Knowing God's Will

[Anonymess]

Getting honest with God is an important step, to confess our sins so we can be forgiven and healed.

You realise you married a lying unbeliever. GOd tells us not to be unequally yoked and to come apart and be separate from them. Dont make the same mistake again, like a dog returning to his vomit.

Repent, and trust in the Lord, by studying to shew yourself approved of God, reading and meditating on the Bible. You know what He says about fornication, that its wrong. That we are to abstain from it. You just need to come clean and and say to Him, i was wrong, i disobeyed you Lord, Im sorry. I wont do it again.

I keep reading how you want to justify yourself by saying its Gods will that We fornicate. We were going to marry anyway. Hello, where is that in the bible? Now you dealing with the consequences. You going to have to break soul ties with this woman,go to your elders for prayer. Not the church she manipulated you into going..but find mature married christians who are like at least 60 years old and been married for 40 years or something.

I'm not sure what you are talking about in any of this or where I said we fornication because we were getting married anyways.

We didn't fornicate until we were married. There is nothing to repent for. While I may have misunderstood the direction of God, it was hardly done with a hard heart trying to disobey God to get my own will.

I had prayed for a good Christian wife for 5 solid years. And people trusted told me all about this woman's serving in church and how godly she was. It seemed to be the answer to my prayer. Unfortunately for me, there was a lot that these sincere friends didn't realize was going on outside church. I think my NPD ex fixated on her friend and tried to beat her. She moved two doors down from her, and tried to out marry her faster, more whirlwind, more God ordained, etc.

I just didn't realize that's what was happening. Wrong place at the wrongbtime, with the right heart.

To say I did this to obey God and that I haven't learned my lesson seems way offbase. I'm waiting. I broke it off with my friend because I don't feel healed enough to actually be in a relationship.

I'm really surprised of the hell and damnational judgement coming from Goodbook. I have a friend that is a girl from my church that ive known for decades that I was pursuing companionship with the intent of dating. And my pastor was the one that helped get us hanging out and talking. The same pastor that prayed for my marriage to be healed with the whole church

Hardly unbiblical or sinful.

Did you miss the part where I've spent the last year buried in the Word? Or that I spent 5 years praying AND studying trying to be right with God?

And I'm not sure how I would really know if she is an unbeliever or not ahead of time. She had her whole church duped and her best friend, too.

She was quite the chameleon. It wasn't until I started piecing together inconsistencies in her stories, stories she would never tell her friend, that I felt called to separate which God blessed.

 

[Goodbook]

er..never said anything about hell and damnation.

You getting quite wound up, and your write weird things in your post how you fornicated AFTER you married. Well, really, you not supposed to fornicate at all. You wrote that the main reason you married this first lady was so you could sleep with her. (Rather than because she was a lovely woman with good character)

Obviously she confused you, so, just let it go!

with NPDS you might actually want to ask their parents and close family members what they are like than rely on what friends tell you. NPDS make friends with people who they can use. so its not just what they like in church but in their home life.

If you were deceived, and now have wised up, then GOOD!

 

[Goodbook]

you just need closure over this past relationship is all. Ok.

Properly break it off. Do you actually know how to do this?
You may be divorced, but its not just a piece of paper you sign. She had you confused and possibly you still have soul ties to you that get transferred when you slept together.
So you need prayer and to actually forgive the past so you can be free. I don't know if you have children..did you mention? if not then its less complicated.

The lady your dating now shouldn't have to deal with your baggage.

 

[blackribbon]

you just need closure over this past relationship is all. Ok.

Properly break it off. Do you actually know how to do this?
You may be divorced, but its not just a piece of paper you sign. She had you confused and possibly you still have soul ties to you that get transferred when you slept together.
So you need prayer and to actually forgive the past so you can be free. I don't know if you have children..did you mention? if not then its less complicated.

The lady your dating now shouldn't have to deal with your baggage.

You obviously haven't taken the time to read this thread...and yet you feel competent to advise him on how to live his life?

 

[Anonymess]

So update:

So here is a kind of neat twist and a great conclusion to how this seemingly mistake of a marriage worked out in a very positive way that wouldn't have happened otherwise.

