living with girlfriend, is it wrong?

[Miss Shelby]

But the act of just living with him is not a sin. Brother Ben and Father Yvon approved it, and they both work for the Catholic Church. My priest, Father Larry said it was fine, and so did our Deacon Bill. And even through the Focus couple that we met with, in order to get married, they said that the Catholic church is adapting more and more to younger couples because they are living together before marriage more and more.

I understand that, but this is not something that the Holy See has approved unless it's in the case of the circumstances I described above. It does NOT apply to two people who are Catholic and not married already. It really bugs me when I hear things like this, that priests and deacons are approving these things. I think they're taking liberties they should not be.

Michelle

 

[Redstiletto]

He isnt Catholic, I am.

 

[HandmaidenOfGod]

And?

 

[Redstiletto]

And nothing.

 

[Miss Shelby]

The Church is not 'adapting to the customs of the couples living together before marriage'--that's nonsense.

 

[Sisof8]

ok... I would not reccomend a couple live together before marriage, i think it VERY easily can lead to sin and it DOES look bad. It definitely gives off the "appearance of evil" BUUUUT... Red has a point. The act of a male and female unmarried, even if they are romantically inclined, is not a sin in and of itself. It seems unwise to me because of the vastly larger temptation towards sexual immorality and because of the way it looks, BUT... the act in and of itself is not sinful, and if a couple can make it work and has good reasons i would support them in it. (make it work meaning A: short term and B: They have set up accountability so they will not sin) I am not arguing for it, I am just saying in and of itself co-habitation is not sinful.

Red I have a question for ya though... why have you been living together for 3.5 years unmarried? If you intend to BE maried, but hasn't it happened yet? It almost sounds like by living together you DELAYED marriage because living together was just as good. but perhaps i am misunderstanding.

 

[Redstiletto]

Red I have a question for ya though... why have you been living together for 3.5 years unmarried? If you intend to BE maried, but hasn't it happened yet? It almost sounds like by living together you DELAYED marriage because living together was just as good. but perhaps i am misunderstanding.

No, we had to delay it because of money issues and schedule issues. I would have loved to be married to him for hte last 3.5 years but we did not have the money for the wedding. And becaue every time we did schedule it and start planning it, something would go wrong with my family not being there or his or just people in general not being able to attend, key people, not just a few friends or something, but family members that we couldnt see ourselves getting married without them there.

 

[Sisof8]

Red - oooh ok, well i pray it comes together soon.

 

[Redstiletto]

August 5th, is the day and that is final! I have everything already planned, the invites go out in a week or so

 

[RoseofLima]

Outside of the moral scope the divorce rate is astoundingly high for couples who live together before marriage...

 

[EllenMoran]

How are you meant to know if you can live with someone until you do live with someone? Maybe you want to marry someone and then you do and live with thema nd realise it was a mistake, and then you can't get divroced. It makes no sense.

My perspective on this prior to getting married (and I was a *very* lapsed Catholic), was that if the stress of living together would split us up, I shouldn't be considering marrying him in the first place. Sure, you don't know, but you are considering a commitment that is much, much larger than living together - and as such, if you are willing to make that commitment, why would you let frustrations about living together split you up?

What we did was buy a house a couple of months before we wed, he moved in, and we moved my stuff in 2 wks before the wedding (when my lease expired) while I lived with my parents for that time. And, actually, the transition has been a lot easier than I anticipated. Now, some stuff makes me crazy about him, and some stuff makes him crazy about me. But he's the man who I want to spend my life with, to have children with - if I can't tell him "hey, when you do this, it makes me nuts, can we figure something out?" and vice versa, how the heck can we build a life together? It takes maturity and a whole lot of eating crow, which isn't always pleasant - but it's my marriage - it's worth the effort.

 

[EllenMoran]

Outside of the moral scope the divorce rate is astoundingly high for couples who live together before marriage...

Yes, but how much of that is due to folks who are OK with living together first also being more OK with divorce than those who don't? It's a correlation, but not necessarily a causation.

 

[RoseofLima]

Yes, but how much of that is due to folks who are OK with living together first also being more OK with divorce than those who don't? It's a correlation, but not necessarily a causation.

yes-- you are absolutely right..but it is worthy to note I think...something to examine

 

[BillH]

Yes, but how much of that is due to folks who are OK with living together first also being more OK with divorce than those who don't? It's a correlation, but not necessarily a causation.

True. But it does rule out the argument that living with someone before marriage significantly reduces your chances of getting divorced that some people tend to make.

 

[EllenMoran]

True. But it does rule out the argument that living with someone before marriage significantly reduces your chances of getting divorced that some people tend to make.

I completely agree. Just trying to make sure that overstatement to the reverse wasn't going on either.

 

[HisKid1973]

It still all boils down to being in God's will or not..The choice is each ours alone..pax...Kim

 

[epiclesis]

It still all boils down to being in God's will or not..The choice is each ours alone..pax...Kim

but God would not will us to cohabitate....

God does not will us to sin.

It may be our choice, but that doesn't make it the right one.

 

[HisKid1973]

but God would not will us to cohabitate....
God does not will us to sin.
It may be our choice, but that doesn't make it the right one.

Amen Sis, We either choose to obey God and deny our flesh or do it our way and miss God's best. You are a wise young lady, May the Lord bless you with the desire of your heart as you please Him,,pax..Kim

 

[Febe]

It's a correlation, but not necessarily a causation.

This is an interesting point! I wish we could have an answer...

 

[skatepixie]

Now, what about male roommates (who aren't family)? Like, just sharing rent on an appartment or something when there is no romantic anything going on?