Is This a Sign from God?

[Atiniir]

I apologize if this is the wrong place to post this. Please move it if it is.
So some backstory I guess. I met this girl, she confessed to me. She's so perfect in every sense, everything about her is exactly what I've always wanted in a woman, I've always asked God for a girlfriend who is perfect for me(not perfect, perfect *for me*) and in she came, I didn't even have to do anything. I was so happy, I thanked God, I felt like I was walking on cloud 9. I felt like everything in my life had led up to this, all my struggles and hardship were to prepare me for being the best man I could be for this girl. She had *a lot* of baggage. She was raped several times in her life, most of which by her own father who she still lived with and even cared for, she has been physically and psychologically abused her whole life. Her first boyfriend raped her too, her second beat her, I was the third. Her family is religious but due to her life she lost faith. But due to my presence she actually started to come back to the faith. She has several serious mental illnesses. Bipolar 1, bpd, anorexia, depression, anxiety, ocd,and adhd. That was fine, I feel I'm exactly the kind of guy someone with all of those illnesses needs, I'm patient, I'm incredibly affectionate, I'm encouraging, I'm accommodating, I even have those last 4 myself. I wanted to help her, I loved this girl. She made me believe in true love and soulmates and "the one" stuff I always thought was complete crap. I had the love for her the Bible talks about ("love is patient, love is kind" etc) I would do anything for this girl.
But of course she broke up with me, she accused me of a lot of things I didn't do which is apparently part of her bipolar 1. And this made me suicidal, I wrote my suicide note, I had a whole plan laid out. But something told me God wanted me to stay.

So of course, I prayed to God. It's so obvious he wanted us to be together, even my friend who is non-religious thought God wanted us to be together. So I prayed and asked God what I had to do for her to come back, and since I've always been terrible at hearing his voice I asked him to tell me by me going onto YouTube(I know it sounds rather silly) and playing the first song that pops up. So I did and the song was pretty clear. The song said to endure and to follow my dreams(I was starting college the following week). So I asked God if this was what he was trying to tell me, and the story of the golden fleece has always stuck with me because I've always had a hard time hearing his voice, so I said if it was his voice to make this tree out my window stop moving before the song ended (it was rather windy that day) and the tree stopped save one small branch(I'd say maybe 2% of the tree)

Is this a sign that this is what God wants? I was so sure, but it's been over a week and I can wait however long I need to. But I'm so afraid it's just a coincidence.

 

[Atiniir]

Additionally it's been my life-long dream to be the best husband I can be for my future wife since before I even went to pre-school, so I thought maybe that is the dream God meant

 

[William J]

This post might fit better in Requests for Christian Advice. But since it's here in the Prayer Wall at the moment, I pray that God would comfort you and give wisdom concerning this situation. If you are ever suicidal again, please call a hotline such as National Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-8255

 

[Pavel Mosko]

This post might fit better in Requests for Christian Advice.

Ditto.

@Atiniir I pray you will find God's direction and will have patience when it comes to finding a mate etc.


I kind of get the baggage thing, what you talked about could apply to me (came very close to being in the field of mental health and would have been a licensed counselor if not for taking a hit in the required statistical analysis research methods class, but have a lot of the temperament and the education for that field).

 

[Aussie Pete]

