Lack of quality time with God and each other

[post-it-man]

Hi, I’ve been married to my wife for 7 years and have 2 young kids (3 and 6 years old).

I’m becoming disheartened at the state of my marriage in the last year or so.

We’ve found going to church and having young kids a real struggle. There’s just not time for us to enjoy God’s presence, the teaching or worship without being dragged to attend our kids. At home, we have also completely stopped doing prayer time or bible study together.

Away from church, we’re just not spending quality time together. I suggest date nights but they always get knocked back for various reasons. I pray for breakthrough and practical ways we can grow together. I feel that our relationship is just not a priority for my wife within our family unit, which is really disheartening because I think it should be the foundation everything else is built on. Without this shared understanding and intimacy, I feel like I’m not being true to myself or my wife.

I’m currently going through huge spiritual growth. I feel as if I have been energised by the Holy Spirit and I am changing in the way I view so many things (relationships, work, money, the past, present and future). I’d like to share what I’m experiencing, but I feel like there’s just not the environment or time to explore it.

I love my wife and kids so much, but feel sidelined. I know having a young family means sacrifices but I just feel a million miles away from having the marriage I know I should be having with Jesus at the centre. Am I just expecting too much?

 

[Tolworth John]

May I suggest that you make time for your wife, to be there taking some of the load off her, to make a point of talking to her, saying that you appreciate her, what she does and her support of you.
You're the one doing the growing so build your wife up.
Is there a ladies meeting you could ensure she can get to to chat with other ladies?

You are called out to deal with your children why? A three year old should be able to stay in a crache for the length of a service and a six year old can do it standing on his head.

Life is go go go with small children, but they also crash by 20:00 and the evening once chores are done is yours.

 

[Deidre32]

Hi, I’ve been married to my wife for 7 years and have 2 young kids (3 and 6 years old).

I’m becoming disheartened at the state of my marriage in the last year or so.

We’ve found going to church and having young kids a real struggle. There’s just not time for us to enjoy God’s presence, the teaching or worship without being dragged to attend our kids. At home, we have also completely stopped doing prayer time or bible study together.

Away from church, we’re just not spending quality time together. I suggest date nights but they always get knocked back for various reasons. I pray for breakthrough and practical ways we can grow together. I feel that our relationship is just not a priority for my wife within our family unit, which is really disheartening because I think it should be the foundation everything else is built on. Without this shared understanding and intimacy, I feel like I’m not being true to myself or my wife.

I’m currently going through huge spiritual growth. I feel as if I have been energised by the Holy Spirit and I am changing in the way I view so many things (relationships, work, money, the past, present and future). I’d like to share what I’m experiencing, but I feel like there’s just not the environment or time to explore it.

I love my wife and kids so much, but feel sidelined. I know having a young family means sacrifices but I just feel a million miles away from having the marriage I know I should be having with Jesus at the centre. Am I just expecting too much?

Maybe start going to bed 30 minutes earlier so you and your wife can have prayer time together and discuss God and one another. I would hire a babysitter every Friday or Saturday evening just so you both can have dinner together. Just two hours will be fine if your wife is concerned leaving the kids for too long. There is time...you just have to find it. Prayers for you guys.

 

[HannahT]

We’ve found going to church and having young kids a real struggle. There’s just not time for us to enjoy God’s presence, the teaching or worship without being dragged to attend our kids. At home, we have also completely stopped doing prayer time or bible study together.

Young children are a struggle and loads of work period. That's not to say you don't love them, or get a kick out of them. Yet, they are a resource drainer. It's the nature of the beast. Yet, it won't be forever. Yes, it is that season of life.

I remember my father would do something at dinner time. Yes, it's not the same thing as before. Yet, they are both old enough to sit for a short period of time and listen for a short teaching, prayer, or study on verse. It will NOT come naturally at first, but practice and getting them to the point that they understand what the priority is at dinner? In other words what is expected of them? It will happen with patience. Don't expect perfection, and find ways on their level to allow them to participate in some way. You might be surprised at how much you gain from listening to little ones.

Then of course you need to squeeze in all those daily conversations every dinner time should have.

