Kink in christian marriage

[Tony Conrad]

I do congratulate everyone for tastily discussing a difficult subject without being crude (apart from one).

Saved Girl long may you enjoy what you do in the privacy of the bedroom between you and your loved one. That is your business and nobody elses.

Mehguy I agree that the distasteful words Sadism and Masochism do not describe at all what happens in the bedroom where love reigns and needs are met. Personally I hate the word bdsm. They are horrific words when you really study them. The word bondage is from the pit. We are told to stand fast in the liberty and not be entangled again in the yoke of bondage. If couples want to tie each other up in a mutually acceptable way for sexual reasons that is something else. I don't think we should be lumped in the bdsm basket simply through lack of adequate expression. The only sexual basket we need be in is our own marriages even though some activities will not be vanilla so to speak.

As for a third person in the bedroom what has that got to do with the subject? Nothing at all. Aren't we talking about christian marriage here? That surely is anathema to any christian marriage and even most non christian marriages.

 

[MehGuy]

Mehguy I agree that the distasteful words Sadism and Masochism do not describe at all what happens in the bedroom where love reigns and needs are met. Personally I hate the word bdsm. They are horrific words when you really study them. The word bondage is from the pit. We are told to stand fast in the liberty and not be entangled again in the yoke of bondage. If couples want to tie each other up in a mutually acceptable way for sexual reasons that is something else. I don't think we should be lumped in the bdsm basket simply through lack of adequate expression. The only sexual basket we need be in is our own marriages even though some activities will not be vanilla so to speak.

I wouldn't go that far. I think sadism and masochism describes what goes on in the bedroom, my point was that the terms are still incredibly vague. Even slapping a non-sexual/sexual s/m and consensual/non-consensual s/m to the label isn't enough. Not to mention long and tedious. If you actually study why people like suffering you begin to make out patterns that you can in turn label.

Although I do agree, I personally find sadism and masochism to be uncomfortable words. For one they are mostly viewed as sexual and second they have a history of being used to describe heinous people like serial killers. Grouping everyone up with the same terms can be needlessly can be mentally damaging for many people.

I don't really find bondage to be an ugly term, although I do have issues with the acronym BDSM. Personally I think it could be tweaked, lol.

 

[apache1]

I do congratulate everyone for tastily discussing a difficult subject without being crude (apart from one).

Saved Girl long may you enjoy what you do in the privacy of the bedroom between you and your loved one. That is your business and nobody elses.

Mehguy I agree that the distasteful words Sadism and Masochism do not describe at all what happens in the bedroom where love reigns and needs are met. Personally I hate the word bdsm. They are horrific words when you really study them. The word bondage is from the pit. We are told to stand fast in the liberty and not be entangled again in the yoke of bondage. If couples want to tie each other up in a mutually acceptable way for sexual reasons that is something else. I don't think we should be lumped in the bdsm basket simply through lack of adequate expression. The only sexual basket we need be in is our own marriages even though some activities will not be vanilla so to speak.

As for a third person in the bedroom what has that got to do with the subject? Nothing at all. Aren't we talking about christian marriage here? That surely is anathema to any christian marriage and even most non christian marriages.

Some folks might be more "Baskin-Robbins" than vanilla (e.g. 31 flavors)

 

[Tony Conrad]

I suspect you are Mehguy. The whole point of the thread is that there is kink in Christian marriages but we don't have to start a movement about it. It's between the two in the marriage.

 

[Tony Conrad]

I wouldn't go that far. I think sadism and masochism describes what goes on in the bedroom, my point was that the terms are still incredibly vague. Even slapping a non-sexual/sexual s/m and consensual/non-consensual s/m to the label isn't enough. Not to mention long and tedious. If you actually study why people like suffering you begin to make out patterns that you can in turn label.

Although I do agree, I personally find sadism and masochism to be uncomfortable words. For one they are mostly viewed as sexual and second they have a history of being used to describe heinous people like serial killers. Grouping everyone up with the same terms can be needlessly can be mentally damaging for many people.

I don't really find bondage to be an ugly term, although I do have issues with the acronym BDSM. Personally I think it could be tweaked, lol.

The extended meaning of S & M are horrific and unhealthy words for me. I want no part of them even though kink does exist in our marriage. It think words are very important on that level and we need to get it right.

 

[apache1]

I do congratulate everyone for tastily discussing a difficult subject without being crude (apart from one).

Saved Girl long may you enjoy what you do in the privacy of the bedroom between you and your loved one. That is your business and nobody elses.

Mehguy I agree that the distasteful words Sadism and Masochism do not describe at all what happens in the bedroom where love reigns and needs are met. Personally I hate the word bdsm. They are horrific words when you really study them. The word bondage is from the pit. We are told to stand fast in the liberty and not be entangled again in the yoke of bondage. If couples want to tie each other up in a mutually acceptable way for sexual reasons that is something else. I don't think we should be lumped in the bdsm basket simply through lack of adequate expression. The only sexual basket we need be in is our own marriages even though some activities will not be vanilla so to speak.

As for a third person in the bedroom what has that got to do with the subject? Nothing at all. Aren't we talking about christian marriage here? That surely is anathema to any christian marriage and even most non christian marriages.

