It's been a while

[LostChildinTheMidst]

School has begun. And I've never been a worse spiritual state than I am now. I don't want to repent, I don't even want to approach God. I've returned to my lusts. Although I do not fornicate, smoke etc. I gossip I lust I have bad imaginations. I'm starting to not beleive anymore. And the Hebrews 6:4-8 plays in the back of my mind because I used to believe, I used to be enlightened. But I'm falling away. Suicide crosses my mind, I've just been really depressed. With someone like me, I don't think there is any help. God has blinded me, I can't talk to him I just KNOW ive been cut off. I still pray to Jesus everyday to thank him. But man, it seems like I'm a forgotten case. I'm like Esau and Saul, and when I was a devout Christian this was my biggest fear. I feel abandoned by god. I can't even focus on school. I'm failing two of my classes, how can I expect to get into an Ivy League? Everything is working against me, my weight etc. I just am in pain, because God is mad at me and most likely hates me but it's okay, because I consciously make the worst decisions. I feel like he abandoned me just because I became these bad people in the Bible, I feel like the son of perdition, judas because suicide seems the only way out. I can't beleive I'm in this position. It seems so unbelievable but here I am..damned. The only way to ease the pain of damnation is... to beleive it isn't there. But one day I'm gonna wake up. And it'll be too late. I really need someone. I just, I don't know. Help.

 

[Sketcher]

Do you love God, even a tiny bit?

I love God, but not enough to keep me acting perfect. I swing back and forth, and when I'm rebounding to get closer to God, I pray for grace to love him more. If not for Christ's work, I would have no chance, believe me.

 

[Bro. Daniel]

School has begun. And I've never been a worse spiritual state than I am now. I don't want to repent, I don't even want to approach God. I've returned to my lusts. Although I do not fornicate, smoke etc. I gossip I lust I have bad imaginations. I'm starting to not beleive anymore. And the Hebrews 6:4-8 plays in the back of my mind because I used to believe, I used to be enlightened. But I'm falling away. Suicide crosses my mind, I've just been really depressed. With someone like me, I don't think there is any help. God has blinded me, I can't talk to him I just KNOW ive been cut off. I still pray to Jesus everyday to thank him. But man, it seems like I'm a forgotten case. I'm like Esau and Saul, and when I was a devout Christian this was my biggest fear. I feel abandoned by god. I can't even focus on school. I'm failing two of my classes, how can I expect to get into an Ivy League? Everything is working against me, my weight etc. I just am in pain, because God is mad at me and most likely hates me but it's okay, because I consciously make the worst decisions. I feel like he abandoned me just because I became these bad people in the Bible, I feel like the son of perdition, judas because suicide seems the only way out. I can't beleive I'm in this position. It seems so unbelievable but here I am..damned. The only way to ease the pain of damnation is... to beleive it isn't there. But one day I'm gonna wake up. And it'll be too late. I really need someone. I just, I don't know. Help.

What I do in this situation is I repeatedly pray the following when any sinful thoughts come my way based off of 2 Corinthians 10:5:

Prayer: I cast down every imagination that exalts itself above God and bring every thought into captivity and send them to the feet of my Messiah burning in the lake of fire in Jesus' name.

I'd give you the other version to stop them but unfortunately CF says spiritual warfare isn't allowed, sorry.

Shalom and blessings,

Bro. Daniel
Philippians 4:20
Numbers 6:24-26

 

[Drick]

You're making sound as if you have no choice in the matter, but that's just not the case.

Firstly, you don't have to get into the best schools. Contrary to what society will have you believe, your mental and spiritual state is more important than your education. If it's too much right now, rethink your priorities. If your other failings are more related to character issues, it's still up to you to make sure you repent, and to not succumb to the worse side of your nature. You aren't some marionette that's being strung around by random forces, every shortcoming, as well as every triumph, is ultimately up to you, God willing.

 

[longwait]

Maybe its the people around you who is causing you to move away from God. Sometimes people have some hold over us espacially if you are not assertive in what you want then others will have an upper hand over you. Don't condemn yourself too much. That could move you further away from God and off course suicide is not the remedy for this. When you are in the privacy of your room go to God and speak to Him. He will answer you in one way or the other.

 

[Dirk1540]

School has begun. And I've never been a worse spiritual state than I am now. I don't want to repent, I don't even want to approach God. I've returned to my lusts. Although I do not fornicate, smoke etc. I gossip I lust I have bad imaginations. I'm starting to not beleive anymore. And the Hebrews 6:4-8 plays in the back of my mind because I used to believe, I used to be enlightened. But I'm falling away. Suicide crosses my mind, I've just been really depressed. With someone like me, I don't think there is any help. God has blinded me, I can't talk to him I just KNOW ive been cut off. I still pray to Jesus everyday to thank him. But man, it seems like I'm a forgotten case. I'm like Esau and Saul, and when I was a devout Christian this was my biggest fear. I feel abandoned by god. I can't even focus on school. I'm failing two of my classes, how can I expect to get into an Ivy League? Everything is working against me, my weight etc. I just am in pain, because God is mad at me and most likely hates me but it's okay, because I consciously make the worst decisions. I feel like he abandoned me just because I became these bad people in the Bible, I feel like the son of perdition, judas because suicide seems the only way out. I can't beleive I'm in this position. It seems so unbelievable but here I am..damned. The only way to ease the pain of damnation is... to beleive it isn't there. But one day I'm gonna wake up. And it'll be too late. I really need someone. I just, I don't know. Help.

