Just a question

[Harmonious_Echo]

Why does it seem like we(myself included) never really try to care?
I appreciate the people who say they'll pray for you, or ask you if you want to talk in PMs.
I especially appreciate the people who will check in on you more than once, and post real-life questions like "how do you feel about it now?" and instead of asking you to PM, take the initiative and PM you! Then you know they actually DO care.
What I don't really appreciate is people who flutter around the forums posting little "I'm sorry for you" notes. That doesn't help anyone, and just makes them feel good for having 'done something'. I admit, I've been guilty of this too. Now I realize just how hurtful that can be.
For myself, no one person has ever really helped me with any of my struggles. In fact, I've shared about them so often and so much that I feel like a broken record; I'd rather not dwell on them, thanks very much. I'm done with that part of my life, and I'd rather just forget about it.
God is the only one who helps me with it day by day, and He is the only one who can!
Sorry but I'm just really cinical about the ways we try to help with things this big...I've said this before, it feels kind of like trying to heal a broken leg with candy. Counselling and sympathy can only do so much.
They can bring a person back from the brink, keep us from doing something stupid to ourselves. That's great. Nothing wrong with that.
But when it's done, it only helps for a little while, but then it's like the helpful part drifts away...and we're left with the "I'm sorry" people.
Can we maybe start putting a little more thought into our posts, besides just "I'm sorry for you" or "Hi" or something like that? We do have the ability to really care!
Just my humble opinion.
Harmony

 

[UnitynLove]

Why does it seem like we(myself included) never really try to care?
I appreciate the people who say they'll pray for you, or ask you if you want to talk in PMs.
I especially appreciate the people who will check in on you more than once, and post real-life questions like "how do you feel about it now?" and instead of asking you to PM, take the initiative and PM you! Then you know they actually DO care.
What I don't really appreciate is people who flutter around the forums posting little "I'm sorry for you" notes. That doesn't help anyone, and just makes them feel good for having 'done something'. I admit, I've been guilty of this too. Now I realize just how hurtful that can be.
For myself, no one person has ever really helped me with any of my struggles. In fact, I've shared about them so often and so much that I feel like a broken record; I'd rather not dwell on them, thanks very much. I'm done with that part of my life, and I'd rather just forget about it.
God is the only one who helps me with it day by day, and He is the only one who can!
Sorry but I'm just really cinical about the ways we try to help with things this big...I've said this before, it feels kind of like trying to heal a broken leg with candy. Counselling and sympathy can only do so much.
They can bring a person back from the brink, keep us from doing something stupid to ourselves. That's great. Nothing wrong with that.
But when it's done, it only helps for a little while, but then it's like the helpful part drifts away...and we're left with the "I'm sorry" people.
Can we maybe start putting a little more thought into our posts, besides just "I'm sorry for you" or "Hi" or something like that? We do have the ability to really care!
Just my humble opinion.
Harmony

I think the biggest thing we have to get off ourselves is ourselves LOL!! This is the commandment of Jesus that we Love one another as God has loved us. Then I think about how God has loved me when I messed up, he stayed there, when I said something not right, he stayed there, when I was in need, he stayed there. Love is staying there just like God has stayed there for us. Just think about how God has treated us every time we mess up and how merciful he's been then we can do for others the same thing.

Real Love
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LJOYoVYy4Ig

 

[Annie7]

Hi Harmony.

I am really new here, but I do so appreciate your thread on this topic. I know it is hard in this day and age, and to be perfectly honest with you, even among Christian's to find individuals that will only give you "surface" information. Like, "how is the weather today?" As opposed, to "how really are you feeling today?" I am just as guilty as this a while back and I hate it when people are that way. A lot of it is due to, in my opinion, "fear." People just do not know how to handle others if they have a troubling problem. We tend to run away. Again, I have been guilty of this many a time, but am finding out "we just cannot give pat answers and run away from people that are truly hurting." Yes, I totally agree God is our main support, and we must totally depend on Him!!! But, at the same time, He has created his creation for us to uplift one another in the body of Christ.

Harmony, I do not know if I made myself clear, but I just wanted to say 'I am hearing you.'

 

[NewGrandma]

It may be that sometimes people are hurting so much on the inside that the best they can do at that moment is to say "I'm sorry." Or it may be that some people are "relationally challenged" and they don't know a better way to say what they are feeling ~ they truly are sorry. I think especially the people you meet HERE since this forum is for survivors.

For myself, I had an amazing Christian counselor, and an amazing friend who listened between counseling appointments, who helped me beyond measure. I tried for most of my life to "deal with it" just between God and me. And that did help to a point. But then I found that because of my unresolved issues I got myself into a dangerous place as an adult, not recognizing or addressing red flags, and what happened next almost destroyed me, quite literally. It was after that that I went to a counselor and began to open up to a friend. And for me, that was when the real, deep, and lasting healing began to take place. I believe God is more than able to heal us on His own ~ but He created us for relationships, and He usually uses relationships to heal us. That is how it worked for me. It took a couple of years of counseling, but I came farther faster than I ever had on my own. I recommend it highly ~ but maybe really good counselors are few. I found one through an agency called Open Hearts Ministries. Helping survivors of abuse is their whole focus, and they are international. You can find them on the web. They are based in Kalamazoo, Michigan.

I really do care. Being a survivor myself I tend to cry when I hear what others have gone through, because I really feel what they feel (or felt). I hope you can sense my caring through my words. And I am praying for your continued healing.

 

[Harmonious_Echo]

Thank you to everyone who heard me...I hope you will extend the same love and respect to everyone here. I will do the same...

 

[myanchor]

Ha, I like you girl. I've always hated the phatic remark people do of 'how you doing'. Don't ask if you don't want to know dipstick. But then I'm an old curmudgeon. And my wife will agree that I can be a grumpy butt. Seriously though I think it's because everyone of us has a sack of rocks they have to tote and to take on someone elses is tough to do. Someday I'll finish my little essay and post it.