I apologize if this is the wrong place to post this. Please move it if it is.
So some backstory I guess. I met this girl, she confessed to me. She's so perfect in every sense, everything about her is exactly what I've always wanted in a woman, I've always asked God for a girlfriend who is perfect for me(not perfect, perfect *for me*) and in she came, I didn't even have to do anything. I was so happy, I thanked God, I felt like I was walking on cloud 9. I felt like everything in my life had led up to this, all my struggles and hardship were to prepare me for being the best man I could be for this girl. She had *a lot* of baggage. She was raped several times in her life, most of which by her own father who she still lived with and even cared for, she has been physically and psychologically abused her whole life. Her first boyfriend raped her too, her second beat her, I was the third. Her family is religious but due to her life she lost faith. But due to my presence she actually started to come back to the faith. She has several serious mental illnesses. Bipolar 1, bpd, anorexia, depression, anxiety, ocd,and adhd. That was fine, I feel I'm exactly the kind of guy someone with all of those illnesses needs, I'm patient, I'm incredibly affectionate, I'm encouraging, I'm accommodating, I even have those last 4 myself. I wanted to help her, I loved this girl. She made me believe in true love and soulmates and "the one" stuff I always thought was complete crap. I had the love for her the Bible talks about ("love is patient, love is kind" etc) I would do anything for this girl.
But of course she broke up with me, she accused me of a lot of things I didn't do which is apparently part of her bipolar 1. And this made me suicidal, I wrote my suicide note, I had a whole plan laid out. But something told me God wanted me to stay.

So of course, I prayed to God. It's so obvious he wanted us to be together, even my friend who is non-religious thought God wanted us to be together. So I prayed and asked God what I had to do for her to come back, and since I've always been terrible at hearing his voice I asked him to tell me by me going onto YouTube(I know it sounds rather silly) and playing the first song that pops up. So I did and the song was pretty clear. The song said to endure and to follow my dreams(I was starting college the following week). So I asked God if this was what he was trying to tell me, and the story of the golden fleece has always stuck with me because I've always had a hard time hearing his voice, so I said if it was his voice to make this tree out my window stop moving before the song ended (it was rather windy that day) and the tree stopped save one small branch(I'd say maybe 2% of the tree)

Is this a sign that this is what God wants? I was so sure, but it's been over a week and I can wait however long I need to. But I'm so afraid it's just a coincidence.

I've traveled the road that you are on, and it led me to heartache and disillusionment. I had many signs that seemed to indicate I was on the right track, including Bible verses that justified my path. It was a satanic setup. And I fell for it because I wanted it so badly.

You may be right and you are hearing from God. However, you may be wrong. I was so fixated that I refused to take note of the reality that the girl was not interested in me as more than a friend. I advise you not to let emotions rule you. When I came to my senses, I was relieved that the relationship went nowhere.

 

[Joined2krist]

Praying

 

[musicalpilgrim]

I pray for you to grow in the Lord Jesus Christ and to know his will.

 

[Blade]

HI.. for me YOUTUBE is not the place I would be asking God to talk. Well we have His word and 2nd this girl has a choice yes? That's where God will start. Remember God is never in a hurry. He for me always backs up what He says by His word. He has always used music (another way) to talk to me but.. its always Christian music and there is always scripture for it. He will always give us a peace. Like the song just started "stand in Faith" Danny Gokey"

 

[LoricaLady]

There’s more than one voice out there, if you get my drift. Instead of looking at what do you think is a sign on YouTube, or what the branches on a tree might be telling you, look
at what is obvious.

Look at the red flags about this woman.

It seems to me that the only one who can help her is the Lord, as she has such serious issues.

I pray you will be given insight and wisdom as to what to do. I pray you will be given healing from the hurt you have received through the relationship. I pray for the woman’s healing.

 

[Joy]

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[Sophrosyne]

To me it sounds like you are desperate and somewhat self centered in this relationship. The inane idea that someone who is severely damaged goods is even close to "being perfect" is crazy. With all the abuse she is likely mentally ill, and also likely fighting demonic influences in her life. For it to be even a start at a responsible relationship you would have to be medically trained to deal with such conditions and also knowledgeable about dealing with demons too.
The fact that you were suicidal when this relationship failed shows me that you are nowhere near able to handle the care of this woman and she needs to be a patient and healed of all this abuse before considering a mature relationship at all and you are not a doctor. The fact that she is dealing with her father that abused her and chose for a boyfriend a man that raped/abused her shows me that she is not with a sound mind, she is likely attracted to men like her father and that has to be addressed in her life and her to reject that relationship entirely plus it may very likely be she cannot heal as long as she is around her father.

