Living together before marriage with kids involved.

Voilette83

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My significant other and I have been together for 4 years now. I have two young children who I provide for the most. A lot of major life altering events happened that put us both in a position of potentially becoming homeless if we didn't combine our households to save money. A few months ago we did just that so that he didn't lose his house, and me and my kids were in a more stable place.

My kids attend school through our church, we attend services almost weekly unless it is unavoidable, we participate in church activities outside of school periodically, and I give what I can when I can even if it's the last of the spare change in my wallet. The pastor recently pulled me aside and asked me to refrain from partaking in communion until I can "fix my living situation." When i brought up the reason, I was basically told that what the court deemed sufficient for child support based on our placement schedule with my ex-husband didn't seem correct and that I needed to go after him with a lawyer for the full 25% of his income so I can support myself and my kids on my own (We are practically 50/50 placement.) I can't afford a lawyer, and I don't want to drag my kids in the middle of this because that is what my ex would do.

My SO and I have discussed marriage multiple times, and we would both jump at it, but he doesn't want to because he's sick of government involvement in personal matters. He's been married twice before and has said he's just sick of being put through the ringer because of taxes and what not while so many others take advantage of their situation. Plus I am trying to pull out of some major credit problems on my own that I do not want to tie him to until I have less major debt that can affect him. I know he will get over his issues eventually, but I still want to make sure I'm not dragging him down either before we get married. I also don't want to be forced to do something just because the church is telling us to either.

I don't know what to do about the situation I'm in now. I don't want to pull my family apart. I feel lost. I'm also worried that if I can't do anything, that my church may go even further and revoke my membership completely which will cause me to be unable to afford the tuition for my children to continue to attend school there. I don't want to pull them out of their school and away from their friends, but I don't want to pull them away from my SO who is more of a father to them than their actual dad is. I can't afford to raise my family on my own if I do get my own place. I have no one to really go to about this either. I either have the people that are 100% on the churches side, or the ones that say I need to just leave the church. I was baptized at this church, I was confirmed there, my entire family are members, even my SOs family are members. I'm just scared, lost, conflicted and feeling abandoned on so many levels right now.
 
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SkyWriting

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My significant other and I have been together for 4 years now. I have two young children who I provide for the most. A lot of major life altering events happened that put us both in a position of potentially becoming homeless if we didn't combine our households to save money. A few months ago we did just that so that he didn't lose his house, and me and my kids were in a more stable place.

My kids attend school through our church, we attend services almost weekly unless it is unavoidable, we participate in church activities outside of school periodically, and I give what I can when I can even if it's the last of the spare change in my wallet. The pastor recently pulled me aside and asked me to refrain from partaking in communion until I can "fix my living situation." When i brought up the reason, I was basically told that what the court deemed sufficient for child support based on our placement schedule with my ex-husband didn't seem correct and that I needed to go after him with a lawyer for the full 25% of his income so I can support myself and my kids on my own (We are practically 50/50 placement.) I can't afford a lawyer, and I don't want to drag my kids in the middle of this because that is what my ex would do.

My SO and I have discussed marriage multiple times, and we would both jump at it, but he doesn't want to because he's sick of government involvement in personal matters. He's been married twice before and has said he's just sick of being put through the ringer because of taxes and what not while so many others take advantage of their situation. Plus I am trying to pull out of some major credit problems on my own that I do not want to tie him to until I have less major debt that can affect him. I know he will get over his issues eventually, but I still want to make sure I'm not dragging him down either before we get married. I also don't want to be forced to do something just because the church is telling us to either.

I don't know what to do about the situation I'm in now. I don't want to pull my family apart. I feel lost. I'm also worried that if I can't do anything, that my church may go even further and revoke my membership completely which will cause me to be unable to afford the tuition for my children to continue to attend school there. I don't want to pull them out of their school and away from their friends, but I don't want to pull them away from my SO who is more of a father to them than their actual dad is. I can't afford to raise my family on my own if I do get my own place. I have no one to really go to about this either. I either have the people that are 100% on the churches side, or the ones that say I need to just leave the church. I was baptized at this church, I was confirmed there, my entire family are members, even my SOs family are members. I'm just scared, lost, conflicted and feeling abandoned on so many levels right now.


So how do you feel about your kids having sex with anybody, somewhere?
They hole up with somebody to save money? Because they are going to.
If this "situation" with your kids living together, lasts forever or not do you think?
 
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redleghunter

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My significant other and I have been together for 4 years now. I have two young children who I provide for the most. A lot of major life altering events happened that put us both in a position of potentially becoming homeless if we didn't combine our households to save money. A few months ago we did just that so that he didn't lose his house, and me and my kids were in a more stable place.

