Just out of interest

[ImaginaryDay]

I just feed mine rabbit pellets in a bowl.An automatic feeder thingy.That way I don't have to worry while I'm gone if it gets hungry there is no food.I buy about two 20lb bags for a month.(mine is big ) Oh and I keep some treats on the side for special occasions and for training.

 

[ValleyGal]

On the other hand, Paul does say 'to prevent fornication' to let every man have his own wife and to let every woman have her own husband. Husbands and wives rendering 'due benevolence' to one another and fasting with mutual consent can help keep a couple from being tempted to lack of self-control. So I think the advice there is Biblical to that extent.

This is no guarantee of his faithfulness, though.

 

[ImaginaryDay]

I agree that men need grace from God to overcome sexual temptation. If a man has a 'dutiful wife' he can still sin in his heart between leaving for work and coming home, so that isn't a solution.

On the other hand, Paul does say 'to prevent fornication' to let every man have his own wife and to let every woman have her own husband. Husbands and wives rendering 'due benevolence' to one another and fasting with mutual consent can help keep a couple from being tempted to lack of self-control. So I think the advice there is Biblical to that extent.

I don't remember the exact words, but the part about not letting stuff between them shut down the sex life is good advice, too. It can create a cycle where the man gets more upset due to the lack of sex, and the woman shuts off sex more, and each responds by not giving the other what he or she needs.

Well, anything biblical can become skewed in incapable hands, and I think that's what the author did. It's not my wife's responsibility to prevent me from straying or resisting temptation. It's mine with the power of the Holy Spirit. That was my objection to the subject in the article.

 

[Inkachu]

Well, anything biblical can become skewed in incapable hands, and I think that's what the author did. It's not my wife's responsibility to prevent me from straying or resisting temptation. It's mine with the power of the Holy Spirit. That was my objection to the subject in the article.

I'm so glad you said that. This notion that God purposefully creates men so that it's harder not to sin is so offensive to me in every way. WHY would God be that sadistic? "Here fellas, I'm going to create you in such a way so that you'll spend every waking moment being THIS close to falling into sin, just for the heck of it." The article makes it sound as if men are just one itty bitty step away from full-blown adultery at all times, 24 hours a day, like a bunch of rabid animals instead of human beings, that they're slaves to their sex drives, and it's the women's responsibility to keep them satisfied and subdued with regular sex so they can be functioning people instead of slavering dogs. I mean... honestly...

Anyway, I'm so glad you posted what you did.

 

[Puffinstuff]

The part about motivating him to work on the marriage by continuing to have sex during conflict?Actually I have seen it laid out otherwise that most people(not just men) are NOT motivated to do anything any different as long as they are in their comfort zone.And it only suggest to go to counseling in the case he stops having sex with her.

But another thing that is blaringly wrong about this persons views is the heading of one of the paragraphs starts with "understand his fears and free his soul".O.K so now not only does it appear men's soul's are trapped in some type of bondage but outrageously its a wife that has the power to free him?I thought it was only God who had that ability?

So not only is the wife charged with combating his apparent non stop compulsive urge to have sex from "imagery" to keep from what it sounds like the inevitable of adultery. She overall it seems has the impossible burden of freeing someones soul.Looking to put a wife in this role with that kind of power is nothing other than idol worshiping.

Like Celtic is getting at its eluding to men are far weaker than women therefore its her responsibility because I guess she has the power of God to give him strength to get by in life.Oh and if he is failing her somehow in any way again it sounds like she can "calm him" through sex "communication" to motivate HIM to work on it.If she doesn't then its her fault if he gets angrier and angrier because of her with holding his food (sex).

She is responsible to keep him sane ,she is responsible to keep him from sinning ,she is responsible for his feelings and feeling "masculine" (which this article makes sound like a very weak "condition" to be in) she is responsible to hold the marriage together in conflict,she is responsible to keep him alive physically with food,and last but not least she is responsible for his SOUL.