IMO you are better off dumping this woman even though your heart strings pull from all the hurt she has survived she is going to be continually toxic to you and being bipolar you will be in for constant drama and nice one minute vicious the next this isn't a recipe for a Godly relationship.

It sound like to me the way you talked that you are thinking about you, self centered not her. She needs not a romantic relationship but therapy and strong friends that will not cave under her radical behavior that requires toughness and unconditional love and a willingness to if needed have her literally locked up if she goes too far.
Not knowing the woman, it is likely that she will find another very bad boy that likes to abuse her to marry because that is what she in her subconscious thinks is normal between a man and woman even though she knows it is wrong she is spiritually damaged goods.

 

[BobRyan]

I apologize if this is the wrong place to post this. Please move it if it is.
So some backstory I guess. I met this girl, she confessed to me. She's so perfect in every sense, everything about her is exactly what I've always wanted in a woman, I've always asked God for a girlfriend who is perfect for me(not perfect, perfect *for me*) and in she came, I didn't even have to do anything. I was so happy, I thanked God, I felt like I was walking on cloud 9. I felt like everything in my life had led up to this, all my struggles and hardship were to prepare me for being the best man I could be for this girl. She had *a lot* of baggage. She was raped several times in her life, most of which by her own father who she still lived with and even cared for, she has been physically and psychologically abused her whole life. Her first boyfriend raped her too, her second beat her, I was the third. Her family is religious but due to her life she lost faith. But due to my presence she actually started to come back to the faith. She has several serious mental illnesses. Bipolar 1, bpd, anorexia, depression, anxiety, ocd,and adhd. That was fine, I feel I'm exactly the kind of guy someone with all of those illnesses needs, I'm patient, I'm incredibly affectionate, I'm encouraging, I'm accommodating, I even have those last 4 myself. I wanted to help her, I loved this girl. She made me believe in true love and soulmates and "the one" stuff I always thought was complete crap. I had the love for her the Bible talks about ("love is patient, love is kind" etc) I would do anything for this girl.
But of course she broke up with me, she accused me of a lot of things I didn't do which is apparently part of her bipolar 1. And this made me suicidal, I wrote my suicide note, I had a whole plan laid out. But something told me God wanted me to stay.

So of course, I prayed to God. It's so obvious he wanted us to be together, even my friend who is non-religious thought God wanted us to be together. So I prayed and asked God what I had to do for her to come back, and since I've always been terrible at hearing his voice I asked him to tell me by me going onto YouTube(I know it sounds rather silly) and playing the first song that pops up. So I did and the song was pretty clear. The song said to endure and to follow my dreams(I was starting college the following week). So I asked God if this was what he was trying to tell me, and the story of the golden fleece has always stuck with me because I've always had a hard time hearing his voice, so I said if it was his voice to make this tree out my window stop moving before the song ended (it was rather windy that day) and the tree stopped save one small branch(I'd say maybe 2% of the tree)

Is this a sign that this is what God wants? I was so sure, but it's been over a week and I can wait however long I need to. But I'm so afraid it's just a coincidence.

Paul said that all things being equal - it is "better not to marry". I think this girl you met is in a condition to need help rather than give help. Just as she has slam hammered your emotions while not married - then multiply by 10 x or 100x and you have life as it would be married to such a person.

Some people are ready and emotionally equipped to contribute to a marriage and can choose to do so even though Paul says it is better not to. But what this person needs is miracle healing of emotions, mind and soul from God before any other consideration.

your story about how her parents totally corrupted her life as a child, doing a lot of damage to a young child is indeed a sad one. But piling marriage on her shoulders without first addressing all this baggage would not be very loving.

