lesbian help

[SnoopyDances]

i am new here and i havent gotten christian help or advice in a long time. i got to church all the time and i love it there but i don't feel comfortable confronting those people for help. basically i dont want them to look me in the eyes and tell me its wrong. i know i am a lesbian i have known for a long time, since i was about ten. I tried for a long time to get rid of these feelings but nothing worked i asked God i prayed but nothing changed and i have finally come to accept it, and i am happy with who i am now. i came out to my sister (we are twins) and also to my friends and people at school, everyone knows except for my parents and the rest of my family. i dont know what to do. i cant tell them but i want to, i am afraid they will reject me. i am still in a bit of a stage of denial myself, because i actually only told everyone i was bisexual, not a lesbian, but i am not. i had a boyfriend to try to convince myself and others, but i didnt really like him. what do i do. what do i say to my parents. HELP!!

 

[Lyle]

You need to get yourself right with God.. That's step 1..Then you;redesires will conform to His. Before that, there will be no hope of breaking out of this sin.

 

[SnoopyDances]

thats the problem. I feel like I AM right with God. I read my Bible, I go to church, I pray daily, i try to follow him. I feel as if we are pretty close. But when I am with my gf i feel no guilt or condemnation.

 

[forgivenmuch]

i can only tell you..that it is a sin to be gay... i know you do not want to hear that ...or believe that.. and you may not want to be gay.. i know that you have tried to go to church and you want to hide it. but the thing about it is... you will come to see that alot of churches will condem you...and not help you... they will put it down and tell you its sin ..and leave it at that... but let me tell you... there is a God that can set you free... just doing the church thing ..wont help... you are going to have to seek God and really repent... if you dont.. you will eventually ... stop going to church..and start hanging with more gays... you will lose all sight of God... i am not here to condem you..but tell you that you can be free from it... i have 2 close siblings that are gay... and my brother is like you... he went to church..he was set free.. and then the friends started coming around.. and he would try to wittness to them.. but he was drawed back to that life... after a few yrs...he felt as you.. like ... it was ok he was being hisself.. and i do not know that battle .. i never have had that as a srtuggle.. i think that one who was gay..and is set free now could help... there is a web site... alot of gays have been set free... im not sure what it is.. but if anyone knows please post that for her... i want you to know .. that sometimes life is hard..and all of us face obsticles in our lifes... but your is with homosexual ... and this world .. today... its ok to be gay... but God is the same ... he never changes and it is sin... please read romans.. the first chapter... and read Gods word... get to know who God is personally... church is not enough... you must have a realtionship with the father yourself... start praying more.. read his word... find answers for yourself... you must be born again... you feel you are saved and right with God..maybe you have been... but you not showing God ... if you are saying you are gay .. be like jesus.... fight the temptation of lust... paul was never married... he chose not to be... he choose to be more like christ... he never desired a woman.. paul was a great man of God on this earth when he was alive... fight the lust of the flesh... stay away from gays... start seeking God ... and change will come... you must believe ... please do not give into the lust ... seek God..its your choice... everyone has a choice..what choice will you make? will you choose christ...or your feelings? is your feelings of gayness.. more than your trust and faith in God?

 

[CaDan]

The ellipsis. A powerful tool in the hands of some. A danger in the hands of others.

 

[HumbleBee]

thats the problem. I feel like I AM right with God. I read my Bible, I go to church, I pray daily, i try to follow him. I feel as if we are pretty close. But when I am with my gf i feel no guilt or condemnation.

SD,

Obviously, something is crucially amiss if...

#1 you FEEL you are right with God, yet are g@y.

and

#2 you FEEL no guilt or condemnation with your g@y gf.

So the discrepancy is feelings are fickle and not trustworthy indicators of Christian Truth! As does this show the power of deception! The devil makes sin FEEL very pleasurable, so people don't even realize they are sinning! All the while they think they are 'right' with God, when in actuality they have strayed from Him and are being unknowingly lured further and further into the devil's camp!

God have mercy on you!

Romans 8:37-39 Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

1 John 1:5-9 This is the message which we have heard from Him and declare to you, that God is light and in Him is no darkness at all. If we say that we have fellowship with Him, and walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth. But if we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus Christ His Son cleanses us from all sin. If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

1 John 4:4 You are of God, little children, and have overcome them, because He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world.

