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Just got a phone call need some advise

kayd1966

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Danny, its so good to hear from you. You and the boys are still in my prayers, as is your ex-wife. I will add the daycare situation and your sister to my list.

Thank you for letting us know how you are doing.

I do believe you did a wise thing by not taking up with that lady. I really pray that you take the time to heal before looking at a relationship again. You owe it to the children, yourself and the person you end up with.

I'm so happy that the boys are doing well. I pray you have a wonderful time at puppet practice on Sunday...God Bless...
 
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pray_for_us_all

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Ok, i will just keep this going it seems to help and I really appreciate the advice and support. Kristen (my ex-wife) started calling me about a week ago, checking on the kids etc etc which is fine and great and all that but, the weird thing is she has never done that before. It's like she wants to say something but cant because if I don't say anything she will just stay on the phone and not speak for 3 or 4 minutes at a time. Then the past Monday I met her at the park to see the boys, she told me that she knew that she made a mistake by leaving. I was drop jawed I always thought she had to much pride to admit it. I had ask her to tell me why she did all the stuff she did, she said she would tell me but she couldnt right then. My problem comes back to I love her even after everything she did I still love her, but I can't trust her. I mean she did stand in front of me on the day she left and tell me she loved me that nothing was wrong. From all the advise I have had attorneys etc. The only way she can ever take the kids from me would be if we got back together and she stayed for a while then left again with the kids if she didn't get messed up she would probally get the kids. I can't stand the thought of not raising my babies but I want them to be raised by their mom & dad and I love her on top of that. She hasn't ask to come back yet but I believe she is working towards asking it. Just venting i guess.

thanks for the prayers
danny
 
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istand4miles

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Don't question your wife any longer. Soak yourself in the Word of God. For beginners, go to Pslams 62, and live by 2 Timothy 2:21-26. Those are some powerful scriptures to live by as you go through this. I know, things are happening pretty fast. Is it really necessary to file for divorce in order to gain your sons to live with you?
Also, when you don't know things and you don't really know what the real truth is, then go to God and ask him to reveal to you what you are ready for. Asking your wife or other people are going to hurt you even more, but when you ask your Heavenly Father, it is then that He will reveal to you what He knows you are ready for, nothing more and nothing less. And He will already have the safety net ready for you when you hear it. It's has happended time and time again for me. Yep, I'm in your same shoes - ugly story - but God has been awesome to me and the kids. Guard your heart on this - Believe nothing unless it comes unexpectedly - then you will know it is true, and it is God revealing truth to you...and then what do you do with the truth? I go back to my first statement, soak yourself in God's Word. He will reveal to you his heart for you, and his heart for your wife. Drop the divorce papers - it can get really ugly, especially with the kids. Go for child custody if you can while being seperated. She hasn't called for a divorce has she? Then don't go there. And go to rejoiceministries.org. Awesome ministry!
Praying for you!
istand4miles
 
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kayd1966

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pray_for_us_all said:
Ok, i will just keep this going it seems to help and I really appreciate the advice and support. Kristen (my ex-wife) started calling me about a week ago, checking on the kids etc etc which is fine and great and all that but, the weird thing is she has never done that before. It's like she wants to say something but cant because if I don't say anything she will just stay on the phone and not speak for 3 or 4 minutes at a time. Then the past Monday I met her at the park to see the boys, she told me that she knew that she made a mistake by leaving. I was drop jawed I always thought she had to much pride to admit it. I had ask her to tell me why she did all the stuff she did, she said she would tell me but she couldnt right then. My problem comes back to I love her even after everything she did I still love her, but I can't trust her. I mean she did stand in front of me on the day she left and tell me she loved me that nothing was wrong. From all the advise I have had attorneys etc. The only way she can ever take the kids from me would be if we got back together and she stayed for a while then left again with the kids if she didn't get messed up she would probally get the kids. I can't stand the thought of not raising my babies but I want them to be raised by their mom & dad and I love her on top of that. She hasn't ask to come back yet but I believe she is working towards asking it. Just venting i guess.

thanks for the prayers
danny

Danny, its good to hear from you!

As I read your post, I was a little concerned. I'm glad she is showing an interest in the boys but I believe you need to be very cautious at this time. Your boys are your number one priority right now. They do need a mother, but a mother who isn't well or stable isn't always the best choice. I feel that she wasn't happy before and left for 'green pastures' only to find that they weren't so green. However realizing what you lost is only a small part of repentance, healing and getting things right with God.

I would continue to do things like meet at the park so she can play with the kids but I wouldn't allow the boys to be alone with her yet. You have been given full custody and you do not want to put that in jeopardy.