 

[Hetta]

I thought about this this morning, ha ha. I see a lot of men on this forum specifically, and on the rest of CF, and they don't seem to have any problem communicating their thoughts, ideas and opinions.

What puzzles me is that Christianity still has this emphasis on the woman as the "weaker" vessel, and yet this article seems to suggest that a man is 'lost' without a woman - unable to eat, unable to function, unable to remain chaste. That is some very strange thinking.

 

[Niffer]

I thought about this this morning, ha ha. I see a lot of men on this forum specifically, and on the rest of CF, and they don't seem to have any problem communicating their thoughts, ideas and opinions.

What puzzles me is that Christianity still has this emphasis on the woman as the "weaker" vessel, and yet this article seems to suggest that a man is 'lost' without a woman - unable to eat, unable to function, unable to remain chaste. That is some very strange thinking.

I can totally see that!
So if women are the weaker vessel, and men are lost without women, but man needs to literally "man up" (function, control self, lead) but while he isn't (or won't) woman needs to be able to not only understand that he's "lost" but carry all the burdens, while still being...weak?

I...that....doesn't make any sense.

 

[Tropical Wilds]

Had this article show up in my inbox this morning. I find it rather demeaning to husbands AND wives. But is this really how wives treat their husbands? Is this really how you think we think? Just curious...

How to Learn What Your Husband Isn’t Telling You - Christian Relationships, Marriage, Husband & Wife

I think the article portrays men as children and wives as their mothers.

Wouldn't work in my marriage, I'm happy to say.

 

[HannahT]

On the other hand, Paul does say 'to prevent fornication' to let every man have his own wife and to let every woman have her own husband. Husbands and wives rendering 'due benevolence' to one another and fasting with mutual consent can help keep a couple from being tempted to lack of self-control. So I think the advice there is Biblical to that extent.

I don't remember the exact words, but the part about not letting stuff between them shut down the sex life is good advice, too. It can create a cycle where the man gets more upset due to the lack of sex, and the woman shuts off sex more, and each responds by not giving the other what he or she needs.

Lust and Fornication is two different things IMO.

Most of time you hear people in marriages where adultery happens - its because of issues within the relationship. Normally, its not as black and white as they present it either.

Every marriage at times has some times in which the sex life maybe effected, and the healthy thing to do is work towards a resolution. God would wish this. Adultery to me is wanting a new relationship, because of your issues with your current one. That to me is completely different than lust.

Lust to me is fantasy. I won't see her as a women anymore, but a sex pot that I can use for my own personal desires.

You can be married, and have a lust issue. You are coveting things that don't belong to you, and having fantasies in your mind once you got it. Then the author states to go home, and have at it with your wife. The lust is still there, because you are pretending your wife is someone else. That to me is not a foundation for a healthy relationship at all. You not only harm yourself, but someone you claim to love. Your basically using a 'legal' substitute for the 'illegal' image in your mind. Your using her in other words. I suppose the author doesn't seem to think a spouse can feel that. Pretty naive. Why would she feel comfortable being USED like that, and then you have this author tell women he NEEDS this. Yuck!

How the author seems to feel that would enhance the relationship is beyond me. You are enabling the lust to continue, because you have someone to use to help you though. You don't address it at all. You can't fix that issue with more sex with your wife. It turns into choice when you allow your mind to go that far, and your using your wife to complete that fantasy.

It's pretty sick if you think about it long enough. It also makes sense as to WHY the bible calls it adultery in your heart.

 

[Puffinstuff]

Also this person also seems to be forgetting that its the husband commanded to live with his wife understanding her and to die to self.Not to mention he is the head /source for her.This man has her in the role as his "source" her in the role of dwelling with him understanding him ..and her dying to self for him .Because he seems to have put the man in the position of the weaker vessel.

One man commented and he seemed very insulted .He commented men are not pathetic frail delicate beings who need to be managed by our oh so capable well adjusted wives.He commented at least start by respecting men as equals.

 

[Inkachu]

It's made even more disturbing by the fact that it's posted on a Christian site. Ugh.

