Loneliness

[Not David]

*Orthodox Forum*

Besides from all the other issues, I really feel lonely.

That's why I spend most of my time in CF and an anonymous political forum.

This society is trash, most of the people think only about themselves and try to trick you. That's why sometimes my mom does not have money because the parents don't pay her for teaching their children and the small stores here try to overcharge us for the money.

Most of my friends I had when I left for the US haven't tried to call me back or if they had they were looking just for me to bring them stuff from the US

The very few social times I had have being going out with my family, bars and drinking (legally) with others.

I confess I have being going with my grandma to my old Evangelical Church yet I notice everyone goes to the sermon, greet one another and then leave. What kind of fellowship is that?? I'm not surprised I barely see anyone of my age there.

 

[“Paisios”]

*Orthodox Forum*

Besides from all the other issues, I really feel lonely.

That's why I spend most of my time in CF and an anonymous political forum.

This society is trash, most of the people think only about themselves and try to trick you. That's why sometimes my mom does not have money because the parents don't pay her for teaching their children and the small stores here try to overcharge us for the money.

Most of my friends I had when I left for the US haven't tried to call me back or if they had they were looking just for me to bring them stuff from the US

The very few social times I had have being going out with my family, bars and drinking (legally) with others.

I confess I have being going with my grandma to my old Evangelical Church yet I notice everyone goes to the sermon, greet one another and then leave. What kind of fellowship is that?? I'm not surprised I barely see anyone of my age there.

Sorry for this. I can certainly sympathize with loneliness. I feel that way often myself. It seems the more we are connected on social media and in the virtual world, the less we connect in the world of flesh and bone. Especially difficult if one is shy and introverted as I am. You’re in my prayers, but i’m Not wise enough to give you any advice.

 

[ArmyMatt]

Lord have mercy!

 

[Basil the Great]

*Orthodox Forum*

Besides from all the other issues, I really feel lonely.

That's why I spend most of my time in CF and an anonymous political forum.

This society is trash, most of the people think only about themselves and try to trick you. That's why sometimes my mom does not have money because the parents don't pay her for teaching their children and the small stores here try to overcharge us for the money.

Most of my friends I had when I left for the US haven't tried to call me back or if they had they were looking just for me to bring them stuff from the US

The very few social times I had have being going out with my family, bars and drinking (legally) with others.

I confess I have being going with my grandma to my old Evangelical Church yet I notice everyone goes to the sermon, greet one another and then leave. What kind of fellowship is that?? I'm not surprised I barely see anyone of my age there.

You are not alone. I am sure that quite a few of us on CF deal with loneliness.

 

[Not David]

You are not alone. I am sure that quite a few of us on CF deal with loneliness.

I guess, but I am a 20 years old guy. My life is just starting

 

[“Paisios”]

I guess, but I am a 20 years old guy. My life is just starting

I found that in my early 20s I was very lonely; by my late 20s I was not lonely at all; most of my 30s I was too busy with my kids to be lonely, and with my church work in much of my 40s I covered a lot of my loneliness (but it was underneath the surface); now in my 50s, even though I have a loving wife, I am lonely again. Loneliness has a way of ebbing and flowing throughout life.

 

[Kenny'sID]

I guess, but I am a 20 years old guy. My life is just starting

Hopefully that means there is plenty of time for things to get better.

Seek out the non phonies and learn to be happy to be alone at times, at least then, you aren't around the phonies.

 

[Not David]

Hopefully that means there is plenty of time for things to get better.

Seek out the non phonies and learn to be happy to be alone at times, at least then, you aren't around the phonies.

Unfortunately in Ecuadorian society, you are taught to be phony to get what you want.

 

[Kenny'sID]

Unfortunately in Ecuadorian society, you are taught to be phony to get what you want.

Here in the US, I think many were born that way. lol

And that's what it amounts to "getting what we want" the very thing Jesus taught against...selfishness. The way I see it, is even if worse comes to worse down here and everything went wrong that is all the more reason to hang in there with Christ, because the next world will be so much better and it's just not that far off time wise.

 

[AMM]

I can sympathize. Especially when I find myself unable to attend liturgy for whatever reason. And I remember feeling similarly when I first began to enter Orthodoxy and had to leave my old church. And it ebbs and flows over time, sometimes I can be feeling fine one minute and then five minutes later it's sudden loneliness.

Prayers for you.

 

[~Anastasia~]

Yes prayers for you.

It's something I've struggled with at times too, in different ways at different times.

I lived on a farm once and had no family nearby, no job and cut off from my church family, alone at home sometimes, and I could go a couple of weeks talking only to the person at the feed store when I bought feed, and to the animals. I used to keep a running dialogue with them.

A few other times in life it was really bad circumstances too.

It's found it better to have just one or a couple of people you can be close to than a bunch of casual friends. But we don't always have that.

Truth be told, I've lived here 7 years now and haven't made "friends" outside of Church. And people from Church almost never socialize outside of Church. At least we do have good fellowship after the Liturgy and sometimes at other times.

I don't know. The best cure I found for loneliness sometimes is to go out and try to help people - especially people who are more lonely than you. Here that might be shut-ins, or people in nursing homes, elderly and sick people, etc. The poor. I don't know if there's any kind of opportunity like that there? It might not be the kind of fellowship you hope for, but it can be a blessing and feed your soul.