When I first married the NPD we were immediately blessed with an amazing house in a religious community in our area. This community holds summer camps for kids and my former daughter in law and both my ex stepson live there still. Because of my marriage we moved to that house, they all got jobs there which would never have happened otherwise, and my ex daughter in law recently decided to go to school to become a counsellor. I think it likely has to do with what she has witnessed living in that house for the last year and seeing my ex do all kinds of crazy things despite going to church every Sunday with her live in boyfriend.

If I was meant to marry her for that outcome it was worth it. And if my ex truly isn't saved, then maybe all this will bring her to repent and ultimately her salvation. Maybe the live in too. Again, totally worth it in my book and am glad it happened.

Plus now that the community knows what she is doing, all of her trashing me goes out the window and they see her true colors.

I was informed of all this yesterday.

 

[Anonymess]

And you are right Goodbook. Her brother would tell all kinds of stories about how she would lie to get people in teouble, look bad, or to get whatever she wanted. Unfortunately I only caught on the last 6 months and pieced all of this together after we separated. Thank God I kept insisting on her going to counselling or there wouldn't be any communication during the first two weeks of separation while.she lined up new supply. After she did that, I never heard from her again until a month ago when she wanted to bury the hatchet. I declined again.

 

[blackribbon]

God can use all situations for good. That does not mean that they were part of His plan. I am glad that you see good but I am worried that you don't seem to understand that what you are describing is a very typical NPD relationship and on some level are willing to re-enter it thinking you can "fix" it or make it right if just given a second chance. And chances are that she will convince everyone that it was your fault and you were the abusive/crazy one over time. And like you, people won't listen to the voice of reason (like her brother). You can't cure diabetes and you can't cure NPD. The difference is that you can treat and control the first one if the person recognizes that it is real and a problem.

 

[Anonymess]

While I disagree about the being part of God's plan, God could have put it in my heart to marry her, knowing what would happen as a all knowing God would, and he let the devil seem to have his way with her knowing that I would do what I felt he wanted me to do when and if the time comes despite what reason would tell me. I have always listened to this voice no matter what and I ameant always glad I did.

The rest, I totally and completely agree. Like I said all along my head doesn't want to go back. My stomach turns to knots when I even think about it. But I just can't shake the feeling that God is working.

But I trust God. If she does repent, the I will go to counselling with her. If the counselor clears her, our pastor clears her, and she proves her commitment's to reestablishing a foundation then I would consider remarriage. But it will take two solid years of sex free dating with marked improvement before I would reconsider marriage.

 

[com7fy8]

It would be interesting to know exactly what she has been thinking while she does what she has done, including coming to you to claim she wants to make amends.

Someone can make a show of repenting and putting on the act you require. How can you know the difference?

 

[Anonymess]

I have asked God to have her say a very specific set of words to tell me it is from him.

And I don't think an NPD would be able to fake.it for two years. If it was not sincere she will run to the first easier supply.

 

[hopesprings]

I have asked God to have her say a very specific set of words to tell me it is from him.

And I don't think an NPD would be able to fake.it for two years. If it was not sincere she will run to the first easier supply.

NPDs fake their entire persona for a lifetime (unless they admit they have a problem and are willing to address it...nearly never happens...why would they stop doing what gives them so much pleasure?). They take extraordinary pleasure out of "getting one over" on anyone, particularly those closest to them. Narcs always (always!!) have multiple sources of supply! They aren't content to stay with one until that poor soul is drained of "worth"--keep in mind that a narc is a bottomless pit of ego that needs constant feeding or they suffer narcissistic injury. A narc will have a primary source of supply (for instance, a spouse) and secondary sources (children, extended family, friends, complete strangers) that they are constantly refreshing. It is a destructive and mind-boggling pattern of behavior. Narcs love to up their game so going to a counsellor with an individual of that sort is simply providing them with entertainment at best or at worst encouraging them to gather in an unwary counsellor/therapist as a source of supply and education. Think of a narc as a "method" actor...just as an actor gathers real-life information about different individuals to play a convincing part, a narc goes to a counsellor/therapist to gather information to play a more convincing role as well. Unfortunately, there is no time limit on their games.

