This is where I am right now, where I have been for at least the better part of a year, probably longer. Because my spiritual mentor turned out to be an abusive creep, and betrayed me as well, my faith has been in shambles and I often feel like I'm just going through the motions. But I just keep going because I don't want to just let go.
When I told my husband a while back about the spiritual doubts I was having, he freaked out, especially when he found out that I go through these periods of doubt about God from time to time, even before this incident. It seems that whenever I tell him my secret spiritual thoughts that he disagrees with, he freaks out. Which really illuminates the loss in my life, because my spiritual mentor and best friend was, finally, someone who I could turn to with those spiritual thoughts and questions and struggles, who wouldn't freak out, wouldn't start talking as if the whole household were falling apart because I'm turning into a raving heretic or heathen.....
It seems that, to hubby, having doubts about God's very existence is a weakness in me, a weak spot in my own faith. So it's a huge relief to me to read that even Mother Theresa and other saints have gone through these dark times. And to read here that, to Catholics and Orthodox, it's not only expected but a sign of spiritual maturity, is very reassuring. Maybe there's hope for me after all, since I do continue to "go through the motions" instead of just abandoning everything.