Is marriage worth it for women?

[Puffinstuff]

[QUOTEThere is scrubbing, hard inside an air conditioned room and there is pushing a mower in 90 degree weather with the sun beating on you. I'd rather do the scrubbing all else being equal.][/QUOTE]

Then maybe you should trade.You do everything inside EVERYTHING and let your wife mow the lawn once a week.If you still feel the same then O.K.

Also hint.I don't know where you live but in most places its not 90 degrees early in the morning say by 7am? Try mowing earlier.

 

[Luther073082]

So you think its comfortable being on your knees on a tile floor scrubbing a toilet and bath with chemicals?You think its "comfortable" to pull a wet load of sheets out of the washer (or requires no physical energy) or a wet load of jeans etc..None of its "comfortable" and not only that you keep comparing mowing the lawn with "washing dishes" agreed washing dishes (including scrubbing pans with hot water) may be less "strenuous" as mowing the lawn but washing dishes does not make a house in order.Its ONE thing on the list and it needs to be done daily in most families.

I have scrubbed a toilet, I've scrubbed a bath with chemicals and I have pulled wet sheets and jeans out of the washer and put them in the dryer and I would rather do all of those combined then mow when it's 90 outside.

It's hard to make a 1 to 1 relationship but you can't just leave the discomfort and effort from the mix.

But that's like saying "once a year I have to power wash the whole outside of the house that takes 6 hours and is grueling.So that is equivelant to 300 ours of everything else house work.Its a weak argument.

I doubt that 6 hours of anything could translate into 300 hours of anything else. That's excessive. And I have also power washed a house and it really isn't that hard. A bit time consuming but not that difficult.

You can't just ignore the effort a job takes. And I would rather do all the dishes, all the laundry and clean the whole bathroom including the toilet then mow outside when it's 90 out.

The reason I don't is my wife would rather do all those things to then mow when it's 90 out. So I mow.

 

[Luther073082]

Then maybe you should trade.You do everything inside EVERYTHING and let your wife mow the lawn once a week.If you still feel the same then O.K.

Also hint.I don't know where you live but in most places its not 90 degrees early in the morning say by 7am? Try mowing earlier.

In the height of the summer it's in the 80's here at 7 AM.

For the record I'm doing it all the mowing and nearly housework right now because my wife is pregnant. So stop talking to me as though I don't know what it's like. I am doing all of those things and you know what I still feel the same.

The reason I normally mow when she does some of the cleaning is because she herself has said she'd rather do that then mow when it's 90 out.

 

[Puffinstuff]

I have scrubbed a toilet, I've scrubbed a bath with chemicals and I have pulled wet sheets and jeans out of the washer and put them in the dryer and I would rather do all of those combined then mow when it's 90 outside.

It's hard to make a 1 to 1 relationship but you can't just leave the discomfort and effort from the mix.

Again don't mow when its 90.Unless where you live even when the sun is down is 90 degrees (and year round) I refuse to believe you are mowing in that temp unless its choice.If you mow once a week for 1 and 1/2 hours in 90 degree weather with the sun beating down on you every week all year long (52 times)then you certainly are an exception .

 

[Puffinstuff]

In the height of the summer it's in the 80's here at 7 AM.

So mow when its 80 .That can change it from 90 to 80 if its that much of a hardship for you .I know 10 degrees can make a difference.You have that choice.

 

[ChloeOfTheTriffids]

Well I can't really call the men around me wrong. I just won't be marrying to any of them. However like I said, I'm encouraged that there are other men who see things differently.

I think most people would rather a few hours of really hard work a week to many hours of gardening/planting the vegetables, cooking, serving the dinner, washing the dishes, cleaning the counters, scrubbing the floors, washing the clothes, hanging the clothes on the line, folding the clothes, sweeping the house, hoovering the carpets, mopping the floors, dusting and shining each day. Not to mention it won't be 90 degrees every day. You and your wife are expecting your first child I assume? Because chores in my house take so long as there are so many of us, luckily as we have grown we have been able to help my mom more but when we were smaller things were worse. Either way I personally don't see that distribution of lawn/maintenance vs everything else as particularly equal.

Helping others is what we do as a family already and nothing like that particularly turned me off marriage. It is when a person can do something but lets the other person do almost everything else.

 

[Puffinstuff]

[QUOTEor the record I'm doing it all the mowing and nearly housework right now because my wife is pregnant. So stop talking to me as though I don't know what it's like. I am doing all of those things and you know what I still feel the same. ][/QUOTE]

O.K I don't.Because when i was pregnant I did not drop my chores.Maybe your wife is restricted?I wasn't I worked full time with the first too and did every normal activity I always did .My back just hurt a lot.

 

[Luther073082]

Again don't mow when its 90.Unless where you live even when the sun is down is 90 degrees (and year round) I refuse to believe you are mowing in that temp unless its choice.If you mow once a week for 1 and 1/2 hours in 90 degree weather with the sun beating down on you every week all year long (52 times)then you certainly are an exception .

