Is my problem committment?

[memoriesbymichelle]

So I have realized lately that I have an issue I need to deal with. I have a hard time committing to a decision or sometimes making a decision.

For example, recently I decided that I am going to get rid of my DirectTV and just get an antenna for local channels and a Roku for streaming Netflix and Hulu plus. So, sounds good so far, right? Next, I ordered what I needed to accomplish the above. Step two....check!
So every time I try to make a plan to actually hook it up I chicken out. What if the antenna doesn't work? What if I can't get any of it to work. I am not very mechanically inclined and even though I am fairly intelligent, I am struggling to just do it! I wish I had someone to help me hook everything up and my plan is to make sure that all works before completely canceling DirectTV.

I know a lot of you are not TV buffs and could care less. It isn't about that. For me, I work 2 jobs and I don't have much money, and TV is kind of my relaxation after work. But anyway it's like that with a lot of things in my life.

I had to make a financial decision recently, and even after making the decision, to actually do something about it took some more time.

I think that in some ways it is definitely good that I don't jump in with both feet without checking things out, but my problem is after I have prayed about it and felt I had the decision on what to do, I feel like I'm stuck in the mud, and can't move.

What is a solution for this? Just to keep trying to get out of the mud? And if I'm honest I would say that it is fear that is keeping me stuck and I know I should not bow to fear. But sometimes I do what I don't want to do, and I don't do what I want to do.

How can I break myself from this stuckness?

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

This was on my FB page this morning

Time to Get Up — Proverbs 31 Ministries Devotions

 

[dayhiker]

Seems to me its time to find a guy and ask him for some help setting up your new antenna and you will make him dinner! grin

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

it just plugs into the back of the TV. I'm always just scared it won't work or in other situations, I'm scared of making the wrong decision and YET I like to be the one in control (besides God of course), so how messed up is that?

 

[blackribbon]

I find myself in crippling situations like that. I missed out on a scholarship because I couldn't write a simple thank you note...no idea why and I carried the note card around with me for several weeks...I just couldn't do it and I was very grateful and could have used the money.

This semester I just forced myself to do it...had to do it quickly and not think about it and run it to the post office without setting it down.

I believe that there might be some relationship to just being so overwhelmed by life that I just run out of energy to make decisions or act. I now take one of the "hard" things and assign a day I am going to do it. If that is all I can accomplish that day, I have learned to give myself permission to be "okay" with that.

I'd be embarrassed to admit the crippling decisions that I am ignoring daily...some significant and some very insignificant.

The one thing you need to remember is that if you are not happy with your decision, it is not irreversible...it may cost some money to have them re-hook you up, but it is the no more that what you will save by letting the service go for a month. Pick a day to make this your goal. It isn't hard and just disconnect your sallelite for a day or two before cancelling it to see how you feel and can just change your name by changing the cables. You can't hurt anything by trying...and if you decide that this isn't the mountain you want to climb today, give yourself permission to quit beating yourself up.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Thank you. Believe me, I have allowed myself to be a lot of things lately and sometimes it's being lazy on the weekends. I just figured out that I don't have to disconnect the DirectTV to hook up the antenna or the roku so I don't know what my problem is. Well one is that my TV is an older big heavy monster sitting in an armoire so the access to the back is not easy by any means, for one. I am going to try to tackle it on Sunday. Unfortunately I work Saturday from 12-7 so I won't feel like doing anything after that I guarantee it. Thankfully I did some major grocery shopping last weekend so I should not have to do that. I should however, clean my house mainly my floors.

 

[blackribbon]

How about getting your son to do it for Mom?

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

How about getting your son to do it for Mom?

My older one said he would help and he also said it will work so he encouraged me LOL

I really think I also just don't like change unless I want it, and if I had it my way I wouldn't cancel but I just don't think it's wise to spend as much as I'm spending to just watch TV

 

[Doctor Strangelove]

You sound like you are paralyzed by little decisions - probably because you are busy and overwhelmed with things and this is yet one more task. I get that way sometimes. I have a lot on my plate and I have to ignore or delay something. So I keep ignoring minor things - like, I have old stuff in my filing cabinet I can throw out and get rid of clutter. I know I will feel happy to get rid of the clutter but I have thought about it for a few months and haven't done much about it.

It is a good idea that you want to hook up the new stuff first and then disconnect the old stuff. It is not likely you will break anything. If you have a lot of cables, get some masking tape and use it to make a label on the cable and a corresponding label on the device. I have done that for odd things so I would not hook up something wrong.

If you wait until you are comfortable and confident doing something on this project, you might not do anything. Think of how good it will be to have your TV set up and not have to pay DirecTV all that money every month.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Thank you Dr. It means a lot coming from you, because I know you don't like TV much. It's not just little decisions, though, it's big decisions too. Ugh!

 

[TheyCallMeDavid]

So I have realized lately that I have an issue I need to deal with. I have a hard time committing to a decision or sometimes making a decision.

