Is marriage worth it for women?

[ChloeOfTheTriffids]

There arn't enough dishes in my home to do them all day long. I've never run into a home where there are.

Laundry is especially easy. Organize, put stuff in the washer, put in detergent, start washer. Go do other stuff When it's done transfer the stuff into a dryer and put in a dryer sheet, put a new load in washer. Go do other stuff. When it comes out of the dryer, fold and transfer washer stuff into dryer and repeat the whole process for as long as it takes.

The hardest part of doing laundry is putting stuff away, which really isn't all that hard.

Laundry is about 10 minutes of work per load. The rest of the time you can spend doing other work or relaxing.

Well this is slightly off topic but if you live where it is 90 degrees outside then I consider it very wasteful to use a dryer. We don't and it is not nearly that hot here. We hang dry all our clothes outside. Usually though it takes a long time as we collect all like colors from everyone in the house and we hand wash many items. I suppose you could call that making things hard on ourselves but our natural resources are finite so we try doing what we can to save energy as well as trying to be convenient. Then there is all the ironing afterwards. I suppose I can't imagine what it must be like for just 2 people though but in my own family there is all of this plus trying to keep an eye on my younger siblings who love to mess up everything you do even when trying to help.

 

[Mrs. Luther073082]

I would like to know why who does what in my home is becoming such a big deal in this thread? First, you all are like, "You mow the lawn? That's nothing compared to working inside the house!" and then when my husband says he is basically doing EVERYTHING right now, you try to compare pregnancies with me? Seriously? For the record, I HAVE been on restrictions and I have been working full time. I lifted some light things like file boxes in my second trimester and it caused my placenta to tear a bit; I had bleeding and pain, went to the ER, and was put on restrictions. The placenta issue has since been resolved and the danger from that is gone, but now I have other issues and can barely get out of bed or a chair or even walk. I work with mentally disabled clients and they all have noted the change in my ability to walk and ask if I am OK or if I need help constantly. I also recently have had various strangers that don't even know me asking if I'm OK and need help.Good for you if you had a great pregnancy with just back pain, but not everybody has been that lucky.

I also do not see why everybody is downplaying fixing up things and yardwork in terms of chores. Kirk fixes the cars a lot - it isn't just something simple like changing the oil, either. Kirk also fixes up things around our house very frequently. We save a lot of money from him being so handy with everything. He also does the grocery shopping most of the time which is a huge help. I do not mind doing the inside chores and while scrubbing the bathroom isn't my favorite thing to do, doing dishes and laundry are easier IMO - even when the laundry takes all day. When I am not pregnant anymore, I would be willing to trade inside/outside chores if Kirk wants to, but I really find the idea of mowing unappealing and don't understand why everybody else in the thread thinks it isn't a big deal. We do have a ginormous yard, though - so that is probably a factor.

 

[Luther073082]

Well this is slightly off topic but if you live where it is 90 degrees outside then I consider it very wasteful to use a dryer. We don't and it is not nearly that hot here. We hang dry all our clothes outside. Usually though it takes a long time as we collect all like colors from everyone in the house and we hand wash many items. I suppose you could call that making things hard on ourselves but our natural resources are not finite so we try doing what we can to save energy as well as trying to be convenient. Then there is all the ironing afterwards. I suppose I can't imagine what it must be like for just 2 people though but in my own family there is all of this plus trying to keep an eye on my younger siblings who love to mess up everything you do even when trying to help.

I said many times it gets 90 out during the summer. It isn't like that all the time.

In the winter it's 10 and you may get a foot of snow thanks to Lake Michigan. In the spring one day it will be 80, the next it will be 50. You literally never know. Plus it rains about every other day during the spring.

In the fall it's the nicest because it gradually drops from the 70's to the 40's over the course of 4 months before winter starts to set in. Of course you have to round up the leaves during this time.

We use a dryer because it takes a lot less time to dry the clothes like that.

I have only a few times on a button up shirt felt the need to iron. And for the most part those don't need it if you pull them out quick from the dryer.

 

[Puffinstuff]

There arn't enough dishes in my home to do them all day long. I've never run into a home where there are.

I never said there were.

 

[Puffinstuff]

Well this is slightly off topic but if you live where it is 90 degrees outside then I consider it very wasteful to use a dryer. We don't and it is not nearly that hot here. We hang dry all our clothes outside. Usually though it takes a long time as we collect all like colors from everyone in the house and we hand wash many items. I suppose you could call that making things hard on ourselves but our natural resources are not finite so we try doing what we can to save energy as well as trying to be convenient. Then there is all the ironing afterwards. I suppose I can't imagine what it must be like for just 2 people though but in my own family there is all of this plus trying to keep an eye on my younger siblings who love to mess up everything you do even when trying to help.

We hang dry as well.funny its inside "climate " controlled.Rugs and jackets etc out side.We dry towels and sheets.(in dryer)I will lay the underwear on the dryer and the heat is enough to get those.

