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I've probably lost everything :(

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PARCmd

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Please pray for my deliverance. I can't stop it - it may be an urge that I thought but I couldn't get it out of my mind. GOd knows I wouldn't think of it - I verbally canceled it but it continued - it was like an image, I don't know. I was reading net-burst.net when this happened - about people who were revived, and this happened. I was already experiencing happiness and acceptance from God and now, I don't know.

I'm afraid this could be part of my unconscious. Please pray for me. Thanks.
 
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PARCmd

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What about this:

I was going to explode in my mind so I immediately thought of "I am renouncing Jesus ..not"? The I to Jesus words are clear, while the not word is very faint in my mind. I hope Jesus knows my intent.

This happened several times already. I have to visualize the sentence with a not.

How do I know I'm still a Christian? I did a lot of renunciation (with nots), others I just felt an urge to do and I was not able to cancel (I wasn't able to cancel the "Irreovcably renounce" thing) - others I knew I had really an urge and it was feeling like it was me wanting to do it - so I did it, but placed a not afterwards. I've been praying for the Holy Spirit to come through me to work through me, how come I'm not feeling His presence?

If I accidentally misplaced a word, would Jesus hold it against me?

I got a realization: OCD is not merely a biological, but also spiritual warfare. I guess it would not be weird if the Enemy is attacking us all here. Guess why all of us would have blasphemous/renunciation thoughts? Of course that's the enemy at work. While I believe that OCD is typical biological disorder, scrupulosity isn't.
 
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