 

[By_the_Book]

I apologize if this is the wrong place to post this. Please move it if it is.
So some backstory I guess. I met this girl, she confessed to me. She's so perfect in every sense, everything about her is exactly what I've always wanted in a woman, I've always asked God for a girlfriend who is perfect for me(not perfect, perfect *for me*) and in she came, I didn't even have to do anything. I was so happy, I thanked God, I felt like I was walking on cloud 9. I felt like everything in my life had led up to this, all my struggles and hardship were to prepare me for being the best man I could be for this girl. She had *a lot* of baggage. She was raped several times in her life, most of which by her own father who she still lived with and even cared for, she has been physically and psychologically abused her whole life. Her first boyfriend raped her too, her second beat her, I was the third. Her family is religious but due to her life she lost faith. But due to my presence she actually started to come back to the faith. She has several serious mental illnesses. Bipolar 1, bpd, anorexia, depression, anxiety, ocd,and adhd. That was fine, I feel I'm exactly the kind of guy someone with all of those illnesses needs, I'm patient, I'm incredibly affectionate, I'm encouraging, I'm accommodating, I even have those last 4 myself. I wanted to help her, I loved this girl. She made me believe in true love and soulmates and "the one" stuff I always thought was complete crap. I had the love for her the Bible talks about ("love is patient, love is kind" etc) I would do anything for this girl.
But of course she broke up with me, she accused me of a lot of things I didn't do which is apparently part of her bipolar 1. And this made me suicidal, I wrote my suicide note, I had a whole plan laid out. But something told me God wanted me to stay.

So of course, I prayed to God. It's so obvious he wanted us to be together, even my friend who is non-religious thought God wanted us to be together. So I prayed and asked God what I had to do for her to come back, and since I've always been terrible at hearing his voice I asked him to tell me by me going onto YouTube(I know it sounds rather silly) and playing the first song that pops up. So I did and the song was pretty clear. The song said to endure and to follow my dreams(I was starting college the following week). So I asked God if this was what he was trying to tell me, and the story of the golden fleece has always stuck with me because I've always had a hard time hearing his voice, so I said if it was his voice to make this tree out my window stop moving before the song ended (it was rather windy that day) and the tree stopped save one small branch(I'd say maybe 2% of the tree)

Is this a sign that this is what God wants? I was so sure, but it's been over a week and I can wait however long I need to. But I'm so afraid it's just a coincidence.

Please understand that people, many of which I have dealt with over the years in ministry, people who have gone through the types of things that you have described that this young woman has gone through will sabotage relationships because even though it's not rational they believe that the other person will ultimately reject them because they feel unlovable, like they are so damaged no one could care for them and truly love them. Many of them would never admit this to the person they're in a relationship with but it's what's deep within their heart. A person like this needs all the love that someone has the strength to give them but it can be a tough road so one needs to be spiritually prepared before undertaking it.

As far as hearing from God goes I believe deep within you you have a desire to know what God's will is in this situation therefore I also believe deep within you you know the answer.

 

[InThePottersChamber]

As someone who has psychotic episodes sometimes, I'd like to say that she was likely having psychosis when she accused you. People who are in a psychotic episode believe things that aren't real. Maybe she wasn't trying to hurt or sabotage you like many people here are saying, but she truly believed you hurt her because of her psychosis which can range from anything to delusion to hallucinations. I'm not bipolar, I have depression, but both bipolar and depression can lead to psychosis.

That being said, I don't think you should enter into a relationship with her. Even if she isn't the type of damage goods to sabotage the relationship, she is in no shape to be taking on the responsibilities and sacrifices of a relationship, never mind marriage. People who marry stable people whom they love too find marriage extremely testy at times, it will not be a smooth road. If you truly care about her, and if she is willing, you should just be a friend. As many others have said, she needs good friends, not a lover. Another comment said that she has a choice too, and I cannot emphasise this enough. Usually, when it is God's will, the person you love will love you back. If she is not showing any interest or if she is exhibiting toxic behaviours, then you must let her go. When the other person doesn't like us back, it is a strong sign from God that we should move on, they are not the 'one'. I'm a little late, I don't know what you have decided to do, or if you have decided to do anything, I just thought I, as a person who also suffer from occasional psychosis, could point out certain things people here haven't already.