For example, recently I decided that I am going to get rid of my DirectTV and just get an antenna for local channels and a Roku for streaming Netflix and Hulu plus. So, sounds good so far, right? Next, I ordered what I needed to accomplish the above. Step two....check!
So every time I try to make a plan to actually hook it up I chicken out. What if the antenna doesn't work? What if I can't get any of it to work. I am not very mechanically inclined and even though I am fairly intelligent, I am struggling to just do it! I wish I had someone to help me hook everything up and my plan is to make sure that all works before completely canceling DirectTV.

I know a lot of you are not TV buffs and could care less. It isn't about that. For me, I work 2 jobs and I don't have much money, and TV is kind of my relaxation after work. But anyway it's like that with a lot of things in my life.

I had to make a financial decision recently, and even after making the decision, to actually do something about it took some more time.

I think that in some ways it is definitely good that I don't jump in with both feet without checking things out, but my problem is after I have prayed about it and felt I had the decision on what to do, I feel like I'm stuck in the mud, and can't move.

What is a solution for this? Just to keep trying to get out of the mud? And if I'm honest I would say that it is fear that is keeping me stuck and I know I should not bow to fear. But sometimes I do what I don't want to do, and I don't do what I want to do.

How can I break myself from this stuckness?

I sometimes struggle with this too, and I would term it : Lack of Motivation (to complete the project) . Its not that I haven't done my homework and researched something adequately .. and even have made a plan on how im going to do it.....but its when I finally have everything ready to start the project....I delay doing it . Perhaps its a good thing because I do like being in the right frame of Mind before tackling a project that needs doing so my enthusiasm is high and so I can see light at the end of the tunnel in accomplishing it. I find with myself, that, I enjoy shorter-duration Projects much better than extended laborious ones ; id rather have a ton of short term projects that need doing than one looooooong one . I enjoy the satisfaction of completing a short term project and when its done and I can look back on it washing my hands of it.

So...this is what ive personally concluded about longer term Projects : Have everything ready to go , but wait till the time is right to start it while asking God to direct you thru it ...otherwise, if you have a lot on the table already , then youll feel burdened and unmotivated to do the particular Project. Also, some longer Projects are better to have Somebody else do than yourself ...or have them at least do the tricky stuff leaving you to do the simple tasks. Finally, we have to realize our limitations when tackling something and decide if its wise to tackle it ourselves or not . The good thing with my current status of being semi retired....is I now have a lot more time to give toward Projects around the house and with the available time, I feel far less pressured to get the job done.

As for TV antennaes.....I was once considering a satellite dish as I live way out in the woods with no cable going down the street....but instead I opted for a higher priced GOOD roof mounted Antennae ( $200 about 6 years ago) which I installed myself and can pull in 15 regional TV channels with crystal clear reception ... about a 50 mile radius. 15 Channels is more than enough for my TV watching as I only like certain Shows ... mostly the Documentary type and Christian Programming . I have a disdain toward Sitcoms and any Program where they laugh for me . So based on that, im glad I went the Roof Antennae route and im saving $75 per month in Dish Service fees. As for the internet...I go to Starbucks every day and use their wi/fi while waking up to their plain-jane Coffee for $1.75 with free refills and I get to visit with Friends.

 

[TillICollapse]

I think you are getting close to nailing it in your OP with the "fear".

"And if I'm honest I would say that it is fear that is keeping me stuck and I know I should not bow to fear. But sometimes I do what I don't want to do, and I don't do what I want to do.

How can I break myself from this stuckness?"

Fear can also make a person controlling. Things they can control ... they can trust because there won't be any surprises. Or, they can help to control the surprises and unknowns. But with something you feel helpless with, or have little to no control over ... suddenly it's a gray area you can find yourself frozen in. You become afraid, because you cannot control the outcome. You lack commitment to go left or right, do the thing or don't do the thing, because you don't know what the outcome is going to be. The attempt to get control is the attempt to manage the fear of the unknown.

That mixed bag you feel, i.e. "It seems wise and smart to consider things before doing them, but ... I also feel paralyzed and like I do things I don't want to do, while not doing things I want to do, etc" ... is because you seem to be yielding to fear, instead of considering it. Considering what fear is telling you, is one thing. Yielding to it and letting it dictate your choices, is another. It's a false sense of control. It's like letting a prisoner decided which bunk bed to sleep on. They have control over the choice of the bunked, but they are still prisoners who cannot leave.

The irony with fear, is that it's like being in a prison with a wide open prison door. We don't understand why we don't leave the prison if the door is wide open. But then again ... it could be worse outside the prison ... right ? After all, we've tried to go out a few times and seen what has happened.

So perhaps the question is, what is it you are afraid OF ?

Afraid of getting hurt ? Afraid of failing ? Afraid of success ? People may fear different things. Have you tried to leave that "prison" before ... if so, what happened ? If not, why not ?

Just some thoughts.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Very good points TillIcollapse.