This post doesn't sound like a person who wants nothing to do with God, this post sounds like a person who is very much interested in God. This forum is loaded with non-Christians who truly want nothing to do with God, they don't sound like you. However, the section I've bolded is a problem if you are seeking Jesus experiences that you may have had in your past. You say that you are stuck in the habit of pulling further & further from God.

That is the opposite of...

"Draw near to God and He will draw near to you."

But that's what you're doing, pulling away. That would explain your explanation of feeling 'Cut Off' then.

Maybe you should do yourself a favor and do not think about the GRAND TASK of how hard it will be to become a model Christian for the rest of your life...just challenge yourself to a little baby step mission instead. Just syke yourself up to go through with a 1 day mission! For just 1 day you will not pull any punches, you will SINCERELY draw nearer to God, the entire day! Just 1 day. No gossip, no lust, no bad imaginations, etc...gotta do it for real, I would strongly recommend reading one of the gospels on this 1 day mission as well!! I've done these missions in the past, I was a big fan of the gospel of John myself.

You need to re-experience that feeling again where God draws nearer to you. It can't be a fake game either, you have to commit for real (if only for a day). A great enlightening post from a brilliant member in here may help you out...but experiencing one of those natural Jesus high feelings will crush an enlightening post any day of the week!

 

[DreamerOfTheHeart]

School has begun. And I've never been a worse spiritual state than I am now. I don't want to repent, I don't even want to approach God. I've returned to my lusts. Although I do not fornicate, smoke etc. I gossip I lust I have bad imaginations. I'm starting to not beleive anymore. And the Hebrews 6:4-8 plays in the back of my mind because I used to believe, I used to be enlightened. But I'm falling away. Suicide crosses my mind, I've just been really depressed. With someone like me, I don't think there is any help. God has blinded me, I can't talk to him I just KNOW ive been cut off. I still pray to Jesus everyday to thank him. But man, it seems like I'm a forgotten case. I'm like Esau and Saul, and when I was a devout Christian this was my biggest fear. I feel abandoned by god. I can't even focus on school. I'm failing two of my classes, how can I expect to get into an Ivy League? Everything is working against me, my weight etc. I just am in pain, because God is mad at me and most likely hates me but it's okay, because I consciously make the worst decisions. I feel like he abandoned me just because I became these bad people in the Bible, I feel like the son of perdition, judas because suicide seems the only way out. I can't beleive I'm in this position. It seems so unbelievable but here I am..damned. The only way to ease the pain of damnation is... to beleive it isn't there. But one day I'm gonna wake up. And it'll be too late. I really need someone. I just, I don't know. Help.

This is the exact opposite of a prayer - which this is - which God does not listen to.

Double negative aside, , this is the sort of prayer God listens to. The one who says, "God have mercy to me! A sinner!"

God is not far, but near, to such a heart.

Seems backwards, huh? Heaven is weird. 'God's ways are not man's ways, but higher then human's ways as the heavens are higher then the earth'.

Nowadays, we know an even far deeper heavens then what our ancestors knew.


Human beings are tyrannical. God is not. God is loving, merciful, and kind. The anti-christ is the opposite of Christ and called The Tyrant.

Food for thought.


Do you forgive? If not, start forgiving. Go over your past, all debts you hold, and release them. Do you judge without mercy? Whomever they are, even folks on tv and the news, go over all your "accounts" and re-judge with mercy.

Then, as God promised, He will do as He said in the Gospels.

 

[lastofall]

Seeing that faith comes only by hearing the Word of God, therefore if we lack faith, then we must more abundantly hear God's Word: for there is none other way around it; because faith cometh (only) by hearing the Word of God, and nothing wavering. You have your fruit leading to holiness, so therefore perform the doing thereof; make the sincere effort, for God again tells us by His Word that by hearing His Word (or by preaching His Word) shall He save them that believe.

 

[messager777]

@ LostChildinTheMidst,

First, we need to define sin or sinning.

There is sinning-in-thoughts which is often involuntary or inborn(eg immoral lust, hate, greed, jealousy, fears, doubts, etc), and there is sinning-in-deeds which is voluntary(eg the sins/evil-deeds of blasphemy, idolatry, murder, adultery, rape, stealing, lying/cheating, etc).
....... Lusting for your bf/husband or gf/wife is not immoral/sinful/ /evil/satanic. Hating your enemy or the devil(MATTHEW.5:43) is not sinful.