 

[CaDan]

i am new here and i havent gotten christian help or advice in a long time. i got to church all the time and i love it there but i don't feel comfortable confronting those people for help. basically i dont want them to look me in the eyes and tell me its wrong. i know i am a lesbian i have known for a long time, since i was about ten. I tried for a long time to get rid of these feelings but nothing worked i asked God i prayed but nothing changed and i have finally come to accept it, and i am happy with who i am now. i came out to my sister (we are twins) and also to my friends and people at school, everyone knows except for my parents and the rest of my family. i dont know what to do. i cant tell them but i want to, i am afraid they will reject me. i am still in a bit of a stage of denial myself, because i actually only told everyone i was bisexual, not a lesbian, but i am not. i had a boyfriend to try to convince myself and others, but i didnt really like him. what do i do. what do i say to my parents. HELP!!

Do you really think your parents would reject you?

 

[CSMR]

is it possible to continue a lesbian lifestyle and walk with god at the same time. i really, genuinely love her. i just dont want to push myself away from god. does it have to be a choose sides sort of thing. is this one where i have to make a decision and draw the line? is there even an in between?

I am sorry that you have to face this question so young. It is a difficult situation for anyone. What is important as you say is not to push God away, and not to put yourself in the situation where his grace is inaccessible.
We must be repentant of our sin. That is, we have to recognise sin as sin, hate it; and trust in God who forgives sin. In this case, does repentance mean you will stop? Very likely.
Let us not have excuses. Not all love is permissible. The bible says love, but only with that love which has the true benefit of others as its goal, aiming to bring others nearer to God.
The forces within us are very powerful. If you do not deny God, and if you are repentent, you will find that His grace is more powerful. You are not alone in having tendencies to evil; nor are you worse than anyone. I hope you will leave your lifestyle, but what comes first is seeking God who can change it.

 

[CaDan]

I am sorry that you have to face this question so young.

Every gay person will face this "so young".

It is a difficult situation for anyone.

No. Only for someone who is gay.

What is important as you say is not to push God away, and not to put yourself in the situation where his grace is inaccessible.

There is such a place? The Psalmist did not think so in Ps. 139.

We must be repentant of our sin. That is, we have to recognise sin as sin, hate it; and trust in God who forgives sin. In this case, does repentance mean you will stop? Very likely.

Stop WHAT?

Let us not have excuses. Not all love is permissible. The bible says love, but only with that love which has the true benefit of others as its goal, aiming to bring others nearer to God.

I respectfully disagree with you.

The forces within us are very powerful. If you do not deny God, and if you are repentent, you will find that His grace is more powerful. You are not alone in having tendencies to evil; nor are you worse than anyone. I hope you will leave your lifestyle, but what comes first is seeking God who can change it.

This is a repellent fantasy. Sexual orientation changes about as often as parapalegics walk.

 

[CSMR]

CaDan, this is not the place to argue about these things. SnoopyDances wants Christian advice. Christianity holds that "with God all things are possible"; that even the worst of repentant sinners such as the tax-collector of Jesus' parable can be changed into justified saints by the grace of God through faith; that faith also results in works (the fruits that Jesus talked of, the fruits of the spirit that Paul talks of, the works without which faith is dead that James talks of). Christianity holds that not all sexual love is permissible. Adulterous love, homosexual love, and fornicating love are not permissible.
I do not know whether sexual orientation can change, and made no claims about it. Behaviour can and does change with faith. Temptations also change, and some can be lesened. We still are tempted to sin and do sin, and need grace - but the fact that faith affects behaviour remains.

 

[CaDan]

CaDan, this is not the place to argue about these things. SnoopyDances wants Christian advice. Christianity holds that "with God all things are possible"; that even the worst of repentant sinners such as the tax-collector of Jesus' parable can be changed into justified saints by the grace of God through faith; that faith also results in works (the fruits that Jesus talked of, the fruits of the spirit that Paul talks of, the works without which faith is dead that James talks of). Christianity holds that not all sexual love is permissible. Adulterous love, homosexual love, and fornicating love are not permissible.
I do not know whether sexual orientation can change, and made no claims about it. Behaviour can and does change with faith. Temptations also change, and some can be lesened. We still are tempted to sin and do sin, and need grace - but the fact that faith affects behaviour remains.