 

[Anonymess]

er..never said anything about hell and damnation.

You getting quite wound up, and your write weird things in your post how you fornicated AFTER you married. Well, really, you not supposed to fornicate at all. You wrote that the main reason you married this first lady was so you could sleep with her. (Rather than because she was a lovely woman with good character)

Obviously she confused you, so, just let it go!

with NPDS you might actually want to ask their parents and close family members what they are like than rely on what friends tell you. NPDS make friends with people who they can use. so its not just what they like in church but in their home life.

If you were deceived, and now have wised up, then GOOD!

I never said that I married her to sleep with her. Never. I would have waited however long I needed to.

It was a benefit of marrying quickly, but hardly "the reason."

Fornication in modern vernacular is a synonym for having sex, therefore we didn't have sex or fornicate before marriage. I didn't fornicate after either. We did have sex though for the first time on our honeymoon just to be clear.

5 minutes afterwards, she was texting her ex-boyfriend to rub his face in it. The one she ended up cheating on me with and now lives with.

We only married because my peace after 5 years of prayer, her peace, her friends peace, the verse, and praying every step of the way during our elope.

I'm not wound up at all. You are making a lot of assumptions, not reading posts, and most certainly not answering my question: how can you know the will of God? It was not "Does Goodbook think my marriage was a mistake and why?"

 

[Anonymess]

Com7fy8:

Thanks for the feedback. It would be interesting. Seeing her face light up when her brother would tell a story about when she would lie to manipulate parents, teachers, friends, etc, was one of the big red flags. So was when she called her daughter in law "a best friend stealing little f-ING b"...the one she was "saving" from her evil mom (who didn't want her daughter to marry NPD's son) because my daughter in law was now friends with my NPDS best friend (that married a week after us and was 1 week apart pregnancy Wise from daughter in law and prayed with NPDs list.)

NPD was so jealous that a month before I left she begged me to have her tubes untied!

So, yeah, thank God he got me out and some good came of it. I don't want to go back. But I have a lot to learn.

Unfortunately my counsellor passed away a few days ago, so im on my own for a bit.

 

[dayhiker]

Sorry to hear that your counsellor passed ...

 

[Anonymess]

Thank you.

 

[Anonymess]

So I have been praying a lot lately about all of this and I had a thought:

Narcissists seem to be putting on a play where they are the lead character. Might they be cured if they resolved the inner conflict they have with the person they are putting on the show for? They always have to look good. Good for their audience, where they must be the star, and triumph in the end, which we all know they don't. Might treatment with EMDR be able to bring the curtain down early so they start living their life for their benefit and not their audience of one (mom or dad I would assume)

 

[dayhiker]

I don't know anything about that treatment. Have you studied it? What did you learn?

 

[blackribbon]

The problem you are not getting is that this isn't behavior that is controlled by the patient. This is how they think. The essence of who they are. The additional problem is most NPD don't have any insight into their issues and aren't open for treatment. They don't believe they have a problem and you have to want to get better for most personality disorder treatments to be of much use. EMDR is more for PTSD.treatments...and I am not really seeing much saying that it works that well on personality disorder...but again, they don't have the "medical" aspect that things like depression and bipolar have (meaning that there are medications that actually treat and rebalance body chemistry).

I don't think you really understand NPD if you think that she will willingly go into counseling or that you believe that it is going to make a significant difference. NPD people do not tend to get better because they don't believe there is anything wrong with them...everything wrong with the world is other people for simply not listening to them or experiencing life the way they do.

This isn't defiance against God either...so it isn't about repenting. They really don't see their wrongs as sins. They really don't see them as wrongs either. When they are upset, it is because they really don't relate to the people around them and wonder what is wrong with everyone else. It isn't evil but they really don't get that their behavior is the cause of how people around them act.

 

[dayhiker]

blank ... that explains Trump for me in a way that confirms what I've heard before. Thanks

 

[blackribbon]

blank ... that explains Trump for me in a way that confirms what I've heard before. Thanks

I think both Obama and Trump are NPD. Hilary is something more evil because she knows exactly what she is doing and just doesn't care.