I've technically come to terms with being bisexual...

[by2yue]

Hi, I kinda joined this forum for some answers. To start I've been raised as a Christian and have no problems with it or anything. I do stray sometimes but I do believe in God with all my heart. I usually ramble btw. But my relationship with my dad isn't that great if you're wondering. But, I've come to term with my bisexuality, but I'm afraid of not inheriting the kingdom of Heaven and I don't understand why I won't. I mean being bisexual doesn't pull me away from God, if anything being accepted by him would bring me closer to him. And I try to look at both sides of the argument and I pray everyday for help, but in my heart I don't see what's wrong with it. I mean I understand that gay sex can be sinning because it's the defiling of the body God gave you and the temple of God since that's what the body is, but that I could live without. I mean if it's love, how can it be wrong? And people say that we were meant to procreate and fill the world with people, but if that was so, why is it sinning to have sex outside of marriage? I am very confused because of the fact that I try to look at both sides. But I just don't know what to think anymore. It's eating me up and I guess it's in no way pushing me away from God and I don't doubt him, but I have trouble believing what man has to say and teaches I guess. And my basis for that is that from one book there are hundreds if not thousands of religions with some disagreeing with the other and the fact that the Bible may be biased, and my basis on that is that people can change things. I know it's the holy spirit working through man, but The Church was supposed to be the center for Catholicism in the Renaissance(?), and they have a history of blood and errors and the Bible was brought together by them. I mean the Church killed people and broke one of the Ten Commandments... Idk... I'm rambling on, but I need some help basically.

 

[FaithPrevails]

Hi there and welcome to CF.

I'm glad you've found Recovery and are looking for some answers/help as to why you should abstain from a bisexual lifestyle.

My thoughts on the matter are kind of basic, so if you're looking for more in depth responses, I will have to leave those to other members. lol

Homosexuality/bisexuality is a sin - one of many/countless sins that we are capable of committing. Not unlike premarital sex, as you mentioned. We all stumble and fall in sin, but we should all strive to be free of sin. IMHO, it is one thing to love a member of the same sex as a sister or brother in Christ and something entirely different to love them romantically, so it's not just about the physical aspect of the relationship.

Do you have a pastor or counselor that you can talk to about your struggle? You will find a lot of great support here, but nothing replaces real life interaction, IMO.

God bless!

 

[Johnnz]

You have some genuine questions that require real answers that so far church has not provided. A simplistic faith can no longer satisfy you. Your questions on sexuality are just part of a wider uncertainty.

John
NZ

 

[dayhiker]

hi bye2yue,
Welcome to CF.

Ya, your in a tough situation. I deffinately don't have a direct answer.

<staff edit>

dayhiker

 

[PilgrimToChrist]

Hi, I kinda joined this forum for some answers. To start I've been raised as a Christian and have no problems with it or anything. I do stray sometimes but I do believe in God with all my heart. I usually ramble btw. But my relationship with my dad isn't that great if you're wondering. But, I've come to term with my bisexuality, but I'm afraid of not inheriting the kingdom of Heaven and I don't understand why I won't.

I am bisexual. I've been out for about 10 years and it used to be that nearly all of my friends were bisexual or lesbian women and my two long-term relationships have been with women. I'm comfortable being bisexual. However, there are some things that I had to compromise when I became a Christian.

First off, you need to understand that committing a mortal sin means going directly against God's Law, it means rejecting God and desiring damnation instead. Sex outside of marriage is a mortal sin, homosexual sex is especially grievous. However, you need to understand that it's not the temptation to do something which is sinful, even Jesus was tempted but did not sin, rather sin is the choice to commit an act -- even a fantasy in your head -- which is sinful. If you don't have a free choice to do something or not, it is not a mortal sin. For example, if you have a dirty dream that's not your choice about what to dream and it's much different than, say, watching pornography or having sex. Mortal sin requires a choice to go against God's law.

No one is damned because they are tempted to do something. Sometimes I would really like to cuss out a customer who is particularly rude, but I bite my tongue and try not to dwell on it. I consciously fight that desire, which is different than actually yelling at the person or muttering something under your breath. You can see a cute guy and you make a choice whether to dwell on that, fantasize about it, or you can make a choice not to and to go about your business. Is it hard? Certainly. Even this morning there was this girl on the bus who was really cute and I wanted to talk to her but I didn't. It's hard sometimes.