 

[Puffinstuff]

You can be married, and have a lust issue.

Thats the problem .This man is stating that it just automatic with all men.Because they are "wired to be visual" its inescapable he will be constantly fighting to stay faithful.So the wife is put in the position to satisfy her husbands "lust" he felt that day over whatever "visual" triggered it. Its almost like he is out there having sex in his mind or some sort of foreplay with "images" of other women and the wife is responsible to be ready and willing to give him the "physical release" he now "needs' .An outlet to satisfy his lust over the "visuals" in the world having nothing to do with her let alone loving her.I suppose maybe she should be grateful he "fought it off" yet another day ?I mean imagine it if your husband came home and said "I need sexual release a.s.a.p I couldn't escape the imagery of this bomb shell sexy woman at work today and I have been lusting after that image all day and I might just not be able to "fight it off" and give in and cheat tomorrow if you don't give me some relief form the pressure in my loins for her.You wouldn't want me to let down God would you ?

Men are wired to respond to visual stimulation, and must deal with seeing sexual imagery often in our society today. Your husband can’t escape it, so he must try to resist the temptation of it while fighting to remain faithful to you as God calls him to be.

 

[Puffinstuff]

Every marriage at times has some times in which the sex life maybe effected, and the healthy thing to do is work towards a resolution. God would wish this.

I agree.And I don't believe she is called to die to self continuing to have sex with him in hopes that he may decide to work on the issue affecting the sex life.Or that she is called to first and foremost understand his physical and emotional needs putting hers aside in order to hopefully "lead HIM" to desire to understand her.I'll just say that is fine if that's how he operates.But do not call himself her 'head/source".And do not call her weaker.And do not claim he is being obedient to God by his own will by not committing adultery he is borrowing her strenght /her understanding of his "needs" while the he is putting her second which is also not something God would be pleased with.As he is supposed to be willing to die for her.But he cant WONT even go without sex supposedly while working on a conflict that is upsetting her enough to not even desire sex with him.Instead getting angry at her for it.

Yes.Sounds like a child not a man.

 

[ImaginaryDay]

I'm so glad you said that. This notion that God purposefully creates men so that it's harder not to sin is so offensive to me in every way. WHY would God be that sadistic? "Here fellas, I'm going to create you in such a way so that you'll spend every waking moment being THIS close to falling into sin, just for the heck of it." The article makes it sound as if men are just one itty bitty step away from full-blown adultery at all times, 24 hours a day, like a bunch of rabid animals instead of human beings, that they're slaves to their sex drives, and it's the women's responsibility to keep them satisfied and subdued with regular sex so they can be functioning people instead of slavering dogs. I mean... honestly...

Anyway, I'm so glad you posted what you did.

Right. I'm part of a ministry at my church that would be aghast at that idea, yet the article seems to be subtly hinting at the very idea - that husbands have no control over their thoughts, minds, wills, and emotions and it's the job of the wives to 'protect' them from themselves by whatever 'means' necessary. Pretty sick thinking and surely not Christ-like.

 

[Puffinstuff]

Understand how your husband relates to God and the church, and free his spirit. Realize that men want to connect with God as much as women do, but many churches don’t fuel men’s need for adventure in their relationships with God, and many don’t make men feel as valued and needed as women feel in church. Help your husband find a church you can participate in together where he can: take the risks he needs to take to grow spiritually, put his talents and skills to use helping others, and connect with a pastor he respects and friends he admires. Never criticize or belittle your husband’s spiritual life; instead, do all you can to encourage him to grow and build his confidence relating to God.

Again more about his needs in church.(as a man not a follower of Christ).But I guess it shouldn't be surprising even the church needs to be about his( a mans ) needs before he will be willing to worship God .Wives need to service the man's need in order for him to be obedient to God and to also free his soul then once his soul is freed by the wife then the church/congregation needs to service his needs for him to even show up to give thanks with his fellow brothers and sisters for God giving him a wife to keep him sexually satisfied so as not to be an adulterer /fed/and sane .