What am I afraid of? Failure. Things being worse than they were before I "did" anything. In the past I have tried to do things and they have not turned out so well. I tried to clean out my vacuum and ended up one of the washers fell off and I could not get it to go back on, so I ended up having to go to the repair store. I did manage to put new locks on my doors, and it only probably took me 3 or 4 times the amount of time it would take anyone else. That one I was successful on.

It's interesting because I know that most things we fear don't end up happening and I know we are not given the spirit of fear. I am going to push forward this weekend and hopefully I can accomplish the most recent task with the TV.

Also in the past I have made decisions even after agonizing over them and STILL made the wrong decision, so I'm sure that is feeding it too.
I have been pushing myself, so I guess I just keep doing that, huh?

 

[Doctor Strangelove]

Thank you Dr. It means a lot coming from you, because I know you don't like TV much. It's not just little decisions, though, it's big decisions too. Ugh!

I've thought of looking into Hulu. I kept away from cable and satellite TV because I am cheap.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

I've thought of looking into Hulu. I kept away from cable and satellite TV because I am cheap.

My SIL has a Roku and streams Netflix and Hulu thru it for less than 20 bucks a month. My Roku unit was about 80 bucks but I had a gift certificate from amazon from my lovely step son and family.

 

[TillICollapse]

Very good points TillIcollapse.

What am I afraid of? Failure. Things being worse than they were before I "did" anything. In the past I have tried to do things and they have not turned out so well. I tried to clean out my vacuum and ended up one of the washers fell off and I could not get it to go back on, so I ended up having to go to the repair store. I did manage to put new locks on my doors, and it only probably took me 3 or 4 times the amount of time it would take anyone else. That one I was successful on.

It's interesting because I know that most things we fear don't end up happening and I know we are not given the spirit of fear. I am going to push forward this weekend and hopefully I can accomplish the most recent task with the TV.

Also in the past I have made decisions even after agonizing over them and STILL made the wrong decision, so I'm sure that is feeding it too.
I have been pushing myself, so I guess I just keep doing that, huh?

In high school, I played football and so did my best friend. We both ended up going to college to play football ... he would eventually go on to play for the NFL, where as I had no desire to do that (I also had no realistic hopes to do that, I knew I was too small for the NFL).

He was the kind of guy who always had things go his way ... everyone liked him, if he got into trouble someone got him out of it, he didn't have to give 300% to make something happen, etc and so forth. He didn't have a red carpet laid out for him to where he never had to do anything, but still ... he gave a little, people gave back.

He was a HUGE dude. People didn't mess with him, yada yada.

Anyways ... he had this child-like, hand drawn thing in his locker he always had taped up. I mean, it looked like a 5th grader did it with map pencils. All colored and everything. It had one phrase on it: "Dominate F.O.F." And he would never tell me what it meant when I asked. I would make fun of him for it sometimes, and bust his chops and all that ... he would just laugh and not tell me. I mean, it looked ridiculous.

Well, one season, we had this playoff game and it was a tough game. We were playing a team that was ranked like 3rd in the nation in certain areas, and we were ranked in the nation in other areas (almost our entire starting guys ended up playing in college, for example) ... and the game was like 3-0 going into the half. And it was brutally cold outside, snowing, etc. We were playing in a pro stadium as well, so it was stressful and full of hopes, nerves, etc.

We were pretty down, and so at the half, we were questioning if we could pull it out, so on and so forth.

My friend looked at me, and said, "You want to know what Dominate F.O.F. means ?" and I was a bit shocked lol. I mean ... he had never hinted he was EVER going to share that with me, or anyone else for that matter. I was like, "Yeah, tell me ..." realizing that a profound moment was getting ready to occur.

He said, "It's something my dad taught me. It means, Dominate the Fear of Failure. Even if you're afraid, do it anyway."

We won the game.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Good story! Thanks for sharing. I will plunge forward into the depths

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Plunging forward to getting my stupid yard sprayed for weeds. 210 bucks for 2 times. Hope I made the right choice

 

[dayhiker]

Hi Till ... great story, thanks for sharing.

 

[TillICollapse]

Good story! Thanks for sharing. I will plunge forward into the depths

That's cool

And not to sound like a preacher or anything lol ... but one more thing: the thing with failure, is that even if you DO end up making mistakes, or "failing" ... it is still redeemable. You don't have to run backwards to your original starting point and never go there again or some such. That's how fear festers, and regrets form which become hard to bare, and you start to blame yourself, or someone else, and entire chunks of your life become "mistakes" and all that. Instead, at the point in which you "fail", or make your mistake ... learn from it, and go from THERE. Not running backwards, or running and hiding ... but going from the point in which you find yourself failing. So like, $210 for spraying weeds: is it a mistake ? Idk. Time will tell, and if you get to the point where you think it WAS a mistake, learn from it, and move on. Don't blame, just make the most of it.

Hi Till ... great story, thanks for sharing.

Cool !