ROMANS.5:12 says that the fact that all humans are born with Adam's Original Sin necessitates the need for them to be saved from hell by Jesus Christ. This means all humans are born with evil/satanic/sinful hearts and minds and will be sent to hell when they die. It is not just their sins-in-deeds that will be sending them to hell, ie keeping Moses Law does not save.
....... Adam's Original Sin resulted in all humans often sinning-in-thoughts involuntarily.(JOHN.8:44 , MATT.16:23 & 23:27, MARK.7:21 , 1JOHN.3:8)

While humans are on earth, God or His agents, eg the police/government, will only curse/punish them for their sins-in-deeds, ie not for their sins-in-thoughts.
....... So, we may sin-in-thoughts but we should never sin-in-deeds. The consequences of Adam's Original Sin or our sins-in-thoughts, ie being sent to hell, only come into effect or fruition after we die. Only those who believe/trust in Jesus Christ will be saved from hell when they die.

As per 1CORINTHIANS.7, maybe, you should get a Christian bf and be "spiritually married", ie no need to wait until both of you are financially stable to afford a legal marriage license.

 

[Matthew13:9]

School has begun. And I've never been a worse spiritual state than I am now. I don't want to repent, I don't even want to approach God. I've returned to my lusts. Although I do not fornicate, smoke etc. I gossip I lust I have bad imaginations. I'm starting to not beleive anymore. And the Hebrews 6:4-8 plays in the back of my mind because I used to believe, I used to be enlightened. But I'm falling away. Suicide crosses my mind, I've just been really depressed. With someone like me, I don't think there is any help. God has blinded me, I can't talk to him I just KNOW ive been cut off. I still pray to Jesus everyday to thank him. But man, it seems like I'm a forgotten case. I'm like Esau and Saul, and when I was a devout Christian this was my biggest fear. I feel abandoned by god. I can't even focus on school. I'm failing two of my classes, how can I expect to get into an Ivy League? Everything is working against me, my weight etc. I just am in pain, because God is mad at me and most likely hates me but it's okay, because I consciously make the worst decisions. I feel like he abandoned me just because I became these bad people in the Bible, I feel like the son of perdition, judas because suicide seems the only way out. I can't beleive I'm in this position. It seems so unbelievable but here I am..damned. The only way to ease the pain of damnation is... to beleive it isn't there. But one day I'm gonna wake up. And it'll be too late. I really need someone. I just, I don't know. Help.

Seeing that you fear the word of God without knowing who he is. I will help you. My instruction to you is this, listen to the books of Matthew, Mark, Luke and John in the King James Bible. When you fear God through fearing Jesus by any of those books, you have heard the word of God through the gospel, this is the beginning of the knowledge of God who is Jesus. As it is written, the fear of the Lord Jesus is the beginning of the knowledge of God:
And through this fear cry out to Jesus acknowledging you are worthy for damnation and humbly ask for mercy in the day of judgement. If you fear him he will answer you: and the gift he will give you you will know it's from him and he will assure your heart that you are his forever.

Isaiah 66:2 King James Version (KJV)
2 For all those things hath mine hand made, and all those things have been, saith the Lord: but to this man will I look, even to him that is poor and of a contrite spirit, and trembleth at my word.

 

[LoricaLady]

What I am wondering about, just wondering now, is if there has been some kind of abuse in your background, maybe in childhood, that has not been dealt with. Such things can oppress one's soul greatly and make spiritual progress less simple.

If that is the case, I hope you will find some help, maybe in a group with others who have experienced similar things. Problems can fester in the dark. Healing can come through sharing with understanding people who, again, may have suffered the same things. Perhaps you could even find such support online somehow. Maybe you could even start a little support group of your own.

Again, I don't know. However, for example, child abuse seems to be epidemic in this country.

Praying for you.

 

[Invalidusername]

I'm in the same situation as you OP.

 

[Lily of Valleys]

School has begun. And I've never been a worse spiritual state than I am now. I don't want to repent, I don't even want to approach God. I've returned to my lusts. Although I do not fornicate, smoke etc. I gossip I lust I have bad imaginations. I'm starting to not beleive anymore. And the Hebrews 6:4-8 plays in the back of my mind because I used to believe, I used to be enlightened. But I'm falling away. Suicide crosses my mind, I've just been really depressed. With someone like me, I don't think there is any help. God has blinded me, I can't talk to him I just KNOW ive been cut off. I still pray to Jesus everyday to thank him. But man, it seems like I'm a forgotten case. I'm like Esau and Saul, and when I was a devout Christian this was my biggest fear. I feel abandoned by god. I can't even focus on school. I'm failing two of my classes, how can I expect to get into an Ivy League? Everything is working against me, my weight etc. I just am in pain, because God is mad at me and most likely hates me but it's okay, because I consciously make the worst decisions. I feel like he abandoned me just because I became these bad people in the Bible, I feel like the son of perdition, judas because suicide seems the only way out. I can't beleive I'm in this position. It seems so unbelievable but here I am..damned. The only way to ease the pain of damnation is... to beleive it isn't there. But one day I'm gonna wake up. And it'll be too late. I really need someone. I just, I don't know. Help.

I don't think God has blinded you. If anyone has blinded you, it would be Satan. Do not listen to the enemy, listen to God.

Whenever Hebrews 6:4-8 comes into your mind, I would suggest you replace it with 1 John 1:9:

If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. (1 John 1:9 NASB)​

 

[Lily of Valleys]

I just realized the OP was more than a year ago and her problem had already been resolved.