 

[EarthboundNess]

I think there is stress you can handle and then stress you can't. My mom always seems stressed and I don't think that is worth it for anybody. Leaving one person in charge of everything just does not seem right to me. My mom and dad work the same amount of hours but when she is home she is organizing us and doing the cooking, housework, gardening(we grow our own vegetables) and seeing to the younger ones. I remember when I was young and mom didn't get home due to an emergency at work one night; my brother wasn't changed that whole night and we had to fend for ourselves for food. Yet my dad is not a bad person at all. He just doesn't think about these things.

I think if you don't marry a guy like your father then you'll save yourself some stress and worry. Not all guys are like that.

 

[Puffinstuff]

[QUOTEI would like to know why who does what in my home is becoming such a big deal in this thread? ][/QUOTE]

Ask your husband.

 

[ChloeOfTheTriffids]

It's easy to pick up individual cases and apply them as if they were universal. You might as well ask if marriage is worth it for men based on the times a couple divorce and the wife ends up keeping the house, and the children, and gets alimony while the husband ends up living in a cramped apartment over a fishmonger's shop struggling to keep the heating on, even if it was the wife who was unfaithful and then initiated the divorce.

Sure it is not. Extreme circumstances aside the children should get to see both of their parents. They may even see one parent more than before the divorce due to such an arrangement. Dads used to spend far less time with children in the past when married. However it was not fair for the 700 club guy Pat to excuse a cheating partner because he may support the wife financially. Just like it wouldn't be fair to be a wife who decided to be a SAHM and to be destitute after a divorce if your husband was unfaithful. However as women increasingly work I suspect alimony should be less common or even paid out to the husband.

My wife does most of the housework in our house. I was willing to accept her wanting to quit the job she hated and accept the lifestyle sacrifices it involved when the aggravation her job was causing were starting to endlessly drag her down. It was a decision we both took and at the time the pressure in my job was higher still, but it was more important to me that she was happy than we had extra money to spend on doodads. Since she was going to be at home all day it was a natural progression that she kept the house in order while I was out of the way at work.

Well both my parents work and my mom does almost all of the housework and child care. That is the position I am coming from.

If you regard marriage as a contract where you perform certain tasks and your husband performs certain tasks and clearly mark out what you're both going to put in and what you're both expecting to get out, sooner or later you'll be disappointed. If you want to do what so many married people do and sit around over a drink with your girlfriends and gripe and moan about how your husband doesn't do this and doesn't do that and is always doing this unacceptable thing or that annoying thing, you're going to be unhappy (men do this too, but since your profile says you're female I've focussed on the female version) then it's hardly surprising when you next see your husband that everything you're thinking about him is negative.

A marriage with specified tasks seems preferable to the one I have witnessed. I used to I think disrespect my mom because she took what looked to be as ridiculous treatment without complaint. If she did gripe a little to me or even others I might have felt I was not the only one seeing something wrong there. I think I would have seen earlier that she was human.

If you regard marriage as a covenant where you agree to love your husband come what may and make an ongoing decision to love him the chances of you being happy are much higher. If he regards marriage in a similar way the chances of you being happy are higher still. Instead of the focus always being on "what have you done for me?" the focus shifts to "what can I do for you?". It's easy to go into a relationship with a perspective that if he wants a night out with his drinking buddies that automatically entitles you to a day's shopping with your friends but if you go down that route you just end up endlessly grasping for what you can take from each other and happiness is rarely found on that path.

Ultimately if you're convinced you won't be happy in a marriage with someone, don't marry them. If you end up never marrying and are happy with that, more power to you. If one day you meet Mr Right and decide you want to spend the rest of your life with him, that's great too.

I agree with this. I don't think a healthy marriage can be achieved with only one person always "giving" and as the child in such a marriage I think it had a negative effect on me. Seeing my mother I wouldn't want to get married because I don't want a marriage like hers. I don't want to just get into that and think it is normal to do everything.

 

[Puffinstuff]

I think if you don't marry a guy like your father then you'll save yourself some stress and worry. Not all guys are like that.

 

[ChloeOfTheTriffids]

We hang dry as well.funny its inside "climate " controlled.Rugs and jackets etc out side.We dry towels and sheets.(in dryer)I will lay the underwear on the dryer and the heat is enough to get those.

I think you must know my mother. We do that whenever we use the drier. I am always surprised so many people don't make use of hang drying especially in good weather. It is another topic but I think we have a high energy lifestyle that is not really sustainable. I am thankful for my mother for showing me efficient ways of doing things.

 

[Puffinstuff]

If she did gripe a little to me or even others I might have felt I was not the only one seeing something wrong there. I think I would have seen earlier that she was human.

God bless for you seeing it without her complaining.

 

[ChloeOfTheTriffids]

When it's freaking cold outside or it's freaking hot outside which where I live it's one or the other about half the year, then yeah being in a climate controlled room is a big advantage.

I'd rather do my current job for 40 hours then go back to when I worked at McDonald's in my teenaged years and do that for 20 even if it paid equal. My current job is in a climate controlled office, McDonald's especially in the summer was over a hot grill and because of the drive thru windows the kitchen wasn't climate controlled in the summer.

I remember when a run to the freezer was the greatest feeling in the world.

I won't even mention doing construction during the summers. I did that too.