You make the mistake of assuming all Christians agree with your position. SnoopyDances needs to be aware that there are a range of opinions. Further, at the vulnerable age of 15, she needs to be aware that she will not be rejected for being gay.

Right now, she needs to know what to tell her parents. Has anyone thought of trying to answer THAT question? Does anyone care about that?

 

[CSMR]

(I do not know what she should tell her parents; I wish I did. She asked for spiritual advice in another thread which seems to have been deleted.)

 

[seebs]

Okay, from the top:
1. God loves everybody.
2. God even loves lesbians.
3. God loves SnoopyDances.
4. God loves her even if she is a lesbian.

Around this time, we'll get a round of "but He doesn't love her sins". Okay, a brief digression here. God loves me. He doesn't love my sins, either. And, honestly, if she's as sweet and friendly a 15-year-old as she sounds like, she could be boffing the entire cheerleading squad without necessarily catching up to the kind of genuine evil you can find in a cynical, bitter old man like me.

A quick theology check for those reminding her of how bad gay sex is: Do any of you sincerely believe that you're better, or less sinful, than a lesbian who's out there having gay sex? If so, back to the Bible with you! You've missed a key point of Christian theology. You are not better than her. I'm not either. We don't get to claim to be better than other people. Not Allowed. Forbidden. Wrong. Bad. Antithesis of faith, rejection of grace, the whole nine yards. Do not fall in that trap.

SD: You're gonna have a really rough time of it. I'm sorry. I can't make it much better for you. I can tell you that I'm sorry, and that I think it hurts God as much to see people closing doors to you as anything you ever do will hurt Him. You have already taken the step that really matters; you want to try to please God. Stick with that. And remember, you are trying to please God. Not me. Not Follower of Christ. Not any of the other people on this board. Not, necessarily, even your parents, or your friends, or the people at your church. They aren't the boss of you. They will not be the ones judging your life when it really matters.

That's not to say they don't have opinions; it's just a reminder that it is not their opinions, but God's, which matter.

Good luck with your parents. I don't know what to suggest. Find out how they feel about lesbians. I suggest that, no matter what you think on the issue now, you recognize that there's complications here that probably make it best for you to stay away from sex entirely for a while. Don't try to date boys and see if it makes you straight. Don't go out and try lesbian sex to see if you get over it. Just give it a while. You're young. You've got time.

Don't let this issue take over your life. I mean, people will want it to, but don't let it. There are other issues that matter. You've got school. You've got friends, and if you're 15, some of them are probably emotionally fragile; spend some time reaching out to them.

Think how you'd like people to treat you; now treat other people that way.

This won't help. It won't make your problem go away. Disgustingly enough, it won't even make people treat you decently when they find out. But it will help you understand, and it will make you a better person.

Hang in there. If you ever need someone to talk to, about this or about other stuff, drop me a line. I'm sure other people will extend you the same offer.

Be well. Know that, as you are now, unchanged, unsure of yourself, you are beloved of God. Nothing will change that. Nothing can ever take that away from you.

 

[Rafael]

i am new here and i havent gotten christian help or advice in a long time. i got to church all the time and i love it there but i don't feel comfortable confronting those people for help. basically i dont want them to look me in the eyes and tell me its wrong. i know i am a lesbian i have known for a long time, since i was about ten. I tried for a long time to get rid of these feelings but nothing worked i asked God i prayed but nothing changed and i have finally come to accept it, and i am happy with who i am now. i came out to my sister (we are twins) and also to my friends and people at school, everyone knows except for my parents and the rest of my family. i dont know what to do. i cant tell them but i want to, i am afraid they will reject me. i am still in a bit of a stage of denial myself, because i actually only told everyone i was bisexual, not a lesbian, but i am not. i had a boyfriend to try to convince myself and others, but i didnt really like him. what do i do. what do i say to my parents. HELP!!

Christians that read the Bible will know what the Word of God says about sexual identity and the will of God for our lives, and they also are commanded to love you. Your parents should be able to love you no matter what you have to go through in this life. The Bible also says that there is nothing that can seperate us from His love, but this does not relieve us of the responsibility to chose for ourselves what is best pleasing either to God or to ourselves in life. We are told to seek first the Kingdom of God and then all other things we need in life will be added to us. This includes probably more than I can imagine and is a promise specifically made for your life and each of our lives, individually. We all have different burdens to bear in life, and each of us has different things to overcome in order to find God's will and to walk in it.
I hope you will not have to difficult a time in finding His will for yourself in life and that your parents will understand and love you as you reveal the burdens and problems that you may have in life to them.
May you find God's will and grace to overcome, as we all have this to do in our lives, but not alone, as Jesus will give us rest if we go to Him. Pray and read your Bible to find His will. Seek Him above all things, for He has the keys of life and death. Find the spiritual as you seek and leave the desires of the flesh behind, as you seek the things above this world.

