Lil' Miss Attitude!

[AnyaMa]

Welcome to tween years! Ack!

Someone is starting to get a little mouthy, and sometimes slow to obey. I know in a way she needs to "assert her independence" and all that jazz, but how much slack should I give her?

Like, I normally insist that the children are always nice and respectful to each other. But lately, her sister will ask her a question, and rather than just say yes like she normally would, now she'll say "whatever!" and roll her eyes, like she is too important to talk to that lesser being that is her younger sister. Should I adress this and continue to insist that she is nice and polite, or should I just let them duke it out?

Or, I will tell her to put her books away, and she will pretend she doesnt hear me, or say Ok but then forget to do it. Then when I have to ask her again she acts all pouty about it. Should I be happy shes doing it at all or should I address that pouty attitude, and tell her to knock it off as well?

I want to keep a tight reign on her, but not too tightly that she feels the need to rebel in the extreme.

Help!

 

[Laurie919]

We are going through the same thing. I will be honest I don't know how to handle it. It is hard being a parent.

In my real life I am actually very laid back, quiet and a loner. I actually like peace in my life and kinda just go with the flow to keep it. Taylor is the exact opposite. She is bossy, very strong willed basically runs the house.

I don't know how to fix it. I hope you have better luck than I have had. It is like once they start it just gets worse and worse.

 

[Christdefinesme]

Weeellll, it really depends on YOUR personality as a parent, how you will decide to deal with this.

I happen to be the type that goes for NOT ONE little iota of disrespect, so even a shoulder shrug, or certain look, will get a reprimand from me (even if it's just a little "hey, that's unacceptable, let's hear that again, and respectfully this time"). I call them on a lot of things, but I also try to balance it with a lot of positive input. As it turns out, the time and energy spent on calling a spade a spade with the disrespect or complainy attitudes, and causing my kids to be honest about their ugly attitudes, has been tiring, but well worth it. Really, it's really worth it. Tiring as it is!

(just wait til she's 13 !! I didn't know what hit us, we were on an attitude / emotional roller coaster for a while! )

 

[homeofmew]

teenager i assume?
yeah it depends what it is. Some teens rebel in different ways
for me it was wearing a lot of black/goth.
parents hated it, never hurt anyone.
Some Christians didn't like it too bad for them.

 

[lucypevensie]

I deal with this a bit too. She's usually pretty respectful but there are days that I wonder what in the world...where did THAT come from?

For me, the biggest challenge is to remain calm and NOT engage in an argument or resort to a raised voice. "A gentle answer turns away wrath" often works wonders on kids.

 

[coffeegal]

my dd is going through the same things. i'm trying very hard to not allow it. talking back is not allowed. my dd can be very disrespectful.

for us it is taking away the things that mean the most to her- right now that is music.

 

[jgonz]

We do not allow backtalk, snotty behavior, or even attitude in tone of voice. We use consequences for that kind of behavior & disrespect (loss of computer time, loss of tv viewing, getting grounded, extra chores, etc.)

We found that the Earlier we stopped this behavior, the better it went. We also found that teens do Not have to be rebellious and horrible~ we expect them to be young adults. If they act like children, we treat them like children. Asserting their independence is one thing, being disrespectful is Totally another thing.

 

[AnyaMa]

Thank you ladies! I dont really have other Christian parents that I can look to ofr things like this, thats why I love these boards so much I was afraid I was being too strict by not allowing the sass, since so many people ( public schoolmates, mostly) seem to think its cute when their kids act like that, or they throw up their hands and say "Well, they are just acting their age, just leave them alone." You also have a good point, that they will one day be adults and that behavior certainly would not go over well in the adult world!

 

[BarbBlessed]

Thank you ladies! I dont really have other Christian parents that I can look to ofr things like this, thats why I love these boards so much I was afraid I was being too strict by not allowing the sass, since so many people ( public schoolmates, mostly) seem to think its cute when their kids act like that, or they throw up their hands and say "Well, they are just acting their age, just leave them alone." You also have a good point, that they will one day be adults and that behavior certainly would not go over well in the adult world!

Really great advice given here.

We're also a family that feels strongly about always treating each other with respect and kindness and I'd like to add one more thing, You're entering the years where you're going to have to be scrupulously careful about your own attitude and demeanor.

While it's important to hold your kids accountable for their response to others in every situation - you also want to set a godly example. My girls were quick to pick up on it when I was frustrated with them and they'd respond with the same sort of tone/attitude and those are the times things were likely to get unpleasant. When I realize I'm not treating them (or my DH) the way I want to be treated I try to be quick with my apology. I try to make things right in front of whoever was around when I was displaying the bad attitude.

I second jgonz' statement about teens not having to be rebellious and difficult. My daughter is 16 and we've got a close, loving relationship. My niece is 17 and moved in with us because of some serious rebellion. She's still got her moments but she's made big changes in her life and has learned to follow our family's standards. There are different challenges during the teen years, but there are different joys and rewards, too. I love sitting with my girls over a cup of tea and talking with them about all sorts of things. I'm the parent - not the best friend - but we do enjoy doing things and spending time together.

 

[Robinsegg]

My kids are younger, but we tell them that no one wants to spend time with someone with a bad attitude and they may stay in their rooms (away from everyone else) until they're ready to have a better one.

Why should you, the parent, take attitude? Your daughter can make a well=reasoned objection to your instructions or she can be directed to do so. Perhaps serving her sister in some way after treating her badly, or perhaps doing an extra chore for you after she made you wait to have her compliance to instruction?

Rachel

 

[TexasSky]

I addressed it with my children, with a quick verbal correction like, "Whatever is not a word you want me to be too familiar with come next week when you ask me to buy that dress you've been nagging me to get you."

Or, "I don't care if you are 5, 10, 15, or 35, in my house, you do not speak to others that way."

As to the forgetfulness, that MIGHT really be forgetting, but there is nothing wrong with, "I asked you to do this, please don't make me ask again."

And when I got a mouthy response or a rolled eye directed right at me, I never hesitated to say, "I will not tolerate that type of disrepectful behavior to me in my own home. I am not perfect, but I am a parent, and a provider, and I treat you with respect. You will treat me with respect."