I guess because I am looking at things from my perspective I am not seeing yours. After all we don't have a lawn, we don't really seem to have such extreme weather. I am sure there are couples who share each of our experiences and others etc with apartments. Whenever we have to wash the windows I know I get so tired out but the daily chores still have to be done. Our family is really into saving money and energy so we don't tend to use AC. In a few ways we differ from many Americans I think.

Still I do get what you are saying. However I think only in cases such as yours where there is extreme weather, a huge lawn, many maintenance and car issues that may be equitable but I don't think that is the case for most people or at least it is not the case for me.

 

[EarthboundNess]

I guess our house is the odd-house-out. We do what needs to be done and we do it. We don't have assigned roles for each of us. I'll generally do dishes and laundry and she generally does the vacuuming and the detailed things that I would never think of needing to get done but really do need to happen in order for the house to be really clean. Vacuuming the tracks of the sliding door, dusting the ceiling, wiping down doors, sweeping the walkway. Stuff like that. But basically if we see stuff that needs to be done we just do it. The only job that I have that is my job is taking out the trash only because I don't want her lifting heavy trash bags all the way to the dumpster or walking out with her hands full by herself. Makes me nervous. Raising the kids I'll be fair and say she does most of the dirty work there but she's home with them more then I am. When I am home it's not like I don't change diapers or cook dinner though.

Well this is slightly off topic but if you live where it is 90 degrees outside then I consider it very wasteful to use a dryer. We don't and it is not nearly that hot here. We hang dry all our clothes outside. Usually though it takes a long time as we collect all like colors from everyone in the house and we hand wash many items. I suppose you could call that making things hard on ourselves but our natural resources are finite so we try doing what we can to save energy as well as trying to be convenient. Then there is all the ironing afterwards. I suppose I can't imagine what it must be like for just 2 people though but in my own family there is all of this plus trying to keep an eye on my younger siblings who love to mess up everything you do even when trying to help.

When you grow up and get an apartment with a lease that doesn't let people hang clothes outside or you live in a community with an easement you live in part of the country with a tick problem we'd like to hear from you again.

 

[Hetta]

* never mind

 

[Puffinstuff]

I think you must know my mother. We do that whenever we use the drier. I am always surprised so many people don't make use of hang drying especially in good weather. It is another topic but I think we have a high energy lifestyle that is not really sustainable. I am thankful for my mother for showing me efficient ways of doing things.

Why waste the heat? Delicates dry out quickly on top of the dryer.Double use!

And your mother is blessed you are thankful to her.(picking up her brilliance is a compliment)

 

[Mrs. Luther073082]

[QUOTEI would like to know why who does what in my home is becoming such a big deal in this thread? ]

Ask your husband.[/QUOTE]

To me, it appears my husband made a post where he talked about yard work, several individuals downplayed the amount of effort it takes to do yard work, and then it just spiraled from there...

 

[Puffinstuff]

I guess our house is the odd-house-out. We do what needs to be done and we do it. We don't have assigned roles for each of us. I'll generally do dishes and laundry and she generally does the vacuuming and the detailed things that I would never think of needing to get done but really do need to happen in order for the house to be really clean. Vacuuming the tracks of the sliding door, dusting the ceiling, wiping down doors, sweeping the walkway. Stuff like that. But basically if we see stuff that needs to be done we just do it.

That's it in a nutshell.

 

[Puffinstuff]

To me, it appears my husband made a post where he talked about yard work, several individuals downplayed the amount of effort it takes to do yard work, and then it just spiraled from there...

No .He "uplayed it". Then it spiraled down.

 

[mina]

I can't really see a reason for getting married at all. I'm smart enough to earn enough money to take of myself when I move out. Married women do more chores and tend to be more unhappy than single women. If you work outside the home you still do more chores. If you earn more than your husband he probably won't like it. Then if you don't work you have men like Pat Robertson who thinks that even if your husband cheats you should be grateful for him supporting you.

So many men view taking care of their own kids as babysitting I find that disgusting yet you get judged for being a stay at home mom or a working mom.

Do you women think marriage was worth it? Do your husbands generally help you?

I think marriage was worth it for me. As a single, I had a fair amount of success in my career, was well educated, earned enough to live totally independently, owned pretty much my dream house,etc... I didn't need just anyone and I wasn't going to just settle for anyone. I didn't need a white knight or to be rescued. I saw and see marriage as something where I brought a lot to the table as well and wanted someone who would also be appreciative of that. I had a strong desire to be married but believed in being selective. My husband is worth it. He's amazing, smart, and kind, and adores me. I never knew someone like him could be out there for me. I love being married to him. He helps me and I help him. Neither of us is perfect by any means, but getting to go through life (the good the bad and all the imperfections inbetween) with him by my side and being by his is worth it.

 

[Puffinstuff]

I think marriage was worth it for me. As a single, I had a fair amount of success in my career, was well educated, earned enough to live totally independently, owned pretty much my dream house,etc... I didn't need just anyone and I wasn't going to just settle for anyone. I had a strong desire to be married but believed in being selective. My husband is worth it. He's amazing, smart, and kind, and adores me. I never knew someone like him could be out there for me. I love being married to him. He helps me and I help him.

Love given freely never dies.