Last names in marriage

[sccs]

I am a twenty-something man who recently married a wonderful wife. We are both Christians, are known in the church and serve in various ministries together.

I have two questions that I'd like some of people's thoughts on. First, what are some Biblical groundings for why my wife should take my last name versus keeping hers? I know that traditionally that has happened but there are many reasons why she should keep her own last name. I am curious if there are any arguments for why it is wise/Biblical for a wife to take on her husband's last name.

Second, if we have kids in the future, what are the Biblical foundations for why they should have the husband's last name instead of a different last name or her last name?

FWIW, I would like it if she took my last name and if our kids also had my last name. However, that is often informed by tradition and I'd like to hear some thoughts as to any reasons why that should be so.

 

[Dave-W]

First, what are some Biblical groundings for why my wife should take my last name versus keeping hers?

There is no biblical answer to that, since last names as we know them did not exist in the first century.

 

[Dave-W]

Second, if we have kids in the future, what are the Biblical foundations for why they should have the husband's last name instead of a different last name or her last name?

If you want a biblical last name convention, you would have it as “son [or daughter] of [your name].” Peter was known as “Simon son of Jonah.”

 

[Hazelelponi]

In the Bible marriage is the joining of two who become one flesh.

In Jewish marriage ceremonies (think parable of the 10 virgins) after the engagement is over the man came to get the woman and she left her home and her family and went with her new husband to his home for the marriage celebration and then they live in his or his families home from that day forward.

The leaving of the parents to be joined with the spouse is an emotional leaving, the physical leaving was usually on the woman's part, unless the husband was wealthy and then they lived in his home and not his parents home.

In Biblical times all Jews had Abraham as their "father" and their tribe was one of the 12 tribes of Israel.

When a woman married outside her tribe the children became of the tribe of the father, as tribal identity ran through the father's blood, although I don't think her tribal identity ever changed.

So if we see our last names as Biblical tribal identity, then your children would have your last name, but your wife might keep her own last name if its her preference.

I took my husband's name out of respect for him, and love for him. I left behind my former life, and joined wholly with my husband. But that's not mandatory I wouldn't imagine, just personal preference.

The children, however, are of the fathers tribal identity and would thus keep their father's last name (yours in this case), I think this concept is most Biblical.

 

[PloverWing]

If you want a biblical last name convention, you would have it as “son [or daughter] of [your name].” Peter was known as “Simon son of Jonah.”

Or possibly a place-name reference: Saul of Tarsus, Joseph of Arimathea.

 

[Dave-W]

Or possibly a place-name reference: Saul of Tarsus, Joseph of Arimathea.

Those were never part of the name. They were used only to define which Saul or which Joseph they were talking about, especially if their fathers were not known to the people speaking.

 

[Lost4words]

In my culture we dont get married.

We have pups who are then sold off and we cry forever!

 

[Albion]

sccs--

This surname issue is related to the Bible but is mainly custom. If the adults want to have different surnames these days, it's not much of a deal. It is something of a deal, however.

The adult who chooses to depart from the custom is willing to put up with people asking questions, making incorrect assumptions, etc. But when we then turn to the children, what would the impact on their lives be if you did the same thing when naming them?

 

[PloverWing]

On the general question of whether spouses should change their names or keep their birth names when they marry: As has been already noted, surnames as used in American culture are a custom that postdate the Bible, so you are free to make a choice that reflects your own preferences.

I like the Spanish and Icelandic naming customs, though neither is my own culture. In Spanish culture, the children are <given name> <father's paternal surname> <mother's paternal surname>. In Icelandic culture, daughters are <given name> <father's name>dottir, and sons are <given name> <father's name>son. (Sometimes maternal names are used: <mother's name>dottir, <mother's name>son.) In both cultures, people keep their birth names when they marry.

In my family, my husband and I both kept our birth names. Our children have my surname as a middle name, and his as their last name.

I know some families in which both spouses hyphenated their names. I like the spirit of this, though the hyphenated names are going to increase in length if it continues down through the generations.

Things to consider are: 1) the convenience of the whole family having the same surname, and 2) the convenience of both spouses being able to keep their birth names through their whole lives, keeping continuity with their prior financial/legal history, professional/educational history, and so on. Weigh these two considerations as you see fit, and come to a decision that makes you both happy.

 

[crossnote]

??? I'm still trying to figure out Adam and Eve's last name and if their offspring carried it on. lol

 

[eleos1954]

On the general question of whether spouses should change their names or keep their birth names when they marry: As has been already noted, surnames as used in American culture are a custom that postdate the Bible, so you are free to make a choice that reflects your own preferences.

I like the Spanish and Icelandic naming customs, though neither is my own culture. In Spanish culture, the children are <given name> <father's paternal surname> <mother's paternal surname>. In Icelandic culture, daughters are <given name> <father's name>dottir, and sons are <given name> <father's name>son. (Sometimes maternal names are used: <mother's name>dottir, <mother's name>son.) In both cultures, people keep their birth names when they marry.

In my family, my husband and I both kept our birth names. Our children have my surname as a middle name, and his as their last name.

I know some families in which both spouses hyphenated their names. I like the spirit of this, though the hyphenated names are going to increase in length if it continues down through the generations.

Things to consider are: 1) the convenience of the whole family having the same surname, and 2) the convenience of both spouses being able to keep their birth names through their whole lives, keeping continuity with their prior financial/legal history, professional/educational history, and so on. Weigh these two considerations as you see fit, and come to a decision that makes you both happy.

Here's a bunch about it.

The History Behind Maiden vs. Married Names

 

[PloverWing]

Here's a bunch about it.

The History Behind Maiden vs. Married Names

This article contained a link to another one (Here Are Places Women Can't Take Their Husband's Name When They Get Married), from which I learned that a number of European countries -- not just Spain and Iceland -- have the custom of both spouses keeping their birth names. Thanks! I hadn't realized the custom of retaining one's name was so widespread.

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

For some women who are successful in life when it comes to business, changing their last name makes things tricky. I personally am not for the wife keeping their last name. Maybe they could do something like "Jane <their last name> <your last name>". I've seen people do that and it seems like a good middle ground.

 

[Darkhorse]

My wife kept her name, and I kept mine. That's how we both wanted it.
The kids have my name.

It has advantages. When my wife wants to be incognito, she can use my last name.
She doesn't show up in search engines that way.

 

[PloverWing]

@sccs : What are your wife's feelings about keeping vs. changing her name? I gather from your post that she is still trying to decide what to do.