Just... need to vent somewhere.

[Merlin Athrawes]

Years of bulimia, which is still uncured, have left me with an irregular heartbeat which terrifies me. I'm also a hypochondriac in general, always convinced I have some terminal illness without realising. I don't know, I'm just worried I guess. Anything can happen.

Oh, dear.

I'm so sorry. I didn't know.

(On edit: Are you seeing a counselor and/or have a support system to deal with this? As well as maybe the other things?)

 

[xElliex]

Years of bulimia, which is still uncured, have left me with an irregular heartbeat which terrifies me. I'm also a hypochondriac in general, always convinced I have some terminal illness without realising. I don't know, I'm just worried I guess. Anything can happen.

I can empathise. It is late now, and I don't have much time, but tomorrow I'll PM you. Hang in there hunny, we are here to help you

Then hold on to her. She's a keeper. And if perchance you haven't yet, schedule some time for a long heart-to-heart talk. And then tell her all about your struggles with faith, with sex, with whatever. And ask her to help you as best as she can.

YES, I agree whole heartedly! You need to be with everyday Christians, people with whom you can talk and who won't be afraid to share their struggles with you. It's all very good to be sanctimonious on the internet where no one knows you. One can easily create a new personality online. But when you share your fears with people in real life, you see a totally different picture. As for me, I made the mistake of looking at very fundamentalist forums/websites and it had the same effect. I could barely eat and sleep for days! I was afraid to sleep because of demons, I had nightmares in which I was attacked and I thought it was real. In the end, my fiancé had to break this vicious circle and he drove me to mass and now I feel so much better. Not perfect but nothing as bad as it used to be.

Perfection does not exist for us humans. It is NORMAL to struggle! We all have our struggles. I could make you a 100 page list, and I bet everyone is the same. The trick is to have people whom you trust and share your doubts with them.

Please, PM me if you have any questions or any doubt and you want to talk to someone. I don't want to share too many personal info on here but I won't mind in private

 

[Jim2011]

Dear Lost and found girl,
Read your original post. Goodness. I know your in Great Brittan, and several years younger than me, and a woman, but.....Why do I feel like I wrote that? Ok, have not had a much sex as you, but still....
I want to get closer to God also, but I am not sure how to do it. I am very shy and introverted, so isolating myself from the world is not much of a challenge. However, just like you I have tried not watching TV or reading books, and find that I believe I am being hypocritical. Am I doing this because it is the right thing to do? or becasue I just dont want to go to hell?
You are not the only one feeling conflicted.
If you are still reading the messages, how are you?

 

[ghendricks63]

Hmmm, well I've just made a lengthy and perhaps too liberal thread about sex in its different forms in the philosophy and ethics section, so this might be goodbye from me, I'm probably going to get branded a heretic and banned. Sigh. Hope not.

Jesus had a habit of embracing and welcoming many individuals struggling with the same types of issues. Take heart...Jesus is neither horrified nor offended by your search for truth. Do not seek for truth in the fundamental churches because I do not believe they posess it. If you are still present I would welcome a dialogue with you.

 

[Zoness]

I could relate to your struggles for a long time, I do hope you are getting along better.

 

[rayodeluz]

Do not seek for truth in the fundamental churches because I do not believe they posess it.

The thing I've found about some of the fundamentalists I've met in general is that not only do they think they posess the truth, but that their way is the only way and everyone else is lost. If someone or some church claims they know everything about the truth or has a monopoly on it then run Forrest run!

 

[Kaitlin08]

I wanted to comment on the part in the OP about sex being special to you, whether it's with a person you have a commitment with or just a friend. This is sincere for you, but for those flirtatious guys, it's not. The more flirtatious a person is, the less sincere he or she is, ordinarily, and it's not a special experience for people who are insincere. I don't know if you're ok with that.

It could be that you realize there's great joy in converting people, one way or the other. Suppose you date someone who's very conservative. This person is likely to love you for who you are, but at the cost of not trying out new things with you, the person he loves. You get to show this person how to have fun. A very liberal person is likely to experiment, because he does that sort of thing with everyone, and the love comes later, if things go well enough. You get to show this person how to care. It's not bad to convert others, but the risk is always that the conversion goes awry, or that it doesn't take place for the reason that the person who desires to convert wishes for the good of the person he or she's in relationship with.

 

[SelfProtect]

loved your post Lostandfound girl. Have you ever read Ecclesiastes? Its my favorite book of the Bible. Your post reads just like you wrote Ecclesiastes. I love that book, not because it gives us answers but because it expresses frustrations with the world. Just so we can know we are not alone. You are not alone! I hear a lot about myself in your post. The thing that strikes me the most is that you are 20. Up until now you have been taught and lead and guided. Now you are an adult. It is time for you to begin experiencing for yourself what is truth. I think most of your frustration is because you are listening to what other are telling you to do. You are listening to what others are saying about you. I’m 42 and I’m just now learning how to do this myself. So I hear something about myself or a truth of God, and I take it to God. If he confirms it in my spirit then it is truth. If he doesn’t, I toss it out. It is your choice what you take into your life, your morals. I also, didn’t drink, didn’t have sex, didn’t do a lot of things. A relationship with God is not about a bunch of rules. Some of the things I’ve read recently talks about how an overweight preacher can preach about guilt and shame over issues about homosexuality and premarital sex so much that people won’t come back. Yet he is a glutton, why don’t they shun all the gluttons out of the church. I could be completely wrong in this season of my life as I explore again drinking and having sex with a guy I love but I know God loves me just the same. He is not surprised by me. And I trust that if I’m wrong, he will show me. I was a very legalistic Christian since I got save in 1995. I don’t regret that season of my life. I think it was necessary to shape and form me but I know I’m in a new season now. You may want to try Antidepressants or a counselor too. We don’t have all the answers. I’m going to tell my friend DayHiker to read your post. He is on another forum board on this site and he has helped me tremendously. I’m glad you’re here.

 

[dayhiker]

Thanks for the compliment, SelfProtect.
You made a very good observation about Ecclesiastes. So true.

I'll not comment as lost adn found girl hasn't posted on this thread in 6 months.