Ro 8:35 Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or are hungry or cold or in danger or threatened with death?
39 Whether we are high above the sky or in the deepest ocean, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Matthew 11:28 Then Jesus said, "Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.
29 Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle, and you will find rest for your souls.
30 For my yoke fits perfectly, and the burden I give you is light."

 

[EmSchmem]

SnoopyDances
I may tell you that I don't think it is OK to go live a homosexual lifestyle. But then I will also tell myself that it's not OK to go live the angry bitter lifestyle that I do. I don't know why it is that both seebs and I used anger as a correlation. Maybe we both know the pain and heartache it causes.
I am sorry you are going through this. It seems like you feel like you can't be who you are. In a way it's like that for all of us. We CAN'T be who we are. As humans we are messed up people and this world was not vreated for messed up people. You are no more messed up for being a lesbian than I am for yelling at my husband, being a slacker, or hating my co-worker. You may experience more damage from it but that doesn't make it a bigger sin.
I have no idea how God will work this in your life. I do know two people who are or have been (pardon my ignorance here I really don't know how to refer to it) homosexual and who are in happy heterosexual marriages. Are there still struggles? Yes, just as we all struggle with sin our whole life.
I know it feels like a platitude but God does love you. Your pain here hurt Him deeply. When Lazarus died, Jesus wept for the pain of Lazarus' loved ones. Remember that Jesus lived here on Earth and does know the reality of pain. Please keep us updated on how you're feeling about this and what happens.

 

[zyzychyn]

I wonder about this issue, as I have friends struggling with the issue.

It isn't like these people decide, hey, I want to rebel against everything I've been taught... they sincerely struggle with it... and as far as I can tell my friend deals with a lot of self-esteem problems because he feels unnatural and that there's something wrong with him... it seems somehow unfair to condemn people for something inborn like that.

I guess the view most people have put forth is that it is a weakness, but not one that should be given into. That is, some people struggle with lust, but that doesn't make it right. Some people are born klepto -- that doesn't make it right to steal. And some boys are attracted to other boys, but that doesn't mean the feeling is right. Somehow it's very easy to say that who one is attracted to is completely different from naughty urges to take cookies...

The only thing I wonder about this is, if someone "changes" themselves to conform to how things "should" be, are they changing themselves for the better? Aren't they losing some key component of themselves? And how can you expect them to turn het, at least properly? And suppose they settle down with a person of the opposite gender, because they 'should'. What about this person? Won't they always feel "second-best" in some way?

It's a confusing issue.

 

[fragglerocker]

First, I want to ask you, do you believe the Bible is true? Do you believe that everything in it was inspired by God, for His purposes? Do you believe it is the "manual" for our walk with Christ?

If you do, you must know that the Bible tells us it is sin to engage in homosexual activity, just as it is sin to engage in sexual activity outside of marriage.

The Bible says to act on your homosexual feelings is wrong. If you do not know where else to start, and you believe the authority of God's Word, then I would highly encourage you to stop any and all activity with this girl you are dating. It may not "feel" wrong, because our "feelings" lie to us, and our hearts (emotions) are deceitful. The Bible says that as well. Something may "feel" good and be very wrong.

You may not be able to "make the feelings go away" on your own, but you can obey God, and He says that we are not to fornicate--including homosexual acts. If you are obedient to Him, and end this relationship, you are saying "Lord, I love you more than I love my self. I desire to obey You over my own desires." When you do that, you put yourself under His divine authority. When that happens, it allows Him to change your heart and desires.

One more thing:

Sexual orientation changes about as often as parapalegics walk.

Isn't it wonderful, then, CaDan, that Jesus healed many parapalegics, and they walked? If Jesus can make the lame walk and bring the dead back to life, I completely believe He can transform our sinful desires into those that please Him!

