"Like Any Drug..."

[DZoolander]

I'm always curious about stuff that I read on here w/respect to men and pornography...because it's so contrary to my own experience (albeit limited) with the issue.

Now - were I single - I couldn't really care less about porn. The reason why it's any kind of issue whatsoever to me is because I know my wife doesn't like it. So - when I was single - if I felt like watching a little porn to accomplish a purpose - I did...and then went about my day.

What I'm curious about is when I hear statements like "Like any drug - my consumption became more and more intense...more and more extreme."

What exactly does that mean?

Like - my "tastes" have always remained pretty much a constant. The less graphic it is - the better I "like" it. I have certain tastes in what kind of woman I think are physically attractive - and that's where my focus went. For lack of a better way of putting it - there are certain positions I think are better...and that's where my focus went.

So - all in all - let's say I were to compare the 20 year old EZoolander's taste in porn and what he would look up - against the 42 year old EZoolander's tastes if he were single - and I'd venture to say they're pretty much identical within MOST ranges/criteria. There really was never any "Wow - I need my fix - now I need something more intense."

So what exactly are people talking about when they say that? Is it like - last year they could be satiated with watching two attractive people going at it - but now they need a donkey and a midget? What's the deal? lol

 

[mkgal1]

You are blurring the lines (it seems, anyway) between a natural (and healthy) drive and addiction. It's "addiction" that causes a person to want more and more (and increase consumption). It's when a person is taking something finite (porn)....to try to fulfill an eternal longing (genuinely loving and intimate relationship). Because there is no fulfillment, there's a desire for more (maybe MORE will fill this need). When that doesn't satisfy.....the cycle repeats.

The Rolling Stones Satisfaction (rare) - YouTube

 

[seeingeyes]

There is always the possibility of taking anything too far. Whether it's porn or percoset or purses. So you never felt driven to watch ever-increasing amounts of porn? And you had no trouble walking away from it for your wife's sake? Well good.

Though I don't feel that the biggest problem with porn is men watching it. But perhaps that's a different thread...

 

[DZoolander]

Yeah, I can see what you're saying. I've been blessed with never really having any addictive personality traits (except for nicotine, which was another issue altogether).

My issues with porn are two fold.

#1 - Everything I've read about the porn industry - it just doesn't feel right to associate pleasure with the kinds of things that I understand has happened/does happen to many of those women.
#2 - Respect for my spouse. If she doesn't want me to do something, it was my choice to marry her limits and all, so therefore I should abide by that.

It really isn't so much the "addictive nature" of it that I find curious. Sure - okay - I accept that maybe people might view it in the same way that I had issues with quitting smoking (the only real addiction I can really relate to)... But - when they talk about stuff like "not being satisfied with what they were viewing before" - that almost denotes to me they're moving on to freakier stuff.

Is that really the case? I mean - I can understand greater frequency - but it adapts your tastes so that you need weirder stuff to get you going?

That's the part that puzzles me. Is that what they're saying? I mean - using myself as an example - I can't imagine myself (if single) going..."Well, in August I was interested in attractive brunette women...now I'm watching midgets"

Ya know? lol

 

[seeingeyes]

Yeah, I can see what you're saying. I've been blessed with never really having any addictive personality traits (except for nicotine, which was another issue altogether).

My issues with porn are two fold.

#1 - Everything I've read about the porn industry - it just doesn't feel right to associate pleasure with the kinds of things that I understand has happened/does happen to many of those women.

This is what I'm thinking, too. Even those porn stars who are loudly and insistently proud of their work still don't want for their own daughters following their footsteps. That says a lot.

Plus, the women that I have known who get paid to get naked or have sex or what-have-you all have a very similar view of men. Let's just say it's not good. It is almost always true that this view started long before they were old enough to be 'in business', so porn (or porn-lite) doesn't cause it, necessarily, but it certainly does nothing to fix it either.

#2 - Respect for my spouse. If she doesn't want me to do something, it was my choice to marry her limits and all, so therefore I should abide by that.