I mean being bisexual doesn't pull me away from God, if anything being accepted by him would bring me closer to him.

God accepts you. God doesn't make mistakes and He certainly allowed you to have homosexual attractions. Does that mean you should act on them? No. But that is an action, it doesn't effect you as a person. You are not your sexual orientation.

And I try to look at both sides of the argument and I pray everyday for help, but in my heart I don't see what's wrong with it. I mean I understand that gay sex can be sinning because it's the defiling of the body God gave you and the temple of God since that's what the body is, but that I could live without. I mean if it's love, how can it be wrong? And people say that we were meant to procreate and fill the world with people, but if that was so, why is it sinning to have sex outside of marriage?

Sex is ordered towards the procreation of children, which can only be done best within the context of a healthy marriage. Sex outside of marriage, therefore, is a violation of the Natural Law. Masturbation, homosexuality, bestiality, etc. are also in violation of the Natural Law because they have a faulty object.

Pleasure is merely a side-effect of sexuality. To have sex solely because it feels good is not using God's gifts properly and therefore is sinning -- that is why contraception and homosexuality are sins.

A celibate homosexual relationship is not a solution because it is still disordered. Anyway, it would still be intentionally putting yourself in the temptation to sin by sex and making out (which intentionally excites lust), the same reason why long-term dating relationships among heterosexual couples can be sinful. I certainly am not one of those people who will say that homosexual couples do not love each other (as my parents told me as a teenager), I know that I loved my ex-fiancee very deeply. But I also loved my former best friend very deeply, like a sister, and for that matter I love my sister (well, one of them ) very deeply. Love is love and is good, but there is also disordered love, love which is corrupted. A pedophile might love a little girl, but it's not a proper, healthy love. Likewise, a romantic love between two people of the same sex is not a proper, healthy love. But that doesn't mean two people can't love each other in a Platonic, brotherly or sisterly way. But if two people of the same sex love each other in a romantic way, that is disordered, the same way as if I had romantic feelings for my (theoretical) brother.

The proper definition of "love" is not a feeling, but an act of the will. The love we talk about as Christians is the Latin word caritas or Greek &#945;&#947;&#940;&#960;&#951; (agape). It is a higher love, it is not in the emotions but rather it is a spiritual love, in the will. It is like when my ex-fiancee broke up with me with the ridiculously cliche, "I love you but I'm not in love with you" and I'm thinking, "Who cares? Emotions are fickle things, it's commitment that matters." It's the will that matters in love, not the emotion. And if we truly love a person, we desire what is best for them and are not blinded by our own desires and emotions. What is best is never to be in a homosexual relationship, friendship sure, but not a romantic relationship, that is disordered. If we love God, we want what God wants and that is purity, chastity and devotion to Him alone. If a man loves his wife, he should never love her for her sake or for his own sake, but only for God's sake. Since homosexuality is contrary both to Natural Law, which we can understand on our own, and explicitly spelled out in Scripture, we know for certain it is impossible to be going against God's commandment but doing so for love of Him. If we love God, we must obey Him, this is the principle rule of life.

And my basis for that is that from one book there are hundreds if not thousands of religions with some disagreeing with the other and the fact that the Bible may be biased, and my basis on that is that people can change things.

You don't need the Bible to know that homosexuality is contrary to the purpose of sexuality. You simply can see that sex make babies and that homosexual sex can never make a baby. We mate to reproduce. To act against that and to elevate pleasure to the end and purpose of sexuality is confused and illogical. It is contrary to the Natural Law and is therefore a sin.

There are thousands of Christian religions. Our purpose is not to create some sort of amalgamation of all of them or to sculpt our own but rather to make our choice and determine which is true. It is true that some denominations are becoming more and more pro-homosexual, but are they being logical or attempting to placate people and improve their standing in society by saying that popular sins aren't really sins? Where do their interests really lie?