God bless you, and I will be praying for you! If you ever need anything, just PM me!
--Traci

 

[Lael_Rapier]

I struggled with this issue and have known there was something wrong with me since I was 5 or 6. I am now freed of it and let me tell you, no matter how close to God I thought I was before, there is nothing like it is now.

When I was living my life of sexual immorality, I was going further and further down the wrong path. My heart was shattered and screaming with every searing sin. I was a heavy drinker and smoking came into my life as well. And I told my mother when I was drunk one night earlier this year. She told me that God doesn't think I'm an abomination and that I had but to reach out to Him.

When I finally did, He broke me of my sin. He pushed it all out of my life and made it not matter. The memories don't even matter. He not only forgave me, but He forgot about it too! I don't even have sexual urges anymore. I am living celebate and I believe that is the right thing for me until God's plan reveals more. I still have temptation like everyone else, but when I cry out to Jesus for help, He hears me and chases them away.

I praise God for his mercy and grace. His glory in freeing such a wretch like me is awesome!

If your parents are godly, they will not reject you, but they will reject the sin in your life, as my mother did. I thank God that my mother is who she is...

There is a course that is Scripture-based at http://www.settingcaptivesfree.com/ that is tailored toward people struggling with this, called The Door of Hope. You can also take The Way of Purity, if you wish. They are 60-Day courses and you submit coursework and get replies.

May God's Light Shine Upon You.

 

[Johnnz]

This is an extremely sensitive and complex issue, repeated many times on this forum.

On one hand there is biblical teaching. On the other, there are people struggling with homesexual feelings who genuinely want a relationship wih Christ. We must avoid reducing the Bible to irrelevance, but also we must never crush a struggling person.

Paul wrote following his mention of homosexuality the following words

Rom 1:29-32
They have become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and depravity. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit and malice. They are gossips, slanderers, God-haters, insolent, arrogant and boastful; they invent ways of doing evil; they disobey their parents; they are senseless, faithless, heartless, ruthless.
NIV

Should we then dismiss struggling homosexuals from the Christian community when we know that envy, deceit, arrogance, gossip and disobedient children are also in our midst?

Many Christians do not understand the complexity of the human situation. Quite often depression, dyslexia, schizophrenia and other mental illnesses are not well regarded by Christians, and their advice to sufferers is often not wise or relevant.

Gary Collins was the editor of an excellent series of counselling books from a Chritian perspective. There is one on homosexuality. I suggest you get a copy and read it.

Snoopydance, you will need to just overlook some of the comments in this post. They are genuine in their intent, but some could lead you into despair and abandonment of relationship with Christians, and that would be a tragedy.

I hope this helps.

John
NZ

 

[Lael_Rapier]

The only thing I wonder about this is, if someone "changes" themselves to conform to how things "should" be, are they changing themselves for the better?

With me, it wasn't that I changed myself. I asked God to change me. There is no other way, but through Jesus Christ.

Aren't they losing some key component of themselves? And how can you expect them to turn het, at least properly?

When you go before the Lord broken, humbled and in sincere repentance, the Lord demolishes you and rips the sin out. He rebuilds you and reconstructs your shattered heart and forges it in the Holy Spirit, making it new and whole! It is the most awesome feeling in the universe to feel whole again! You don't lose a part of yourself. You lose the sin.

And suppose they settle down with a person of the opposite gender, because they 'should'. What about this person? Won't they always feel "second-best" in some way?

I don't know about this part, since I am not at that stage yet, but I would assume they should feel second best, because my heart belongs to the Lord!

I agree with you about it being a very confusing issue, especially to the person going through it. I believe it is because this goes beyond a lot of sins in that it feels like it is engrained in your very being, that it is genetic and unhealable. I believed as such and it is no wonder why. You never hear stories about people being healed of homosexuality. Perhaps it is due to the Liberal media that shuns the Faith and embraces sin in all forms. They couldn't be further from the truth, though - you see, there is nothing too hard or impossible for the Lord. The evil one - the father of lies - would like more than anything for people to be confused. He uses guilt, he makes you feel ashamed, he breaks you down in your sin. He would also love it if through all this, the person decided to take their life, denying God the glory of salvation in Christ.

It is not beyond God! It is beyond our understanding how gracious and loving He is toward us. I am walking proof that it can be removed from your life. Aside from that, what does it matter about the rest of your life, so long as you are in the loving hands of Christ? There is no deeper love or fulfillment in that.

I pray that my words help people to understand that.

In Christ's Love