Living with the scars of bisexuality

[salt-n-light]

First pray for me.

Its been a few months now since God has delivered me from that lifestyle. That the veil has removed from my eyes and I was able to see my state for what it was. Sometimes though, I feel like the expectation now is that I can just go on and act on my heterosexual nature since that never left.

It's not that easy.

When I lived that lifestyle, like with any sexuality that has strayed from God's plan for our desires, it cripples you. I find myself, even when my desires for girls has gone down, the attraction I once had for men has been distorted. My flesh knows that if I pursuing a man, part of me would wish I was with a girl, and if I desired a girl that I should be desiring men. I guess I'm saying although I would like to desire to be with a guy someday, the drive I once had to pursue isn't strong anymore because of the baggage I still have with my attraction to girls.

In short, the thought of celibacy isn't only plaguing the mind of those with a past of homosexuality, it plagues me as well that have that background of bisexuality.

At the same time, if it means that I don't marry to stay by God's side, I gladly will sacrifice that. And if God restores my desires to being rightful and pleasing and beneficial to my future husband, let God be praise too. I trust God's promises, despite my concerns.

I wonder if anyone else has felt the same, even after recovering? The thought of what their end would look like companionship wise.

 

[HeatRamosHidden]

First pray for me.

Its been a few months now since God has delivered me from that lifestyle. That the veil has removed from my eyes and I was able to see my state for what it was. Sometimes though, I feel like the expectation now is that I can just go on and act on my heterosexual nature since that never left.

It's not that easy.

When I lived that lifestyle, like with any sexuality that has strayed from God's plan for our desires, it cripples you. I find myself, even when my desires for girls has gone down, the attraction I once had for men has been distorted. My flesh knows that if I pursuing a man, part of me would wish I was with a girl, and if I desired a girl that I should be desiring men. I guess I'm saying although I would like to desire to be with a guy someday, the drive I once had to pursue isn't strong anymore because of the baggage I still have with my attraction to girls.

In short, the thought of celibacy isn't only plaguing the mind of those with a past of homosexuality, it plagues me as well that have that background of bisexuality.

At the same time, if it means that I don't marry to stay by God's side, I gladly will sacrifice that. And if God restores my desires to being rightful and pleasing and beneficial to my future husband, let God be praise too. I trust God's promises, despite my concerns.

I wonder if anyone else has felt the same, even after recovering? The thought of what their end would look like companionship wise.

You have an overcoming attitude. God will reward you greatly for that.

 

[salt-n-light]

You have an overcoming attitude. God will reward you greatly for that.

He has given me a peace that have truly surpass all understanding and Truth that has given me freedom from this world.

Despite killing my flesh everyday, I feel like He has already rewarded me greatly

God bless you!

 

[tundrawolf]

First pray for me.

Its been a few months now since God has delivered me from that lifestyle. That the veil has removed from my eyes and I was able to see my state for what it was. Sometimes though, I feel like the expectation now is that I can just go on and act on my heterosexual nature since that never left.

It's not that easy.

When I lived that lifestyle, like with any sexuality that has strayed from God's plan for our desires, it cripples you. I find myself, even when my desires for girls has gone down, the attraction I once had for men has been distorted. My flesh knows that if I pursuing a man, part of me would wish I was with a girl, and if I desired a girl that I should be desiring men. I guess I'm saying although I would like to desire to be with a guy someday, the drive I once had to pursue isn't strong anymore because of the baggage I still have with my attraction to girls.

In short, the thought of celibacy isn't only plaguing the mind of those with a past of homosexuality, it plagues me as well that have that background of bisexuality.

At the same time, if it means that I don't marry to stay by God's side, I gladly will sacrifice that. And if God restores my desires to being rightful and pleasing and beneficial to my future husband, let God be praise too. I trust God's promises, despite my concerns.

I wonder if anyone else has felt the same, even after recovering? The thought of what their end would look like companionship wise.

As you press into God, through the terrifying confusion, impossible barriers, and difficulties, God will give you times of overcoming. It will be slow at first, painfully slow depending on your involvement and how deep your trauma was.

For me my trauma went to my core, and I had to be destroyed for it to be remade. Sounds scary and it is but it is necessary.

However, as you endure, press into God, fall, and continue to fight, you will be re made, your desires will be changed, the wires that go to wrong places will be placed rightly, and you will grow very excited over how wonderful being placed in line with God's perfect will for your marriage and relationship with the husband He has for you.

I know that my desires for women have been re made, in every layer, aspect and truth. I am understanding not just women, but what God has designed women to inherently desire from a man. These are not bad things, these are things God has designed for a long, beautiful, loving marriage between a man and a woman.

I can tell you that you are doing well. I can tell you that you will be blessed above many other women who do not strive to be better.

I have desperately wanted a woman to marry since I was a kid. I mean desperately. I felt so strongly about it I hated God for being single. As I progressed through the pain and loneliness, and sought God anyway, He began giving me divine revelations about the hearts of women. Things that instantly corrected grievously incorrect preconceptions I clung to with a death grip.

But as these wrong thinking began to dissolve, I realize something: had I not of received this revelation, had I of been married before receiving it, my marriage would have utterly failed.

And I would still be lonely I would still want a mate. She would complete me... And then another revelation. And realizing my marriage would not have worked then, either.

I am to the point where, my marriage would work, but wouldn't be perfect. Wouldn't be what God wants it to be. He has refused to give me a time line or how many more revelations I must receive before He gives me the woman He has told me He is going to bring to me.

I watch my friends who do not follow God, fall into damaging relationship after damaging relationship. I used to be jealous of them, until I saw the death they were partaking in. It makes me glad I am single. It makes me glad I am being made right, as my wife is also being made right for me.

I look forward to cherishing her, as my years spent alone, and seeking the Lord have made me truly grateful for her eventual presence in my life. I'm not saying it's going to be easy and pain free, but it will be what God has told me it will be.