As for the phoning...allow Devin to say Hello on the phone and say Good Night, give her an update Brayden and then tell her you need to go and get the kids to bed or make supper or whatever...either way...you need to get off the phone. Having that silence between you, gives room to imagination...not only yours with things like 'what is she wanting to say, etc.' but to hers.

She does need to come to a realization before God that she has sinned against God first and then you and the boys. Until she makes things are right with God, they can't be made right with you and the boys. And even then...I'm not saying, she went to the alter on Sunday so she's moving home today...if she is right with God, you will see the evidence over a long period of time. Your babies are your first priority so you must make sure that their protection comes first.

You must get yourself buried in the Word, find a small group or a Christian parent/tot group that you can take the boys to. You need to get a strong Christian support group around you and you need to be strong in the Lord so that you have the discernment needed to deal with your marriage situation. Before making any desicion search the Bible and spend a lot of time in prayer...if you have ANY hesitation, concern, or uneasiness...DO NOT DO IT.

I will continue to pray for you and the boys. I will also continue to pray that God will work in Kristen's life.

How is the daycare situation? How is your sister? and How is the puppet ministry going?
 
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pray_for_us_all

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I ended up putting the boys in a daycare as bad as I hated to I couldn't find anyway around it, but it seems to be going well. My sister is doing ok, she has a severly handicapped son and he needs all of her attention as he has had alot of health issues recently. Puppet ministry is back up and rolling we have been practicing and working on some really good skits for up coming shows.

Back to her: I met her again yesterday it was like a different person he was the greatest again, you would have thought he walked on water the way she talks about him. She said she was just mad monday but didnt comment that she still believes she made a mistake by leaving. He had left her a couple weeks ago for another women but came back. She made the comment that he goes and see the other one but he always comes home to her. ok what ever thats messed up.


thanks for all your prayers
danny
 
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kayd1966

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My heart breaks for you and the boys but I'm also very encouraged and uplifted from watching the Lord work in your lives. Kristen isn't ready to let go of her 'new' life, which is very sad but I'm so thankful that the boys are in your care and not hers. The Lord has protected them like only He could.

Even though daycares aren't ideal, I actually think it is probably a really good thing for the boys because they will be getting a 'motherly example' for part of the day. I know that you are doing an awesome job with them, so having them get attention from stable women at the daycare is only going to be an asset for the boys.

I will continue to pray for your sister and her son. I'm sure that God will move in their lives too.

My prayers are with you all...God Bless...
 
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Autumnleaf

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pray_for_us_all said:
She made the comment that he goes and see the other one but he always comes home to her. ok what ever thats messed up.

That's how many women are wired. Do what you want to mistreat them and they'll love you, just don't bore them or they're gone.
 
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MaraPetra

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Autumnleaf said:
That's how many women are wired. Do what you want to mistreat them and they'll love you, just don't bore them or they're gone.

Careful, AutumnLeaf. Most women are not "wired" that way.

Most women stay in abusive relationships because at first, they hope the abusive/cheating/sinning male will change. Later on, they stay because they become so isolated that they don't feel they have anywhere to go.

In this case, Kristen probably feels like Danny's a fail-safe...Someone whose love will protect her, even though she doesn't have those "love-emotions" for him anymore.

Danny, like Kayd said, you need to proceed very cautiously. Your ex-wife has changed, and you don't know her anymore.

You say you don't trust her, and you have good reason not to. I was personally concerned that she felt she "couldn't tell you now" why she did what she did...BIG red flag there. She still will not give you the honesty your heart so desperately craves. Her heart is still with another man. You probably won't see restoration in your marriage at this point.

I know you're probably going mad with your emotions at this point, but please pray on this and test the spirits. Satan will throw a temptation in our face just to see us leap at it.

I have a very bad feeling that this is your case.

Stay true to God, continue to love those boys, and do nothing which would endanger your custody of them. Only time, and LOTS of time, will tell if your ex will change.

But in the past four months, she has kept them in unsafe environments, and basically mistreated them. She's exposed them to only God-knows-what.

Please guard your heart, watch for the signs, and continue placing your faith in the Lord.

Mara
 
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pray_for_us_all

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Thought I would drop another update, We have been suspecting for a while they she may be pregnant she looks like it but she has been denying it. Well she finally told my sister and showed her the ultrasound photo she is 4.5 months. That means she got pregnant about a month or so after she left. She told my sister that she didn't want to tell me because she was afraid I would get mad at her. I don't know what she would think that I forgave her long ago and told her that she doesn't believe it I guess. I feel sorry for her and the baby I know he will never stick around to help her with it. But i will be praying for them all.

Lighter note kids are doing good Devin actually didn't want to leave daycare yesterday what a difference a few days makes. Before he didnt want to stay.

We are needing some rain here in oklahoma so please pray with me about that.

thank you for all your prayers the do make a difference :groupray:

danny
 
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