I take it back that she is in affect being placed as an idol...a false God to a man.It sounds more like this man worships /idolizes HIMSELF.Just like a young child who thinks the world revolves around them.A person like that is commonly known as a narcissist.And in fact are incapable of love.So he shouldn't be a husband in the first place because husbands are to love their wives.To bad he tried to throw all men under the bus to disguise his personal issues.But at least he didn't succeed.What a coward.

 

[seeingeyes]

This is kind of interesting. If you make sure to read all the titles, you find that this article was written by a woman who (presumably) summarizing a book which was written by a man about 'understanding men'.

So a woman who is so baffled by her husband that she needs to read a book about it, writes an article about 'better understanding your husband'.

No wonder it sounds so creepy.

(Oh, I hope she was just throwing something together for a deadline...)

 

[ImaginaryDay]

This is kind of interesting. If you make sure to read all the titles, you find that this article was written by a woman who (presumably) summarizing a book which was written by a man about 'understanding men'.

So a woman who is so baffled by her husband that she needs to read a book about it, writes an article about 'better understanding your husband'.

No wonder it sounds so creepy.

(Oh, I hope she was just throwing something together for a deadline...)

The sad thing is that 'Crosswalk' used to have pretty good articles. I don't know what happened, but their editors now assume that most Christians are either operating from the lowest common denominator intellectually and need to be spoon-fed, or else their readers are all right-wing fundamentalist conservatives. Not much variety otherwise.

 

[seeingeyes]

The sad thing is that 'Crosswalk' used to have pretty good articles. I don't know what happened, but their editors now assume that most Christians are either operating from the lowest common denominator intellectually and need to be spoon-fed, or else their readers are all right-wing fundamentalist conservatives. Not much variety otherwise.

Definitely the lowest common denominator. I mean, even if you remove any 'conservative' cast, the article is atrocious. It's generally a good idea not to insult the intelligence of your audience, but the very first sentence accomplishes that.

My translation:
Did you know that your husband has thoughts? Like, in his head?! He doesn't want to tell you about it, though, because you are his wife, so you're gonna have to drag it out of him. Or better yet! I'll just tell you what your husband is thinking, so that you won't have to actually, ya know, talk to him.

This article would be great as the subject for another article about how not to write an article.

 

[Puffinstuff]

Yes Seeing Eyes that was my first observation..That he has thoughts and feelings.And while trying to "understand" that and before learning that he is a man ape on the constant verge of cheating from being stimulated by visuals which is inescapable.The real life saving revelation if I had to pick one is that he needs to eat food.After understanding that and realizing I could have killed him by not understanding that.I started to watch him closer of course from a distance I didn't want to scare him off.And there is one thing I noticed that has peaked my concern.Is that he has this habit of sleeping at night.And its every night.I noticed it all along and I guess I just avoided ever looking into if that is normal for a man.I mean I know I need sleep but I'm female. Should I be worried?Should I take him to the vet and have him checked out?Because the author didn't mention that a man needs that I'm a tad concerned especially because of how often it happens.

 

[seeingeyes]

Yes Seeing Eyes that was my first observation..That he has thoughts and feelings.And while trying to "understand" that and before learning that he is a man ape on the constant verge of cheating from being stimulated by visuals which is inescapable.The real life saving revelation if I had to pick one is that he needs to eat food.After understanding that and realizing I could have killed him by not understanding that.I started to watch him closer of course from a distance I didn't want to scare him off.And there is one thing I noticed that has peaked my concern.Is that he has this habit of sleeping at night.And its every night.I noticed it all along and I guess I just avoided ever looking into if that is normal for a man.I mean I know I need sleep but I'm female. Should I be worried?Should I take him to the vet and have him checked out?Because the author didn't mention that a man needs that I'm a tad concerned especially because of how often it happens.

Don't take him to the vet. That might unnaturally interrupt his habits. Perhaps you should invite Jane Goodall over for tea, and she could observe with you.