even begin to tell me. I show a girl love...and I am criticised. I don't care what you think. I don't care how you feel. I really don't. Stay out of my life. All I do is show true, compassionate love for her...and I am denied by my "fellow Christians". My "brothers and sisters" are hostile to me. Thanks so much for your biased opinion...but I think I can handle my life on my own.

Well "Billy Joel" it may have something to do with the tantrums you throw everytime someone says your age is even a concern. Noone is calling you an immature little brat but merely addressing their concerns and believe me that is part of being a Christian. Many of us were in very serious relationships at your age that went really bad and still deal with the pain of it. We do know what we're talking about. The fact of the matter is that almost 16 IS young. If you can't handle what people tell you and you're only willing to hear what you want I higly suggest that you stop telling people about it. The tantrums you keep throwing in no way support your own conjecture that you're old enough to handle a serious relationship.

 

[EmSchmem]

Added to which you are having a 'secret' relationship. Not mature buddy. Your willingmess to disobey parents is not a sign of maturity and neither is it a sign that your love is strong. It is a sign of selfish rebellion. You can call me whatever name you wish if you have to but I refuse to believe this is a healthy relationship.

 

[Daniel_Standish]

Thanks for your help...maybe I am better off without you all. It is not as if I have a choice to keep things in "secret" or not. Either I keep things low key, or I lose Marissa. Her father has already vowed to move her to Foothill High if she falls in love with me. I will never get to spend any time with her. Right now I only get to spend about 1 hour a day with her. Once I no longer have any support from her parents, I will not have any time at all with her. Right now, her parents love me. They believe I am an awesome guy...and would love to take me a vacation with them etc. They are happy for us if we are just friends. They need to realize that if I love Marissa...that is my incentive. They cannot stop me from loving her. They can take her away. They can move. They can make both our lives even more hell than it already is. But they can never stop me from loving her.
I think it is hilarious that you are 27 sitting here telling me that I am immature...based on mistakes others have made in the past. I am not other people. I am Daniel Standish. No one has been in my exact position before. Do not judge me based on what others have done. Why can't anyone try to help me? Why do I seek help from Christians and I am given none? I am rejected. Thanks. I pray to God every night. I ask Him for forgiveness. He brought me and Marissa together...and I know He has a way out of this. I am putting my full faith in Him. I admit, both me and Marissa have our hard times, our tough times. But through it all, our love is too strong to be broken by Satans clutches. Jesus governs our relationship. He protects us from harm. We trust in Him completely. And the feeling is so awesome. Please don't tell me that I do not have strong love for Marissa. Who are you to judge me? Who are you to tell me how I feel? Or what I feel? You are not 16. You are not in my position. You are already done with your teenage years. It is easy for you to look back and look at the mistakes you may have made, and think I am falling into the same fate.
My love for Marissa will not end. Holding my age against me is not Godly either. You are not so incredibly Godly if you sit here and tell me that my love is weak. And that I am rebellious. I love the fact that no one is helping me. No one is "on my side". Everyone is against me. Only my parents support me. And I'm sorry...but I trust them so much more than I trust you. And I believe them so much more than I believe you. And I look to them for help and take their wise words so much more seriously than your criticism.
This is my life. Deal with it.
I love Marissa. Deal with it.
I love Jesus Christ. Deal with it.
If you have a problem with any of those...deal with it.
I am not bending for some biased critic. I love Marissa and my love will never wane. She loves me...and she would give her life for me at any moment. It is the deepest love. We are both strong Christians. And yes, I said strong.
Why am I made out to be the bad guy on this website? I'm sorry that I see things from a different perspective than everyone else. That is my character. Deal with it. Do not talk to me about age if you are older than me looking down upon me. Do not talk to me about love if you do not know love. Do not even say the name of my precious Jesus Christ...if you do not even know who He is...and what He is doing in my life.
Everyone is so quick to judge...so slow to help. Thanks for all your criticism. I love being torn apart by people that are supposed to support me and help me. I am being completely open-minded about this. And I am totally open to new ideas...even if I don't agree with them. But I will not tolerate someone hipocritcally judging me because of mistakes that other people have made. I'm sorry to everyone else on this website who's heart is sincere. I am sorry that now I appear to be some evil-hearted demon that is intent on being "rebellious" and stubborn. I am really not the devil I sound like on these threads. I love Marissa so much. All I want is love. I need help...so I came to Christians to find it...and I went to God. And God is not telling me the same thing that you are. God is telling me to be patient and have faith in Him. You are telling me that I am not in a "healthy relationship" and that my love is "not strong". God is not telling me either of these things. If my love is not strong...than I am weak. Because I am giving Marissa my everything. I will die for her any moment. I will die for her love. But I don't have to. Instead of dieing for her, God has brought us together so we can live the rest of our lives together. And I am the happiest man on earth. I do not know what is wrong with the rest of this world. I was looking for help. I'm sorry.