I didn't say it was 90 all year long. But when the height of summer comes in July, you don't have a choice unless you wait until it's dark out. And if you wait til it's dark out you can't mow, at least not with any degree of safety.

I was making a point that effort can not be just thrown out of the mix.

And I'm doing all of those housework things, and mowing, and taking care of my wife because she's often in a lot of pain at 35 weeks along. I've done it all and I'm pretty sure I know what I'd rather be doing.

O.K I don't.Because when i was pregnant I did not drop my chores.Maybe your wife is restricted?I wasn't I worked full time with the first too and did every normal activity I always did .My back just hurt a lot.

It hurts her to stand most of the time.

 

[Puffinstuff]

luckily as we have grown we have been able to help my mom more but when we were smaller things were worse. Either way I personally don't see that distribution of lawn/maintenance vs everything else as particularly equal.

I agree.(they aren't equal) but you are a good girl for seeing your mother in need of a hand and helping her .

 

[contango]

I can't really see a reason for getting married at all. I'm smart enough to earn enough money to take of myself when I move out. Married women do more chores and tend to be more unhappy than single women. If you work outside the home you still do more chores. If you earn more than your husband he probably won't like it. Then if you don't work you have men like Pat Robertson who thinks that even if your husband cheats you should be grateful for him supporting you.

So many men view taking care of their own kids as babysitting I find that disgusting yet you get judged for being a stay at home mom or a working mom.

Do you women think marriage was worth it? Do your husbands generally help you?

It's easy to pick up individual cases and apply them as if they were universal. You might as well ask if marriage is worth it for men based on the times a couple divorce and the wife ends up keeping the house, and the children, and gets alimony while the husband ends up living in a cramped apartment over a fishmonger's shop struggling to keep the heating on, even if it was the wife who was unfaithful and then initiated the divorce.

My wife does most of the housework in our house. I was willing to accept her wanting to quit the job she hated and accept the lifestyle sacrifices it involved when the aggravation her job was causing were starting to endlessly drag her down. It was a decision we both took and at the time the pressure in my job was higher still, but it was more important to me that she was happy than we had extra money to spend on doodads. Since she was going to be at home all day it was a natural progression that she kept the house in order while I was out of the way at work.

If you regard marriage as a contract where you perform certain tasks and your husband performs certain tasks and clearly mark out what you're both going to put in and what you're both expecting to get out, sooner or later you'll be disappointed. If you want to do what so many married people do and sit around over a drink with your girlfriends and gripe and moan about how your husband doesn't do this and doesn't do that and is always doing this unacceptable thing or that annoying thing, you're going to be unhappy (men do this too, but since your profile says you're female I've focussed on the female version) then it's hardly surprising when you next see your husband that everything you're thinking about him is negative.

If you regard marriage as a covenant where you agree to love your husband come what may and make an ongoing decision to love him the chances of you being happy are much higher. If he regards marriage in a similar way the chances of you being happy are higher still. Instead of the focus always being on "what have you done for me?" the focus shifts to "what can I do for you?". It's easy to go into a relationship with a perspective that if he wants a night out with his drinking buddies that automatically entitles you to a day's shopping with your friends but if you go down that route you just end up endlessly grasping for what you can take from each other and happiness is rarely found on that path.

Ultimately if you're convinced you won't be happy in a marriage with someone, don't marry them. If you end up never marrying and are happy with that, more power to you. If one day you meet Mr Right and decide you want to spend the rest of your life with him, that's great too.

 

[Puffinstuff]

I was making a point that effort can not be just thrown out of the mix.

Yes it can if that "effort" is not the norm as opposed to the other non stop effort is the norm.Mowing in 90 degree weather is clearly not weekly.You compared that to daily weekly chores inside the home that are constant.Because there is air conditioning?

 

[Luther073082]

Well I can't really call the men around me wrong. I just won't be marrying to any of them. However like I said, I'm encouraged that there are other men who see things differently.

I think most people would rather a few hours of really hard work a week to many hours of gardening/planting the vegetables, cooking, serving the dinner, washing the dishes, cleaning the counters, scrubbing the floors, washing the clothes, hanging the clothes on the line, folding the clothes, sweeping the house, hoovering the carpets, mopping the floors, dusting and shining each day. Not to mention it won't be 90 degrees every day. You and your wife are expecting your first child I assume? Because chores in my house take so long as there are so many of us, luckily as we have grown we have been able to help my mom more but when we were smaller things were worse. Either way I personally don't see that distribution of lawn/maintenance vs everything else as particularly equal.

Helping others is what we do as a family already and nothing like that particularly turned me off marriage. It is when a person can do something but lets the other person do almost everything else.

And that's another thing you can't ignore either. From my prospective when we are doing chores inside the house we are covering for 2 people.

I'm just making the statement that you can't write effort out of the equation.

I can spend the day doing the dishes and the laundry inside the house and dry off my hands and be ready to go out to eat or go shopping.

I go out and mow and even if it's cool outside I need to sit and rest for a half hour. If it's hot out I need to sit and rest for longer and I need a shower.

