Just out of interest

[ImaginaryDay]

Had this article show up in my inbox this morning. I find it rather demeaning to husbands AND wives. But is this really how wives treat their husbands? Is this really how you think we think? Just curious...

How to Learn What Your Husband Isn’t Telling You - Christian Relationships, Marriage, Husband & Wife

 

[Hetta]

I think it's pretty sad. It makes men sound so black and white, and so predictable and yet - at the same time - "they are unwilling or unable to express their thoughts and feelings openly and honestly to their wives." Okay, if they are that unwilling or unable, how do we know that any of this is true? LOL.

Maybe I'm fortunate, but my husband has no problem expressing himself clearly, nor do I have any problem understanding his thoughts. We think a lot alike in fact. We both want to protect our family, etc etc.

As with so many of these articles, it assumes that the husband is the provider and the woman stays home, and as the majority of families in the US have two working parents, I really think it's time that the writers of Christian articles caught up with that fact.

So yes, men aren't black and white. They have their own grey areas. They aren't stupid or incapable of expressing themselves - they are fully functional human beings.

IMO, the sooner we get over expressing our differences and move into expressing our commonalities, the better our marriages will be.

 

[Puffinstuff]

Yes part of it is demeaning.And the thing is much of that sentiment is said about women tof course not the testosterone part LOL>>but women don't know how to directly communicate their feelings and beat around the bush using hints or expecting the man to read her mind.He is touted with those who hold that opinion to be direct and straight forward about what he wants.So I wonder which one it is. But yes that part was demeaning to him.I think its demeaning the other way around too.

But the good parts what I would think of as a compliment is a husbands drive to provide for and protect.Whats insulting is they are explaining this to women like they just don't get that.As if that is something about men that would be hard for a woman to grasp.As if she too is not driven to provide and protect as well.

This part:

Understand his fears, and free his soul. Men greatly fear any type of disempowerment, such as disease, disability, losing a job or income, losing their families, being publicly embarrassed, or being perceived as unmanly. Your husband will try to avoid situations in which he feels foolish or must depend on others rather than on himself, and he will gravitate to situations in which he feels competent and successful. He will be afraid of sharing his feelings with you if you react negatively to his honesty (such as by criticizing him or withdrawing from him). So the next time your husband shares his feelings – no matter how shocking they are to you – don’t become upset or dismiss his concerns.

Agreed.So do most human beings fear those things.But for the unmanly part for females .I haven't met many human beings that doesn't fear those things.

Well I guess I shouldn't read anymore.Its as if this person is talking about men to women as if women don't understand that they are human beings.Including women are being informed that men physically crave food.I guess I should take some notes so I can remember that.I never knew that I thought they were the only living breathing creatures on Earth who did not need food to stay alive and didn't have a brain(or some system) that signaled a drive to eat along with hunger pains.I thought men were a kind of droid like the one in Aliens .Computers operated by a battery that didn't need to eat and had no feelings.Gosh I'm shocked to find all this out!

Thanks for sharing Apostolic.My eyes have been opened and now I think I get that my husband is a human.Even if he doesn't exactly fit the stereotype of a man human.I think I will now go cook him a delicious meal.

 

[Hetta]

Well I guess I shouldn't read anymore.Its as if this person is talking about men to women as if women don't understand that they are human beings.Including women are being informed that men physically crave food.I guess I should take some notes so I can remember that.I never knew that I thought they were the only living breathing creatures on Earth who did not need food to stay alive and didn't have a brain(or some system) that signaled a drive to eat along with hunger pains.I thought men were a kind of droid like the one in Aliens .Computers operated by a battery that didn't need to eat and had no feelings.Gosh I'm shocked to find all this out!

Thanks for sharing Apostolic.My eyes have been opened and now I think I get that my husband is a human.Even if he doesn't exactly fit the stereotype of a man human.I think I will now go cook him a delicious meal.

LOL. I didn't see that part. That's pretty funny.

And again with the stereotypes - my husband cooks more meals than I cook.

 

[CareyGreen]

Articles by their very nature (short), tend to over-generalize. I think that's the case here. If we had the luxury of sitting with the author and asking questions, I think we'd find he is much less black and white than it appears.

 

[Hetta]

Articles by their very nature (short), tend to over-generalize. I think that's the case here. If we had the luxury of sitting with the author and asking questions, I think we'd find he is much less black and white than it appears.

It's not that the author is black and white, it's the picture he paints of men that seems to lack some "coloring outside the lines".

 

[Puffinstuff]

LOL. I didn't see that part. That's pretty funny.

And again with the stereotypes - my husband cooks more meals than I cook.

Yes.It said "understand men's" two primary physical appetites are "food and sex".I went with the food part because it was even mentioned.Maybe a 3 year old ?Or even a 6 year old may not yet get that everyone has has probably the #1 most important physical appetite is food.Sex is up in the air because its variable but food is not.Without much doubt I could say food is the#1 primary physical appetite for every human being on Earth on a daily basis.We" logically" know too after a certain age we will die without it.So its not just the "physical appetite" anymore that drives us to make sure we do it.Even those who lose their appetite will force themselves to eat because its a matter of life and death.

But they didn't mention one of the mans primary needs is water?Do men thirst for water or is that only women and children ?

 

[HannahT]

I think the article a bit creepy personally.

Everyone human has aspects of them their spouse needs to recognize, and deal with the best you can. Everyone human has some insecurities as well. It's called being human.

Honestly? I wasn't sure if the author wanted a mommie with perks or what. SURE you can get little grains of truth from that article, but over all? It felt icky to me.

