Is this Okay?

[Beautiful Fireball]

Hi,
I am new here, and I am so happy that I found these message boards. It is hard to find Christians where I am, and I look forward to the fellowship that I will have here. Okay, here is my question:

I was talking to my boyfriend the other night and an interesting subject came up. He says he believes that it is okay for a couple, who are not married, to be in the same bed but not engaging in sex. He said that he believes that sleeping, cuddling, or even making out in bed is okay. Mind you this is not all the time occurence, the couple would not be living together. We are both very strong Christians and believe wholeheartedly that sex before marriage is wrong. This is my first relationship, but not his so he has dealt with all of this before. We are both virgins and have the intent of staying that way until marriage. (Sorry went off on a tangent a bit). Anyway, i do not agree with making out in bed as I believe the temptation to continue things would be far too great, but I am not sure where I stand on the sleeping or cuddling thing. Any opinions or Scriptures would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks

 

[chocolateloverjen]

Hi,
I am new here, and I am so happy that I found these message boards. It is hard to find Christians where I am, and I look forward to the fellowship that I will have here. Okay, here is my question:

I was talking to my boyfriend the other night and an interesting subject came up. He says he believes that it is okay for a couple, who are not married, to be in the same bed but not engaging in sex. He said that he believes that sleeping, cuddling, or even making out in bed is okay. Mind you this is not all the time occurence, the couple would not be living together. We are both very strong Christians and believe wholeheartedly that sex before marriage is wrong. This is my first relationship, but not his so he has dealt with all of this before. We are both virgins and have the intent of staying that way until marriage. (Sorry went off on a tangent a bit). Anyway, i do not agree with making out in bed as I believe the temptation to continue things would be far too great, but I am not sure where I stand on the sleeping or cuddling thing. Any opinions or Scriptures would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks

erm, well i think that is ok but as soon as you get the thoughts of him and you doing things and getting turned on is when to pull out.
i think holdaing hands, cudderling, making out are fine as long as you keep fresh in your head of God and not wonder off.

[bible]1 Corinthians 7:8-9[/bible]

in mine it says to burn with sexual desire. i think the youth bible has a good translation of that.

 

[ChildOfGod20]

i do not believe it is okay because we are supposed to be examples for other people. if other people see or know that you are in the same bed then first of all, they won't necessarily know that you aren't having sex. all they will see is that you two are in the bed together. and second, they might think that since you two are christians and are sleeping together then its ok for christians to do that, and they may do the same. and they might not be able to abstain from having sex if they get in that situation.

so, even if you say that you won't do anything, you also have to know that other christians may be looking to you to find out how to live a christian life, and you could be setting them up for temptation.

 

[eatenbylocusts]

It is a dangerous situation. You may find yourself going further and further. I'm wondering why/how you would be in a situation to be sleeping in the same bed. Are there family members in the same house, a long commute between your two houses?

 

[Beautiful Fireball]

[ I'm wondering why/how you would be in a situation to be sleeping in the same bed. Are there family members in the same house, a long commute between your two houses?[/quote]


Currently I live in Philadelphia and he lives in Los Angeles. I am moving back to CA in June and even then we will live 1.5 to 2 hours apart. So there is and will be a bit of a commute. But where we both live there are others around.

 

[Hope_0004]

I think you kind of know that making out in the bed isn't a good idea for the two of you. Like Jen said, whenever "thoughts" that stand in the way of what you want (to maintain your virginity to marriage), you probably need to change the situation.

Just seems like you might be asking for it.

 

[SoC]

*sigh*

Bad idea. The Bible calls us to be above reproach. If you're in the same bed together, how are others to know that you didn't have sex? At that point, you are not above reproach. It's better not to get into that situation.

I would reccommend separate beds and rooms until marriage.

 

[California Dreamin']

Paul and I avoid situations like that... for obvious reasons. It gets really hard if you're in the ideal setting.

 

[invisiblebabe]

Bad idea unless there are extenuating circumstances that necessitate it

ie, I have bipolar disorder (was just diagnosed with it after Mark and I had gotten engaged, actually) and am prone to self-injurious behavior when I am left alone, especially at night. You can probably guess why we stayed in the same bed before we were married. Ideally it wouldn't have been that way.... but what's worse, conceding to stay in the same bed (assuming that you are still abstaining), or conceding to hurting oneself? Many people don't understand mood disorders, but if they wanted an explanation, we gave them one... and if they still didn't get it, then too bad for them.

We also did abstain until after the wedding.

 

[Uphill Battle]

Is it sin? I doubt it.

Is it asking for trouble? you betcha.