I'm just making the point that you can't write effort out of it all.

 

[Puffinstuff]

It hurts her to stand most of the time.

Allright.Then good for you Luther taking care of things.

 

[Puffinstuff]

Helping others is what we do as a family already and nothing like that particularly turned me off marriage. It is when a person can do something but lets the other person do almost everything else.

You said your dad is not a bad guy?He just doesn't "know" these things need to be done?Has your mother to your knowledge informed him?

 

[Luther073082]

Yes it can if that "effort" is not the norm as opposed to the other non stop effort is the norm.Mowing in 90 degree weather is clearly not weekly.You compared that to daily weekly chores inside the home that are constant.Because there is air conditioning?

When it's freaking cold outside or it's freaking hot outside which where I live it's one or the other about half the year, then yeah being in a climate controlled room is a big advantage.

I'd rather do my current job for 40 hours then go back to when I worked at McDonald's in my teenaged years and do that for 20 even if it paid equal. My current job is in a climate controlled office, McDonald's especially in the summer was over a hot grill and because of the drive thru windows the kitchen wasn't climate controlled in the summer.

I remember when a run to the freezer was the greatest feeling in the world.

I won't even mention doing construction during the summers. I did that too.

 

[Puffinstuff]

I can spend the day doing the dishes and the laundry inside the house and dry off my hands and be ready to go out to eat or go shopping.

Have you spent an entire day doing laundrey and dishes or just 40 minutes?Have you ever met a "dishwasher" in a restaurant where they litterally do dishes for 7 or 8 hours non stop?I have and trust me they don't dry there hands off and are ready to go to dinner.They need to rest first.

 

[contango]

I get what you are saying about yard work and maintenance but if you are doing that every day then you are doing something wrong. I can't post any links but supposedly even women who work longer hours than her husband do more housework.

Hard to comment on numbers of who does what but sometimes things work out that way because that's how the couple are happy doing things. My wife cleans more than I do because she likes it done a certain way and she registers things as needing cleaning before I do. So while I'm looking at something and not registering anything is wrong, she looks at it and wants to clean it.

This would be applicable to couples who share an apartment at least. My mom fixes everything around the house and gardens. I suspect the reason we don't have a lawn to mow is because my mom wouldn't want to ask my dad to mow it. Whenever my mom is pregnant(heavily) my grandma comes to help. I've heard men and women use the term "babysit" when the father takes care of the child but your wife is lucky you don't. You seem like a really caring husband.

I've never heard it called "babysitting" when a father takes care of his own child. A good friend of mine gave up his job because he and his wife wanted one of them to stay at home to raise their daughter and she enjoyed her job more than he enjoyed his. His reward was to be divorced so now he's living with his parents again and is fighting because his now ex-wife doesn't want him to see his daughter.

I think most of you who have replied to me have good marriages and it is encouraging. I'm glad I came to a christian forum. You all help each other and I'm thinking maybe that is possible. The problem is that what I consider reasonable obviously some people don't so maybe having defined jobs in the house is a good thing.

If you ever get married and figure out something with your husband that you're both happy with, that's all that matters. Whether anyone else thinks it's reasonable or not makes no difference.

 

[Puffinstuff]

When it's freaking cold outside or it's freaking hot outside which where I live it's one or the other about half the year, then yeah being in a climate controlled room is a big advantage.

At this point I'm just going to say "whatever".Really that's all I have to say.1 and 1/2 hours of mowing the lawn once a week in 80 degree weather is equivelant to washing dishes all day long (and doing laundrey) in 74 degree (controlled climate) weather 7 days a week.As far as energy out put.

 

[Luther073082]

Have you spent an entire day doing laundrey and dishes or just 40 minutes?Have you ever met a "dishwasher" in a restaurant where they litterally do dishes for 7 or 8 hours non stop?I have and trust me they don't dry there hands off and are ready to go to dinner.They need to rest first.

Yes, I've spent the day doing cleaning, laundry, and dishes.

I've also washed dishes in a restaurant, did that in both McDonalds and in college in the union. There is a massive difference. The kitchen in a restaurant is a lot hotter then your kitchen at home.

I'm talking about doing these things at home.

 

[Luther073082]

At this point I'm just going to say "whatever".Really that's all I have to say.1 and 1/2 hours of mowing the lawn once a week in 80 degree weather is equivelant to washing dishes all day long (and doing laundrey) in 74 degree (controlled climate) weather 7 days a week.As far as energy out put.

There arn't enough dishes in my home to do them all day long. I've never run into a home where there are.

Laundry is especially easy. Organize, put stuff in the washer, put in detergent, start washer. Go do other stuff When it's done transfer the stuff into a dryer and put in a dryer sheet, put a new load in washer. Go do other stuff. When it comes out of the dryer, fold and transfer washer stuff into dryer and repeat the whole process for as long as it takes.

The hardest part of doing laundry is putting stuff away, which really isn't all that hard.

Laundry is about 10 minutes of work per load. The rest of the time you can spend doing other work or relaxing.