I honestly didn't see to much in regards to the men I know in my life in this article. I could hear some their comments - or cracks they would make when parts of it was read to them though. The men I know in my life talk about 'feelings' and emotions all the time. They just do it a bit different than some of the females I know. (shrugs)

 

[Puffinstuff]

Articles by their very nature (short), tend to over-generalize. I think that's the case here. If we had the luxury of sitting with the author and asking questions, I think we'd find he is much less black and white than it appears.

I would not consider it a luxury to sit with this author to ask him or her any questions.My luxury is sitting with the men in my life and knowing them and they are not black and white as the author proposes.In other words if I want to know "my men" in my life better I wouldn't ask this person for insight.

 

[HannahT]

But they didn't mention one of the mans primary needs is water?Do men thirst for water or is that only women and children ?

Nahh! They do beer! (laughs!)

 

[Puffinstuff]

Nahh! They do beer! (laughs!)

There is water in beer!

 

[HannahT]

There is water in beer!

I have to admit I was feeling a bit smarty pants after i wrote that. I went to grab some laundry and thinking - real men want whiskey! (since its 'stronger' and all)

 

[ValleyGal]

Notice how even the picture they use has the woman and child in clear focus and the man's face is all out of focus? Even the picture is emasculating.

 

[Puffinstuff]

I have to admit I was feeling a bit smarty pants after i wrote that. I went to grab some laundry and thinking - real men want whiskey! (since its 'stronger' and all)

Have you never heard of whiskey and water!

 

[Puffinstuff]

Notice how even the picture they use has the woman and child in clear focus and the man's face is all out of focus? Even the picture is emasculating.

I see him more as "segregated" than emasculated.He's apart from the rest.Off on his own.Even self imposed. They seem to be waiting for him.He is looking in a different direction they are looking at him.Honestly it looks like a commercial for Prozac to me if anything.

 

[ImaginaryDay]

*General response*

I thought the article overall was a bit too generalized and compartmentalized. For example it came off (to me) as "men are this way so wives need to do this to 'fix it'". First, not all men are 'such-and-such' a way, and wives don't need to fix us. I thought the part on sex was a bit humorous and pathetic at the same time. Sure, men are sexual creatures (as if women are not...?), but to state that:

"Men are wired to respond to visual stimulation, and must deal with seeing sexual imagery often in our society today. Your husband can’t escape it, so he must try to resist the temptation of it while fighting to remain faithful to you as God calls him to be. Your husband needs sexual release often in order to be emotionally healthy.

is just wrong in my estimation and is really the part where I started to get upset with the whole thing. First, men need to be men and admit that, temptation or not, they can control whatever 'urges' they may feel coming at them in the world. If they can't, they need to go to God and ASK for the power to overcome that temptation. The wife is not responsible to cater to their sexual drives so they can avoid temptation later. This is just nonsense.

Also, this part:

Men greatly fear any type of disempowerment, such as disease, disability, losing a job or income, losing their families, being publicly embarrassed, or being perceived as unmanly. Your husband will try to avoid situations in which he feels foolish or must depend on others rather than on himself, and he will gravitate to situations in which he feels competent and successful.

I feel can be true of anyone at all, especially with women in the workplace and two income earners in the home.

Ah.... so much of this just got to me. In my view, husbands and wives are to be inter-dependent, not one depending on the other for a sense of self-worth. God must be at the head of all we do, and I'm not sure I saw any of that in the article.

And btw, the graphic they used looked to me like the mom and kid were petrified of the dad. What's with that??? lol...

Anyway, I'm off my soapbox now...

 

[Puffinstuff]

"Men are wired to respond to visual stimulation, and must deal with seeing sexual imagery often in our society today. Your husband can’t escape it, so he must try to resist the temptation of it while fighting to remain faithful to you as God calls him to be. Your husband needs sexual release often in order to be emotionally healthy.

I agree with you .Men are reduced to slaves of "sexual imagery" and has to fight not to "fall" and remain faithful and the woman is reduced to "giving him " an outlet for sexual "release" so he can not only be faithful but remain sane as a person in the face of the other women sexual imagery ?That demeans men women and marriage .

 

[Puffinstuff]

And btw, the graphic they used looked to me like the mom and kid were petrified of the dad. What's with that??? lol...

LOL!! Yeah they looked kind of like not sure whats going on with dad or what he is going to do next".Like I mentioned that is a great Prozac ad.

 

[HannahT]

lol maybe the author of the article confused the man in picture! Wife and son are waiting for him to come to his senses, and then they go home!

The wired visually to me always bothered me. It makes men sound like they are horndogs constantly on the prowl, and then justify it by saying its natural. Personally? I wouldn't feel comfortable with that type of man around, nor would I marry one like that. They take good and natural aspects, and put some sick twist to them. Women are more than their personal vessels, and its make them unsafe to others if they truly feel they are...since you don't know whether are not they are getting enough to safe around. (shivers)

 

[Puffinstuff]

is just wrong in my estimation and is really the part where I started to get upset with the whole thing. First, men need to be men and admit that, temptation or not, they can control whatever 'urges' they may feel coming at them in the world. If they can't, they need to go to God and ASK for the power to overcome that temptation. The wife is not responsible to cater to their sexual drives so they can avoid temptation later. This is just nonsense.

I totally agree and vice versa and with every temptation.Except it seems to be more pronounced as a claim that sex =food to men so it is "understandable" or someone elses fault if he steals some because someone isn't feeding him or feeding him enough.

If I encountered a man who had not eaten or had sex in a week or so when I went to help him I would not have sex with him to sustain his life.I would feed him food.