Angry/Aggressive. . . can you be more specific? Has he hit you or anything living?
He has hit previously & last weekend (just before i left) he was shouting at me mm from my face, pointing & me & saying very nasty things.
If he didn't hit you or you where not in danger he's right. However you have to protect yourself, so if he was a danger, then you are right to leave him.
Although he didnt hit me this time, i have never seen such anger in him & i need to protect myself emtionally as well so that i can be strong enough to focus on our marriage
Well how do you confide in people? Now I'm not saying he has the right to try and forbid you from being friends with someone, that is way over the top. However when you take your marriage issues to someone else that isn't a pastor or professional councilor then he has a right to be upset about all of that.
I speak to my friend who is a Godly woman, had problems previously in her marriage & like your comments is helping me stay accountable on my side, she gives me great advice & is by no means biased to me even though she my friend, she soon puts me in my place! 
Guess he missed the lesson is "Don't lie"
Probably not a good idea to talk to family and friends about marriage problems. I think that would upset me too. Talk to professionals or your husband, don't hang a sign out for the world to see about your marriage problems.
See while I think he has some issues too, I think you need to be more careful about who you talk to about your marriage issues.
Part of the problem with this is that a lot of people will form an opinion on these things before hearing his side of the story. So by the time he even gets a chance to tell his side of the story, they are hostle to him and arn't interested in what he has to say. That isn't fair to him.
Thing is tho, his sis in law is having problems, she's been talking to him & says its the thing to do in their culture! so i asumed it was ok.
Are you financially secure enough that you could make less money and still do fine? Perhaps if you get the other issues taken care of you could look at this and ask him to spend less time at work.
Dont get me wrong, i applaud him for working hard & wanting to better himself, i jus dont appreciate it being at the detriment to our marriage, he chooses to work so hard & chooses when he has time off to be away from home rather than prioritising time for me. He wont even commit to one night a week.
But really you should be careful, with all the people out of work and all the people who have work that arn't making enough money about complaining that your husband spends too much time at work.
This is the least of your problems and I also know there are a lot of people who would respond to a complaint like this with "cry me a river." I wouldn't touch this until the bigger problems are sorted out. I also know a lot of guys get frustrated about this because they don't know what to do. On one hand their wives want them to bring home a good income. But on the other hand when they work a lot in order to do that (because you just don't get big incomes without working a lot) their wives complain they spend to much time at work.
Definatly agree with you here. He's accountable to his wife and at least needs to tell you where he is. Also going out a lot without your wife is an issue.
I pray you can get that back. Marriage is worth fighting for.
Does he expect you to do things for his birthday? I think you need to communicate expectations to him that you belive in and expect a recognition of birthdays and other important dates. You may not think that is important but it is.
No he doesnt want things for his birthday but i wonder if its because he doesnt bother, he knows it upsets me but he says i'm being vain & materialistic!
Who saw him with this girl? Just make sure you have a reliable source about these things.
It was my best friend, i trust her fully & he admitted it - eventually
He needs to realize he's married now. This isn't his stuff it's both of your stuff.
he says i smother him & want to control him by noising through his stuff
In what way?
Your opinion is that it has improved a lot, that isn't necessarily his opinion.
Also you talk about him being angry but you admit to shouting and nagging.
If you ask me shouting is a sign of anger. Anger begets anger. If you are shouting at him, he is more likely to shout back and become angry. This doesn't excuse any physical violence if there is any. But you can't pretend this anger you complain about is all his fault if you are shouting at him.
I know i am not perfect in terms of anger, but i do it at a distance, in a non threatening way. he has used physical contact before & he knows that he can interpert that without the need for hitting me again. he also throws things.
In what way? Here is what a lot of women do in my experience and you can just ask yourself if you think that might be you. If not then cool, find out what he means by this but this is my guess.
A lot of women expect their husbands to do some of the housework. Cool, thats fine. But when their husbands go and do the housework, they can't ever do it right. Not because they arn't doing an effective job or something like that. But because their wife doesn't like HOW they are doing it.
For example when I was younger, no one but my mom could fold clothes. Because no one else could do it the "right" way. Which was of course her way.
So you need to ask yourself if he means this. Because you can't demand that everything be done your way unless you want to do it all yourself.
Not at all, i used to want things done my way, but right now i'd appreciate any help. the only thing i dont like is his version of tidying is shuving stuff in cupboards!is this a man thing?
I'd just appreciate any help, i do most of the diy etc because he's not home & when he comes home he just wants to sit infront of the tv & do nothing! how is that fair? although he does more hours we both work full time, i'd see clearing up after ourselves as a comprise but that barely happens.
Tell him he doesn't love you as Christ loved the church.
Its hard to say if thats true. But its something you need to be careful of. Respect is important to a man. A lack of respect is almost certainly going to cause him to react negativly.
He has different opinions of respect, and even if i am wrong, i dont mind being told but its the way he tells me by shouting in my face like i am a child who is sooo stupid, he tells me i should keep my mouth shut!
From what I can see he's right abou this.
I talk about whats going on with my close friend, i dont get at him or continually critise, i ask adviceon what i can do to change the situation.
Its one of the things but its not the only thing, there are many issues. But you running off and telling the world about them is definatly hurting things.
Not the world, my one friend & the pastors.
I wouldn't say that you where listening to the devil. But if you where not in any danger you where listening to selfishness. But if there was abuse then you left to protect yourself.
I have been wanting to leave for months but havent because i believe God could intercede in our marriage, however when he became so angry saturday i realised nothing constructive was gonna come from us living together.
Protect yourself from what? Abuse? Physically or Emotionally? I think you need to spell out what you are protecting yourself from.
physical & emotional
A problem and a natural reaction. But not one to leave or divorce about.
I agree with you on this. But he may not show it but he's probably pretty deeply hurt too. Every problem you've had with him you've practically hung up a sign that said "my husband is a jerk." For example his sister and your best friend do not need to know about your marriage problems, and their butting in on your marriage is NOT WELCOME.
From his point of view what you've done is you've ran off, turned a bunch of people against him and had them come in and gang up on him and beat up on him. Not one of them has heard his side of the story or is even interested in listening.
Whats the other side? him lying about being with someone? even tho he was? thats not right.
I hope you understand BTW that I'm being critical of you because you can fix you and you need to know what you are doing wrong. This isn't to say that he doesn't have his issues and I'd say he's the cause of the majority of the problems. And if he was on here asking for advice and giving his side of the story, I'd hand it to him straight as to what his problems are. But he's not. So what I say is mostly for you.
He needs to do this, although he's probably somewhat unwilling because how he's been beat up about it.
He's clearly misinterpreted scripture to mean that he gets to be a dictator. Thats not how a Christian leader acts.
Perhaps you could tell him the idea is to work on it so you can come home. Tell him you are willing to change some of your ways if he's willing to change some of his ways and that if you both can change you can start thinking about comming home.
This is what i have said, but he insists stil that unless i come home he wont be seeing me because he totaly disagrees with it & thinks it is biblically wrong.
The thing is you need to tie you comming home to not only the couciling but also to him changing.
I think he needs to hear what it is he has to do to get you to come home. You need to let the councilor tell him what he needs to change and what you need to change.
I have told him i wil come home when he wants to be a husband, when he will be open, honest, spend time with me & controll his anger.
You need to talk more about what needs to change for you come home and less about specific dates.
Good luck, will pray.
to me that is him giving up & saying we're not worth fighting for 
xx