Just how in the world is s & m or bdsm or whatever the hell you want to call it a difficult subject? I sure have no problem talking about it. Anyway, what I like about these forums is the fact you can anonymously post whatever you want like this and debate and discuss things like this. A lot better than a live discussion group, as said, can remain anonymous. Difficult subject? Try nuclear war, REAL torture (not the kinky consensual bedroom variety), debilitating diseases and conditions, starvation, those are a little more difficult (at least for me) to discuss than a little bedroom spice.

 

[ThatGirl21]

I've never liked the term "BDSM", because to me it's too many diverse things lumped together in one category.

 

[Tony Conrad]

I agree.

 

[CounselorForChrist]

BDSM often makes people think of masochism... aka pain causing pleasure. But people forget there are others meaning to what the "kink" is. Such as someone who is into handcuffs and blindfolds is also BDSM. And obviously that's FAR different then those who dress up weird and use devices to cause pain. But because BDSM is used people assume the worst. BDSM needs to be broken down into other things so people don't think your some weird freaky person into pain and blood.

With that said I'm not sure why sex is such a forbidden subject among christians. If you talk to christian counselors they say they see so many couples who have sexual issues because they are beaten over the head (er, not literally lol) with "Sex is bad!". So when married they still don't even talk about the subject often. So their intimacy becomes boring because they never talked about sex and never were talked to about sex.

True, in a forum we don't want to hear about everyone's personal desires and how they had sex. Details are not needed lol. But in general sex itself should be more talked about. It would certainly save more marriages.

 

[KitKatMatt]

BDSM is a very large label. This is why people need to talk more to determine where exactly they exist in that label.

I recently learned that AB/DL is under the BDSM label, I did not know that. It's because of the dominate/submissive roles that make it up. Now that I think about it, that makes sense, because puppyplay is under the BDSM label and is very similar (or at least it is to me? idk).

 

[MehGuy]

I can understand you wanting to distance yourself from s/m if that is not your thing, but don't take a negative tone towards people who do like s/m. People with outside of the norm interests should support one another (unless you're into something that is non-consensual) (also BDSM is pretty mainstream these days.. but stigmas still exist)

Just use d/s (dominate/submissive) or b/d (bondage and domination) to describe your interests.

What's funny for me is that the d/s and b/d are expressions of s/m for me. Although it's not the case for other people. It can get frustration when you learn that people enjoy sadomasochism and bondage for very different reasons.

Which is why new terms should be created to help people understand their desires and interests on a deeper level.

 

[KitKatMatt]

Which is why new terms should be created to help people understand their desires and interests on a deeper level.

Definitely agree with this. Only by creating new terms and definitions can we really start to understand things

Also agreeing with not taking a negative tone on things you might not particularly like. To each their own.

 

[apache1]

BDSM is a very large label. This is why people need to talk more to determine where exactly they exist in that label.

I recently learned that AB/DL is under the BDSM label, I did not know that. It's because of the dominate/submissive roles that make it up. Now that I think about it, that makes sense, because puppyplay is under the BDSM label and is very similar (or at least it is to me? idk).

I, being a spankophile myself, thought I had heard them all, but what the heck is ab/dl? Sounds like a diet supplement

 

[Joykins]

I googled ab/dl and came up with adult baby/diaper lover. People can fetishize anything apparently.

 

[MehGuy]

adult babyism.

ab- adult baby
dl- diaper lover.. (I think.. lol)

I'd put them under the d/s label for sure. Many other interests could fit there as well such as devotees.

I have a little interest in the ABDL scene. I'd be open to being into a relationship where I was the caretaker to an adult baby girl. I have zero interest in being the baby, though. Still in the end, I'd probably get bored of it very quickly and it would be more of just a brief interest. More into the slavery scene myself, lol. I can make a relationship out of that.

 

[KitKatMatt]

Yeah, as has been answered, AB/DL is adult baby/diaper lover.

I'm more into DL, but I dabble with AB. Although, I'm not involved in a relationship with anyone so I only do this stuff alone.

On the list of the "rules of the internet", one rule is "if it exists, it's someone's fetish". I've spent enough time online to know that this statement is 100% true.

 

[MehGuy]

Yeah ABDL is pretty normal compared to some of the other things people are into..

But yeah if you're heavily into d/s you should be able to have interest in many other things.

You could probably group many fetishes and lifestyles under a few specific interests. Kind of like an evolutionarily tree.

I know for s/m it's the root cause of many interests in my life.. even for mundane things like music and the type of movies I like to watch.

 

[KitKatMatt]

Yeah, it's all like a spectrum or tree of some sort. Or one of those interlocking and overlapping circle maps that are incredibly complicated yet very spot on (like Venn diagrams on steroids).

I'm not sure how my fetishes are related to most of my interests. Well, except the obvious "huge furry" being related to how much I love movies with anthro animals. I have a huge collection of movies based on that.

 

[Joykins]

Yeah, there was a letter to Savage Love last week, maybe? a dad who found out his son was into Pokemon and there was plenty of reassurance that this isn't as uncommon as you'd think and doesn't mean he will never find a good relationship with another human being.

 

[KitKatMatt]

I tried to get out of Pokemon years ago (I had been with it since it started in America) but recently have come back. Still fascinated by it all.