Away from church, we’re just not spending quality time together. I suggest date nights but they always get knocked back for various reasons. I pray for breakthrough and practical ways we can grow together. I feel that our relationship is just not a priority for my wife within our family unit, which is really disheartening because I think it should be the foundation everything else is built on. Without this shared understanding and intimacy, I feel like I’m not being true to myself or my wife.

You are adjusting to this season of life. Again it will NOT be forever, and children can be a brain drain at times. I'm speaking mentally here. lol of course the physical is there as well. You quality time will return once they get a little older, and you can leave them alone for a little while. In the meantime? Find shorter spurts of time for things. 20 minutes maybe all you have here and there, but it's better than nothing. You have to teach yourself to appreciate those times, otherwise you will talk yourself into being miserable instead.

I'm old at this point, but I do remember feeling like I barely had enough time to brush my teeth in the morning. Then I was off on this constant clip until the pillow appointment was finally within reach. I was exhausted. I didn't have enough 'me' time as it was, and keeping with things regarding my H too? It was incredibly hard, and when you have time to slow down a bit? YOu do miss it. She does too. Little ones can be a 24/7 job, and it's because they can't take care of themselves. They are completely dependent on the both of you.

Dad would take us kids out to a movie, restaurant, etc without mother. I'm NOT saying she never came, but I do CLEARLY remember those times with Dad - and only Dad. My father died some years ago, and I will tell you that is one of my most cherish memories. As an adult? I look back at him exhausting us when we went out. Once he got us to bed? Mom was all his, and she had her time to rest up and get ready for it. lol! I don't know if that was an agreement, or just how it worked out to be honest. I never asked them. It was their small window of time together.

Keep your eye on the end game here. Take those small pockets of time and treasure them for now. Before you know it? Life will change again, and you will be faced with new set of challenges.

I’m currently going through huge spiritual growth. I feel as if I have been energised by the Holy Spirit and I am changing in the way I view so many things (relationships, work, money, the past, present and future). I’d like to share what I’m experiencing, but I feel like there’s just not the environment or time to explore it.

I love my wife and kids so much, but feel sidelined. I know having a young family means sacrifices but I just feel a million miles away from having the marriage I know I should be having with Jesus at the centre. Am I just expecting too much?

Expecting to much? Chances are YES. Don't feel to bad, because you aren't alone believe me. We all do. It's just something that goes with life, but you can adjust if you look for those opportunities.

There is nothing wrong with sharing parts of your journey while helping fold laundry, or doing dishes, helping to put away toys, etc. We put the kids to bed pretty early at that age, and I felt like that was when my second shift started. I could do things I couldn't do with them around. So you help step in and help, and have those conversations. You will learn what days she can handle things on the deep side and what days you need to keep it light. Sometimes it maybe only a snippet here and there. Don't mininize it. It's not a race, but a a journey.

You will be just fine. Being young parents - and spouses - is tough. You don't realize it until you are in the thick of it. It will get better.

 

[Brianlear]

I can empathize with having two young children. Life gets insanely more difficult when you have the rascals running around, mom has spent years being "just a mom". It's a good time to reconnect and be intentional about being a "real married couple" again. Take care to seek out special times, sometimes late at night, to re-connect. I would highly recommend not trying to force a structure onto this like making it a bible study or something. Nobody wants just one more chore to do (after all the other chores you just did that day). I'd say ponder some spiritual topic on your own, then some night when the kids are off in bed, sit down with your wife in the kitchen, make some drinks, and say "Hey, I've been reading/thinking about x,y,z..." and then just have a natural conversation.

And, remember, God never meant for you to fill your day with rote tasks. Not everything in life has to be an academic analysis of historic christian texts. Do you guys have any funny TV shows or movies you love to watch? Something to laugh about. A joke you heard. Honestly these are what make me feel connected to my wife. We know the bible backwards and forwards already, there really isn't that much more to discuss. We apply it in our daily work already. So connecting for us, is really just about enjoying a fun evening together. Enjoying "the fruit". Sitting back on the couch, kids asleep, we have a few hours to ourselves to just be...us again.