My kids attend school through our church, we attend services almost weekly unless it is unavoidable, we participate in church activities outside of school periodically, and I give what I can when I can even if it's the last of the spare change in my wallet. The pastor recently pulled me aside and asked me to refrain from partaking in communion until I can "fix my living situation." When i brought up the reason, I was basically told that what the court deemed sufficient for child support based on our placement schedule with my ex-husband didn't seem correct and that I needed to go after him with a lawyer for the full 25% of his income so I can support myself and my kids on my own (We are practically 50/50 placement.) I can't afford a lawyer, and I don't want to drag my kids in the middle of this because that is what my ex would do.

My SO and I have discussed marriage multiple times, and we would both jump at it, but he doesn't want to because he's sick of government involvement in personal matters. He's been married twice before and has said he's just sick of being put through the ringer because of taxes and what not while so many others take advantage of their situation. Plus I am trying to pull out of some major credit problems on my own that I do not want to tie him to until I have less major debt that can affect him. I know he will get over his issues eventually, but I still want to make sure I'm not dragging him down either before we get married. I also don't want to be forced to do something just because the church is telling us to either.

I don't know what to do about the situation I'm in now. I don't want to pull my family apart. I feel lost. I'm also worried that if I can't do anything, that my church may go even further and revoke my membership completely which will cause me to be unable to afford the tuition for my children to continue to attend school there. I don't want to pull them out of their school and away from their friends, but I don't want to pull them away from my SO who is more of a father to them than their actual dad is. I can't afford to raise my family on my own if I do get my own place. I have no one to really go to about this either. I either have the people that are 100% on the churches side, or the ones that say I need to just leave the church. I was baptized at this church, I was confirmed there, my entire family are members, even my SOs family are members. I'm just scared, lost, conflicted and feeling abandoned on so many levels right now.
Have you both sat down with your pastor about your living arrangements?
 
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Salvadore

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In your state can you be married without a license? When did states get involved in marriages? I don't think marriage has always required government involvement. When does the union become common law?
So, I read that a marriage license was required by states because the states wanted to make sure there were no interracial marriages. It. is not ok to live together in a sexual relationship. It also sends a message to your children that it is ok to have sex outside of marriage. I agree with the other posts. You should have a marriage ceremony and trust God to meet your needs.
 
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blackribbon

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Understand that you have no protections if either of you gets very sick or dies. If he dies, his family can show up and claim to own (and possibly win) all his personal products and anything they believe to have been bought with his money...and kick you and the kids out of the house even if you have helped pay for bills or invested any money into the structure. I have seen it happen.

At the very least, make him draw up a will to protect you and your kids.

Also, what happens to your kids if you die?

And if either of you gets sick, you don't have the right to make medical decisions for the other person...and his family or your family can block you/him from even being at the hospital.

A marriage license PROTECTS the spouse. It also gives tax benefits. The only time government becomes an issue is when you END a marriage. Are you both preparing to have a failed marriage?

God doesn't give financial or situational conditions for when sex before marriage is acceptable. In most states, your debt before marriage shouldn't become common debt. Only debt acquired after you marry. When you marry, you share your burdens as well as your victories.

I will pray for you. I know that reality is hard but again, that doesn't erase Biblical truths. Sin is sin.
 
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GaveMeJoy

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I’m sorry for your difficult Circumstances. I usually run out of food money about 3 weeks into the month so I feel your pain. This happens to me because I have to pay my wife spousal support and she doesn’t work.

I suppose you have a choice to make: will you obey the Lord and then depend on him to provide for your physical needs, or will you disobey God and allow yourself to be used physically outside of God’s will and outside of marriage.


No one on this
Forum can help you, except to pray that either you and your SO get married (if you are both Christians) or life separately
 
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createdtoworship

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My significant other and I have been together for 4 years now. I have two young children who I provide for the most. A lot of major life altering events happened that put us both in a position of potentially becoming homeless if we didn't combine our households to save money. A few months ago we did just that so that he didn't lose his house, and me and my kids were in a more stable place.

My kids attend school through our church, we attend services almost weekly unless it is unavoidable, we participate in church activities outside of school periodically, and I give what I can when I can even if it's the last of the spare change in my wallet. The pastor recently pulled me aside and asked me to refrain from partaking in communion until I can "fix my living situation." When i brought up the reason, I was basically told that what the court deemed sufficient for child support based on our placement schedule with my ex-husband didn't seem correct and that I needed to go after him with a lawyer for the full 25% of his income so I can support myself and my kids on my own (We are practically 50/50 placement.) I can't afford a lawyer, and I don't want to drag my kids in the middle of this because that is what my ex would do.

My SO and I have discussed marriage multiple times, and we would both jump at it, but he doesn't want to because he's sick of government involvement in personal matters. He's been married twice before and has said he's just sick of being put through the ringer because of taxes and what not while so many others take advantage of their situation. Plus I am trying to pull out of some major credit problems on my own that I do not want to tie him to until I have less major debt that can affect him. I know he will get over his issues eventually, but I still want to make sure I'm not dragging him down either before we get married. I also don't want to be forced to do something just because the church is telling us to either.