Solitude is a good condition for reaching out to God too. I don't know why we sometimes resist that so hard in loneliness. (At least I know I do.) But when I give up fighting it and turn to God instead, it can be sweet comfort.

And there's nothing wrong with seeking like-minded folks online, if they just aren't around you in real life. That's often been the case for me too. I have relationships formed with Orthodox people here on CF and on FB that are closer and more intimate than those I have in my parish. It has been a big help to me, and I'm thankful.

God be with you - and continued prayers.

 

[com7fy8]

«No te desampararé, ne te dejaré;» (en Hebreos 13:5)

 

[com7fy8]

As a guest here @ArmyMatt (let me know if I cross a line; I can edit), I offer this, not meant to contradict any Orthodox belief >

In the part of Hebrews 13:5 which I have quoted, above, it says God will never leave us nor forsake us. This can be taken to mean we never have reason to feel lonely, since always we have God Himself.

But this is written to all of us, not only to certain people. I mean, any of us can at times somehow be lonely, and so God is saying to all of us, "I am here for you always, and I will never dump you; so you never have reason to feel lonely."

So, I see, one trick of loneliness is to deceive us into isolation with ourselves so we can see ourselves as being alone, so then we can feel lonely. And any of us can get isolated with what is not God!!

But we might not all go the same way, into simply feeling lonely. Ones might go after food in order to feel some company in our stomachs. Others seek the companionship of drug sensations, and sexual sensations, and workaholic adrenaline rushing. On we could go. There are many ways to seek some sort of companionship of pleasures or even unforgiveness and how I can self-righteously criticize others, because of not sharing with God. And, of course, money and sensations do not love us.

So, those many feelings and drives and reactions so unquiet are a design play to keep us away >

"rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God." (1 Peter 3:4)

«sino el interno, el del corazón, en el incorruptible ornato de un espíritu afable y apacible, que es de grande estima delante de Dios.» (1 Pedro 3:4)

In His quietness
we have such tender rest,
and this feeds us
His love's righteousness.

 

[Not David]

I will try to focus to have a better future, learn a new language or becoming a better man.

 

[Coolbutclueless]

I can competently relate to some of what you wrote. I'm a guy in my mid 20's whose orthodox in an area where there are basically no other orthodox Christians. I spent a large part of my youth and early college years with literally no friends and then I had health issues that kept me isolated and alone because it was hard to leave my home. so I didn't really start going out and being social and making friends until about 2 or so years ago.

Now I have friends but that loneliness is still there because the overwhelming majority are either not christian , or if they are christian they are not orthodox. Its very isolating when you realize the bare basics of your faith are things that many Christians know nothing about at best and at worst consider heretical.

This society is trash, most of the people think only about themselves and try to trick you.

While I agree that our society is largely trash, thinking about the defects of society isn't going to help us with loneliness. We have to put our selves out there, we have to learn to socialize (and yes i say LEARN, its a skill and like any skill it must be practiced if you want to get better at it). My social life got much better when I started putting myself out there, when I started initiating conversations with people I didn't know, when I started inviting people to things, when I started not hiding my feelings or flaws (while at the same time learning when is and isn't the time to express such things).

I'm slowly learning the best way to make real connections with people is to look for the good not the bad in people, don't blame others for my problems(even if they are the cause its better to look for how I can change my behavior because I CAN'T change theirs), and really the biggest thing is to be real with myself. I realized a lot of times I was angry or frustrated with people because I was scared, i was insecure, and I still am in many ways, but now I know that I can't act on those feelings. Its ok to feel them, you can't control what emotions you have but you can control your reaction.

anyways Ive rambled enough. All that to say, I totally get where your coming from, and lonliness is a very real issue that many of deal with but that any progress ive made has been made because I focused less on the problems and more on changing my own behavior and putting in effort myself.

 

[E.C.]

?hay iglesias ortodoxas en ecuador? Creo que posible porque hay obispos en otras paises suramericanas

 

[Lukaris]

I will always believe it is best for an individual to have friends and eventual (traditional) marriage & family. Not all of us will end up this way.

I have always been solitary, had ups & downs in disposition. The Gospel taught me to focus on the Lord’s commandments (Matthew 22:36-40, Matthew 19:16-19, Matthew 6:1-18, Romans 13:8-10 etc.). This is the pattern that is outlined in the earliest surviving church manual (ca. 100 AD) of the Didache (Didache. The Teaching of the Twelve Apostles (translation J. B. Lightfoot). ).

There is plenty of what we must commit to here via our disposition yet an individual can do this in most ordinary means by praying for others & alms giving. I just try to remember that the Lord says that there is tribulation in this world ( John 16:33), our duties ( Luke 17:5-10), & the need to persevere ( Romans 11:22).

 

[Yeshua HaDerekh]

Unfortunately in Ecuadorian society, you are taught to be phony to get what you want.

You can be the example to others to NOT be that way

 

[Yeshua HaDerekh]

*Orthodox Forum*

Besides from all the other issues, I really feel lonely.

Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven. Do good to others and you will not feel lonely