I'm willing to admit, that if my Girlfriend and I were sleeping, or cuddling, or making out in a bed, then I would at some point lose control. God created us for desire, we have to manage it until marriage. Do you really want to put yourselves in a position where you could do the wrong thing?

I know MY desires go from 0-60 in 4.5 seconds flat.

 

[Beautiful Fireball]

Is it sin? I doubt it.

Is it asking for trouble? you betcha.

I'm willing to admit, that if my Girlfriend and I were sleeping, or cuddling, or making out in a bed, then I would at some point lose control. God created us for desire, we have to manage it until marriage. Do you really want to put yourselves in a position where you could do the wrong thing?

I know MY desires go from 0-60 in 4.5 seconds flat.

He says that he would always be able to stop after just maing out, and honestly I find that a little hard to believe. I know that I would probably have a hard time stopping if we were already in that situation

 

[Uphill Battle]

He says that he would always be able to stop after just maing out, and honestly I find that a little hard to believe. I know that I would probably have a hard time stopping if we were already in that situation

I doubt he could, but I'm not him. But you seem to know yourself, and if you would have a hard time stopping, he might just find it difficult too.

 

[Briseis]

He says that he would always be able to stop after just maing out, and honestly I find that a little hard to believe. I know that I would probably have a hard time stopping if we were already in that situation

If you feel it is wrong, then dont do it. It doesnt really matter what we tell you. bending your convictions inst a good idea in any case.

I know that my bf would be able to control himself, he is very good at it. But I still dont think it is a good idea to do this. We have made out in bed before (while supposedly watching TV), but I still felt kinda dirty afterwards, even though we didnt pass any boundaries. SO I have decided not to do this again, even though I dont think it is a sin.

 

[Ceris]

Hi,
I am new here, and I am so happy that I found these message boards. It is hard to find Christians where I am, and I look forward to the fellowship that I will have here. Okay, here is my question:

I was talking to my boyfriend the other night and an interesting subject came up. He says he believes that it is okay for a couple, who are not married, to be in the same bed but not engaging in sex. He said that he believes that sleeping, cuddling, or even making out in bed is okay. Mind you this is not all the time occurence, the couple would not be living together. We are both very strong Christians and believe wholeheartedly that sex before marriage is wrong. This is my first relationship, but not his so he has dealt with all of this before. We are both virgins and have the intent of staying that way until marriage. (Sorry went off on a tangent a bit). Anyway, i do not agree with making out in bed as I believe the temptation to continue things would be far too great, but I am not sure where I stand on the sleeping or cuddling thing. Any opinions or Scriptures would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks

You know, I used think this was ok. Then I found myself straying too far on a regular basis because of it. My gf and I are still trying to deal with it a year later.

My advice - stay off the bed.

 

[YouthPastor]

why jump in bed with temptation (sorry could not resist) - But really - why try to get as close to the "line" as you can.

 

[Beautiful Fireball]

why jump in bed with temptation (sorry could not resist) - But really - why try to get as close to the "line" as you can.

I agree with you. I do not believe that it would be a good situation at all to be in. And I guess if my BF has a problem with how I feel about this then he needs to find someone else.

 

[SoC]

I agree with you. I do not believe that it would be a good situation at all to be in. And I guess if my BF has a problem with how I feel about this then he needs to find someone else.

Amen!

 

[YouthPastor]

in general - if two people's views/beliefes are not similar in the foundational areas/especially "temptation" areas - there is going to be an uphill battle to preserver that relationship.

ie... the boy friend says making out is fine as long as the clothes are on. The girl holds that only kissing and hugging is ok.

In that relationship - there is going to be issues because each person's "foundation" is different. Then it comes down to eith compromise your standards/boundries or stick to them and risk losing the guy........in which case losing the guy is the best choice.

if it ever comes to either a bf/gf or keeping your standards/boundaries...... say bye bye to the bf/gf

 

[MrsSeptemberPenguin]

Is it sin? I doubt it.

Is it asking for trouble? you betcha.

I totally agree with this, it may not actually be a sin, but to put yourself in that much temptation could be asking for big trouble. I know for me and my bf, we don't even go in a bedroom together. There really is no reason to unless you're looking for privacy...which could lead further...if you get my point.

 

[Uphill Battle]

I totally agree with this, it may not actually be a sin, but to put yourself in that much temptation could be asking for big trouble. I know for me and my bf, we don't even go in a bedroom together. There really is no reason to unless you're looking for privacy...which could lead further...if you get my point.

very wise. My Dear one and I have never been in the same bedroom alone together. Not because we are lustful maniacs, but because we know what we desire, it's there, waiting for our marriage.... best not to push it now.