That's very wise. The trouble comes when your spouse asks you to give up something that you simply won't give up. Oooo buddy, that's when the neighbors break out the popcorn!

It really isn't so much the "addictive nature" of it that I find curious. Sure - okay - I accept that maybe people might view it in the same way that I had issues with quitting smoking (the only real addiction I can really relate to)... But - when they talk about stuff like "not being satisfied with what they were viewing before" - that almost denotes to me they're moving on to freakier stuff.

Is that really the case? I mean - I can understand greater frequency - but it adapts your tastes so that you need weirder stuff to get you going?

That's the part that puzzles me. Is that what they're saying? I mean - using myself as an example - I can't imagine myself (if single) going..."Well, in August I was interested in attractive brunette women...now I'm watching midgets"

Ya know? lol

Well, for you 'sex' still has some lingering connection to 'the person I'm having sex with'. (Which is good! lol) From what I gather, porn addiction (as well as sex addiction) is not at all about 'who I'm having sex with', but rather is about 'what I am stimulated by'.

Think about what turned you on when you were thirteen. I mean, the very fact that girls owned underwear was enough for you to have to walk funny the rest of the day. Now (hopefully!) that fact is simply a fact and it does not stimulate you anymore than the fact that cats have fur. The 'excitement' of that fact wore off probably around the time that you first saw said underwear lying on the floor. Something stimulating was overtaken and overshadowed by something even more stimulating.

Now, if 'sex' is only ever about 'what is stimulating', this can happen over and over and over again until 'sex' no longer even resembles sex anymore and you find yourself dressed like a bear and getting choked out by siamese twins.

When that is the case, then sex is very much like a drug, in which you need more and better and crazier to chase that first high.

 

[Romanseight2005]

EZ, can I ask you a question about Hobbies in general? Do you switch hobbies every 2 months or so?

 

[DZoolander]

lol - well - not really. I have, however, varied interests, so there really aren't many sustained hobbies. I take an interest in whatever is presented to me - and that's often transitory/temporary.

Gotta ask - why? Whatcha getting at?

 

[Romanseight2005]

lol - well - not really. I have, however, varied interests, so there really aren't many sustained hobbies. I take an interest in whatever is presented to me - and that's often transitory/temporary.

Gotta ask - why? Whatcha getting at?

Well, I have noticed certain things about my husband that are not really normal for mist people. His hobby tendencies, really do coincide with his sexual desire tendencies. He actually DOESN't have varied interests. Instead, he has an extreme interest, but one at a time. You know, like spending all of your time and money on one particular hobby, but 2 months down the road, it's something else.

I just wondered if you had any grasp of that perspective. I also think that he suffers from schizophrenia.

 

[seeingeyes]

Well, I have noticed certain things about my husband that are not really normal for mist people. His hobby tendencies, really do coincide with his sexual desire tendencies. He actually DOESN't have varied interests. Instead, he has an extreme interest, but one at a time. You know, like spending all of your time and money on one particular hobby, but 2 months down the road, it's something else.

I just wondered if you had any grasp of that perspective. I also think that he suffers from schizophrenia.

I get that, too. Though I think what I have is 'recurring hobbies'. I put all the stuff from my last hobby in a box, 'cause I'll probably get that itch again in a decade or so.

I have a lot of boxes.

 

[DZoolander]

Well, I have noticed certain things about my husband that are not really normal for mist people. His hobby tendencies, really do coincide with his sexual desire tendencies. He actually DOESN't have varied interests. Instead, he has an extreme interest, but one at a time. You know, like spending all of your time and money on one particular hobby, but 2 months down the road, it's something else.

I just wondered if you had any grasp of that perspective. I also think that he suffers from schizophrenia.

Hmmm - nope - can't really relate to that. I mean those sound like extreme fixations - albeit temporary. My personality type would be more of a "free range curiosity" - meaning - I sort of have an innate interest in whatever crosses my path at the moment.

I can't think of anything that I really have ever fixated on, though, except maybe synthesizers...which I got into for a number of years (really expensive hobby, btw)... Understanding the mechanics of sound, how to model sound, the various types of synthesis, how various waveforms produced different sound types, midi sequencing, etc...that really was cool to me.