This is not the place to work on that but I want to say that many people from work and even my family was surprised to hear that I was leaving The Episcopal Church for the Catholic Church (my mother was raised Catholic, my father Lutheran, they go to a Methodist church now; I was introduced to Anglicanism through friends so it's a whole amalgam) even as The Episcopal Church was becoming more and more pro-homosexual. They said, "Don't you want to be somewhere where they will 'accept' you?", "Don't you know the Catholic Church hates gays?", etc. I said simply, "I see no point in choosing my religion based on what I want to do; rather, it only makes sense to find out which religion is true and then live my life based on that." If I invent my own religion, it is not bigger than me, and there is no point because it would be all relative. Find which is objectively true and hold fast to that, conform your life to what God wants, don't invent an image of God based on what you want, that is idolatry and a farce.

Keep seeking God.

 

[Philothei]

Welcome to CF I understand your struggle not through personal experience but because I have friends who struggle too.

 

[Patrickjames]

hey man, i struggle with homosexuality myself and one of the things that God has been revealing to me lately is that the things i fantasize about, are not just sin because it defiles my body, it's not only sinning against myself, it's sinning directly against God, like spitting in his face and saying you're not good enough so i have to use this guy to feel accepted. it breaks Gods heart when i sin, but to me, because i've been letting the devil convince me that it's alright, it's become almost normal to be attracted to other men and normal to sin against God. you should google- setting captives free, it's a great website, the door of hope course has been awesome for me.
Good luck!
Patrick.

 

[Happy Orthodox]

Hi, I kinda joined this forum for some answers.

Welcome to the forum and I hope you can find your answers!

To start I've been raised as a Christian and have no problems with it or anything. I do stray sometimes but I do believe in God with all my heart. I usually ramble btw. But my relationship with my dad isn't that great if you're wondering. But, I've come to term with my bisexuality, but I'm afraid of not inheriting the kingdom of Heaven and I don't understand why I won't.

Mat 16:24 "Then Jesus said to His disciples, "If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me."

Just count how many times you've stated the word "I" and how many times a day you think about yourself and your own desires. This is where our problems start.

I mean being bisexual doesn't pull me away from God, if anything being accepted by him would bring me closer to him. And I try to look at both sides of the argument and I pray everyday for help, but in my heart I don't see what's wrong with it. I mean I understand that gay sex can be sinning because it's the defiling of the body God gave you and the temple of God since that's what the body is, but that I could live without. I mean if it's love, how can it be wrong?

Well, we should love everyone equally and this is where the difference is. Romantic love singles out a person from the whole and makes you attracted to them with the help of your hormones. Therefore romantic love is meant for finding a partner to build a family. The love that you're talking about that God wants us to have is passionless, quiet and selfless.

And people say that we were meant to procreate and fill the world with people, but if that was so, why is it sinning to have sex outside of marriage?

Mat 19:4-6 And He answered and said to them, "Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning 'made them male and female,'
"and said, 'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh'?
"So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate."

When God created Adam, He created Eve taking a rib from Adam. When we're married here on earth, we're united back into one body, the wife returns to the husband and together they become one whole. In this way they are united in God. Man cannot disrupt the union and join to another "Eve". Likewise, a woman cannot be joined to another "Adam".

I am very confused because of the fact that I try to look at both sides. But I just don't know what to think anymore. It's eating me up and I guess it's in no way pushing me away from God and I don't doubt him, but I have trouble believing what man has to say and teaches I guess.

The Bible was written by men under God's direct instruction, there shouldn't be any doubt about its truthfulness. If you can't believe a man's teaching at least believe in the Scriptures. It goes without saying that you have to first read it to believe it. So sit down and read your Bible.

And my basis for that is that from one book there are hundreds if not thousands of religions with some disagreeing with the other and the fact that the Bible may be biased, and my basis on that is that people can change things. I know it's the holy spirit working through man, but The Church was supposed to be the center for Catholicism in the Renaissance(?), and they have a history of blood and errors and the Bible was brought together by them. I mean the Church killed people and broke one of the Ten Commandments

The Catholic Church did, but the Orthodox didn't. Read the Church history on the Great Schism and see for yourself. The Orthodox Church has not changed anything but remained truthful to the original teaching including the Scriptures. There weren't any killings there either.

 

[Interestingpov]

Accept yourself.

Know that people love you.
God loves you.

Go on with life.