 

[Daniel_Standish]

Btw, I'm sorry for being a jerk earlier. I went far over-board. It is just frustrating for me. Thank you all for your input...even if I don't like what you have to say. Thank you anyway. I'm sorry.

 

[MagicStar723]

Daniel, take a deep breath, step back and re-read your post. You are doing exactly what you are saying everyone else is doing to you. You are judging that everyone is just saying it isn't right because you are young. Everyone cares about you! That is why they are saying what they are. Sure maybe God means for you and Marissa to be together but at this point in your life parent are a big part. Honor your father and mother. If you have intentions of a full relationship with her and possibly marriage you want a healthy relationship with her parents. You also don't want her to turn against her parents. It will cause nothing but trouble for you!
I can tell you all of this from experience. My parents aren't Christians, they don't like my boyfriend and don't approve of us dating. Do we do it in secret? No. My boyfriend is in college right now so I don't see him very often but I do everyother weekend.
It started out (we started dating when I was 15) with my parents very, very strict about letting us talk on the phone, hangout etc. I was also homeschooled and he was in public school so we didn't see eachother there either. My parents still knew every little thing and that eventually grew into trust to now they are much, much more lenient with us.
Another thing it sounds like her parents like you and are ok with ya'll being friends. Maybe they are being cautious and protecting you from a relationship. A lot of teenage girls parents but age limits on dating and don't let it happen before 16 or so. Which is wise I think.
I also think that you should do yourself a favor and settle with a friendship. Good healthy, loving relationships begin with a friendship and develop when God sees it fit, and when He does, I bet her parents will be ok with it!

 

[Daniel_Standish]

Is there anyone on here that supports me? Does anyone actually agree with me? Or is everyone against my relationship with Marissa? Don't answer that.

 

[MagicStar723]

Nobody said they were against you. Just slow down, step back and look at how you are living. You are both still at an age where you parents are a very important part of your life.

 

[Daniel_Standish]

First off, I don't know what your problem is...there is no problem with our parents. Where did you get that from? Her parents do not approve of a relationship with anyone at this time...but they have absolutely nothing against me. Her dad actually likes me and thinks I am an awesome guy. He wants to go wake boarding with me. He wants to take me to baseball games and such. So I don't know where you got the idea that they are against me. They just do not want Marissa to have any kind of relationship with anyone because of what happened to her in her last relationship. They are afraid that she will meet the same heartbreak with me, that she did with her ex. They do not want her in that pain again. I absolutely cannot argue with that...and I totally understand. Is that going to terminate my passionate love for Marissa? No. Am I going to just leave her? No. I am not going to just "be her friend" because I have plenty of friends...just being a friend says nothing. I didn't come into this looking for a friend. I wanted someone I could love and show my love to. God brought Marissa into my life - a girl that deeply loves me and wants to show me her love in everything she does. She lives for me. And I know she would die for me. Her parents are but two people. I respect how they feel towards me and her. And I respect their motives behind their disapproval of a relationship. But they need to let their 17-year-old daughter try her wings. They need to learn to start letting go. I seriously do not think her parents realize that Marissa is almost 18. I seriously do not think they realize that. They always treat her like a baby and tell her how immature she is. She takes care of her entire household. She does the entire family's laundry. She picks up after all her siblings - only for her mom to come home and yell at her for missing something or "Why didn't you do this while I was gone?" and such. Her mother is never happy with anything she ever does. And I realize that she is a very busy woman trying to take care of 5 kids. But she always complains about her workload. I don't understand. If you are going to have 5 children...you need to be prepared for the resonsibility that comes with having a large family. Her mother is not. She hates her life...she hates her kids. She hates the fact that her house is never clean. I have never seen her sit on the couch all the many times I have been over at their house. She is always doing something. And I have never seen her smile. I have never heard her compliment, or encourage. I have never even seen her happy. I have told my pastor this information...and he says that it sounds to him as if Marissa's parents need counseling. I asked him what I can do in this situation...and he said that there is nothing I can do...that I am doing all I can. I really love this girl...and I want the world to know that nothing will end or hinder my love for her. Nothing will slow it down or end it. Jesus came to this earth and the earth wanted to end His love. They criticized anything and everything they could about Him. But nothing in this world could possibly terminate or even hinder His love. Nothing in this world can possibly terminate or hinder my love for Marissa. I do not know why everyone on this website seems to have a problem with this. Yes I know I am young. But you know what? The Almighty brought Marissa into my life now. He did not bring her into my life four years from now. He brought her into my life now...when I am 16 years old. He did this because He wanted us to struggle through these tough times together...so that when we do get married...our relationship will be so incredibly strong. If nothing can separate us now...nothing will be able to separate us then. I love Marissa. Nothing will ever change that. I am sorry you do not approve of my love...but then, I am not asking you to. I was just looking for help...but I guess that was my mistake. Nevermind me...I don't want to hear anymore of your "help". All you do is make me feel lower than dirt. Thanks for those of you that helped me. I'm sorry that I do not make everyone happy. I am sorry I cannot have everyone in my favor. I am a failure.