- Feb 6, 2020
- 1
- 1
- 40
- Country
- United States
- Faith
- Lutheran
- Marital Status
- Divorced
My significant other and I have been together for 4 years now. I have two young children who I provide for the most. A lot of major life altering events happened that put us both in a position of potentially becoming homeless if we didn't combine our households to save money. A few months ago we did just that so that he didn't lose his house, and me and my kids were in a more stable place.
My kids attend school through our church, we attend services almost weekly unless it is unavoidable, we participate in church activities outside of school periodically, and I give what I can when I can even if it's the last of the spare change in my wallet. The pastor recently pulled me aside and asked me to refrain from partaking in communion until I can "fix my living situation." When i brought up the reason, I was basically told that what the court deemed sufficient for child support based on our placement schedule with my ex-husband didn't seem correct and that I needed to go after him with a lawyer for the full 25% of his income so I can support myself and my kids on my own (We are practically 50/50 placement.) I can't afford a lawyer, and I don't want to drag my kids in the middle of this because that is what my ex would do.
My SO and I have discussed marriage multiple times, and we would both jump at it, but he doesn't want to because he's sick of government involvement in personal matters. He's been married twice before and has said he's just sick of being put through the ringer because of taxes and what not while so many others take advantage of their situation. Plus I am trying to pull out of some major credit problems on my own that I do not want to tie him to until I have less major debt that can affect him. I know he will get over his issues eventually, but I still want to make sure I'm not dragging him down either before we get married. I also don't want to be forced to do something just because the church is telling us to either.
I don't know what to do about the situation I'm in now. I don't want to pull my family apart. I feel lost. I'm also worried that if I can't do anything, that my church may go even further and revoke my membership completely which will cause me to be unable to afford the tuition for my children to continue to attend school there. I don't want to pull them out of their school and away from their friends, but I don't want to pull them away from my SO who is more of a father to them than their actual dad is. I can't afford to raise my family on my own if I do get my own place. I have no one to really go to about this either. I either have the people that are 100% on the churches side, or the ones that say I need to just leave the church. I was baptized at this church, I was confirmed there, my entire family are members, even my SOs family are members. I'm just scared, lost, conflicted and feeling abandoned on so many levels right now.
My kids attend school through our church, we attend services almost weekly unless it is unavoidable, we participate in church activities outside of school periodically, and I give what I can when I can even if it's the last of the spare change in my wallet. The pastor recently pulled me aside and asked me to refrain from partaking in communion until I can "fix my living situation." When i brought up the reason, I was basically told that what the court deemed sufficient for child support based on our placement schedule with my ex-husband didn't seem correct and that I needed to go after him with a lawyer for the full 25% of his income so I can support myself and my kids on my own (We are practically 50/50 placement.) I can't afford a lawyer, and I don't want to drag my kids in the middle of this because that is what my ex would do.
My SO and I have discussed marriage multiple times, and we would both jump at it, but he doesn't want to because he's sick of government involvement in personal matters. He's been married twice before and has said he's just sick of being put through the ringer because of taxes and what not while so many others take advantage of their situation. Plus I am trying to pull out of some major credit problems on my own that I do not want to tie him to until I have less major debt that can affect him. I know he will get over his issues eventually, but I still want to make sure I'm not dragging him down either before we get married. I also don't want to be forced to do something just because the church is telling us to either.
I don't know what to do about the situation I'm in now. I don't want to pull my family apart. I feel lost. I'm also worried that if I can't do anything, that my church may go even further and revoke my membership completely which will cause me to be unable to afford the tuition for my children to continue to attend school there. I don't want to pull them out of their school and away from their friends, but I don't want to pull them away from my SO who is more of a father to them than their actual dad is. I can't afford to raise my family on my own if I do get my own place. I have no one to really go to about this either. I either have the people that are 100% on the churches side, or the ones that say I need to just leave the church. I was baptized at this church, I was confirmed there, my entire family are members, even my SOs family are members. I'm just scared, lost, conflicted and feeling abandoned on so many levels right now.