But - day to day life - nothing really excites me all that much except maybe learning various perspectives on disparate subjects...

What I'm wondering about your hubby though - is how do these interests relate to his sexual proclivities? I mean - that's kinda weird to me.

But then again - maybe it's just hard for me to relate. My view of sex is pretty "vanilla" - meaning - "There's my type (my wife when I'm married), and X type when I was single" - there are certain positions that I prefer - and that's about it. There ain't really anything all that freaky in my perspective on it...so even if I chose to fixate on it - dunno what I'd even focus on...lol

Brunettes? Redheads? Redhead on top? "?"

How would one fixate on that? lol That's just weird.

Nah - sex has it's role in my life - and really doesn't ever migrate out of that "role". When I'm not in that "sex" mode - I'd rather have a good conversation about cosmology, ethics, religion or whatever else happens to be on the table at the moment.

 

[Niffer]

Porn can get more and more extreme, the more you use it.
You may think that watching porn of a certian kind will always "get you going" well, if you uh..eat the same thing for breakfast everyday..it gets boring.

So you switch to something else - Porn does that. While it may start off as "mild" the more you watch (or "consume" to use the drug reference) the stronger the hit you'll need to "get yourself going."

I doubt most people start off with the "donkey and a midget" scenario, but if you watch porn weekly, or bi-weekly, I doubt it'd take long to get you there.

Peace,
- Niffer

 

[iambren]

Ezoolander, I am very much like you. I can look at porn then walk away for long times. I don't long for increasing levels of debauchery. I think there is the large set of most men that like the visual stimulation, a guy thing. But within that set are men predisposed to addiction and they bring that with them to the porn experience. NOW you have the compulsion, frequency, and need for higher "kink" levels. They obsess, waste time, avoid intimacy with their wives and marriages fail.

But I'm like you--I don't want to watch sex, I want to be DOING sex. Porn just seems to be a testosterone runover. I got married young 20, hormones flaming and was married for ~ 5 years. In that time about 5X I went to a store, bought a Penthouse, viewed it and threw it away. I was a Christian and felt sooo guilty. Wife was willing; don't know why I did it. But I think you have a hard sell to make women here accept it as right under any circumstances. Men seem to need that visual punch on occasion...beats prostitution!

 

[DZoolander]

lol - yeah - I mean that's kind of the long and short of it for me as well.

My porn consumption is actually kinda weird to describe... I'm old enough where porn wasn't really EASILY accessible when I was growing up/prior to my first relationship...and therefore my consumption was confined to a relatively narrow period of time.

Like - when I was 18 and moved out - I quickly discovered something weird about myself. I can't own porn. Just something about it (kind of like what you're talking about...guilt...shame...something) prevents me from being able to own it.

I remember I went out and bought a tape when I was 18 (VHS). I got it home - and it sat in my closet for a week or two. Every day it irked me that it was there...and I had visions of "I'm going to forget it's in there...then I'm going to start dating a girl...she's going to find it...and wow...it's going to be an issue."

So after a few weeks - I decided I was going to throw it out.

But - I couldn't throw it out at my apartment - because then it would be close to me and someone might figure out it was mine. So - I needed to make a covert trip late at night to a dumpster kind of far away - so there was no way it could ever be tied to me.

Late at night I go driving to some dumpster and throw it away. As I'm driving off, I get nearly home, and it dawns on me that a child might look in and see the cover, and I'd be contributing to his delinquency if he were to steal it/view it. So - I go driving back to the garbage bin - go dumpster diving - and separate the tape from it's case. Then I go driving off to another dumpster sufficiently far enough away where no child could ever possibly look/connect the two/put it together.

I dump the tape in that one - then drive home proud of myself. I almost get home - and I get visions of the fact that the tape still has the label on it - so some child might look in the dumpster, see a porn title on a tape, and I'd be contributing to his delinquency once again. So - I go driving back to that dumpster, go dumpster diving again, to rip the label off of the tape.

I then drive sufficiently far enough away from the tape to litter on the street the wadded up label - where no-one could ever accidentally mix the tape with the label and know what it was.