I don't know what to do about the situation I'm in now. I don't want to pull my family apart. I feel lost. I'm also worried that if I can't do anything, that my church may go even further and revoke my membership completely which will cause me to be unable to afford the tuition for my children to continue to attend school there. I don't want to pull them out of their school and away from their friends, but I don't want to pull them away from my SO who is more of a father to them than their actual dad is. I can't afford to raise my family on my own if I do get my own place. I have no one to really go to about this either. I either have the people that are 100% on the churches side, or the ones that say I need to just leave the church. I was baptized at this church, I was confirmed there, my entire family are members, even my SOs family are members. I'm just scared, lost, conflicted and feeling abandoned on so many levels right now.
well move out. Just draw a line in the sand, say.....I would rather be homeless than live in sin with someone not my spouse. So if you don't want to be married, than I will find someone who will. Right now he has every right not to be married. Before there is a ring on it, no man or woman is in covenant before God to be required to stay faithful. There are no marriage benefits given by God to a courting couple. You don't have a requirement to stay faithful, God in fact does not even think it's sin if an engagement is broken off. God really only cares about covenant. You are either married or you are not to God. So in God's eyes you are single living together. Which looks bad. And is way worse if sex is occuring. So some guys, many guys....like the fringe benefits of living together with a girl and having sex and all the benefits of marriage, without the taxation of marriage. And that is sin. And of course the world does not like restrictions. So money and tax savings are more important than how we view to God. But even if you didn't get married, at least get eloped, make it official with the paper work. So your covered by His insurance. And an elopement many times qualifies for a marriage liscense. So you can make it fully official. Allthough God simply requires that we come before a church official or other official and declare that we are together for life, married if you will (in front of witnesses). You don't even have to call it marriage, but I don't see why someone would not want that clarification. Rings are optional but I personally like putting my ring on at church. I have been propositioned more than once, and I had to make an awkward situation worse by saying...."I am married, I am an old man, I can't marry your daughter, I have a daughter her age." So anyway, yeah commitment is good. As you get older and bodies get older and sex appeal dwindles you want that covenant commitment. You DON'T WANT HIM LEAVING FOR A YOUNGER MODEL. So if he won't marry you, find one who will. It's relatively easy. But hard at the same time.
 
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Aussie Pete

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My significant other and I have been together for 4 years now. I have two young children who I provide for the most. A lot of major life altering events happened that put us both in a position of potentially becoming homeless if we didn't combine our households to save money. A few months ago we did just that so that he didn't lose his house, and me and my kids were in a more stable place.

My kids attend school through our church, we attend services almost weekly unless it is unavoidable, we participate in church activities outside of school periodically, and I give what I can when I can even if it's the last of the spare change in my wallet. The pastor recently pulled me aside and asked me to refrain from partaking in communion until I can "fix my living situation." When i brought up the reason, I was basically told that what the court deemed sufficient for child support based on our placement schedule with my ex-husband didn't seem correct and that I needed to go after him with a lawyer for the full 25% of his income so I can support myself and my kids on my own (We are practically 50/50 placement.) I can't afford a lawyer, and I don't want to drag my kids in the middle of this because that is what my ex would do.

My SO and I have discussed marriage multiple times, and we would both jump at it, but he doesn't want to because he's sick of government involvement in personal matters. He's been married twice before and has said he's just sick of being put through the ringer because of taxes and what not while so many others take advantage of their situation. Plus I am trying to pull out of some major credit problems on my own that I do not want to tie him to until I have less major debt that can affect him. I know he will get over his issues eventually, but I still want to make sure I'm not dragging him down either before we get married. I also don't want to be forced to do something just because the church is telling us to either.

I don't know what to do about the situation I'm in now. I don't want to pull my family apart. I feel lost. I'm also worried that if I can't do anything, that my church may go even further and revoke my membership completely which will cause me to be unable to afford the tuition for my children to continue to attend school there. I don't want to pull them out of their school and away from their friends, but I don't want to pull them away from my SO who is more of a father to them than their actual dad is. I can't afford to raise my family on my own if I do get my own place. I have no one to really go to about this either. I either have the people that are 100% on the churches side, or the ones that say I need to just leave the church. I was baptized at this church, I was confirmed there, my entire family are members, even my SOs family are members. I'm just scared, lost, conflicted and feeling abandoned on so many levels right now.
This is a good time to trust Jesus to work it out. Cast all your care on Him. In God's eyes, you are married already. It is good to make it legal as a witness to the world. If you will honour God in this situation, He will take care of you. Pray for wisdom. Cast the care of the situation on Him, as He tells us we should do. If we care, God will leave us to sort it out. If we let Him care, then we get all the help that we need.
 
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