Hey everyone. I haven't posted here in quite some time. Mainly because I've been really busy. I am absolutely, totally, crazy in love with my boyfriend. We dated for about three months almost two years ago and five months ago we started dating again. We have a serious relationship and we intend to get married when we can get some other things straightened out.
Last night I felt this anger welling up inside me. I went for a walk and he joined me. He took my hand and asked, "are you angry with me?" I said, "no. I'm angry, but not at you."
Here's the issue. I'm 25 and he's 41. I know it's a big age difference, but it's an obstacle we've managed to overcome somewhat. Jim was married about twelve years ago to a woman who had two young children each from a different previous marriage. They were miserable. The marriage lasted about four years before she took the kids and moved to Florida to shack up with a guy she met on the internet. With the way the situation was going, Jim wasn't all that heartbroken about it, except for the fact that she moved his son so far away. She would later confess that she saw nothing in him but a steady paycheck and a babysitter for her kids. Nice, huh?
Well, there's a part of me that is angry because I feel like this totally undeserving woman got Jim all to herself during his prime. Now he's always tired, his body aches after working in a steel mill all day long. We never really go out and do anything because he gets exhausted around ten o'clock. I understand the situation, but it still makes me insanely upset that his ex got to spend his best years with him. I almost feel like the virgin who devoted her body to the Lord and stayed pure for her husband, only to find out on her wedding night that he had been with countless women, most of them one-night stands. You feel hurt that someone else, who didn't deserve such a gift, got to have that experience and you're getting what's left over. I feel robbed in a way. I know it sounds incredibly juvenile and selfish.
Jim sat me down last night and he said, "Jennifer, it's going to get worse every year I'm alive. I have heart problems and Alzheimer's runs in my family. I don't mean to sound morbid or negative, but I probably won't live but another twenty years." It absolutely devestates me to think of it. I'm thinking about myself being in my early forties and being a widow. But then I think about guys who are closer to my age range and it makes me shudder. I love Jim because he's from the "old school" where men treat women like ladies. Before chivalry turned into a word synonymous with "wuss". I don't know how I should feel about all of this. I guess I just needed to vent. Please pray for us.
Last night I felt this anger welling up inside me. I went for a walk and he joined me. He took my hand and asked, "are you angry with me?" I said, "no. I'm angry, but not at you."
Here's the issue. I'm 25 and he's 41. I know it's a big age difference, but it's an obstacle we've managed to overcome somewhat. Jim was married about twelve years ago to a woman who had two young children each from a different previous marriage. They were miserable. The marriage lasted about four years before she took the kids and moved to Florida to shack up with a guy she met on the internet. With the way the situation was going, Jim wasn't all that heartbroken about it, except for the fact that she moved his son so far away. She would later confess that she saw nothing in him but a steady paycheck and a babysitter for her kids. Nice, huh?
Well, there's a part of me that is angry because I feel like this totally undeserving woman got Jim all to herself during his prime. Now he's always tired, his body aches after working in a steel mill all day long. We never really go out and do anything because he gets exhausted around ten o'clock. I understand the situation, but it still makes me insanely upset that his ex got to spend his best years with him. I almost feel like the virgin who devoted her body to the Lord and stayed pure for her husband, only to find out on her wedding night that he had been with countless women, most of them one-night stands. You feel hurt that someone else, who didn't deserve such a gift, got to have that experience and you're getting what's left over. I feel robbed in a way. I know it sounds incredibly juvenile and selfish.
Jim sat me down last night and he said, "Jennifer, it's going to get worse every year I'm alive. I have heart problems and Alzheimer's runs in my family. I don't mean to sound morbid or negative, but I probably won't live but another twenty years." It absolutely devestates me to think of it. I'm thinking about myself being in my early forties and being a widow. But then I think about guys who are closer to my age range and it makes me shudder. I love Jim because he's from the "old school" where men treat women like ladies. Before chivalry turned into a word synonymous with "wuss". I don't know how I should feel about all of this. I guess I just needed to vent. Please pray for us.