...and then I finally drove home.

Needless to say - I never bought another one. Don't need that kind of aggravation.

My next run-in with porn came about 8-9 years later - after I'd been married and gotten a divorce - and hit a dry spell. A buddy of mine burned me a disc with a ton of AVI's on it (this is just before broadband internet really came to be). When I got the thing - I pretty much just quickly sifted through the content in order to sort out "Okay, this is a girl that falls into my type. This isn't." - and basically discarded everything that I thought was nonsense (basically - what I considered to be unattractive women).

That was pretty much my litmus test. If the woman was someone that fell into "my type" - and so long as the video just wasn't freaky or anything - then it served it's purpose. No more, no less. I never found myself going "Wow - another hot girl - but ya know - that's just not enough any more. Wonder what it would be like if she gained 50 lbs and was touching a donkey? Or - how about if they threw a midget into the mix?"

Basically - it was stuff that fell within my tastes, that had always been my tastes, and I can't envision having ever migrated away from that narrow band of what I consider to be "hot".

But - there are others that are different apparently.

 

[LinkH]

You are blurring the lines (it seems, anyway) between a natural (and healthy) drive and addiction. It's "addiction" that causes a person to want more and more (and increase consumption). It's when a person is taking something finite (porn)....to try to fulfill an eternal longing (genuinely loving and intimate relationship). Because there is no fulfillment, there's a desire for more (maybe MORE will fill this need). When that doesn't satisfy.....the cycle repeats.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8_VbImuG71M

Just to be clear, you aren't saying porn is okay in 'moderation' are you? I"m pretty sure your not, but someone might misinterpret the post as your saying EZoolanders porn consumption in his early days was okay.

 

[DZoolander]

My impression is that she was saying that my (unacceptable) porn use was a byproduct of misdirected natural drives - and not some sort of addictive quality within my personality. That's what accounts for the fact that my "interest" didn't escalate in the ways that are being discussed.

 

[ChristianGolfer]

From what I understand of it, excessive porn consumption can actually "rewire" the brain and how it responds to sexual stimulus.

I guess there's growing concern about sexual dysfunction among men who watch a lot of porn - especially in their formative years (late teens and early 20s).

Porn-Induced Sexual Dysfunction: A Growing Problem | Psychology Today

 

[true2theword]

I'm always curious about stuff that I read on here w/respect to men and pornography...because it's so contrary to my own experience (albeit limited) with the issue.

Now - were I single - I couldn't really care less about porn. The reason why it's any kind of issue whatsoever to me is because I know my wife doesn't like it. So - when I was single - if I felt like watching a little porn to accomplish a purpose - I did...and then went about my day.

What I'm curious about is when I hear statements like "Like any drug - my consumption became more and more intense...more and more extreme."

What exactly does that mean?

Like - my "tastes" have always remained pretty much a constant. The less graphic it is - the better I "like" it. I have certain tastes in what kind of woman I think are physically attractive - and that's where my focus went. For lack of a better way of putting it - there are certain positions I think are better...and that's where my focus went.

So - all in all - let's say I were to compare the 20 year old EZoolander's taste in porn and what he would look up - against the 42 year old EZoolander's tastes if he were single - and I'd venture to say they're pretty much identical within MOST ranges/criteria. There really was never any "Wow - I need my fix - now I need something more intense."

So what exactly are people talking about when they say that? Is it like - last year they could be satiated with watching two attractive people going at it - but now they need a donkey and a midget? What's the deal? lol

it wouldnt matter at this point how graphic of porn you watched, you are a sexually immoral man and according to the bible the sexually immoral will not inherit salvation, turn from sin and give your mind to Christ

 

[DZoolander]

Anyhow - back to the subject at hand - which is what people mean by things they say.

 

[true2theword]

Anyhow - back to the subject at hand - which is what people mean by things they say.

so you don't believe that Jesus should rule your thought life?

 

[ChristianGolfer]

so you don't believe that Jesus should rule your thought life?

Give it a rest. It's none of your business.

Geesh.